Nov 16 2009 WTF WAS THAT?: Boy Loses His Cool, Cries And Punches Wall Over Modern Warfare 2

NOTE: NSFW DUE TO LANGUAGE. WATCH IT WITH HEADPHONES ON OR THE VOLUME LOW.

There's rock bottom, and then they're webcam-ing yourself crying and punching the wall over your disappointment about Modern Warfare 2. Jesus, kid, fix yourself a spot of tea and calm the f*** down. Oh, and for the love of God: lose the milk mustache.

Youtube

Thanks to kweks, who had a meltdown about the new Super Mario Bros. for Wii but was smart enough not to tape it.

Nov 13 2009 Yeah, No: Video From Top of The Burj Dubai

This is a video taken from the top of the Burj Dubai, the tallest building in the world, at 2,684 ft. Jesus, that's half a mile. Can you believe humans are even capable of this? I can't -- I shit my swim trunks on the high dive once. But, to my credit, I did do one hell of a cannonball.

This Video From the Tip Top of the Burj Dubai Makes Me Sick to My Stomach [gizmodo]

Thanks to Rick, who has dived off higher platforms into a cup of water. I mean, he died, but he did do it.

Nov 6 2009 Holy Smoking Cans: 5,000 Volt Can Crusher

Bob David went and built himself a 5,000 volt can crusher just because he could. That's what I love about people: they do things for no reason. Also, some of them smell good. But don't let 'em catch you sniffing! If you care how Bob built the thing you can watch the first two minutes, but you look ADD-y, so skip to 2:15 for the action. Cool, huh? Now, let's snort some Adderall.

Say hello to the 5,000 volt can crusher [dvice]

Oct 14 2009 WTF Was That?: Amazing Paper-Flipping Animation Video Thingy Is Slightly NSFW

NOTE: Video is arguably NSFW due to cartoon violence and what may or may not be a penis (it's a penis. It's 100% a penis) from 0:30 to 0:35.

I have absolutely no idea what I just saw even though I watched it five times in a row. I really loved the style, but the subject matter gave me siesta-mares this afternoon. I know I promised I wouldn't nap on the job anymore, but a siesta's different. It's cultural.

Crazy Headsploding Animation Defies Any Classification [gizmodo]

Oct 11 2009 Topless Asian Man Busts Moves/Shows Off His Neo-Geo Collection (Plus Bare Ass!)

NOTE: Double shot of bare ass at 1:24 and 1:28. You can't get that at Starbucks!

This is a video of some crazed Asian man dancing his ass off while displaying some of rarer Neo-Geo titles in his collection. It's by far one of the most disturbing things I've seen, but I can't help but watch it again and again. It has something to do with the way he dances, which is technically amazing. You can't learn those moves in gym class! I don't care how many times you offer to stay after school and help pick up the orange cones.

NSFW: Topless Weirdo Shows Off His Neo-Geo Collection [kotaku]

Thanks to Aisha, who once danced the devil under the table and then stole the bitch's horns. Nice, I want to wear them!

Sep 17 2009 I Could Eat It: World's Biggest Hamburger

What could be better after an article about a hideous dead monster than a food-related post? Happy lunching west coasters! Do they sell good falafel out there? I'd appreciate some if they do. Also, ripe avocado.

It's the world's biggest burger/heart-attacker and it comes courtesy of Steve Mallie of Southgate, Michigan. Guinness Book of World Records officially declared it the biggest after the burger weighed in at 185lbs.

Steve, who owns Mallie Sports Grill, said it took them 15 hours total to bake the burger, but it was worth it. Being in Guinness was always one of Steve's dreams. Steve said, ''I've worked my entire life to build this restaurant and being able to have the notoriety of Guinness makes it just that bit more rewarding.''

Steve plans to sell the burger at his restaurant for $499.

Who the hell's gonna buy a 200lb, week old hamburger (which, technically, appears to be a cheeseburger) for $500? You know, besides yo momma. BU-BU-BU-BURN! She's so fat she jumped and got stuck. OOOOOOOH, no I di-in't! I just did though is the thing.

KFed Just Came [dlisted]

Sep 16 2009 Hack And Slash: College Student Kills Would-Be Robber With Samurai Sword

John Pontilillo, a Johns Hopkins undergrad, killed a would-be robber with a samurai sword after finding the thieving bastard attempting to pilfer items from his garage. Nice, John, I would have done the same thing. Except blindfolded because I'm like 30x tougher than you are.

