Nov 9 2009 Orgy: The Awesomest Game Ever Made?
I've never played Orgy (larger ad shot HERE) before but I would given the opportunity and the right group of guys.
Here's the exciting new indoor sport for people who love people. Orgy begins by choosing up sides (delightful custom) and centers around the "Porron" (translation: "to pour it on") filled with your favorite libation. Object of the game is to see which team achieves the longest trajectory for the longest time with the fewest spills. Rewards to winners are optional.
This game used to sell for $10 back in the 70's and was ordered by really skeezy people like your parents. You know they used to go to key parties!
WTF! Orgy : The 1970s Board Game [iambored]
Thanks to Jennifer, who only swings on swingsets and not married couples or so she says.
Nov 4 2009 I Want One!: A Secret Knock Door Lock
Holy shit, it's a PVC pipe bomb! No, not really. It's the Knock Lock, a homebrew door lock that will only release the deadbolt if you perform the secret knock. Cooooool -- I want one for my clubhouse!
A microphone (okay, really a speaker) presses against the door and listens for knocks. If it hears the right number of knocks in the right cadence it triggers the motor to turn the deadbolt and unlock the door. If the sequence isn't recognized, the system resets and listens for knocks again.
There's a very worthwhile video after the jump of the lock in action. The only problem is every time you perform a knock your neighbors learn how to gain access to your apartment. Still, neat idea. But I'll just stick with my tried and true knock: KICK IN THE DOOR, WAVIN' THE FOUR-FOUR, ALL YOU HEARD WAS GW DON'T HIT ME NO MORE!! I'm serious, don't make me pistol-whip you.
Hit the jump for another shot and the video.
Oct 28 2009 Just Ordered Two Cases: Dinosaur Condoms
That's right, dinosaur shaped condoms. Available from Willy Wardrobe (probably NSFW, but also has a bunch of other novelty condoms), each Stegosaurus E-Rex will set you back £2.50 (~$4) and is not recommended for re-use (even though you and I both know you totally will anyway).
A bit of a sexual fossil? Then this dinosaur condom is for you!
Warning: Sold as novelty only. Product may be used during intercourse although there is no guarantee that it will prevent pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases.Also, not responsible for lost spines.
Okay, so I made that last part up. Still, you've got to wonder. WONDER WHY NOBODY WAS MAKING THESE EARLIER! Plus, they like a perfect fit to me. Pfft, don't even act like your penis doesn't have feet too.
Thanks to Starchitect, Ezrail, david, DatsMark, Xavire, Ross, John, sara, Jody and clipper, for knowing me all too well.
Oct 8 2009 Well, It's Been Nice Knowing You: NASA Plans To Blow Up The Moon Tomorrow Morning
NOTE: If you're reading this after 7:30AM Eastern you may be dead.
As you may recall from the Pulitzer-winning article I wrote back in June (and an even ooolder article from April '06) , NASA plans to blow up the moon by crashing the $79 million Lunar Crater Observation and its Sensing Satellite (LCROSS) into the Cabeus crater on the moon's south pole.
When the twin crafts hit the lunar surface at around 6,000 mph, NASA expects "plumes of moon dust -- perhaps full of ice -- (to soar) 6.2 miles high above the moon's Cabeus crater."
NASA hopes the explosion and resulting unmooning (see what I did there? Like unearthing!) will finally settle whether there's ice and water under the moon's surface. And, if so, if it's potable. Nice, NASA -- TOO BAD YOU'RE GONNA BLOW THE MOON IN TWO LIKE BUTTCHEEKS! And do you even know what that's gonna do to the ocean's tides? I mean, besides make for the most epic day of bodyboarding EVER. See you at the beach, suckers!
NASA Will Bomb The Moon Tomorrow [io9]
and
NASA Attacks the Moon [yahoonews]
Thanks to JFreezy, Sean, The Superficial Writer, Benjamin and moses, who are gonna finish the moon off with a giant laser if NASA's plan doesn't work.
Sep 19 2009 Why Not?: Ordering Pizza From Your PS3
Let's be honest with ourselves: we all love pizza. I'm particularly fond of the white variety BUT NOT BECAUSE I'M RACIST (I have a Hispanic friend). I just like the way it tastes in my mouth. Like ice cream, but hot. Anyway, now you can order Papa John's pizzas from you PS3. And you don't even have to go to the internet browser! Because, seriously, that would be way too much thumb exercise. Isn't that right, my opposable little lovers? Now, do that thing that I like so much. Wait! Let me sit on you till you're numb first.
papa john's and playstation 3, because no one wants to get off the couch to order pizza [technabob]
Thanks to chris, who once reheated day-old pizza in his XBox.
Sep 18 2009 Fun For All Ages: Dino Dig Challenge, A Battleship Ripoff (But I'm Not Complaining)
Dino Dig Challenge plays like Battleship, but instead of a bunch of stupid boats, you're hunting for raptor bones. I LOOOVE RAPTOR BONES!
- 2 player competition to see who can excavate their opponent's dinosuar bones first.
- Includes 2 player dig base unit, 8 excavation site tiles, 10 different dinosaur bones and flag markers
- Be the first to complete a velociraptor skeleton and win!
