Oct 26 2009 Lookin' Gooood: Star Wars: Uncut Trailer
For those of you who don't know, Star Wars: Uncut is a fan film being made in which Star Wars: A New Hope is divided into 15-second increments and a different fan is responsible for making those 15 seconds of the movie. It's a very cool concept. And this is the very cool trailer for the film, which I think we can all agree, has summer blockbuster George Lucas panty-bunch written all over it. Don't hate, George!
Thanks to bert, Nate, Tim, Will, josh, edo8, and everyone else who sent this in, the force is with you. Plus Casey, the man behind the whole operation. Good lookin', Casey.
Oct 20 2009 Haha!: Home Shopping Network Wii Accident
This is a video of some idiot on the Home Shopping Network trying to sell a Wii bundle that includes the console and 15 piece of shit Wiimote attachments for a staggering $330. He doesn't do a good job, which brought great joy and happiness to my life. Just watch, you can probably guess what happens. Unless you guessed, "he stabs himself with a samurai sword or falls off a ladder", in which case, God you suck at guessing.
How not to play Wii, courtesy of the Home Shopping Network [pluggedin]
Thanks to jessica, who once put her fist through the television playing Wii boxing but it's okay because it wasn't a flatscreen.
Oct 19 2009 XBox Live Friend Accept Flowchart: Let Me Guess, You're Another 12 Year Old Racist
This is a flowchart for determining if you should accept a friend request from someone on XBox Live. And I've got to admit, it's pretty spot-on. Of course, I don't accept ANY friend requests because I'm a loner. I even eat alone and, more often than not, have sex. You never seen a bigger bunch of concerned Wendy's employees!
Xbox Live Friend Acceptance Flowchart [kotaku]
Thanks to Grantly, who only accepts requests from people he knows in real life because he doesn't want to risk befriending a robot. Smart, Grantly, smart.
Oct 15 2009 Uh-Oh: Chinese Scientists Create Black Hole
Two scientists in China have developed an electromagnetic black hole capable of sucking in and trapping microwaves (not my Kid's Cuisine!). Next stop: trapping visible light.
The device, which works at microwave frequencies, may soon be extended to trap visible light, leading to an entirely new way of harvesting solar energy to generate electricity.
A theoretical design for a table-top black hole to trap light was proposed in a paper published earlier this year by Evgenii Narimanov and Alexander Kildishev of Purdue University in West Lafayette, Indiana. Their idea was to mimic the properties of a cosmological black hole, whose intense gravity bends the surrounding space-time, causing any nearby matter or radiation to follow the warped space-time and spiral inwards.Now Tie Jun Cui and Qiang Cheng at the Southeast University in Nanjing, China, have turned Narimanov and Kildishev's theory into practice, and built a "black hole" for microwave frequencies. It is made of 60 annular strips of so-called "meta-materials", which have previously been used to make invisibility cloaks.
You can hit the link to read how the black hole actually works, but that's not what's important. What's important is that it DOES work, and we're all doomed. And here I thought my stomach was the only black hole on earth. Don't believe me? Somebody toss a cheeseburger in the air. Did you see that? Works for hot dogs too. Haha, nice try buddy -- you keep those pants zipped.
First black hole for light created on Earth [newscientist]
Thanks to Equalizer and Chris, who have both lost spaceships to black holes before.
Aug 3 2009 Tough Crowd On Tatooine: Star Wars Comedy
VIDEO SLIGHTLY NSFW DUE TO A COUPLE BAD WORDS.
This is a video of a stand up comic doing a set at Jabba's palace on Tatooine and bombing miserably. Personally, I thought he was funnier that hell (it's surprisingly serious down there), but what do I know about humor? BESIDES EVERYTHING. People hurting themselves is the best.
Star Wars Stand Up Comic [funnyordie]
Thanks to Cocoa, who once made me laugh so hard I haven't been the same since.
Aug 3 2009 Teen Girls Gaming: Twilight MMORPG Coming
I can't even begin to express how excited I was when I found out a Twilight massive mutiplayer online roll playing game (MMORPG) was in development by BrainJunk (no kidding) Studios. Seriously, I got so worked up I almost jumped off the roof of my apartment building.