Hours earlier, someone had broken into John Pontolillo's house and taken two laptops and a video-game console. Now it was past midnight, and he heard noises coming from the garage out back.

The Johns Hopkins University undergraduate didn't run. He didn't call the police. He grabbed his samurai sword.

With the 3- to 5-foot-long (HOW LONG WAS IT?!), razor-sharp weapon in hand, police say, Pontolillo crept toward the noise. He noticed a side door in the garage had been pried open. When a man inside lunged at him, police say, the confrontation was fatal.

Pontolillo...struck the intruder no more than twice, police say, nearly severing his left hand and inflicting what police termed a "spear laceration."

Hell yeah, vigilante justice. This is exactly why I booby-trapped my Pop Tart cabinet. Next time my roommate tries to steal some, BOOM! Literally, boom: monster effing explosion. Say goodbye to your face, Dave -- it sucked anyways! Seriously, your mom doesn't even love it. I know because she told me WHEN WE WERE MAKING LOVE. She talked about you the whole time.

Hopkins student kills man with samurai sword [baltimoresun]
and
Picture Source

Thanks to Justina, An, draw and jawn, muzakx, Kate from NashVegas, Alan, Alex, Carrie and e., who would have used nunchucks.

Aug 24 2009 1,500 Hours Of LEGO Photography In 3:49

This is a short video entitled 8-Bit Trip that is a tribute to 8-bit video games made entirely out of LEGO blocks. Personally, I would have gone with a 16-Bit Trip, but I like good visuals (one time I saw the face of Loki from Super Ghouls n' Ghosts come out of a brick wall and try to lick me). A brief explanation of the video:

1500 hours of moving legobricks and take photos of them.

You'd think think with 1,500 hours to kill the maker could have afforded a couple hours of grammar lessons. I jest. But seriously: He who casts the first stone should always aim for the face.

Youtube

Thanks to Aisha, matt, Towhee Monster and deebo, who went on a 64-bit trip and nearly lost their minds.

Jul 20 2009 What Led Up To The WoW Freak Out Video

Allegedly this is the footage that led up to the infamous World of Warcraft freak-out video. Basically, kid has a dick for a brother and some serious anger management issues. Now I'm not saying he has serial killer written all over him, but he did try to sodomize himself with a remote in a fit of rage. Which I do, and I'm no serial killer. So I think he'll be okay.

Youtube

Thanks to chrissy mc poopypantsbaconlover, who might want to lay off the bacon for awhile. I kid, totally worth it.

Continue Reading " What Led Up To The WoW Freak Out Video "

Jul 6 2009 Cartoons The Way They Should Have Been

James Cauty created a work entitled Splatter that features the cartoons from your childhood (or mine at least) the way they should have been: bloody (two blood posts in a row -- body fluids FTW!).

Pop artist James Cauty's work Splatter repurposes classic Warner Bros. and Hanna-Barbera cartoons and gives them a Sin City-style blood spatter makeover, "presenting the viewer with unrelenting acts of bloody, cartoon violence, which, in cartoon law, ultimately cannot cause fatal injury."

Great, this is just great. Like we don't have enough problems with today's youth already. Namely: spelling. Seriously, they can't do it -- and I, for one, blame texting. And Grand Theft Auto.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots and a video of the violence in progress. Then punch your roommate in the face and blame it on the cartoon.

Continue Reading " Cartoons The Way They Should Have Been "

Jun 22 2009 Fake?: Boy Freaks Out Over Cancelled WoW

This is a video of a boy losing his shit because his mom canceled his World of Warcraft subscription. I have my doubts about it's genuineness, but he does try to stuff a remote control up his ass at 1:10, so it could be real.

Youtube

Thanks to Amanda, Ed, Miriam, Chase, Jon and MoD, who are cool as cucumbers in a bowl of hot sauce.

Jun 19 2009 Music Downloader Fined $80,000 Per Song

Jammie Thomas-Rasset, the lady in the high profile illegal music downloading story that was in the news a while back, just had her second federal trial and has been charged with infringing 24 copyrights (for the 24 songs she downloaded). She's to pay $80,000 per song, a total of $1.92 million. Shiiiiiiiiiit.

