Nov 10 2009 Handsome: Geekologie-Loving Dino-Shirt Boy

This handsome little devil loves both dinosaurs AND Geekologie. You smell that? Smells like a winner at life! Sure you may argue children under the age of 35 shouldn't be reading this website, but I actually recommend a healthy dose of prenatal Geekologie. See where I'm going with this? If you answered, "straight to the OBGYN to try to have sex with pregnant chicks", you don't. Plus you're sick.

Picture

Thanks to Sean, who has lady-killer written all over him, which you could see if he didn't have such a sweet dino shirt on.

Nov 10 2009 OMG, She's Losing Resolution!: Pixel Girl

Hey guys, sorry for sporadic posting the past few days, I was busy having the best weekend of my life. Seriously. Of my life.

This is the face of some chick that's all make-upped to look pixelated. It serves as a perfect example of how important high-resolution is, because she looks like a scary clown. Now I know what you're thinking: "I'd still hit that like an 8-bit princess". And of course you would, you'd hit anything. Only thing is: she wouldn't hit you. Stick to the stuffed animals, champ.

Please, Someone Increase Her Resolution [hawtness]

Thanks to Aisha, who looks good at any resolution, even if you have to squint.

Oct 31 2009 FYI: This Is How Geekologie Gets Written

I was sitting on it the whole time!!

Picture [thechive]

Thanks to Uberscooter, as badass as a scooter can be.

Oct 23 2009 Dirt Slingers!: Apple Ad Taking On Windows 7

This is a just-released Apple ad making fun of Microsoft's new Windows 7. I thought it was smarmy and, despite not knowing what smarmy means or if it's even a real word, spell check didn't say anything so I'm going with it. Also, enough with the dirt slinging, Apple. Geekologie is 100% composed on a PC. But Apple, if you're reading this: I'd be willing to try writing Geekologie on a high-end Macbook Pro. Just sayin' (contact me for shipping address).

Youtube

Thanks to Kevin, who doesn't take sides because the likes the way fence feels on his butt.

Oct 22 2009 Geekologie Review: Blood Energy Potion

I drank this stuff, it was good. It's thick and tastes like Hawaiian Punch concentrate. They recommend you put it in the microwave for 14 seconds to heat it up to body temperate. I did that. That made it warm. It was weird warm. Like licking a fresh wound, but sweeter. I think it gave me superhuman strength and speed but I won't know for sure till after I whip this nancy Edward Cunnilingus' pale ass.

Synthetic blood substitute. The fruit punch flavor packs 4 hours of energy along with iron, protein, and electrolytes. Not only does Blood Energy Potion have a similar nutritional makeup to real blood, but it has the same color, look, and consistency. Get real blood nutrients without that real blood taste! Re-sealable transfusion bag style pouch. Contains no real blood, just synthetic!

A 4-pack will set you back $16 but they get cheaper the more you buy. It's definitely a cool product for Halloween and certainly an attention getter. Not as attention getting as actually biting a stranger, but why risk the disease? Because you're crazy, that's why. I say do it. Bite that old lady. BITE HER NOW!

Product Site (order before 3PM tomorrow, October 23rd for Halloween delivery)

Sep 2 2009 CONTEST: Win Free Buckyball Magnets!

That's right folks, you wanna win your very own set of Buckyball rare earth magnets? Well you're in luck, cause I've got 5 free sets to give away!

Each set contains 216 powerful rare earth magnets that can be shaped, molded, torn apart and snapped together in UNLIMITED WAYS. Make sculptures, puzzles, patterns, shapes, stick stuff to the fridge, invent a new game--trying to find something more useful is useless.

The magnets regularly sell for $30 plus $6 shipping (buy two get free shipping), but the first 40 people to order and use promo code "geek" will get 20% off.

As for winning a free set, I'm holding a haiku contest. If you don't know what a haiku is go HERE (no seasonal reference necessary). To read Anticlown's contest policy go HERE. Then, enter your best Geekologie themed haiku IN THE COMMENTS. I will be choosing one grand prize winner to win two (2) sets, and 3 runners up to each receive one (1) set. I will be judging based entirely on my own sense of theology and geometry.

