Jul 21 2009 Guy Huffs Gas, Gets Tasered, Catches Fire
In a tale of spontaneous human combustion, a man who had been huffing gasoline (real Transformers drink it) was tasered by police and went up in a ball of flames. Sweeeeeet.
Police said they were responding to a complaint at a house when (36-year old Ronald) Mitchell ran outside carrying a cigarette lighter and a plastic bottle containing what they believed was fuel.
When he refused to stop running towards them, one officer Tasered him, police said.The man was immediately engulfed in flames, but the officer threw him to the ground and smothered the blaze with his hands, the statement said.
Mitchell was charged with assault to prevent arrest and possession of a sniffing substance.
An 18-year-old woman threw rocks at the officer as he tried to help and he was later treated for a cut on his head and burns to his hands, police said.
Ha, that chick brought rocks to a taser fight, what an idiot. And also, am I gonna get arrested for possession of a sniffing substance for this can of gasoline? Because, sorry coppers, that ain't happening! *glug glug glug glug glug* Transform and 7x7 is 35!
Tasered 'Petrol-Sniffer' Bursts Into Flames [yahoonews]
Thanks to Thumperchica, Justin, Jon, Stephen and Ptentacle, who wanted to roast marshmallows on him.
Jul 20 2009 Kid Drinks Gasoline To Be Like Transformer
Some 14-year old kid in China has been drinking gasoline since he was 9 to become more like a Transformer. Unfortunately, he's become more like an idiot moron.
The youngster was so impressed that he began drinking fuel on a daily basis to "obtain energy" and become a mighty warrior like the Transformers.
"Since my son start to drink gas, his intelligence quotient dropped sharply and he couldn't figure out addition and subtraction of sums within 100," the father said. "Before that, he was a very smart boy, and he could even repair the television. But now he doesn't know the answer of 7 plus 17."
To the boy's credit, I don't know what 7 plus 17 is either (87?). Still, I love the smell of gasoline as much as the next guy, but actually drinking it? That's just crazy talk. I love robots. So was that.
Transformers fan drank gasoline to gain energy [russiatoday]
via
Optimus Prime Cocktail [runawaytheologian]
Thanks to Anthony, who once drank bleach to be more like a washing machine.
Mar 2 2009 Paypal Makes Mistake, Accuses Man Of Pumping $81,400,836,908 Worth Of Gas
Juan Zamora is a man. A man with a '94 Camaro which undoubtedly has some Rad to the power of Sick flames painted on the sides. Anyway, he bought $26 worth of petrol at the station and paid with his Paypal debit card. Only problem was, Paypal reported he pumped $81,400,836,908 worth of petrol! Now that's a lot of hot air gas!
He only learned of the astounding figure when he received an email later that afternoon informing him that his debit card, which started out with $90 on it, was maxed out.
"Somebody from a foreign country who spoke in broken English argued with me for 10 to 15 minutes," Zamora said. " 'Did you get the gas?' he asked. Like I had to prove that I didn't pump $81,400,836,908 in gas!"He would have needed more than 3 billion fill-ups of the amount he actually pumped into his tank in order to reach that outrageous sum. When Zamora returned to the Conoco gas station, he said, the attendant would not believe him until he showed her the printout of the PayPal receipt.
Finally Juan was able to set the record straight. And if you even think about trying to pull any of that nonsense on me, Paypal, and you are going to get it. And by 'it' I mean some provocative photos of yours truly and a firebomb. ZOMG, look at the hair on -- *HORF* uh-oh.... *WHOOOSH!* Justice: a dish best served flaming.
PayPal Charges $81,400,836,908 For $26 Tank Of Gas [consumerist]
Thanks to twellve, who once saw a guy drive off with the gas pump still in his car's filler hole. She tried notifying him while he was leaving, but he just thought she was waving at him. His car exploded moments later.
Jan 21 2009 FastSkinz: Improve Your Gas Mileage And Achieve That Coveted Golf Ball Look
Let's face it, we all want our cars to look more like golf balls. But what's a guy to do? Simple, have FastSkinz applied! Fastskinz look dimply and also improve your vehicle's gas mileage. Now I don't really want to go into details (I'll leave that for the quote), but I think it has something to do with dimples being super-cute and a highly desirable characteristic in a mate.
Long ago, golf ball manufacturers discovered that a dimpled surface would help a ball to fly farther through the air with less drag, so why not apply the same thinking to cars? The dimples reduce the wake turbulence caused by early separation of the boundary layer...The company claims an 18-20 percent improvement in gas mileage, although independent testing is still needed.