Brandon Gardener, head of the software development for the project recently spoke to the Examiner. He describes the game as:
"an open non-linear world set around Forks. I like the idea of letting players explore the world, and discover new amazing things that are not even covered in the book or the movie..."Mr. Gardener based the story line around Twilight and Midnight Sun so players can play from Edward or Bella's perspective. He also wants to include New Moon so players can experience phasing into a werewolf.
Wow, can you say a bunch of creepy old guys trolling for teen girls in a video game? Because I can. It's pronounced Twilight: The MMORPG.
A Twilight based MMORPG is in development [twilightsource] (I lurk the shit outta that site)
Thanks to Arron, who is buying multiple PC's even as we speak.
Jul 14 2009 Great: EATR Robot Feeds On Dead Bodies
Well we've already seen robots that can feed on organic matter, and now, an even scarier one. Wait, does that say chainsaw?
Robotic Technology Inc.'s Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot -- that's right, "EATR" -- "can find, ingest, and extract energy from biomass in the environment (and other organically-based energy sources), as well as use conventional and alternative fuels (such as gasoline, heavy fuel, kerosene, diesel, propane, coal, cooking oil, and solar) when suitable," reads the company's Web site.
That "biomass" and "other organically-based energy sources" wouldn't necessarily be limited to plant material -- animal and human corpses contain plenty of energy, and they'd be plentiful in a war zone.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! I'm okay, I'm okay. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! No I'm not. Hold me. Lower. Little lower. Lower. What?! THIS COULD BE OUR LAST NIGHT ALIVE!
Upcoming Military Robot Could Feed on Dead Bodies [foxnews]
Thanks to everyone who sent this in. No, really, thanks -- I hate sleeping. WITH YOUR SISTER! (snores)
Jul 9 2009 Just When You Thought We Were Safe: LHC
That's right folks, the people over at CERN are getting ready to fire the Large Hadron Collider back up this fall. And, well, it's been nice knowing you. Most of you anyways. Okay, just a few of you. Kidding, I love you all. GIMME KISSIES!
To that end, CERN gave the LHC's massive network a thorough stress test at the end of last month. The Collider sent out data to 11 computer centers across Europe, Asia, and North America, which in turn relayed the data to 140 locations in 33 countries to be crunched. A whopping 4 GB a second was cranked out from the LHC, though researchers predict that, while operating, the LHC will only send out around 1.3 GB of data. In other words, the Large Hadron Collider's network should be good to go.
If all goes well, we should hear more about the LHC in the near future, as it ramps up for it's firing in October.
You know, this reminds me of the time when I was a kid that I was so afraid there was a monster in my closet that I couldn't fall asleep. And then, exhausted, I finally passed out only to be abducted by aliens and viciously probed. Yeah, this is just like that.
Large Hadron Collider completes massive stress test [dvice]
Thanks, or should I say no thanks, to Retroprofile, who keeps his Facebook page oldschool.
Jun 19 2009 Great: Another Rat-Brain Controlled Robot
Well, we've already featured one rat-brain controlled robot, so why not another? This particular model is controlled via Bluetooth by the neurons from a rat's brain THAT'S KEPT IN A JAR. The video goes on to explain that different rat brains have unique personalities and all control the robot differently. That's right -- CYBORG RODENTS WITH PERSONALITIES! Welcome to hell, world. Oooh, nice basket -- is it Longaberger?
First Real Cyborg: A Robot Controlled By A Living Brain [videosift]
Thanks to Jen, Matthew, Anton and Ace the Inhaler, who can control rat brains with their brains. Guys -- let's rob a bank!
Jun 15 2009 ToneMatrix: Best Waste Of An Afternoon Yet
I've been getting this tip for a while but I always forget to post it because usually when I cook something in the microwave I rest my head against it and it makes me forget things and, more often than not, pee and overcook my burrito. So yeah, ToneMatrix is a simple audio program based on a 16 step sequencer. You just start clicking boxes and they play the appropriate tones in rhythm. That's an example of a beat I made there, but it's not my best. I'd show you a few of my best BUT THEY ARE TOO FRESH FOR YOU! Beats, like women, are a dish best served mature. You see where I'm going with this? I'm talking about cougars. And speaking of which -- did I ever tell you about the first time I did one? I had a friend lower me into their pen at the zoo. RAWR!
