Jul 20 2009 I Would Never Leave: The Hi-Can Luxury Bed
The Hi-Can luxury bed has everything you've ever wanted in a bed minus a bathroom and snack bar. Oh, and dancing pole. I like to strip myself to sleep.
A theater screen pulls down at the foot of the bed for viewing television or movies. An integrated personal computer system means you can work or surf the web in bed as well. Game consoles are built in for added entertainment value. Lights for reading and shades for sleeping are also fully integrated.
Eh, it's a little too weird looking for my taste. Besides, I've been sleeping on a pile of clothes for the past two years and, quite frankly, I think your mom likes it just fine. BU-BU-BU-BURN! But seriously, wonderful lady.
Hit the jump for a couple more shots and a brief video.
Continue Reading " I Would Never Leave: The Hi-Can Luxury Bed "
Jul 7 2009 Michael Jackson To Be Buried In Gold Casket
Michael Jackson, donning his last piece of flair (possibly a Bedazzled glove), will be buried in a 14-karat gold coffin only befitting of a king (of pop. Alternatively, Neverland).
The $25,000 container from Batesville Casket Company ("because every family deserves a Batesville") is made of solid bronze, plated with 14-karat gold, and polished to a mirror finish. It's the same model in which James Brown was buried. No question about it, it'll be the fanciest coffin in the graveyard.
You know, when I go I want to be buried in my rocketship. And by buried I mean launched into the sun. And by "when I go" I mean I'm pushing the button now. I'M OUT BITCHES, PEACE!
Michael Jackson to be buried in 14-karat gold coffin [dvice]
Apr 9 2009 Now That's What I Call Class: The Gold Mouse
The Gold Bullion Wireless Mouse (not to be confused the the piratey USB hub) is actually plastic. Which is why it costs $35 and not $35 gajillion. To its credit though, it does have a scroll wheel. But still, why anybody would actually pay for this garish piece of bullionshit (count it) is beyond me. That said, I bought one as a gag gift for The Superficial Writer. He loves this kind of crap. And also, American Idol.
UPDATE 1 YEAR LATER: ZOMG, The Superficial Writer left a gold brick on his desk -- I'm gonna be rich!
Gold Bullion Wireless Mouse only looks like a million bucks [engadget]
Thanks to Julian and Oscar The Slouch, who are far too classy for those tuxedo-print t-shirts. Right guys? Right?
Mar 17 2009 No, Those Aren't Gaudy: Golden Speakers
Everybody knows gold makes for quality audio cable and connectors, but how does it fare as an actual speaker exterior? Pretty freaking ugly if you ask me. But England's Gold Acoustics seems to think there's something to it, because their GA Star line of speakers come complete with gold plating. These things would look great in your house right next to me kicking your ass, don't you think? No word on cost, but I'm going to go out on a limb and....AAAAAAAAAAAAHH! *thud*
Add some bling to your audio rig with Gold Acoustics speakers [dvice]
Jan 11 2009 Crystal Covered Mercedes Is A Piece Of Crap
This is a picture of a Mercedes Benz that's been Bedazzled. It's a "customized Mercedes-Benz SL600, Luxury Crystal Benz, studded with 300,000 Swarovski crystal glass." It was on display at the recent Tokyo Auto Salon 2009 by auto-modder Garson/D.A.D. Oh, did I mention it's a monster piece of gaudy crap? It's true. Fun fact: if you squeeze a Swarovski crystal between your buttcheeks hard enough it turns into pain. Neat!
Luxury Crystal Benz at Tokyo Auto Salon 2009 [chinaview]
Thanks to Flash, who drives a moondust Bentley, but only on Sundays to and from church.
Dec 1 2008 Haha, I'm Rich!: Fiber Optic Placemats
The LumiTable table runner is made from woven fiber optic strands and glows while you dine in the dark. Available in a variety of hideous colors, each 63"x13" runner will set you back a costly $200, but is sure to get the neighbors talking. Talking about what a tacky freaking idiot you are. Seriously, the only people that eat in the dark are vampires. And if there's one thing I know about vampires, it's that I tried to stab myself to death with my nachos watching Twilight this weekend.
