Oct 25 2009 For A Very Limited Time: Dino-Arm T-Shirts

Even while I write this the clock is ticking. There are only 13 hours left to order this shirt (or save the image so you can blow it up and print it yourself) before it's gone forever. And, because I'm slow, by the time this actually gets posted you'll probably have less than 12. $11 gets the shirt sent anywhere in the continental US via a combination of airplanes and ground transport vehicles. Get one for yourself and a lady-friend and then challenge her to a dino arm wrestling competition! Wow, did I really just hold your hand and walk you to second base? I think I did! (Don't forget to send a thank you)

TeeFury (will be a different shirt tomorrow, so order if you want it)

Thanks to two sledgehammers dennis, who BOOM....BOOM!

Sep 24 2009 I'd Rock That, INTO BATTLE: Ecko Unlimited Master Chief Hoodies

Looking to expand their line of geek-wear, Ecko Unlimited is releasing this $88 Master Chief hoodie just in time for cooler weather. Good thing too, I'm tired of setting myself on fire!

Brand new, limited edition Halo 3 hoodie from Ecko makes a great gift for your favorite gamer. Color-blocked hoodie is zip-front with nylon welt pockets and nylon overlay over fleece. Velcro(R) close hood with self-welt pockets, rib knit sleeve cuffs and hem.

I, for one, would wear the hell outta that thing. And I'm not just saying that cause it'll compliment my cardboard Halo arsenal so nicely, but that's part of it. *pew pew* *bang bang* *rat-a-tat-tat!* What do you mean I can't get on the bus like this?! Mr. Driver -- PREPARE TO BE BAGGED!

Product Site
via
halo odst hoodie protects against cold, not orbital drops [technabob]

Sep 20 2009 Reusable Pokémon Woman Pad Thingies

I don't even know what to say except WTF, HORF and I would totally tape that to my head like a do-rag. Available for $8 on Etsy, this reusable menstrual pad (I can't believe I'm typing this) is perfect for the Pokémon-loving, environmentally friendly chick with unshaven pits in your life. Not bleach safe or for human consumption. Really?! THEN WHY DID I JUST EAT ONE? Wait, why did I just eat one? My stomach: pump it. The contents: gotta catch 'em all!

Pokémon Menstrual Pad, Yours for Eight Bucks [kotaku]

Thanks to Aisha, I think.

Sep 16 2009 No, NO, NOOOOOOOOOO!: Yaddle Love Aid

For those of you who don't know, Yaddle is a female Jedi of Yoda's species (whatever the hell those green freaks are). And what you're about to see, if you're brave enough to hit the jump, is a homemade lovemaking aid featuring a picture of Yaddle and a green Fleshlight. And for those of you who don't know what a Fleshlight is: congratulations, you're our only hope.

WARNING: IMAGE CANNOT BE UNSEEN.

Hit the jump and get it over with. Feel the burn.

Continue Reading " No, NO, NOOOOOOOOOO!: Yaddle Love Aid "

Aug 31 2009 Ninja Turtles Offering Relationship Advice

I like turtles AND pizza. Also, this is good news for me cause I couldn't cook to save my life anyway (don't even think about it, Jigsaw!).

TMNT Relationship Advice [buzzfeed]

Thanks to Aisha, who offered up this piece of relationship advice: Chicks dig guys who aren't monster douchebags (douching is so 80's).

Aug 24 2009 Finally!: Heart And Star Shaped Cucumbers

In Japan's unending quest to grow edibles shaped like other things comes these heart and star shaped cucumbers.

These cucumbers represent the cumulative efforts of an agricultural coop determined to make food preparation a little bit more exciting. Comprised of nine women in Chiba, a suburb of Tokyo, this grass roots organization cleverly uses plastic molds affixed to the stem of the plant, with which they can create heart and star shapes when the cucumber is sliced cross-wise.

These romantic cucumbers are selling at fancy supermarkets in Tokyo and as specially ordered wedding gifts at ceremonies throughout Japan. They cost 300 yen each (about $2.50).

Nice try, growers, but Lucky Charms has been growing marshmallows in different shapes for years. Anybody ever picked through a whole box to make a bowl of nothing but marshmallows? Well I hope you washed your hands first.

Hit the jump for what the vegetables look like ON A SALAD.