ToneMatrix [andre-michelle]
Thanks to Emmortality, Aramar the Black, Clint, chloe and Towhee Monster, whose beats are so fresh they haven't even been born yet. OR CONCEIVED. They're still living in some guy's nuts!
May 18 2009 I've Seen It All Now: A Twittering Toilet
That's right folks, a toilet that Twitters every time it's flushed. Because if that's not a sign of the apocalypse, what is? Your mom making out with a robot. Oh, I thought you were asking. What do you mean I said it? LISTEN, I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING! Now, where were we? Right, a Twittering toilet.
@ last user: Great, you clogged me -- about to overflow. Shit on your floor commencing in 3...2...
Twitter Page
via
Twitter Toilet Tweets Your Poo [gizmodo]
Thanks to Julian, clownpounder and Dogless, who don't need Twitter to tell them they should feel two pounds lighter.
Apr 22 2009 What The?: Questionable Sub Commercial
I love Quiznos. Or, I should say, I loved Quiznos before I found out their ovens encourage employees to have sex with them. I mean, WTF? This isn't how you sell delicious, oven-baked subs, this is how you....damnit, now I want Quiznos.
Thanks to Jordan and Reiko, who have never gone anywhere near a toaster with their junk exposed. Or so they say.
Apr 3 2009 Tuantaun Sleeping Bag Becoming Reality?
As you may recall, ThinkGeek cruelly offered a tauntaun sleeping bag as an April Fool's joke, just to break your heart. Well, because of the overwhelming demand for such a product, Thinkgeek has decided to look into actually having them made.
ATTN Tauntaun Fanatics!
Due to an overwhelming tsunami of requests from YOU THE PEOPLE, we have decided to TRY and bring this to life. We have no clue if the suits at Lucasfilms will grant little ThinkGeek a license, nor do we know how much it would ultimately retail for. But if you are interested in ever owning one of these, click the link below and we'll try!
If you go to the product site you can click on the link that says 'Email me IF available' to be notified if they actually get made. But one thing's for sure: if they're getting made, I'm getting laid (in one). Ever made love inside a tauntaun? It's warm. And squishy.
Thanks to roflbot (who I may still kill despite the tip) and Allison, whose tauntauns could easily make to the second marker before freezing.
Apr 2 2009 Why Didn't I Think Of That?: Bacon Lube
That's right folks, bacon lube. Goes perfect when your lady (or man) is wearing a bacon bra and you're scarfing a meat-ship in bed (double entendre, count it!). Ah, heaven.
As many of you know, we're huge bacon lovers here at J&D's. We now make Bacon Salt, Baconnaise and Bacon Lip Balm. That last one seemed like a stretch at first, but now that bacon has successfully made the jump from food to personal care, we're pushing it even further.
With that said, we're happy to introduce our newest product, baconlube™. It's not for sale yet, but we're looking for early product testers to put our "Everything should taste like bacon" tagline to the test. Please email us at keepitsizzlin@baconsalt.com to get on our beta tester list.
My God that sounds delicious. From fish to bacon in just a few drops. I'm really hoping this wasn't an April Fools joke either, because that would just be cruel. I went ahead and added myself to the beta tester list and haven't gotten an email back yet calling me an idiot, so that's a good sign. Now, ladies, what do you say: me, you, some Baconlube? Haha, did I just describe your wildest fantasy? Well tell me -- in your fantasy did you make me a BLT afterwards? Because that's a must.
Product Site
Thanks to Erik, bob, Julian, Lyles and Joseph, who pre-ordered a case and are gonna try to raise money for more bacon with a baconlube bikini wrestling exhibition.
Feb 25 2009 Sony Rolly Conducts AIBO Robotic Dog Army
I have no idea what I'm watching, but I'll tell you one thing: I don't like the look of it. This red sore on my palm either. And I don't even play video games! What are you trying to insinuate? That sock is a liar!