I didn't bother reading that, but I'm pretty confident I was right: golf balls have dimples and require almost no gas, so it only makes sense that a dimply car shouldn't either. Damn, I really am the L337 science guy. F*** you, Bill Nye!
FastSkinz claims to improve your car's mileage using golf ball technology [dvice]
Jan 8 2009 60% Of The Time, It Works Every Time: Anchorman's Sex Panther Cologne
I didn't really like Anchorman, but that's neither here nor there. Now you can buy officially licensed Sex Panther cologne from the movie for only $30 per 1.7-oz spray bottle. No word if it's made with real panther bits or smells like gasoline, but if I had to guess, I'd say wear Old Spice. You'll remind women of their grandfathers. And that, dear reader, will leave more chicks for me. Thanks, suckers!
Product Site
Thanks to Flickledorx, who doesn't need cologne to be flammable. The man is hot!
Nov 4 2008
Coming Soon: The Air Car Pod
Zero Pollution Motors plans to drop the AirPod like it's hot. And soon (~2011). The compressed-air powered vehicle will cost about $20,000 (!) and run on little more than, well, air. Oh, and, alternatively, a little oil, alcohol, or gas.
The air car can tool along at a top speed of 35 mph for some 60 miles or so on a tank of compressed air, a sufficient distance for 80% of consumers to commute to work and back and complete daily chores.
On highways, the CAV can cruise at interstate speeds for nearly 800 miles with a small motor that compresses outside air to keep the tank filled. The motor isn't finicky about fuel. It will burn gasoline or diesel as well as biodiesel, ethanol or vegetable oil.
Even if running on gas, the death trap averages over 100 mpg. Which, while impressive, is nowhere near as good as a pirate ship.
One more picture of the shoebox on wheels after the jump.
Sep 29 2008 What A Five-Star Plane Looks Like Inside
The Airbus A380 is a $300 million, 7-story plane that's as long as two blue whales and 260 ft from wingtip to wingtip. And, apparently, it's a flying resort.
The A380 is the ultimate in luxury. It has three decks: the top two for passengers and the lower one available for a medical center, shopping or a fast-food franchise. The aircraft has features like spas, casinos, gyms, bedrooms, and duty-free shops. Some airlines also plan to fix staterooms with beds, showers, a water feature, a double-width staircase between decks, and luxurious, book-lined club-style bars.
Wow, that sounds....like a huge freaking waste.
Hit the jump to see the ridiculousness that is the inside of an A380.
Continue Reading " What A Five-Star Plane Looks Like Inside "
Jun 19 2008 Sure, Why Not?: Altering Bacteria To Produce "Renewable Petroleum"
First the diesel tree, and now oil bacteria. Several companies in Silicon Valley are racing to produce bacteria capable of excreting oil (black gold, Texas tea).
What is most remarkable about what they are doing is that instead of trying to reengineer the global economy - as is required, for example, for the use of hydrogen fuel - they are trying to make a product that is interchangeable with oil. The company claims that this "Oil 2.0" will not only be renewable but also carbon negative - meaning that the carbon it emits will be less than that sucked from the atmosphere by the raw materials from which it is made.
Hey, I'm all for it. And as you can see from the picture there, it's a fairly simple process to raise the bacteria. It just takes is a couple of 16oz Coke bottles, an atomic bomb, and what is either a really fancy coffee maker or a hot-air popcorn popper. You attach all the components with some plastic tubing, add some electricity, and presto, the lab explodes.
Hit the link for a much more in-depth article.
Scientists find bugs that eat waste and excrete oil [timesonline]
Jun 3 2008 Eco-Friendly Car May Score You Chicks
Listen up guys: it turns out driving an eco-friendly car may increase your chances of getting to touch a woman.
According to a study conducted by GM as part of this year's Challenge X competition:
* Nearly 9 in 10 women (88 percent) say they'd rather chat up someone who owns the latest fuel-efficient car versus the latest sports car.* Eighty percent of American car buyers would find someone with the latest fuel-efficient car more interesting to talk to at a party than someone with the latest sports car.
* More than 4 out of 10 (45 percent) 18- to 43-year-olds say it's a fashion faux pas nowadays to have a car that's not green or environmentally friendly.
As a public service for those of you that aren't having any luck in the woman department, I've added a few other chick-attractors to the list.
* Tons of money.
* A good sense of humor.* Listening to them talk about stuff you don't care about instead of tuning them out and playing video games.
* Not living at home with your parents.
* A 10-inch penis.
* Puppies.
* Shoe sales.
* A 12-inch penis.
EcoGeeks get all the girls [yahoogreen]
Thanks Abe, wanna go cruising for chicks in my neighbor's Prius?