Luminous tablecloth adds an eerie glow to your dining experience [dvice]
Jul 8 2008 Money Can't Buy Classiness: A Gold Porsche
From our "Money Can't Buy Classiness" department here at Geekologie comes this gold covered Porsche. Some moron with more money than taste has added almost 40 lbs of gold to his 911 convertible. So now it's 40 pounds heavier, and 50% less cool. I swear, what is it with rich people's fascination with shiny things? It's ridiculous. You know what other demographic loves shiny objects? Babies. Coincidence? I think not.
Hit the jump for several close-ups of the gaudiness.
Continue Reading " Money Can't Buy Classiness: A Gold Porsche "
May 7 2008 Designer Guns Great For Gaudy Tramps
Couple one of these guns with a designer gas mask, and you're guaranteed to be the tackiest thing trying to run in stilettos during the coming robot/zombie/candied yam/werewolf/douchebag/vampire/lobster apocalypse. Created by Peter Gronquist for his art exhibit "The Revolution will be Fabulous", each weapon looks god-awful. That said, I'm sure they'll sell like hot cakes. Oh wait, they have.
Gronquist's show opened last night at Gallery 1988 in Los Angeles. The pieces ranged from anywhere from a few hundred bucks to several thousand and several, such as the Louis Vuitton chainsaw, have sold.
This is just crazy. Anybody who actually bought one of these things should be locked up for having absolutely no theology or geometry. Well, except for the guy that bought the golden Louis Vuitton chainsaw -- he sounds cool as shit and writes this blog.
Hit the link for a TON more name-brand weapon ridiculousness.
Mar 14 2008 Mario-Themed Corset Is Gaudy, A Must Have
Remember the disturbing Birdo fetish costume? While not quite as traumatizing, this corset certainly ranks up there with unusual Mario-themed apparel. Made with ultra-rare 80's Mario fabric, this sexy little number was for sale on Etsy. Unfortunately I was too slow to purchase the item myself. So I wrote a little note to the buyer:
Mario Coset Buyer,
You and I are a perfect match like Mario and the Princess Toadstool. We should get together sometime and search for power-ups. You know, under the covers. Growl. Holy shit that wasn't me. Oh my God a tiger! Someone help.
A picture of the art on the back after the jump.
Continue Reading " Mario-Themed Corset Is Gaudy, A Must Have "
Mar 12 2008 Framing Your Home Entertainment Center Is Wrong, Fugly, Should Be Against The Law
So yeah, rich people are framing their home entertainment centers. Because, well, I don't know why. I guess they have bad taste or something. I find it ironic that in the picture the entertainment center and DVD rack are framed and the actual piece of art there isn't. I don't get it. What I do get is free drinks at the bar. Yeah, I just wait for the bartender to turn around and then I reach across the bar and pour myself one. Yesterday he noticed I had more beer than he remembered and asked where I got it from. You know what I said? I said it fell off the back of a truck. And you know what he said back? Nothing -- he just punched me in the teeth.
Dec 21 2007 Pac-Man Hoodie Is Gaudy, Still Totally Rad
The Pac-Man hoodie is a wearable Pac-Man maze. As you can see Pac-Man is in there, along with those bastard ghosts that are always getting in the way when he's trying to get his gobble-dot on. It costs $45 and is available at, get this, Hot Topic! Bet you weren't expecting that. Or maybe you were, what the hell do I know. Oh that's right, I know I don't shop there because it's for confused teens trying to get their parent-hating on. I have theology and geometry people, I can't be shopping there. That's why I bribed an 8th grader with two cartons of smokes and a case of beer to run in and get the sweatshirt for me while I hid around the corner at the Pretzel Palace.
pac-man maze hoodie is amazingly ugly [technabob]
