Sep 16 2009 Uh-Oh: Little Robot Can Jump 25-Foot Fences

Boston Dynamics, a company best known for heralding the apocalypse with their futuristic death machines, is at it again -- this time manufacturing the Precision Urban Hopper.

Most of the time, the shoebox-sized robot - which is being developed for the US military - uses its four wheels to get around.

But the Precision Urban Hopper can use a piston-actuated "leg" to launch it over obstacles such as walls or fences.

The semi-autonomous, GPS-guided gadget could be used for surveillance in urban environments.

The robot is allegedly able to clear obstacles up to 25-feet high. Which is exactly why I built a 26-foot fence around my anti-robot compound. And dug a moat. Which, FYI, is filled with deadly water dragons. But not luck dragons -- Falcor doesn't like to get wet! But he does like to get high. You're so soft, Falcor. Plus you have a puppy face.

Military robot 'hops' over walls [bbcnews]
and
Youtube

Thanks to TobyRaider, Bobby, JKirchartz, Kelly, Lomig, Kyle, Laux, Jennaiii, shiny bathtub, shawn, Nikki, Fritz, Gonk Assassin, Mark, Spikey DaPikey, prestone, Matty, 2MechanicalArms and Laurent who can't even jump out of bed in the morning. It's called depression, folks, and I have it too.

Jul 14 2009 Great: EATR Robot Feeds On Dead Bodies

Well we've already seen robots that can feed on organic matter, and now, an even scarier one. Wait, does that say chainsaw?

Robotic Technology Inc.'s Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot -- that's right, "EATR" -- "can find, ingest, and extract energy from biomass in the environment (and other organically-based energy sources), as well as use conventional and alternative fuels (such as gasoline, heavy fuel, kerosene, diesel, propane, coal, cooking oil, and solar) when suitable," reads the company's Web site.

That "biomass" and "other organically-based energy sources" wouldn't necessarily be limited to plant material -- animal and human corpses contain plenty of energy, and they'd be plentiful in a war zone.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! I'm okay, I'm okay. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! No I'm not. Hold me. Lower. Little lower. Lower. What?! THIS COULD BE OUR LAST NIGHT ALIVE!

Upcoming Military Robot Could Feed on Dead Bodies [foxnews]

Thanks to everyone who sent this in. No, really, thanks -- I hate sleeping. WITH YOUR SISTER! (snores)

Jun 24 2009 Robopocalyptic Proof: News From The Future

This is a new report from the future. For you doubters of our potential robotic overlords, I'll accept your apologies now. Also, your wallet. I mean it -- this isn't a damn Slim Jim in my pocket. *snap* Mmmm, so it is.

Youtube

Thanks to samuel and Viktor T, who traveled to the future in a sled. There is no snow in the future.

Jun 19 2009 Great: Another Rat-Brain Controlled Robot

Well, we've already featured one rat-brain controlled robot, so why not another? This particular model is controlled via Bluetooth by the neurons from a rat's brain THAT'S KEPT IN A JAR. The video goes on to explain that different rat brains have unique personalities and all control the robot differently. That's right -- CYBORG RODENTS WITH PERSONALITIES! Welcome to hell, world. Oooh, nice basket -- is it Longaberger?

First Real Cyborg: A Robot Controlled By A Living Brain [videosift]

Thanks to Jen, Matthew, Anton and Ace the Inhaler, who can control rat brains with their brains. Guys -- let's rob a bank!

Jun 17 2009 It's Been Fun: Teaching AI How To Kill Us All

In one of the sickest and twistedest announcements I've read in recent history, programmers attending the Institute of Electrical and Electronics Engineers symposium will attempt to program AI to destroy us all in a game of DEFCON.

Part of the symposium is a sort of "Turing Test" challenge, in which contestants program an AI to play a videogame. The objective is to try to trick a panel of human judges into thinking the AI is a human player.

This year's videogame is DEFCON, the brilliant nuclear war strategy game from indie developer Introversion.

A group of talented programmers will pitch their DEFCON bot against enemy bots in a series of one-on-one thermonuclear chess games. The winner is the programmer whose bot successfully annihilates its opponents and racks up the highest death count. IEEE is offering a $500 prize to the deadliest DEFCON AI bot competition winner.

WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! Like I don't have enough to worry about without people programming artificial intelligence to kill us all. You KNOW the robots are behind this. And also, BEHIND YOU -- DUCK! *pew pew* I just saved your life. No need to thank -- actually, yes, sing my praises. *cocking laser blaster* DO IT!

Symposium will teach AIs how to wage nuclear war [fidgit]

Thanks Kenny, shall we play a game?

Jun 10 2009 Japan Completes Life-Sized Gundam Statue

Nice Japan, a giant freaking Gundam -- I was tired of living anyways. You know, you're really flirting with fire here. Like that time I tried to make out with a candle and almost set my nacho ablaze.

To celebrate the 30th anniversary of the mecha anime/manga/toy/video game franchise, this 18-meter-tall (59-foot-tall) RX-78 has been erected.

Fifty points on the Gundam statue will emit light, and mist will shoot out of 14 different points on the statue. The 1/1 scale Gundam boasts a moveable head and a continuous stream of oh-man-this-is-so-damn-cool.