OMG, YES! And the great thing about it is, this is a game that you can play alone if you want. Actually, that's the only way I play. Oh -- oh -- I JUST SUNK MY OWN DINOBONE!
Thanks to Dinosaur Josh, who loves dinosaurs as much as I do, but in a different way. You're missing out, Josh. Like they say, "once you go Jurassic, you never go back to men". Okay, that's not true. VARIETY IS THE SPICE OF LIFE.
Sep 17 2009 Genius!: Neck Tie Beer Bottle Opener
The After Office Tie, by Argentinian design firm Sinapsis, appears to be an ordinary neck tie when worn under a suit. But little will your boss know that there's actually a bottle opener at the bottom perfect for opening happiness (read: booze) while on the clock! You know, this reminds me: one day I almost finished a whole case of beer at work. *glug glug glug* Aaaaaaaand I did it! Now, who's down for happy hour? I will drink your ass under the table! Oooh, and while you're down there -- you spy any loose Chex mix? I like the cereal bits.
Concept: Tie with built-in bottle opener [crunchgear]
Thanks to Jason, who opens beer bottles with his eye socket like a normal pirate.
Jun 25 2009 Invention Of The Century: In-Car Pizza Oven
I think I speak for us all when I say, it's about damn time. This 12-volt pizza oven plugs right into a car's cigarette lighter or power point so you can cook a breakfast pizza on your commute to work. Or a dinner pizza on your way home! Or burn your car to the ground! The $36 oven is a real product and I just bought two. One for the front seat, and one for the kids in the back. What in the -- damnit kids, I smell burning army men! *sniff* I'm just so proud.
portable pizza oven lets you cook-a nice-a pizz-a pie in a moving car [technabob]
Thanks to FDSY and gnome king, who cook their pizzas on the radiator like normal people.
May 21 2009 Girl Miraculously Escapes Darwin Award Despite Diving In Front Of Truck For iPod
Apparently some 16-year old girl dove into traffic because she dropped her iPod in the street and had already blasted her remaining brains out at level 11 volume.
The girl was walking across the street on Tuesday when she dropped her iPod. She went back to grab it in moving traffic and was, unsurprisingly, hit by the approaching pickup truck. She suffered a broken leg, but hey, her iPod is OK!
Now this is the time where I close my eyes and daydream about being the person driving the truck. OH. UH-OH! LADY LOOK OU.... There were no survivors.
Brilliant Girl Jumps In Front of a Pickup Truck to Save iPod [gizmodo]
May 10 2009 Aaah, I Got A Brick In My Eye!: LEGO Glasses
LEGO Sunglasses are the result of the famous toy manufacturer bedding French optics company Lynx Optique. Just some heavy petting and dry humping though. The glasses, which have the iconic LEGO nubbins on the sides, allow the wearer to pimp them out by attaching LEGO pieces. So now you can build a giant plastic Jesus on your face. Or a space shuttle. Or you could, I dunno, just slap a bunch of tranny minifigs on there. Style: I wear it like a paper bag helmet.
Lego sunglasses let you build your own fashion [dvice]
Thanks to Laura, who wears her LEGO sunglasses at night so she can watch me live and breathe my story lines.
Apr 24 2009 Best Business Cards Ever: Meat Cards
Meat Cards are business cards with your info burnt into them using a 150 watt CO2 laser. They are far superior to card stock for obvious reasons (read: meat and lasers).
Screw die-cutting. Forget about foil, popups, or UV spot lamination. THESE business cards have two ingredients: MEAT AND LASERS.
Unlike other business cards, MEAT CARDS will retain value after the econopocalypse. Hoard and barter your calorie-rich, life-sustaining cards.
Mmmm, meat and lasers: definitely two of the finest ingredients on earth. PEW PEW, NOM NOM! Now, blast me in the eye with your laser pointer right as I swallow. What? Don't judge me.
Thanks to Chloe and Julian for eating all my cards. No, really, thanks a lot guys.
Apr 18 2009 Must Have: Custom Monkey Island Shoes
Converse All-Stars aren't really my thing, but I would make an exception and rock the hell out of these mama-jammas. Inspired by The Secret of Monkey Island, the shoes were hand-painted by a Spanish fan with scenes from the game (the opening and an insult swordfight). Awesome, now I want a pair of custom Monkey Island kicks. Also, a rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle. WHEE!
Hit the jump for close-ups of each shoe.
This is the END for you, you gutter-crawling cur!
And I've got a little TIP for you, get the POINT?
Apr 16 2009 $7 An Hour To Sit In A Gin And Tonic Mist
We've already featured a gin and tonic fog room before, but that was part of an art installation, and this is an actual London bar, where you can go get all tyrannosaurus-wrecked on gin-vapors, then fish & chip it up and puke on the Underground. Good times. Plus, the use of a protective suit is included in your $7/hour binge, so you won't leave smelling like juniper dingleberries. And $7/hour -- that ain't bad. I typically average $30/hour getting crunk -- and that doesn't even include tipping the strippers!*
*Because I don't!
London Bar Pumps Gin and Tonic Into The Air: Please Breathe Responsibly [gizmodo]
Thanks to Julian, who, for two booze-related tips in one day, is obviously an alcoholic.