Continue Reading " Finally!: Heart And Star Shaped Cucumbers "

Aug 17 2009 British Government Releases UFO Files

The British government, in an attempt to cleanse its fish and chip stained hands, has released previously confidential documents regarding little green men who come to stick things in your butt while you're sleeping (elves).

The National Archives on Monday released the government's complete file on the "Rendlesham Forest Incident" of December 1980, one of Britain's most famous UFO sightings.

Halt reported that two servicemen had noticed "unusual lights" about 3 a.m. in the woods outside the gates of RAF Woodbridge, a U.S. base in eastern England. He wrote that patrolmen sent to investigate saw "a strange glowing object" in the forest.

The metallic, triangular object "illuminated the entire forest with a white light," he wrote.

The next day, investigators found depressions in the ground and unusual radiation readings. That night many personnel -- including Halt himself -- saw a pulsing "red sun-like light" in the trees that broke into five white objects and disappeared.

I mean, is it not common knowledge by now that aliens exist. Because if they didn't, where did *rummaging around in ass* THIS come from?!? And no, this isn't just a television antennae with aluminum foil wrapped around it. Okay, so maybe it is. Still, there's something else in there, I can feel it...
...
...
...a dinosaur toy -- I've been looking for that!

Britain publishes more UFO files, but few answers [yahoonews]

Thanks to Brad, who once slept with an alien chick and didn't even bother phoning her home the next day. Bad form, Brad.

Aug 6 2009 My Son Must Have This: Baby Link Outfit

I don't actually have a son, but if I did, he would be wearing this Link costume until he was 15. Doctor's orders! Made by craftster user UpKnitCreek for a friend's baby shower, it is hands down the best thing that's ever been given at a shower. And one time I gave a mother to be's best friend the business. And a rash. Double whammy!

Hit the jump for a couple more shots.

Continue Reading " My Son Must Have This: Baby Link Outfit "

Jul 28 2009 Printing Press Gets TRON-ified, Glowy

Geekologie Reader Jason went and decked out an oldschool printing press TRON style (to celebrate the anniversary of the film earlier this month) by adding some glow in the dark tape. This is an animated gif, so if you give it a minute it'll automatically switch between lights on and lights off mode. Personally, I only like printing in the dark. Somebody get the switch. Now, who's ready to create some headlines? Feka dlawe wewa pinme awqiro bglkuv sweey. Success! Now rubber band and bag 'em, boys, it's raining out. Who just touched my butt?

DIY Friday: Pimp My Press [printeresting] (with several more animations)

Thanks Jason, now let's start our own newspaper!

Jul 9 2009 PEW PEW REVIEW: 125mW Green Laser

The folks over at SKYlaser Laser Pointers sent me a 125mW powerful green laser to review. So that's what I did. And let me tell you: there was plenty of pews to be had. That picture I actually made writing with the laser on an 8-foot privacy fence, I just edited the pic of the unit in. Now hit the jump for the pew pew review.

Continue Reading " PEW PEW REVIEW: 125mW Green Laser "

May 1 2009 Sure, Why Not?: Growing Plants On The Moon

Paragon Space Development Corporation, a NASA subcontractor, has decided to take a stab at growing plants in a specially designed greenhouse on the moon. THE MOON! The attempt will take place in 2012, so we may or may not get to see if it works before the world ends.

In order to successfully grow a plant on the moon, Paragon has developed a very specialized greenhouse that can safely contain a plant and provide it with all elements it needs to survive. The greenhouse will need to protect the plant from the sun's intense rays while providing it with enough water, balanced soil, and carbon dioxide while removing its waste oxygen.

Paragon has chosen a species within Brassica (the mustard family), due to their quick growth and the abundance of knowledge about the plant. A typical Brassica needs 14 days of light in order to grow, flower and then set seed. A lunar day is 14 Earth days long, so if the landing is timed perfectly, it will allow just enough time for the plant to grow to maturity and possibly re-seed.

Nice, but you really think anyone cares about growing mustard on the moon? No, I'm convinced there's a much more diabolical motive behind this experiment. Namely, government space weed.

First Gardens on the Moon by 2012! [inhabitat]

Thanks to Chuck Nunchuck and toast king, who once got high on Mars and thought they saw an alien. It was a rock.

Apr 24 2009 Couple Marries Dressed As Shrek & Fiona

In a story that nearly set my cockles ablaze, an English couple recently got married dressed as Shrek and Princess Fiona. Awwwwwww.

