Mar 19 2009 Segway Shmegway -- I Want A Cajun Crawler
Segways are stupid and have wheels. Cajun Crawlers are awesome and have little feet that can scurry you across the room like a bug quicker than you can say, "Gob would love this!"
Based on the work of kinetic sculptor Theo Jansen, the Cajun Crawler holds up a Segway-style platform with a scary collection of steampunk-like mechanical legs, which can scurry across a floor with surprising agility. The project was built by a team of folks at the University of Louisiana.
Skip to about 1:00 for the action to begin. And action it is! My God that thing is creepy as all hell. One part of me wants to yell "ROBOT!" and smash it to pieces but another wants to ride it into the gently rolling surf until I'm submerged, where I'll be greeted by topless mermaids whom I will pose with and then post the pictures on my Facebook. Later that night, I'll come back with a snorkel and seduce one into living in my bathtub. Just like Tom Hanks in Splash, but with a harpoon.
Cajun Crawler swaps Segway wheels for Theo Jansen's creepy leg mechanism [engadget]
Thanks to Leon, The Short One and Phecda, who are cool with just walking.
Oct 20 2008 Hover Scooter Is Wicked Freaking Uncool
Haha, so I haven't left New Orleans. And you know what? I might not. One of the awesomest parts of being king of the interweb is being able to work from any seedy, gin-soaked, smoke-filled bar with Wi-Fi that you want. So I'm at a coffee shop. And I want this freaking hover-scooter. Sold by Hammacher Schlemmer, the piece of monkey shit costs $17,000, and, apparently, should only be ridden with a safety helmet. Oh, and acting like you're humping the handle.
Hailed by The New York Times as a "miniature flying saucer with handlebars, the hover scooter provides an unprecedented experience in personal transportation, levitating inches above the ground and speeding a single rider across level land on a cushion of air. Gentle lift from an engine-powered fan elevates the scooter off the ground, and a stream of air exiting a vent in the back provides light forward thrust.
Light forward thrust, huh? As opposed to some heavy backwards stabbing? Which, incidentally, I may or may not have experienced in the quarter last night. They're not all chicks!
Thanks to Jeff, who made me swear I'd buy him one for posting this. But guess what Jeff? I'm a lying asshole!
Jul 11 2008 Dummy On Segway Kisses Another Dummy
This is allegedly a Segway crash-test video used to determine the effects (including potential eroticism) that can occur when someone plows their Segway into a stationary person. If you can't watch it, it basically looks like two dummies kissing. Honestly, I don't even know why they performed this test in the first place. I can tell you what happens when you crash your Segway into something: you look even stupider.
Segway Crash Test is Awkward For All Parties Involved [gizmodo]
