Nov 3 2009 The Gift Of Love: A Beating Heart Plushie

Looking for the perfect gift for that special someone? Give them your heart! Well, not your actual heart (unless you know that creepy mother from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom). With just a shake this $18 anatomically correct heart from ThinkGeek begins making beating noises and pulsating in your lover's hand! Perfect to sleep with whenever your significant other is out of town. Or in town cheating on you!*

*Tear absorbent

ThinkGeek Product Site
via
Plush Beating Heart: Halloween and Valentine's Day All Rolled Up Into One [uberreview]

Oct 19 2009 Aww: Custom Mario Level Wedding Proposal

Some guy proposed to his girlfriend by spelling out 'LISA WILL YOU MARRY ME?' in coins in a Super Mario World level he edited. This is the video of Lisa playing the game and accepting his proposal.

My nerdy way to propose. On October 15th 2009, it was out 5 year anniversary so i decided to propose. Using a program called lunar magic I was able to spell "lisa... Will you marry me?" she may not look too surprised in the video but you should of seen her afterwords, she couldn't sit still!!! And no it wasn't staged, but I did sit her down told her to play some Super Mario World, but she totally didn't know she was being recorded!!

Cute! This gives me a great idea about how I'm going to propose. By never asking. What do you think -- too romantic?

Youtube

Thanks to mygirlfriendtoldmetosendthisin, Alex, Geo, Steve and Chaemelion, who all proposed the old fashioned way: by hacking roadsigns.

Aug 29 2009 There's An App For That: iPhone Fauxmercial

This is a fake commercial for iPhone apps. I thought it was pretty funny. And not just because stalking ex-girlfriends is funny, because that is only mildy humorous (but mostly sad and creepy). No, I just couldn't get enough of the guy's voice. I must have you on my home answering machine!

LEAKED: New iPhone commercial [adamthinks]

Thanks to The Baroness, who had an iPhone for a day and then dropped it and broke it BECAUSE SHE MEANT TO.

Jul 7 2009 YOU SLEPT WITH WHO?: X-Men Universe Relationship Map

I know, it looks like a really badass flowchart, but it's not, it's a relationship map for all the characters in the X-Men universe. Giant full-res version HERE. You know, I had forgotten Domino was involved with that man-whore Wolverine. Now I need to get tested.

X-Men Universe Relationship Map [uncannyxmen]

Thanks to Nick and Julian, who have had so many superhero women they can barely count them on one stump.

Jun 20 2009 ALMOST Cute: LIttle Robot Making Coffee

This is a video of some guy's robot girlfriend that's been programmed to make him coffee. You know, JUST LIKE A GOOD GIRLFRIEND SHOULD. Am I right, honey? Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be sleeping in the car. BUT ONLY BECAUSE IT HAS AM/FM RADIO.

Youtube

Thanks to shogunu, who programmed his girlfriend to make toast too. Nice, shogunu -- with jam?

Mar 31 2009 Frost The Head And The Body Will Die

This is a zombie cake loyal Geekologie Reader Carol made for her boyfriend. It really made me hope that, somewhere out there, a woman is honing her baking skills and waiting to meet me. Of course, I'm not holding my breath. But I am holding my penis hopes up. Per Carol:

Apparently there isn't much of a market for face/limb based cakes so just purchasing molds was out. I ended up using about 5 layers of aluminum foil and shaped them in to a half assed face and hand.

Coat the molds with cooking spray and put them in to standard baking pans, it helps to re-enforce the mold with balled up foil underneath so it doesn't distort under the weight of the cake.

Slap your cakey zombie bits on to a sheet or round cake and get creative...

I used a shit ton of green food coloring, lindor truffles for eyes, and white chocolate for the teeth/finger nails.

Good looking, Carol. Or should I say, "NHAAAR, BRAAAAAAINS"! Oh, I shouldn't? Okay. Well good looking, Carol. Or should I say, "good tasting"? No? "NOM NOM"? I'd hit that shit like a corpse!

Thanks to Carol, who actually came up with that whole frosting the head bit, I'm just a thief. You see this? Yeah, that's your heart.

Mar 27 2009 Alfie Patten, You Are....Not The Father!

Remember Alfie Patten, the 13-year old that got his 15-year old girlfriend pregnant? Well, turns out he's not the father after all, and ogres really are the cheating whores I suspected. The fairy tales were true!

A DNA test showed a 13-year-old boy in Britain is not the father of a baby born to a 15-year-old he had unprotected sex with once.

Chantelle Stedman told Alfie Patten, who was 12 when he slept with her, he was her newborn daughter Maisie's father.