May 22 2008 DIY Car Mods: Flamethrowing Exhaust Kit
What could possibly be cooler than shooting flames out the exhaust of your car (besides actually being jet powered or having rocket launchers)? Very little. Well now, thanks to the Autoloc Flame Thrower you can toast the hell out of tailgaters like you've always wanted. The $125 kit clips on to your exhaust pipe and ignites any unburnt fuel from the engine. Unfortunately, it only works on vehicles with carburetors. So if you want to use it on a fuel-injected model you're gonna have to run an extra gas line to your tailpipe. And with today's rock-bottom gas prices, you'd be stupid to NOT jump on the flame-throwing exhaust bandwagon.
UPDATE: The bandwagon just caught fire. Somebody -- marshmallows and chocolate, STAT!
Autoloc Flame Thrower for car exhaust [boingboinggadgets]
Apr 18 2008 Jet Car Driver: Must Be Handsome, Charming
Ed Shadle and Keith Zanghi are two nutjobs that want to break the 800 mph land speed record in the US. To achieve such a breakneck speed they've built the North American Eagle -- a jet car powered by a 1957 Lockheed F-104 Starfighter's 42,500 horsepower engine. The damn thing eats 160 gallons of fuel a minute and costs $16,000 in gas every run. Now I can think of better ways to spend my money, but whatever, I have no record-breaking dreams.
Now the couple is having trouble finding sponsors because no one is interested in two old codgers that built a rocket car, they want a handsome, charismatic daredevil. So now the team is looking for one. You must be between the ages of 20-40, and photogenic. Death wish preferred, but not required. If you want to give it a go send a 400-word email to landspeedracing@gmail.com explaining why you're the man for the job, and attach a photo. Now here's a great idea -- how about getting a woman to drive it? That'll certainly garner some publicity. Think about what Danica Patrick did for racing. I can honestly say I had never masturbated to an IndyCar event before she started. Now I'll even do it to a Nascar Truck Series race. What was my point here? Oh right, a woman. I love women.
Just to give you an idea of how touch with reality these two guys are, Shadle told the Times Online, "It's a lot of fun to drive, but if my age is stopping us getting sponsors, we have to remove that barrier. We'll put some hotshot in the driving seat who looks like Robert Redford and see how that works." Wow, Shadle, wow. The last time I checked (which was 30 seconds ago), Robert Redford was 71 and had a grandfatherly look about him. Not sure that's the look sponsors were going for. Unless, of course, you were referring to Redford in 1969's Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. In which case I loved his mustache in that movie. Wish I could grow one like that, I'd sell rides.
Driver wanted for jet car: must be young, fearless, good looking [dvice]
Apr 2 2008 Problem Solved?: Tree Produces Diesel Fuel
The Brazilian tree Copaifera langsdorfii (aka the diesel tree or kerosene tree) produces a natural diesel fuel that requires very little filtering (one pass through a coffee filter) before it's ready for use. Just kidding about the coffee filter thing, I don't know what it takes. You stab the tree and presto, delicious, natural diesel. Unfortunately the fuel only has a shelf-life of 3 months. I was still excited at this point, until I started doing a little further research (being the intrepid reporter than I am) and found a source (wikipedia) that states "despite its vigorous production of oil the tree does not grow well outside of the tropics and does not show promise as a reliable source of biodiesel." So yeah, shit. But who knows, maybe with a little genetic modification we can have them walking around and talking like the Ents in Lord Of The Rings. Then we won't need cars, we'll just ride those leafy bastards.
Gasoline Grows On Trees [gizmodo]
Thanks to Bigjerm, who doesn't need gas to run because he's a solar powered sex machine, for the tip
Mar 21 2008 Little Car Gets A Staggering 8,923 MPG, Doesn't Have Room To Make Out In The Back
The Microjoule competition car is the lovechild of a caterpillar and a jellybean. And maybe a go-cart that was originally just filming but ended up getting in on the action. The amazingly green vehicle can "make the journey between New York and Los Angeles over three times on just one gallon of gas." !!! It has won Shell's Eco-Marathon every time since the car's original inception in 1992. "Amazingly the Microjoule doesn't have any fancy tricks -- it's just an aerodynamic, lightweight one-seater that runs off gasoline, but runs for a long time." Man, there has got to be some trick. Like a hamster wheel or a sorcerer or something. Something. Cars just can't go nearly 9,000 on a single gallon of gas. So I'm just going to go ahead and set the record straight right here: Magic. That's right folks, The Gathering.
Microjoule competition car gets amazing 8,923 miles per gallon [dvice]