Hospice nurse Christine England, 40, married her fiance Keith, 44, in full costume and make-up in front of 100 guests who were also in fancy dress.

The new Mr and Mrs Green (yes, really), of Barnstaple, Devon, had spent three hours having their make-up done before walking down the aisle.

Christine said: 'The idea just came to me. I knew what we would go as because Keith looks just like Shrek.

Wow, way to kick a man in the balls, Christine. You might as well have gone as Andy Carmichael and asked him to go as Sloth. Goonies FTW! Do you, sir, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? "HEY YOOOU GUUUUUYS!"

Hit the jump for several more of the beautiful couple, the last of which is totally fapable.

Continue Reading " Couple Marries Dressed As Shrek & Fiona "

Apr 20 2009 Awesome: Dog Named Link Dressed As Link

Loyal Geekologie Reader Natalia sent me pictures of her dog, Link, dressed as our favorite video game adventurer of the same name. As you can see, his costume is complete with classic green tunic, sword and shield. And that, my friends, is awesome. So awesome, in fact, I've been inspired to rename my dog Zelda and make her a dress.

UPDATE: BAD IDEA -- BAD IDEA!

Hit the jump for two more.

Continue Reading " Awesome: Dog Named Link Dressed As Link "

Apr 14 2009 It's Dangerous To Go Alone. Take This.

This is probably older than the topical gel I found in the back of my medicine cabinet while hunting for my Valtrex multi-vitamins, but that doesn't affect the cuteness. As you can see, it's a cat dressed up as Link. Making him the coolest cat ever (besides your own, I'm sure). Granted, he forgot the apostrophe in "I'm" and can't capitalize to save his last half-heart, but he's a cat for crying out loud. They're notoriously poor with grammar. And also, in general. MR. WHISKERS -- YOU'RE LATE ON RENT AGAIN!

Picture [wtfux]

Thanks to Spikey DaPikey, who agrees he could only be cuter if he was swinging a wooden sword.

Mar 31 2009 Frost The Head And The Body Will Die

This is a zombie cake loyal Geekologie Reader Carol made for her boyfriend. It really made me hope that, somewhere out there, a woman is honing her baking skills and waiting to meet me. Of course, I'm not holding my breath. But I am holding my penis hopes up. Per Carol:

Apparently there isn't much of a market for face/limb based cakes so just purchasing molds was out. I ended up using about 5 layers of aluminum foil and shaped them in to a half assed face and hand.

Coat the molds with cooking spray and put them in to standard baking pans, it helps to re-enforce the mold with balled up foil underneath so it doesn't distort under the weight of the cake.

Slap your cakey zombie bits on to a sheet or round cake and get creative...

I used a shit ton of green food coloring, lindor truffles for eyes, and white chocolate for the teeth/finger nails.

Good looking, Carol. Or should I say, "NHAAAR, BRAAAAAAINS"! Oh, I shouldn't? Okay. Well good looking, Carol. Or should I say, "good tasting"? No? "NOM NOM"? I'd hit that shit like a corpse!

Thanks to Carol, who actually came up with that whole frosting the head bit, I'm just a thief. You see this? Yeah, that's your heart.

Mar 3 2009 Failure At Life Stuffs Six-Month Old Kitten In World's Worst Homemade Bong To 'Calm It'

20-year old Acea Shomaker is a failure at life who shouldn't even be allowed to have a cat. I mean Jesus, just look at that bong. Pathetic.

Deputies discovered the cat trapped in the device after responding to a domestic disturbance call at a home that Schomaker shares with his grandfather, Sgt. Andy Stebbing said.

Deputies resolved the dispute and left the house, but they returned minutes later after discovering there was an arrest warrant on Schomaker that alleged possession of drug paraphernalia.

Upon re-entering the house, deputies saw Schomaker smoking marijuana through a piece of garden hose duct-taped to a Plexiglass box, in which the cat had been stuffed, Stebbing said.

Shomaker told police the cat was too hyper and he was just trying to calm it down. The kitten is now in good condition in the care of Capital Humane Society. Wow. Now I'm all about some vigilante justice, so I suggest we dose Shomaker with a taste of his own medicine. Namely, we stuff him in a Rubbermaid full of acid. And not the happy face-melting kind either. I'm talking the real face-melting stuff -- that hydrochloric joint. IT BUUUUUURNS!