At first Stedman said Patten was the only boy she had ever slept with, but soon after other teens came forward saying they too could be the baby's father, because they claimed to have had sex with the girl.

It is still not clear who the baby's father is.

Alfie, if you're reading, I have some advice: get your junk checked for funk and then WALK AWAY with clean hands and dong. Chalk it up as a life lesson and move on. Just be thankful you learned it now before you married the beast atop Mt. Bloodfang and were sealed to the ogre clan forever. Because that would suck. Now run, Alfie -- run as fast and far as those little child-sized feet and size 4's will take you! Also, no more sticking your penis in things until you're 30 and gainfully employed. And then only the change return slot in vending machines.

DNA test shows 13-year-old Alfie Patten is not a dad [heraldsun]

Thanks to darkfall13, Eva, Freddy, Sinclair and Romeo, who all know the only great sex is safe sex with dinosaurs.

Dec 10 2008 Pervert Inventor Le Trung Still Working On Building Robot Girlfriend, Wasting Money

Remember Le Trung? The last time we saw him he was busy groping his robotic lover. Well not much has changed in the interim: he's still going strong, perfecting "fem-bot" Aiko to be his wife.

Inventor Le Trung, 33, created Aiko, said to be "in her 20s" with a stunning 32, 23, 33 figure, shiny hair and delicate features.

Pfft, she's not a day over 14 you sick bastard.

"So far she can understand and speak 13,000 different sentences in English and Japanese, so she's already fairly intelligent. "When I need to do my accounts, Aiko does all the maths. She is very patient and never complains."

He said he did not build Aiko as a sexual partner, but said she could be tweaked to become one. "Her software could be redesigned to simulate her having an orgasm and reacting to touch as if she is playing hard to get or being straight to the point," he said.

Sex. With. A. Robot. *HORF*

"Fem-bot" Aiko, who has cost £14,000 (~$21,000) to build so far, is a whizz at maths and even does Le's accounts.

Le, a scientific genius from Brampton in Ontario, Canada, said he never had time to find a real partner so he designed one using the latest technology.

Scientific genius my ass. Scientific geniuses don't blow twenty grand building robotic girlfriends. No, scientific geniuses build rocketships to blast off into space and f*** aliens. This is the word of The Geekologie Writer. Amen.

One more of the cute couple after the jump.

Continue Reading " Pervert Inventor Le Trung Still Working On Building Robot Girlfriend, Wasting Money "

Oct 31 2008 Coming Soon To A (Pervert's) Webcam Near You: Weird Augmented Reality Manga Chicks

Dennou AR Figures were released in Japan earlier this month by Geisha Entertainment. It's a software package bundled with a special cube and paddle that you move in front of a webcam to interact with your make-believe lady friend. Mostly I think they were made so you could look up their skirts and spank them, which, while disturbing, is by no means surprising. You know what? This is the last straw -- I'm moving to Japan.

Dennou Figure ARis [canneddogs]

Thanks to cubesquared, lover all things boxy.

Oct 15 2008 Lesson: How To Haggle Succesfully On eBay

Wow, I don't even know what to say -- except I'll give you 10 minutes with my sister for free shipping.

eBay Pimps [claireadventures]

Thanks to Claire, who's trying to convince me gadgety is a word. Seriously, do I look like I just fell of the banana boat? Haha, no, that's not one in my pocket. Oh wait, yes it is. Damnit, gadgety is a word.

Sep 2 2008 Dad's Cab Racks Up Chore Fares For Toting Your Ungrateful Children Around Town

If you're anything like me you made the mistake of getting your girlfriend pregnant because she told you she was a millionaire. And now you're stuck with two (she told me she was worth at least $500,000 the second time) ungrateful teenagers that want to go to the mall everyday or over to their friend's house to do drugs and/or have sex. Enter Dad's Cab, an $18 clock that looks like a taxi meter. You just slap that mother to the dash with adhesive tape, load up the kids, and then drive them wherever they demand. Then, when you're slowing down to 25MPH so they can roll out, you toss a fare card out the window. Fares include "Bring me a mug of tea an the paper on the weekend", "Wash, wax, and vacuum my car", "Let daddy get drunk in front of the TV for the night", "Stop stealing my beer", "Get a freaking job", and "Run away from home".

Geez, whatever happened to using public transportation? When I was a kid, there was no asking my parents for a ride. They'd just pin a note to my shirt with my destination printed on it and send me off to the bus stop. And that, dear reader, is how I was kidnapped by a one-eyed prostitute.

Dad's cab, a taxi meter for your social butterfly kids [dvice]

Thanks Julia tripped on whiskey, we should get together and do that sometime.