As for Thomas-Rasset, she appeared shaken by the verdict but didn't blame the jury. "They did their job," she said, "I'm not going to hold it against them." She added, though, that the recording industry would never collect the money. "Good luck trying to get it from me... it's like squeezing blood from a turnip."

The recording industry lawyers, though clearly pleased, had no desire to showboat this one. The massive damage award, which increased from $9,250 per song in the first trial to $80,000, might sounds like a "win," but will probably stoke grassroots anger against the industry's campaign... if the music business tries to collect. There are hints that it might not.

Hey, I want to download stuff and not have to pay for it. Now, let's see what she got:

1. Vanessa Williams - Save the best for last
2. Sheryl Crow - Run baby run
3. Reba McEntire - One honest heart
4. Janet Jackson - let's wait awhile
5. Guns n Roses - Welcome to the jungle
6. Guns n Roses - November rain
7. Def Leppard - Pour some sugar on me
8. Bryan Adams - Somebody
9. Aerosmnith - Cryin
10. Linkin Park - One step closer
11. Green Day - Basket case
12. Goo Goo Dolls - iris
13. No Doubt - Hella Good
14. No Doubt - Different people
15. No Doubt - Bathwater
16. Sarah McLaughlan - Building a mystery
17. Sarah McLaughlan - Possession
18. Gloria Estefan - Rhythm is gonna get you
19. Gloria Estefan - Here and we are
20. Gloria Estefan - Coming out of the dark
21. Journey - Faithfully
22. Journey - Don't stop believin
23. Destiny's Child - Bills, bills, bills
24. Richard Marx - Now and for ever

Wow, worst $2 million playlist EVER.

Thomas verdict: willful infringement, $1.92 million penalty [arstechnica]

Thanks to Dave and Pete, who have never copied floppies.

May 28 2009 Pfft, I Can Do That: Wicked Ninja Moves

This is a video of some guy named Damien Walters pulling off all sorts of real-life ninja/superhero moves. It is the perfect blend of amazing gynmastics and homoeroticism. Dude kind of reminds me of Wolverine, but without the adamaluminum (was that sacrilegious?) claws. He does all kinds of ridiculously ridiculous things, but I particularly liked the car trick at 0:45. You see that? Suck it, Bo Duke!

Youtube

Thanks to Harry, who can do all those moves times ten. Blindfolded. With Yoda on his back.

May 26 2009 Artist Folds Paper To Create Pictures

German artist Simon Schubert folds pieces of paper into beautiful pictures of, uh, stairwells. Each piece takes about a week's worth of work and can sell for up to $6,000. *gathering neighborhood kids in a wagon* Arts and crafts time at the Geekologie Writer's house!

"Most of the people who see the work are surprised that the pictures are created by folding paper, they don't believe it when I tell them.

"Many of them think I've used paint or pencil to create the affect of light and shade. But when they realise the pictures are actually folded they are quite impressed."

Impressive, Simon, it's too bad I'm about to flood the market with child-folded ripoffs! Isn't that right, kids? Kids? *dink dink dittle dee dink dittle dee dink dee dink dee dink * DAMN YOU, ICE CREAM VAN!

Hit the fold for a bunch more.

Continue Reading " Artist Folds Paper To Create Pictures "

May 19 2009 MUST SEE!: LEGO Mindstorm Pirate Movie

NOTE: I embedded the video in high quality so it may take a minute to load.

This is a little movie made using nothing by LEGO Mindstorm NXT sets and LEGO blocks. It is amazing. Plus, it's about pirates, so double whammy. The movie is only 2:20 long, and the rest of the video shows you what's behind the curtain, so you can understand how it was made. Which surprisingly didn't involve magic. Or so the maker would like us to believe. I'm on to you, sorcerer!

Incredible Mindstorms NXT Theater Creates Pirate Battle On Lego Seas [gizmodo]

May 14 2009 *PEW PEW*, NOM NOM: An AT-AT Cake

This is an amazing AT-AT cake created by Jennifer Luxmore (and friends) of Sin Desserts. It took 60 hours to build and would typically sell for around $5,000. Stale.

The legs and base [of the Star Wars AT-AT cake] are wood, covered in gum paste and the cake is the head and body. I was in charge of baking, covering it in fondant and covering the legs with the gum paste.

