Jul 10 2009 4GB Vision: Calvin Klein USB Sunglasses
These $200 sunglasses from Calvin Klein (available this October) feature a 4GB flash drive in the right arm so you can take your data to the beach or wherever the hell people wear sunglasses these days. Me? I just squint.
calvin klein usb sunglasses: data for your eyes only [technabob]
May 10 2009 Aaah, I Got A Brick In My Eye!: LEGO Glasses
LEGO Sunglasses are the result of the famous toy manufacturer bedding French optics company Lynx Optique. Just some heavy petting and dry humping though. The glasses, which have the iconic LEGO nubbins on the sides, allow the wearer to pimp them out by attaching LEGO pieces. So now you can build a giant plastic Jesus on your face. Or a space shuttle. Or you could, I dunno, just slap a bunch of tranny minifigs on there. Style: I wear it like a paper bag helmet.
Lego sunglasses let you build your own fashion [dvice]
Thanks to Laura, who wears her LEGO sunglasses at night so she can watch me live and breathe my story lines.
May 5 2009 Pfft, Who Needs Ears?: Pierced Glasses
Born without ears? Lose them in a samurai sword fight? Whatever the case, for those of you who have found yourself both aurally and ocularly challenged, you may want to consider pierced glasses. Pierced glasses are a pair of prescription eyeglasses that stay affixed to your ugly mug via a piercing through the nose. Pretty clever. Not as clever as just having Lasik surgery so you can shoot lasers out of your eyeballs, but hey, laser vision isn't for everyone. And, incidentally, neither are laser-wangs. Go ask The Superficial Writer why he's blind in one eye.
Pierced Eyeglasses [bmezine]
Thanks to Warfaremonkey, who wears a pierced hat and is now limited to the use of his animal brain like Phineas Gage.
Jan 8 2009 Highly Questionable Yellow Glasses Supposed To Prevent Computer-Related Eye Fatigue
Gunnar glasses ($100 - $189!!!!!!!!!!) come in cleverly named styles like Bit Surfer, Wi-Five and El Doucherino, and are supposed to prevent the eye fatigue caused by blogging eight hours a day. That's right ladies and gentlemen....prepare to experience "Enhanced Computer Vision".
Ever wonder why your eyes get tired after staring at a PC screen for hours? Gunnar says it's because of the LCD screen's cold color temperature. According to these folks, the bluish tints your PC screen displays strains the eyes, you don't blink as much and your eyes don't hydrate.
So the yellow makes your screen look warmer, and as a result you blink more and your eyes don't get tired. Pffft, what nonsense. Your eyes get tired from staring at a computer eight hours a day BECAUSE YOU'RE STARING AT A GODDAMN COMPUTER EIGHT HOURS A DAY. The only things worse for your eyes are reading fine print and staring at the sun. Or getting one pecked out by a parrot. F*CK YES I WEAR MY EYEPATCH WHEN I BLOG!
Nov 21 2008 Soda Dispenser Dispenses From The Bottom
This piece of crap from Scotsman Beverage Systems dispenses ice from the top, and soda from the bottom. ZOMG, sorcery! It's supposed to revolutionize the beverage serving industry but it's not going to. What it is going to revolutionize is landfills. The system works thanks to special glasses with a non-return valve in the bottom that are set on top of a special filling unit. Now why is this necessary? Oh right, so Scotsman can charge $6 apiece for the glasses. Can somebody say "shenanigans"? Nice. Now say "Don't worry, I'll pick". Great -- finish it off with an "up the tab". Bartender, you heard the man, keep the bourbon flowing.
Magic system fills glasses from the bottom up somehow [dvice]
Nov 17 2008 Change The Color Of Your Glasses With Ink
The RGB Glasses from designer Luís Porém are hollow and made to be filled with the ink color of your choice. Want black glasses? Add black ink! Want pink glasses? Add pink ink! Want tortoiseshell glasses? Add brown, orange, and black ink! Want to frighten everyone you pass? Add the blood of your fallen enemies and smile while you gnaw on a raw arm.
Hit the jump for a couple more.
Continue Reading " Change The Color Of Your Glasses With Ink "
Sep 16 2008 Where's Waldo?: The Waldo Ultimatum
This is a little movie made by sketch group The Imponderables combing Where's Waldo? and The Bourne Ultimatum. Man, I freaking loved finding Waldo. Sometimes he would hide so good! I remember one time there was a guy that looked almost identical, but it wasn't really him! Good times, good times. But seriously, f*** those Magic Eye books, I could never see shit.