Aug 19 2008 World's Largest Digging Machine Is Huge

The world's largest digger is a giant trencher built a couple years ago by German manufacturer Krupp. It took more than 5 years and $100 million to design and manufacture.

The machine is almost 95 meters (311 ft) high and 215 meters (705 ft) long which is just like almost 2.5 football fields in length with 45,500 tons in weight. Maximum digging speed is 10 meters (32 ft) per minute and it can move more than 76,000 cubic meters (~2,700,000 cubic ft) of coal, rock, and earth per day.

Wow, pretty impressive. You get two of these things working around the clock for a couple days and I could finally bury my girlfriend. Haha! No, but seriously honey, go to the gym.

Hit the jump for several more pictures of the digging behemoth.

Continue Reading " World's Largest Digging Machine Is Huge "

Aug 8 2008 Yes! DIY Elf Ears: No Experience Required

We've posted elf ears before here on Geekologie, but those involved some sort of "surgical procedure" and "money". Well now there's an Instructable on how to do it yourself with the help of a friend! Okay, not really. The article just discusses the things to consider if you're interested in getting it done. So, I'll go ahead and post the DIY myself.

1. Find a pair of scissors. The sharper the better. The scissors you have from kindergarten should be fine.
2 Score some rubbing alcohol. Take a few shots.
3. Ask yourself, "Do I really want elf ears?" If the answer is no, repeat step 2, possibly alternating shots and bong hits.
4. Cut a triangular chunk out of your upper ear. You should be bleeding at this point.
5. Sterilize a needle with a lighter, thread with fishing line or yarn, and sew your ear back together in the desired shape.
6. Put some tape around your ear to hold it together and prevent strain on the stitches.
7. Repeat steps 4 through 6 for the other ear.
8. Take a picture, preferably topless.
9. If you are a chick, send me that picture. If you are a dude, throw it away, I don't care about your elf ears.
10. If you are hot, I will marry you.
11. Change your name to Zelda.

Hit the jump for a few more pictures, including some after they've healed a bit.

Continue Reading " Yes! DIY Elf Ears: No Experience Required "

Jul 24 2008 ZombieHarmony: The Zombie Of Your Dreams Is Only A Click Away

Still looking for that special someone zombie? Well look no further than ZombieHarmony, an online dating service for the undead. ZombieHarmony...because the apocalypse doesn't have to be lonely. But don't go trying to use the site if you haven't been infected.

Disclaimer: ZombieHarmony is for zombies only. We advise signing up for ZombieHarmony only if you lack a pulse, have limited motor skills, or feel an intense desire to feast on human beings. We are not responsible for lost or ingested loved ones. If you go on a date with a zombie, we cannot be held liable for contributing to the apocalypse.

Please date responsibly: bring a baseball bat or crowbar.

Despite the warning, I used the site anyways and think I found the zombie of my dreams, her name is LimblessLisa, and she's gorgeous in a corspy kinda way. Just kidding, I don't think the site really works, it's just a fun looking frontpage. Sorry to let you down, sickos. But seriously, if you want to date an undead bitch with a taste for blood my ex-girlfriend's number is (XXX) XXX-XXXX.

UPDATE: Had to remove the number. Haha, I'm being sued!

ZombieHarmony

Thanks to Alex, Julian, and Shawn, all of whom used the website to score some zombie brain.

Jul 9 2008 The Jedi Gym Is Awesome, How Do I Join?

Kind of like the Jedi Academy, comes the Jedi Gym. The video is six minutes long, but actually is worth watching if/when you have the time. Mainly for the guy playing Lando Calrissian (that's him in the still) and the awesome plot twist around 4:00. Now I don't want to ruin anything, but let's just say it was pleasantly unexpected. Kind of like the time I walked in on my girlfriend with another chick. Now I know what you're wondering, and no, I was sadly not invited to participate. I was asked to leave and shut the door behind me. And that, my friends, is the story of how I was almost happy once.

Youtube

Thanks Brennan, that's just what I needed after the last few traumatizing Star Wars videos

Jun 30 2008 Guitar Hero Figures From McFarlane Toys

Thats right folks, McFarlane Toys has partnered with Activision to make a line of Guitar Hero themed action figures. They'll be hitting stores in November (in time for Christmas/robot apocalypse) and will each feature 15-18 moving parts, stand abound 6" tall, and run $10-$15. The figures available will include Johnny Napalm, Lars Ümlaut, the Geekologie Writer, Axel Steel, the God of Rock, and the Devil of Country. Seriously though, I should have a damn action figure. With accessories. Like a blue-screening computer and broken cellphone. Nagging girlfriend and cubicle playset sold separately.