Thanks to Bro_mole, who is ready to stomp those little bastards as soon as they try to transform and roll out.
Feb 10 2009 Sorry LHC, Google Beat You To It: Street View Van Rips Hole In Space Time Continuum
Ha, and all along we thought the Large Hadron Collider would be our doomsday machine. Little did we know it would actually come in the form of a free candy van outfitted to take pictures of the world's roads. That's right, as evident from these photos, a Google Street View van operating in Missouri has torn the very space time continuum we depend on to make our clocks work. So, what happens now? Your guess is as good as mine. Unless you guessed 'massive orgy', in which case, okay, yours was better.
Google Maps street view rips hole in space-time fabric [neowin]
Thanks to sean, who runs thetechpit and an illegal casino in his basement.
Feb 3 2009 The Last 867-5309 Number For Sale On eBay
'867-5309/Jenny' is a song by Tommy Tutone that will now be stuck in my head for the rest of the day. Great. And allegedly the last 867-5309 telephone number in the US is up for auction -- with current bidding at almost $500,000! Wow!
Phone: (201) 867-5309
This is one of the LAST remaining 867-5309 numbers in service. Receives between 8,000-10,000 Calls Per Year!!***Many callers have informed me that I'm one of the only remaining 867-5309 numbers in service after attempting every area code in the US.***
Number is registered with Vonage (internet) phone company and is easily transferred with a simple modem that I will mail to you. All of the account transfer details are done easily online.
Works Anywhere in the US !!
You know what other number works anywhere in the US? Mine. Call me. Or, if you have a raspy man-voice, text.
Thanks to Jason, who can be reached day or night at (555) 972-6465.
Jan 28 2009 Exclusive Follow Up: A Match Made In Halo
Remember Desirai Labrada and John Henry, the couple that met playing Halo and planned on getting married this month in a Halo-themed wedding at Otronicon? Well they did it folks, the couple is how happily married and PEW PEWing away to their hearts content together.
The ceremony started just after 1 p.m. in the Science Center's theater. Onstage, a screenshot from Ivory Tower, one of the wedding couple's favorite "Halo" levels, was projected, and a string quartet played songs from the game's soundtrack. Atop an incline of stadium seating, Master Chief began his walk down to the stage followed by John and his groomsmen, their ties marked with the winged-sword emblem of John's "Halo" character. Bridesmaids -- including a matron of honor who just months before had confessed that she didn't know who Master Chief was -- proceeded to their positions. And then, instead of "Here Comes the Bride," Desirai entered to the dramatic score of the "Halo" menu music.
Awesome. Congratulations Desirai and John, Geekologie wishes you the best and many kills to come. Also, I've been inspired to have my own video-game themed wedding the next time I get married. Zelda all the way, baby. Isn't that right honey? Honey? Goddammit.
Hit the jump for a couple more pictures, a video, and some exclusive insight into the awesomeness provided by my bridesmaid tipster, evilcharismatic.
Continue Reading " Exclusive Follow Up: A Match Made In Halo "
Jan 27 2009 Google Street View Catches Epic Battle
Fess up, which two of you is this?
Google Maps
Thanks to jonah, Wesche and dave, who all swear it isn't them.
Jan 13 2009 British Goverment Designs Questionable Logo
The UK's Office of Government Commerce (OGC) was recently rebranded by London design firm FHD because governments love pissing away money on things that don't really matter that much. Except this rebranding (and subsequent new logo) was totally worth it!
"The proposed version, which you have sent over, has been shared with staff, and is now going through final technical stages. It is true that it caused a few titters among some staff when viewed on its side, but on consideration we concluded that the effect was generic to the particular combination of the letters 'OGC' - and is not inappropriate to an organisation that's looking to have a firm grip on government spend!"
I didn't even bother reading that, and you probably shouldn't have either, because the only thing that matters is that the new logo looks like a guy holding his pecker if you turn it 90-degrees clockwise. More jerking off: just what the government needs.
Hit the jump to see a slightly NSFW picture that I conveniently turned for you, that way you don't have to strain your neck or break your monitor to see it.
Continue Reading " British Goverment Designs Questionable Logo "