Now I'm not saying this thing is gonna come alive, go rogue, and destroy Japan, but it is, and my schoolgirl panties better ship before it does.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots and a couple links to massive picture galleries.

Continue Reading " Japan Completes Life-Sized Gundam Statue "

May 12 2009 Not For The Faint: Robots Beating The Ever Living Hell Out Of Crash Test Dummies

This is some really disturbing footage from the German Aerospace Center's Institute of Robotics and Mechtronics (soon be known as a pile of rubble. Minions -- attack!) showing robots beating the ever living hell out of crash test dummies. FOR FUN. WHILE SOME SICKOS LAUGH IN THE BACKGROUND. Allegedly the experiments were conducted in an attempt to help make robots safer, but guess what -- THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A SAFE ROBOT. Just sayin', my roommate lost three toes to a Roomba and can now only walk in circles.

Robots crash into dummies, identify human weaknesses [engadget]

Thanks to billcollider, Chase is First, Barry, Nelson and Wout, who have each taken out like 40 robots and even dated a few long term. You guys make me sick.

Mar 27 2009 Aaaahh!: They're After Our Children, Elderly

Just like lions attack in the wild, robots are planning on taking out the weakest of our proverbial herd first. Namely, children and old folks. All thanks to a little service class robot named ApriAttenda, by Toshiba.

At just one meter tall, the robot can open doors, handle trays and drinks and comes equipped with cameras in its three-fingered hands. The robot is expected to join the ranks of day care and nursing robots being designed to meet the needs of the graying populace. Shown above is the ApriAttenda being trained by one of the humans it will soon replace.

Yeah, soon replace with bloody stumps! You can't fool me, Toshiba. I don't care how googly its eyes are, that is a trained killing machine if I've ever seen one. And trust me -- I stare at one in the mirror everyday. *flexing* UH! You like this pose? Well check out *MEEEOOOOOW!* Oh God, stepped on the cat.

ApriAttenda robot updated to nurse your elders and monitor your offspring [dvice]

Mar 7 2009 Another Sleepless Night: Scary Robot Gallery

This is a little gallery of scary-ass robots that want to kill you so they can mate with your computer. This particular model is called "My Spoon" and was designed to help people with no arms or really sucky arms to eat. As you can see, it's about to choke out Japanese Health Minister Yoichi Masuzoe. God knows what's it's gonna do to him once he's out, but I suspect use his body as a breeding chamber for an army of nanobots. These nanobots will then invade our fresh water supply and, quite possibly, clog your faucet.

Hit the jump for gallery, and then hit the link at the end for a much larger, HD gallery with explanations of which each of the doomsday machines does.

Continue Reading " Another Sleepless Night: Scary Robot Gallery "

Feb 19 2009 This Has Gotten Way Out Of Hand: Army Robots Will Require A 'Warrior Code'

How many times do I have to emphasize that I am not kidding about a robot apocalypse? Did the Terminator series teach us nothing besides Arnold Schwarzenegger should run for governor? Now, in a recent report by the US Navy, it has been suggested that robots participating in battle be programmed with a 'Warrior Code' to help prevent destruction of the entire human potato-sack race.

"There is a common misconception that robots will do only what we have programmed them to do," Patrick Lin, the chief compiler of the report, said. "Unfortunately, such a belief is sorely outdated, harking back to a time when . . . programs could be written and understood by a single person." The reality, Dr Lin said, was that modern programs included millions of lines of code and were written by teams of programmers, none of whom knew the entire program.

It's been suggested we use Isaac Asimov's Three Rules Of Robotics as a starting point for the 'Warrior Code'. Isaac's Rules were as follows:

1 A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm

2 A robot must obey orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law

3 A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law

Being the Geekologie Writer, I got a sneak peak at the Warrior Code in progress, and I've got to say, not good:

1 There is no warrior code

2 PEW PEW

3 PEW PEW

Military's killer robots must learn warrior code [timesonline]
and
Experts Warn of 'Terminator'-Style Military-Robot Rebellion [foxsnews]

Thanks to Bryan, Chris, timgrab, T6000 (what are you doing here!?), Matt, Sprite and Thumperchica, who are all smart enough to know this is life or death, but not smart enough to know I just stole their identities. Hello, credit cards!

Jan 5 2009 Tell Your Grandparents: VHS Is Officially Dead

Well folks, it's official: VHS is dead. Let your grandparents down easy. And also, try to hint about fumigating their place -- it smells like old people and socks in there.

Even though most of us probably thought it was already long gone, its death certificate was signed when Distribution Video Audio of Palm Harbor, Fla. -- the last major supplier of VHS tapes -- shipped the last of its salable stock. Distribution Video Audio made $20 million per year selling tons of tapes cheaply, but now the business has vanished.

*sniffle* God, it seems like only yesterday I was recording the scrambled Cinemax channel, hoping to catch a glimpse of a fuzzy boob. Ha, but it was, in fact, two days ago. Anybody wanna go through the tape with me?

RIP, VHS [msn]

Thanks to Bryan, whose dad bought 5 VCRs a few years ago because the man was smart enough to realize technology is cyclical.