Fun Fact: Where's Waldo? ranks #88 on the 100 Most Frequently Banned Books list because there's a topless chick in the upper right corner of the "On The Beach" scene. Go here to see just how inappropriate it isn't.
Youtube
Thanks to Carl, who not only found Waldo, but kicked his little Harry Potter ass.
Sep 4 2008 WTF!?: Crystal Embedded Contact Lenses
Ah yes, rocks and eyes. I mean, what a perfect match. Enter "Sparkle", a contact lens with tiny Swarovski crystals encrusted around the edge. I've got to admit, this has got to be the most brilliant eye-care product I've seen since pepper spray. Seriously, what could go wrong? Well, besides looking sexy. I'm gonna make myself a pair, I'll let you know how scandalously super-sexified I look.
UPDATE: Okay, so I glued some glitter and broken glass onto my regular contacts. Here goes nothing!
UPDATEDER: Wow, good thing I can type without looking, because I can't see a thing. Seriously though, how long does it take to grow a new pair? Ha, I'm talking actual ball balls now, mistook the paper shredder for a commode.
Sparkle - Swarovski studded contact lenses for blinged vision [bornrich]
Thanks Mary, and I trusted you to lead me to the bathroom. Pfft, some friend you are.
Aug 25 2008 Smart Goggles Help Find Stuff You've Lost
Smart Goggles not only make you look cool, they help find stuff you've misplaced.
To use the glasses, the wearer first wanders around a house or workplace for an hour or so, looking at the objects he or she may later want to find in a hurry. Each time the camera focuses on a object - such as a set of keys, a mobile phone or a purse - the wearer says the name aloud. The name is then recorded and stored into the memory.Once the names have been programmed in, the glasses will try to find the right name for any object they come across. The names appear in small type on the viewfinder. If they are unable to recognise an object they make a guess and - if they get it wrong - learn from their mistakes.
At some point in the future, if the wearer is trying to find their keys in a hurry, they simply name the object. The glasses search its video memory and show its last known location on the display.
Pretty neat concept, but I don't need any help finding my phone or keys. You see, I keep the phone in my car's cupholder, and just leave the keys in the ignit....freaking crackheads!
The Smart Goggles that could make lost keys, mobile phones or iPod a think of the past [dailymail]
Thanks Lauren, and no, I haven't seen your virginity -- but I'll keep my eyes peeled.
Jul 1 2008 HD Sunglasses Suprisingly Not High Definition
If there's one thing I've learned about fashion, it's this: I look damn good in women's jeans. Wait ,what? This is a glasses post? Ha, so it is. Well, just forget I said anything about shopping in the juniors section then. Carrying on. HD -- the new buzzterm to sell whatever the hell you want. In this case, sunglasses. So what benefits can one realize from a pair of $20 HD glasses? I'll tell you.
- HD Vision technology gives you clarity that you have never experienced.
- Enhance your vision.
- Just like High Definition TV.
- Modern European Style.
Yep, just like High Definition TV, folks. Older, tech-illeterate folks are busting a hip rushing to their land line to order even as you read this. There's a commercial for the glasses after the jump, and if you order now you get a patented HD visor clip to store the glasses in your car. Holy shit, an HD visor clip! Now that better stand for HanDy visor clip, otherwise I'm suing them for false imprisonment. Ha, did I just say imprisonment? I meant for being a bunch of misleading assholes. Poor old people.
Hit the jump for a worthwhile two minute commercial.
Continue Reading " HD Sunglasses Suprisingly Not High Definition "
Mar 20 2008 Dieting: As Simple As Wearing Blue Glasses
Everybody knows McDingdongdonald's and other fast food restaurants use red and yellow colors in their logos and restaurants because they're warm and make you hungry. And that's why they shy away from cold blues, because they have the opposite effect. Well now, thanks to these sweet Japanese glasses, dieting is as simple as rocking a pair of blue lenses! According to a horribly translated article:
It stimulates the physiological circulation of the human that it is appetite the effect of red approaches the brain among non consciousness, would like to eat generally, that it increases. It is said that the appetite it calms the excitation of the brain above that would like to eat blue color conversely, is held down. Those where the color physiology is applied are these sunglasses. “You drink continuously” if and so on poor even with the person where “it moves”, this because just you apply with easily is, it is easy to continue without being chased in stress, probably will be.