Hit the jump to see the kitty and the face of a failure.

Continue Reading " Failure At Life Stuffs Six-Month Old Kitten In World's Worst Homemade Bong To 'Calm It' "

Feb 25 2009 Girl Vlogs About Going To Anime Convention Sweet Looking Super Famicon Zelda Mod

Contrary to popular belief (and this sweet white jacket), I am not a medical expert. Apparently that Katsucon chick has some condition. I just thought she was a witch. Please accept this apology for being a dick and feel free to stone me if it makes you feel better. But remember: people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw orgies. Anyway, in chick's place is a Super Famicon decked out Zelda style. It's green in places, gold in others, and has a nice blue glow underneath. Also, a little Master Sword and over 100 comments already.

Holy Triforce: SNES Zelda mod is awesome [slipperybrick]

Thanks to N!9htR3@p3r, not to be confused with N!9htR@p3r, who is thankfully behind bars.

Feb 20 2009 Talented Geekologie Reader Makes Mario 1-Up Mushroom From Tequila Bottle Cork

It never ceases to amaze me the talent you Geekologie Readers possess. In this particular case, reader Bexx B. made a 1-Up mushroom out of the cork from a bottle of tequila she chugged. *swoon*

So, because I am a drunkard. After finishing off my bottle of Trader joes Tequila - I looked @ the cork.. and thought WELL goddamn! it looks like a mushroom.

So I made this from it. A 1-up Mushroom! HA!

Wow, creative AND an alcoholic. Really reminds me of somebody I know -- The Superficial Writer! Half burn?

Thanks Bexx, now eat it and tell us what happens.

Feb 18 2009 Universal Cell Phone Charger Here By 2012

The major cell phone manufacturers (Apple excluded) have agreed to adopt a universal microUSB charger for cell phones by 2012. And I think I speak for all of us when I say I say, "it's about freaking time!" And also, "can you hear me now?" *slamming balls in dictionary* Jla`#@82[wa;g@!h.!! I deserved that.

As a result of the universal standard, smartphone makers may well end up incorporating both a micro USB adaptor, and a proprietary one for specialist data transfers to their devices. That'll require at least an extra lead or two in the box, losing some of the environmental benefit, and placing a constraint on product designs. Maybe that's why those cellphone makers who agreed to the standard have only promised "the majority" of cellphones will use the connector by 2012, and avoided a binding agreement.

Wow, that seems kind of ridiculous. I hate to break it to you, folks, but I can charge cellphones with my mind. Don't believe me? Take your cell phone out of your pocket and look at it. Does it have a charge? I did that. Now call me, I've got rollover minutes about to expire.

Cellphone Makers Agree on Universal Charger, But is it a Good Idea? [fastcompany]

Thanks to mike and Klye, who charge their phones the way God intended, like a bull.

Jan 27 2009 Sweet Ride!: A Legend Of Zelda Themed Car

First of all, I am the world's biggest Zelda fan and that's that, no arguing. I mean, I'm wearing a green freaking tunic and everything. TOOT TOOTLE TOOT DOOTLE DOOT. Yeah, that was me belting one out on the ocarina. You got me, it was a skin flute, but still. Anyway two chicks painted their car with an overworld map from The Legend of Zelda because they thought that would make them big fans or something. It doesn't. I'm the #1 fan. Also, I like turtles.

Zelda is a 1978 Ford Fairmont. She drives like a boat. She has a pretty low number of miles, because she sat still for about a decade in someone's backyard. I bought the car for $600 and spent $100 on paint. It has the map of The Legend of Zelda painted on the top of the car and the characters, Link and Zelda, on the sides. There is also a triforce and a small rendition of Sprite on the back sides. "Zelda" is painted on each side in large red letters.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still gonna steal that sucker, but that doesn't mean these chicks love Zelda more than I do just because I didn't paint my car. Because, guess what -- I don't have a car! I ride a damn horse named Epona. To Lon Lon ranch, I've got a date with Malon!*

*Zelda, if you're reading this, I didn't mean it. You know your pointy ears are the only ones for me. Remember that time I went to kiss you on the cheek and one nearly poked my eye out? Yeah, that better not happen again. Also, Malon isn't underage is she?

Obsessed Gamers | Kathy and Becky [mtv]

Thanks Izzy Slypig, and remember: hoot like an owl if Zelda comes anywhere near the ranch.