ONE POEM PER EMAIL ADDRESS. I WILL CHECK TO SEE IF YOU'VE ENTERED MORE THAN ONCE IF YOU WIN. So go open a million different Gmail accounts. Contest ends 5 PM Eastern, Sunday, September 6th and winners will be announced that night. I have provided the haiku below to get you all started.

There you have it, now GO GO GO!

UPDATE: CHECK YOUR POEMS, 5-7-5 SYLLABLES FOLKS, NOT WORDS. Not following proper format will result in disqualification and me whipping your ass.

UPDATE UPDATE: STOP SENDING THE HAIKU AS TIPS ENTER THEM IN THE COMMENTS I WILL KILL YOU ALL.

Buckyballs Product Page

Sep 1 2009 Geekologie Readers Find Love On Omegle

Remember the article from a while ago about Omegle, the website that gets you randomly chatting to some stranger with candy? Well two Geekologie Readers hooked up on the site after reading the article about it and are now madly in love and totally gonna get married and have a white picket fence or whatever the hell people do whose marriages don't end in bitter divorce. Per Jessica, the lucky lady:

well i'm in this relationship...and i must tell you we met on the infamous OMEGLE. ...no i am not lying....i totally would have saved our conversation if i'd known we would be in this relationship now....annd...i think we'll end up getting married one day.....HOW WEIRD IS THIS???

How weird is this? More like HOW AWESOME AND CONGRATULATIONS GUYS. I took a stab at OMEGLE-ING love myself (picture above) and you can see how well it worked out for me. Promising in the beginning, penis-y in the end: the life and times of the Geekologie Writer.

Omegle

Thanks Jessica, Geekologie wishes you two the best.

Jul 31 2009 Idiot Moron Facebook Geek Test Is Flawed

So there's this alleged 'Geek Test' on Facebook that I took and I scored a 2 out of 10. A FREAKING TWO! Do you know who I am, you stupid Facebook piece of test? Who wrote you? TELL ME WHO WROTE YOU!! Because I am going to beat them within a micron of their life with a science book and then cut them with a laser. Also, as an added Friday bonus, I left my picture up. So in case you were wondering, that's me. TOO BAD I ALREADY CHANGED IT AGAIN, SUCKERS! And if you haven't already, join the Geekologie fanpage on Facebook OR I WILL DRINK THIS CAT.

Link to Geek Test From Geekologie Page

Jul 28 2009 HOORAY!: HAPPY 4,000TH POST TO ME!

Dearest Reader,

That could be a cash register for all I know, the important thing is that I WOULD TOTALLY EAT THOSE GUMDROP KEYS. Also, this is my 4,000th post as your Geekologie Writer. FOUR-THOUSANDTH! I honestly can't think of a single other thing I've done that many times. Not one. I swear, it seems like only yesterday (it was actually back in February) I was tooting my own horn for 3,000 posts fairly well done.

I'd like to thank all you regulars (you know who you are) for constantly filling the comments sections with crap (although you should start more fights, I miss the fights). You've racked up 115,543 comments on the posts I've written, 100,000 of which are My Brute links. But seriously, thank you all for reading everyday (EVERYDAY -- not every-other day or a couple times a week, EVERYDAY). And for those of you new to Geekologie, it's a pleasure to meet you, say hi sometime. Thank you all (and Anticlown Media) for giving me the means to lay around the house all day and fill your interweb with awesome. Here's to the next thousand!

Love,

Your Geekologie Writer

P.S. A very special thanks to Cocoa, for teaching me everything I know about NOT GIVING A DANG.

Jul 15 2009 Geekologie: Legit News Source Cited By CNN

This is the part of the day where I toot my own horn *BLAAAAAT!* because Geekologie is so awesome. So, you remember the post about the texting teen that fell into a manhole? Well CNN cited Geekologie (action is at 0:30) in a television news story about the incident. SHAZAM! Now who's a legitimate news source? This site. Oh, breaking story! -- Geekologie Writer named world's greatest lover. Run with it, CNN.

Texting Accidents: Running Into Posts, Tangled In Dog Leashes [huffingtonpost]

Thanks to Jonathan, who saw the report in the airport and nearly lost his luggage.