Perfect sense. The glasses cost about $20 here, or you can do what I did and take your grandpa's bifocals and cover them in blue magic marker. I must admit -- I'm not feeling very hungry. I am, however, dizzy.
Lose Weight by Wearing Sunglasses [albotas]
Jan 23 2008 Oakley Medusa Hat & Goggles Are Painful
There are people out there that want to look as stupid as possible. Thankfully for these freaks there is the Medusa hat and goggles from Oakley. The ridiculous hat goes for a paltry $500 and the bug-eyed goggles for $250 -- a steal. I can't imagine who in their right (or wrong) mind would ever, ever, ever buy these monstrosities, but I'm sure they're out there. I'm also sure they're idiots and should be sterilized. That being said, I think they'd be great for a little mythical role-playing in the bedroom. I could get my wife to put these on, then I'd pretend to cut her head off with my man-sword. You know, just like Perseus did.
Thanks to Melissa, goddess of beauty, and Sebastian, god of sexual prowess, for the tips
Jan 4 2008 Glasses Make You See Cool, Not Look Cool
Well the Consumer Electronics Show kicks off on Monday in Vegas, so companies are getting ready to showcase their latest and greatest. And one such product is Lumus-Optical's Microdisplay Glasses. "The glasses will boast twin microdisplays and an ultra-thin LOE lens, which can purportedly immerse the wearer by creating the effect of viewing a 60-inch screen from ten feet away." Cool, so the glasses will be available for some hands on action. You know what I hope isn't there and available for some hands on action? That dude in the photo. If he's going to be there I'm returning my press pass and maintaining a three-state safe zone between me and Vegas.
Nov 29 2007 Best Modern Artist Ever Presents Drinking Art
Hannes Broecker is a brilliant artist. How can I tell? Because of his 'Drink Away The Art' installation recently exhibited in Dresden, Germany.
Broecker has aroused our sense of taste (not to mention eliminated the need of elbowing our way to the bar) by hanging flat, glass containers with a variety of cocktails in the exhibition space. As the night progressed, the levels of the multi-colored infusions diminished. By the end of the event, the art, itself, ran dry, and empty drinking glasses were returned to where they were originally placed.
I was lucky enough to be there on opening night, and let me tell you -- it was awesome! I got so shit-faced I wandered into the ancient Egypt exhibit and was caught dry humping a mummy. Hey, I prefer my lovers mature.
Two more pictures after the pour.
Continue Reading " Best Modern Artist Ever Presents Drinking Art "
Nov 14 2007 Roly Poly Shot Glasses Will Spill Your Liquor
The Roly Poly Shot Glasses Cordial set costs $33 and make your precious liquor wobble around on the table. This is the last thing I need, because I have a hard enough time getting the goodness to my lips without spilling anything, and I'm tired of drinking off the table/floor. Allegedly if you fill them properly they won't spill, but it looks like I may have filled that shot in the front a little too much. Hey! Who the hell keeps leaving their hors d'oeuvres on my table with no napkin? This table is a family heirloom people, my grandmother gave it to me. Get the hell out of my house you disrespectful a-holes! F you all, I'm getting sloshed alone.
Roly Poly Drink Set Falls Very Short of Classy [uberreview]
Sep 28 2007 Prism Glasses Make You Look Like An Ass
The last time I tried to board a plane they told me I was too drunk, so I haven't seen the latest Skymall catalog. Apparently the company is really going after people too lazy to sit up. These "Deluxe" Prism Glasses allow you to lie flat and view a book or television by turning the image 90 degrees. They're also supposed to prevent claustrophobia during an MRI. And at only $50 they're practically giving them away. Too bad I invented this years ago. I taped a mirror to my shoe so I could see up the skirts of women on the subway. Pervert? No sir. Panty aficionado.
Prism Glasses Make You Look Like An Ass [ohgizmo]
Sep 5 2007 Spy Sunglasses With Digital Recorder
Sure spy sunglasses have existed for awhile (I've been using mine for several years), but now they're available in styles beyond the traditional black "yes there is a camera in these glasses" frame. AND they're shipping with a personal video recorder so you can instantly watch the action or replace an SD card. They record in both NTSC and PAL and you're looking at about 510 x 492 effective pixels for NTSC. You can get them through Spycatcheronline for $1,400, which is too rich for my blood, but maybe someone out there can afford them. The only problem with these is, cool looking spy sunglasses or not, the women in the locker room are still going to scream and call security when they see you standing in the corner.
Spy Sunglasses With Digital Recorder [ohgizmo]
