Nov 13 2009 NASA: 'Significant' Water Found On The Moon. Yeah, But What About Dragons?!

Remember how NASA tried to blow up the moon to get at its molten cheese core? Well apparently they discovered a 'significant' amount of water in the process. Adult swim!

The discovery was announced by project scientist Anthony Colaprete at a midday news conference. "Indeed, yes, we found water," he said.

The find is based on preliminary data collected when the Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing Satellite, or LCROSS, intentionally crashed October 9 into the permanently shadowed region of Cabeus crater near the moon's south pole.

After the satellite struck, a rocket flew through the debris cloud, measuring the amount of water and providing a host of other data, Colaprete said.

"The discovery opens a new chapter in our understanding of the moon," the space agency said in a written statement shortly after the briefing began.

Hell yes a new chapter in understanding the moon!

CHAPTER 6: Water On The Moon

There is water on the moon. Specifically, frozen water.

THE END

NASA finds 'significant' water on moon [cnn]
and
Picture [juliefainart]

Thanks to AZ-TRO-NOT, joey, STephen and Lizze, who found Kool-Aid on the moon but you probably never heard about it because of the massive conspiracy.

Oct 20 2009 It's About Time: An Affordable 3-D Copier

You see that guy in the picture? You know what he's doing? He's making a 3-D copy of his genitals because his office just installed the new ZPrinter 350 3-D copier. And now you can too for the low, low price of $25,900! The device can recreate any object put into it's scanning bay out of plastic. Unfortunately, the thing can only copy units smaller than 8 x 10 x 8 inches, so mine's out. HIYO!

3D copier puts normal copy machines to shame [dvice]

Oct 17 2009 Europa Has Enough Oxygen To Support Life?

So apparently one of Jupiter's moons, Europa, might have enough oxygen to support life. Well that's cool BECAUSE I'M TOTALLY MOVING THERE. Who's with me? You better shower!

The global ocean on Jupiter's moon Europa contains about twice the liquid water of all the Earth's oceans combined. New research suggests that there may be plenty of oxygen available in that ocean to support life, a hundred times more oxygen than previously estimated.

The chances for life there have been uncertain, because Europa's ocean lies beneath several miles of ice, which separates it from the production of oxygen at the surface by energetic charged particles (similar to cosmic rays). Without oxygen, life could conceivably exist at hot springs in the ocean floor using exotic metabolic chemistries, based on sulfur or the production of methane. However, it is not certain whether the ocean floor actually would provide the conditions for such life.

Hell yeah, Europa -- I've always wanted to visit Holland! Do they really wear those wooden shoes?

Jupiter's Moon Europa Has Enough Oxygen For Life [physorg]

Thanks to Kelly, who can come with me provided she steer the spaceship while I get drunk and puke out a porthole.

Aug 3 2009 Teen Girls Gaming: Twilight MMORPG Coming

I can't even begin to express how excited I was when I found out a Twilight massive mutiplayer online roll playing game (MMORPG) was in development by BrainJunk (no kidding) Studios. Seriously, I got so worked up I almost jumped off the roof of my apartment building.

Brandon Gardener, head of the software development for the project recently spoke to the Examiner. He describes the game as:

"an open non-linear world set around Forks. I like the idea of letting players explore the world, and discover new amazing things that are not even covered in the book or the movie..."

Mr. Gardener based the story line around Twilight and Midnight Sun so players can play from Edward or Bella's perspective. He also wants to include New Moon so players can experience phasing into a werewolf.

Wow, can you say a bunch of creepy old guys trolling for teen girls in a video game? Because I can. It's pronounced Twilight: The MMORPG.

A Twilight based MMORPG is in development [twilightsource] (I lurk the shit outta that site)

Thanks to Arron, who is buying multiple PC's even as we speak.

Jul 9 2009 Just When You Thought We Were Safe: LHC

That's right folks, the people over at CERN are getting ready to fire the Large Hadron Collider back up this fall. And, well, it's been nice knowing you. Most of you anyways. Okay, just a few of you. Kidding, I love you all. GIMME KISSIES!

To that end, CERN gave the LHC's massive network a thorough stress test at the end of last month. The Collider sent out data to 11 computer centers across Europe, Asia, and North America, which in turn relayed the data to 140 locations in 33 countries to be crunched. A whopping 4 GB a second was cranked out from the LHC, though researchers predict that, while operating, the LHC will only send out around 1.3 GB of data. In other words, the Large Hadron Collider's network should be good to go.

If all goes well, we should hear more about the LHC in the near future, as it ramps up for it's firing in October.

You know, this reminds me of the time when I was a kid that I was so afraid there was a monster in my closet that I couldn't fall asleep. And then, exhausted, I finally passed out only to be abducted by aliens and viciously probed. Yeah, this is just like that.

Large Hadron Collider completes massive stress test [dvice]

Thanks, or should I say no thanks, to Retroprofile, who keeps his Facebook page oldschool.

Jul 3 2009 Sexy New Dinos Discovered In Australia

Since I've been so good lately, God has decided to shine his golden face upon me with three previously unheard of dinosaur species for me to choose from as soon as my time machine is complete. Thanks, God.

The two herbivores (Wintonotitan and Diamantinasaurus, middle and bottom) and one carnivore, excavated from the Winton formation, roamed our land during the Cretaceous period - 98 million years ago.