Jul 9 2009 Help Female Geekologie Reader Find Undies

So I got a strange request from a female reader and, being the sucker lover of women's underwear gentleman that I am, I figured you guys might be able to help. But please note: you will receive no credit for your contribution, because I will tell her I did it all.

----- Original Message -----

From: A Sexy Reader
To: The Geekologie Writer
Sent: Thursday, July 09, 2009 3:22 AM
Subject: NEED HELP!!!

If there's anyone who can help me here, i know you can!!! I've been searching on the web for a while but am starting to get SUPER BUMMED! I even posted a YAHOO ANSWERS question (LINK) but no luck! Long story short, I want to expand my undie collection. I love my care bears and all... but it's time to add to it... Problem is I don't know where to find adult, female underwear with sweet graphics/logos like TMNT, MEGA MAN, TETRIS, G.I. JOE, POWER RANGERS (only the originals), STREET FIGHTER, X-MEN, ZELDA, etc.

Surely you've HAD to have come across some websites that can answer my problem!? Please let me know! Also, you are so totally handsome I will send you pictures if you help me out!

What -- no I didn't add that last part myself! I added that last part myself. :(

Yahoo Answers

Jun 12 2009 What Fridays On Geekologie Should Look Like

Look around. Does your desk area match the one in this picture? If not, you're doing it wrong. This is a picture of Geekologie loyalist naas's Friday interweb setup entitled 'fridays on geekologie'. And as you can see, the man really knows how to internet. After all, this is a website best viewed in squinting one-eyed resolution. Vomit optional.

naas' Flickr Stream (with a bunch more booze and a ton of shots from Japan)

Thanks to naas, who urges you all to please, Geekologie responsibly.

Jun 10 2009 Noob Not Millionth Word Of English Language After All. No, Apparently Now It's 'Web 2.0'

Remember last month when I reported 'noob' was going to be the millionth English word introduced into dictionaries? Well apparently I was lied to (you bitch!), and now the honor goes to 'Web 2.0', which is pretty effed up considering it's half numeral.

The buzzword that heralded the new age of social networking on the internet, Web 2.0, has been crowned the one millionth English word by a US-based language monitoring group.

The Texas-based Global Language Monitor (GLM) acknowledges new words once they have been used 25,000 times on media and social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook. It predicts that a new English-language word is created every 98 minutes.

You know what, I'm tired of this honky-tonk flip-flopping bullshit. I suggest we start a rumor that Geekologie is actually the millionth word in the English language. It's sure as hell a whole lot more believable than noob and web 2.0. As a matter of fact, I already defined it in an earlier post.

Geekologie n, v (2008)
1. the study of all things geek
Dude, this college sucks, you can't even get a Geekologie degree.

2. to utterly destroy someone else and prove your dominance, similar to pwn
Suck it, sucker, I just beat your Bomberman high score. You got Geekologied!

3. to teabag a passed out roommate who forgot to take his shoes off
Quick, grab the video camera -- I'm gonna Geekologie Davey!

Now, go forth and spread the news, LEST I HAVE TO GEEKOLOGIE THAT ASS.

'Web 2.0' is one millionth English word [msn]

Thanks to jawn and draw, who just wrote Merriam Webster and told them to suck it.

May 13 2009 Thank You, Readers: Geekologie Fan Art

This is a picture of yours truly created by loyal Geekologie Reader (and deviant artist) cool-slayer. She actually knows what I look like too, so it's pretty accurate. So yeah, for all of you out there who were wondering, I wear an Alabama hat and an 'I Heart Dinos' shirt. And my heart on my sleeve, so be gentle with it. It's been broken before, you know. Heartworms. It's rare but it happens!

Hit the jump for two more pieces of fan art, including a misspelled Geekologie created by playing that ridiculous full-screen Tetris game.

Continue Reading " Thank You, Readers: Geekologie Fan Art "

May 12 2009 Sure, Why Not?: 'Noob' Makes It To Dictionary

I don't know how much truth there is to this, but let's be honest, I'd still post it even if my only source was overhearing the crazy guy at the bar telling himself. BECAUSE I OWN JOURNALISM. So allegedly, 'noob' is coming to the dictionary, and will also carry the honor of being the millionth word. Snap, you just got PWNED, lexicon!