The cake was a new cake for us... the Guiness Cake. and the background was hand painted by Joe. All of the people involved in the cake are artists of some sort and it took (everyone combined) about 60 hours (background painting, leg and body cut outs, covering, cake/covering, assembly and painting) so we figured the cake to come in some where around $5,000 at the low end.

Hit the jump to see a few more shots, as well as some shots of a ridiculous Millennium Falcon cake that Jennifer also made. Then, cry about how you can't even bake cupcakes without burning them. YOU WILL NEVER MAKE A GOOD WIFE!

Now hit the link and forget you were going to call me a sexist pig in the comments. *waving penis* This isn't the writer you're looking for.

Continue Reading " *PEW PEW*, NOM NOM: An AT-AT Cake "

May 12 2009 $2,500 XBox Shoes Don't Even Play Games

Looking to blow $2,500 on something that's bound to get all scuffed up and smell funky within a few months? Cool, buy me one of those masturbation machines. Or these shoes.

These are an exclusive pair...only one of its kind. Patent leather back with embedded fiber optic wiring in the shape of the XBOX logo. Battery placement is in the tongue as well as on and off switch that has 2 settings: Strobe or Constant light functions. Gradient lime swoosh faded to black. The toe is painted in a surreal Tiger Camouflage with accents of lime and bright green. These are a men's size 11.

$2,500 for a pair of sneakers? For that kind of money I was at least expecting them to play Halo. Yeah, and have speakers so I can hear all the penisless pre-pubescent boys telling me what a homosexual African American I am.

Hit the jump for several more shots including the fiber optics in action.

Continue Reading " $2,500 XBox Shoes Don't Even Play Games "

May 8 2009 Man Builds Scrap Massage Chair For Wife

Lin Shuseng, too cheap to buy his wife one of those $4 battery operated personal massagers (or one of the more expensive ones that looks like a wand that women use to, you know, stir the soup), decided instead to spend 8 years building her a scrap metal massage chair to soothe her painful joints (she suffered in the meantime). Wow, Lin, that's real love right there. Also, the chair from Saw. OMG YOU'RE GOING TO KILL HER!

Chinese retiree uses scrap to create steampunk robo-massage chair [dvice]

May 6 2009 Needs Work: First US Full-Face Transplant

46-year old Connie Culp was nearly killed when her deranged husband literally blasted her face off with a shotgun in 2004. But now, five years later, she has a new face thanks to a recently deceased organ donor (sign your cards!).

She endured 30 operations to try to fix her face. Doctors took parts of her ribs to make cheekbones and fashioned an upper jaw from one of her leg bones. She had countless skin grafts from her thighs. Still, she was left unable to eat solid food, breathe on her own, or smell.

Then, on Dec. 10, in a 22-hour operation, Dr. Maria Siemionow led a team of doctors who replaced 80 percent of Culp's face with bone, muscles, nerves, skin and blood vessels from another woman who had just died. It was the fourth face transplant in the world, though the others were not as extensive.

"Here I am, five years later. He did what he said -- I got me my nose," Culp said of Djohan, laughing.

I got me my nose, I got me my nose. My goodness what a heartwarming story. Uncensored picture is after the jump, and, not to be insensitive, but it is a little rough on the eyes. Kind of like a belt sander, but with lasers attached. Seriously though, great job, guys.

You have been warned, now hit it.

Continue Reading " Needs Work: First US Full-Face Transplant "

May 1 2009 Tactical Crossbow Mounts On AR-15 Stock

The PSE TAC-15 Crossbow costs $1,300 and mounts to the receiver of an AR-15 (not included). It is a serious piece of killing equipment and should not be purchased by children under the age of 9.

This crossbow is mounted on the skeleton of an AR-15 assault rifle and has a scope. A handy feature of the skeleton, by the way, is the "picatinny rail system." Long story short is you can slide a grenade launcher in there as an add-on.

Hell yeah, I want like nine of these things. Four for each arm and one for my penis. Oh, you don't think he can shoot a crossbow? *KATWANG* Oh snap, you just got SHOT THROUGH THE HEART, AND MY WANG'S TO BLAME, YOU GIVE LOOOOVE....hello? HELLO? *doot doo doo*

PSE TAC-15 Crossbow Does Not Dick Around [spike]

Thanks to Isaac and Calvin, who promise me heaven but put me through hell.