Hit the jump for a look at two of the other figures.

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Jun 24 2008 I'm Buying: Man Auctions Off Entire Life (Including Pride And Dignity) On eBay

Ian Usher is a 44-year old Australian that's selling his entire life on eBay. No, you don't get to kill him, but you do get his house, car, motorcycle, hot tub, friends, job, grill, pictures, computer, underwear, pride, and self respect. The auction ends on Sunday and is already up to about $300,000. Ian is holding the auction after his 12-year relationship with some chick name Laura dissolved and left him broken-hearted. He's looking for a clean start and will begin his new life with nothing but the clothes on his back and the proceeds from the auction (he's hoping for around $500,000). When asked why the relation went sour, Ian replied, "She started kangarooing some other dude. She wanted to settle down and thought I was too impulsive -- the kind of guy that would sell his entire life on eBay." Boy, you sure showed her!

Hit the jump for a bunch of pictures of stuff included in the auction, along with a link to the auction, his blog explaining the situation, and a yahoo news article.

Continue Reading " I'm Buying: Man Auctions Off Entire Life (Including Pride And Dignity) On eBay "

Jun 17 2008 Robotic Girlfriend For Lonely Men Seems Highly Questionable, Lowly Statured

E.M.A. (Eternal Maiden Actualization, seriously?) is a 15-inch Japanese robot developed by SEGA to keep lonely men company and help combat loneliness and depression. She'll cost about $175 and hits the streets (like a hooker!) in September.

Using her infrared sensors and battery power, the diminutive damsel named "EMA" puckers up for nearby human heads, entering what designers call its "love mode."

She's very lovable and though she's not a human, she can act like a real girlfriend."

EMA, which stands for Eternal Maiden Actualization, can also hand out business cards, sing and dance, with Sega hoping to sell 10,000 in the first year.

Ah yes, the 15-inch robotic girlfriend. Listen, a girlfriend made out of plastic and metal, no matter how much you inflate her, just isn't a real girlfriend. Even if she comes with vibration modes and "life-like" parts, it's just not the same. Trust me. And this little robot is no different. Although, for the sake of science, I will suspend disappointment and give her a go.

UPDATE: Cleanup in aisle The Bed! Little bits of plastic everywhere. That robot is a freak in the sack! Highly recommended. SEGA, I'm gonna need a replacement. And, well, another Dreamcast. The robot broke before I was finished and I wanted to keep the experience all SEGA.

Japan makes robot girlfriend for lonely men [msnbc]

Thanks Matt and Ro, I've never been more scared of a little robotic woman before.

May 23 2008 My New Favorite Website: Knicker Pickers

Knicker Pickers is my new favorite website. It's a virtual dressing room for intimate wear (read: bras and panties!). I posted a picture of a sportswear selection there, but that's only because I was looking for the most SFW screencap I could find. I've been perusing the site for several months, and can remember when they only had three models. Well now they have five and the site is better than ever! You just pick whatever delicates you want the model to wear, and then you can make her turn around, come closer, come closer and then turn around, and walk away. It's awesome. I mean I'd never buy anything from the freaking site, but that hasn't stopped me from seeing every outfit. Even my girlfriend likes it. And by "likes it" I mean she makes me tell her how imperfect the girls look and how beautiful she is. The same thing she used to do at strip clubs until I started leaving her in the car. Now I know what you feminists are thinking, and yes, I leave a window cracked if I'm parked in the sun.

Knicker Pickers Dressing Room (probably NSFW seeing how it's a bunch of chicks walking around in thongs)

May 8 2008 Sweet (!) Companion Cube Birthday Cake

A guy who goes by N III sent me a little tip about this delicious Weighted Companion Cube cake. He writes, "My girlfriend decided to be awesome, and collaborate with a friend to make a pretty fantastic rendition of the Portal companion cube in the form of a birthday cake for me." Now that is so sweet. I wish I had a girlfriend that gave me something besides a mysterious rash for my birthday. Listen, I know what you readers are thinking -- "fondant tastes like plaster", but that's not what this is about -- this is about a girlfriend who lovingly made a companion cube cake for her boyfriend. If fondant is the key to wicked cake artistry, so be it. So just save your "I once fondanted my gonads and the dog wouldn't even lick it off" comment for somewhere else.

Two more pictures of the cake (including one with it cut so you can see the red-velvety deliciousness inside) along with a link to a bigger gallery, after the jump.

Continue Reading " Sweet (!) Companion Cube Birthday Cake "