The Global Language Monitor accepts words once they have been used 25,000 times by media outlets. According to the reports, this hints at "noob" becoming the millionth word, which would happen on June 10, 2009, at 10:20am. At that moment, the word "noob" will itself become a noob in the English language, and we will all polish our specatacles and smirk at the amusing irony of it all.

So a word becomes official when it's used 25,000 times by media outlets, huh? Geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie
geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie.

I think we're getting close!

Noob to become the millionth word in the English language? [destructoid]

Thanks to Salazar, who suggests we petition to have bangarang included as well.

Apr 15 2009 Too Close To Home: Flame War Music Video

NOTE: NSFW VIDEO IS NSFW DUE TO LANGUAGE

FAKE!!!!

This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadow's are all wrong.

This is exactly like that time I visited Geekologie and read the comments, then put a gun in my mouth and cried.

We Didn't Start The Flamewar [collegehumor]

Thanks to Julian and Tangelax, who both took the time to point out it reminded them of Geekologie. Nice guys, I barely noticed the resemblance.

Apr 3 2009 Geekologie Writer Quoted On CakeWrecks

Well, this is the part of the day when I toot my own horn because nobody else will touch it, no matter how much money or free ShamWow I offer. So, the cakewrecks blog (a personal favorite of mine) quoted me in a post about nose cakes yesterday. I'm "that guy from Geekologie". WOOT! I've made it -- I've finally made it! *wipes tear* You see that, dad? And you always said I'd never amount to anything! What? I told you, your rent money is coming! Fix my sink already, God. Also, could you float me a $20 -- I wanna go to the mall.

Cakewrecks

Thanks to Whitney and Melodious Monk for pointing out the PEW.

Mar 19 2009 She Loves Me!: Gamer Girl Loves Geekologie

Well, maybe not me, but she does love Geekologie. Remember yesterday's gamer girl post? Well, she commented on it, you can read her comment HERE (#148). And also, she sent me an email, which read:

Hi, I saw the thread with me in it and find it hilarious. I love your site.

I would like you to post this pic, and you can quote me as saying "YAY! II finally graduated 4Chan!"

Geekologie loves you too, Reenaye. And congratulations on graduating 4chan! Moving on to Geekologie is a big step in every internet celebrity's life. Best wishes. And also: if you happened to send a couple pictures of yourself cosplaying as Zelda while riding on the back of an inflatable dinosaur with the Master Sword between your teeth, you know, that would be totally cool with me.

Mar 10 2009 Geekologie Review: The Clarion MiND

WOOT -- a product review. I took the Clarion MiND to find the grave of F. Scott Fitzgerald and then, in his honor, to the bar. Hit the jump to find out how it all went down.

Continue Reading " Geekologie Review: The Clarion MiND "

Mar 6 2009 Real Product Review Coming!: Clarion MiND

That's right folks, a real, honest-to-God product review from yours truly. It should be up in the next couple of days and will cover the Clarion MiND (Mobile Internet Navigation Device). Per the manufacturer:

Combining personal GPS navigation and real-time Points of Interest (POI) with Internet based entertainment and full web browsing, the easily portable and pocketable Clarion MiND Mobile Internet Navigation Device provides rich GPS navigation with full PC-like Internet browsing capabilities thanks to its 4.8-inch, 800 x 480-pixel touchscreen. You can connect to the Internet via Wi-Fi at home, in the office or via hotspots out and about in the city. The ClarionMiND also allows for Internet connectivity via Bluetooth when paired with a mobile phone.

Expect pictures of my hands, and, if you're lucky, maybe even some of my car's dash! Now, is there anything in particular you want to know before I punch in the address of the nearest liquor store and massage parlor? Ask away, then stay tuned for the lowdown. Oh, and if anyone asks, I'm totally not driving without a license.

Hit the jump for some wack-ass commercial for the thing.

Continue Reading " Real Product Review Coming!: Clarion MiND "