"It not only presents us with two new amazing long-necked giants of the ancient Australian continent, but also announces our first really big predator - Australovenator," says Long.

That's right folks, that handsome devil up top is the Australovenator. I feel like I'm able to love again for the first time since Red Bull girl shot me down like a defunct satellite. Australovenator -- LOVENATE ME!

Scientists discover three new Aussie dinosaurs [abc]

Thanks to Melissa, Michael, janw and draw, who, HEY I CALLED DIBS GUYS, BACK OFF.

Jun 26 2009 Swedish Women Win Right To Tan Topless

In what will probably be the awesomest news I'll hear all day, Swedish women in Malmö have officially won the right to go to public pools with their knockers hanging out. *sniff* I think we're really making progress here.

...some on the council had lobbied for wording which would have required women to keep their nipples covered, but Forsberg explained that attempting to enforce such a rule would have been too complicated.

"We don't define what bathing suits men should wear so it doesn't make much sense to do it for women. And besides, it's not unusual for men to have large breasts that resemble women's breasts," he said.

OH HO, you just had to sneak a manboob burn in there didn't you? I'M WORKING ON THEM, OKAY? And by working on I mean fondling. Oooh la la.

Yay Sweden! Swedish Women Won Rights to Bathe Topless [neatorama]

Thanks to Mags, who was in shock I hadn't already motorboated this story.

Jun 5 2009 NEW MONKEY ISLAND GAME COMING OUT

Let's kick this Friday off right, huh? THERE IS A NEW GAME IN THE MONKEY ISLAND SERIES COMING JULY 7th! Not only that, Lucasarts is releasing a remake of the original Secrets of Monkey Island, also set to drop this summer (for XBox Arcade, PC and Mac). Quick, grog me so we can cheers!

Tales of Monkey Island (PC and WiiWare) will be released in five monthly serials by Telltale Games beginning July 7th in the same fashion as the recenter Sam & Max and Strongbad games. You can preorder now for $35. I just preordered with two different credit cards in case I screwed something up the first time. And I may do it a third just to be safe. Now, granted the style of graphics really isn't my favorite, but that's okay. MONKEY ISLAND, YO! One of the Jonas Brothers could play Guybrush and I'd still buy it. Kidding, I'd cannonball myself in the face.

Hit the jump for two VIDEOS, one about each of the games coming out.

Continue Reading " NEW MONKEY ISLAND GAME COMING OUT "

Nov 25 2008 Robot Soldiers Will Kill Your Ass Dead

Soon, robot soldiers will kill you. But, if it makes you feel any better, some people think they'll be acting more ethically than humans.

"My research hypothesis is that intelligent robots can behave more ethically in the battlefield than humans currently can," said Ronald C. Arkin, a computer scientist at Georgia Tech, who is designing software for battlefield robots under contract with the Army. "That's the case I make."

He and others say that the technology to make lethal autonomous robots is inexpensive and proliferating, and that the advent of these robots on the battlefield is only a matter of time. That means, they say, it is time for people to start talking about whether this technology is something they want to embrace. "The important thing is not to be blind to it," Dr. Arkin said. Noel Sharkey, a computer scientist at the University of Sheffield in Britain, wrote last year in the journal Innovative Technology for Computer Professionals that "this is not a 'Terminator'-style science fiction but grim reality."

Not 'Terminator'-style science fiction my ass! We're all freaking dead man. And the last thing I need is captain crazy pants there in the picture programming killer robots. I mean, Jesus, look at that wood paneling.

Hit the link below for a nice long article that made me pee my pants a little. Okay, a lot.

A Soldier, Taking Orders From Its Ethical Judgment Center [nytimes]

Thanks to Downey and Daniel, both of whom can kill robots in their sleep.

Nov 6 2008 20 Years Of Research For This?: Scientists Develop Way To Grow Blue Roses, People With Incurable Diseases Do Not Rejoice

After much trial and tribulation, scientists have finally developed a safe way to grow blue roses. What was wrong with just putting white roses in a vase of water dyed blue with food coloring? Pfft, that's some unscientific bullshit, that's what.

The blooms are genetically modified and have been implanted with a gene that simulates the synthesis of blue pigment in pansies. "They are attracting lots of attention here because they are so unusual."

The creation of blue roses - long thought to be impossible - was masterminded by an Australian-based subsidiary of Suntory, a Japanese company.

A blue rose has long been synonymous with the unattainable, from signifying unrequited love in Chinese folklore to its Victorian era connotations of symbolizing a quest for the impossible.

Well thank Jesus. Finally I'll be able to sleep at night knowing scientists may not have cured cancer, but, screw it, roses now come in blue. Your rose color lesson for the day:

Red: Love. Alternatively: I cheated on you.
Pink: Gratitude. Alternatively: I cheated on you with the secretary. Twice.
Orange: Desire. Alternatively: I want somebody else but they're not having it, so l'd like to continue doing you in the interim.
Yellow: Friendship. Alternatively: you have a butter face.
White: Purity. Alternatively: I know you're a filthy whore, but let's pretend anyways.
Lavander: Enchantment. Alternatively: you should be burned at the stake!
Blue: Mystery. Alternatively: f*** you.

World's first blue roses after 20 years of research [telegraph]

Thanks to Momboelitist, who only sends black roses. And then stabs you.