Oct 15 2009 Wait, Whaaaaat?: Large Hardron Collider Trying To Destroy Itself From The Future
According to a couple nutjobs that I'm actually starting to believe, the Large Hadron Collider is actually destroying itself FROM THE FUTURE to prevent the discovery of the Higgs boson particle. Whoa.
According to the Times, two physicists posit that the reason that the Large Hadron Collider (and, previously, its unbuilt American counterpart) keeps running into problems isn't bad luck or shoddy workmanship. It's that the LHC's quest to discover the Higgs boson--a heretofore only theorized particle that scientists believe is what gives objects mass--is creating problems to keep itself from being discovered:
"A pair of otherwise distinguished physicists have suggested that the hypothesized Higgs boson, which physicists hope to produce with the collider, might be so abhorrent to nature that its creation would ripple backward through time and stop the collider before it could make one, like a time traveler who goes back in time to kill his grandfather."
I didn't even think about that. But now that I do, it makes perfect sense. And by perfect sense I mean none at all. Unlessssss the LHC is actually a giant T-1000! Then we're back to making perfect sense. I think. I dunno man, I smoked weed for breakfast.
Destroyed by Malicious Forces from the Future? [good.is]
Thanks to ffffffffffffff, Patrick, Elizabeth and burntout, who have secretly been sabotaging the LHC for the sake of humanity. Don't worry guys, your secret's safe with me.
Sep 9 2009 Highly Questionable Popular Science Ad
This is a highly questionable 30-second commercial for a new show on the Science Channel called 'Future Of...'. Basically the show explores in which ways robots are gonna bend us over and have their cold, metallic way with humanity. Now I don't want to ruin the ad for you, so go ahead and watch it.
Did you see that? THE DUDE BROUGHT FLOWERS TO A ROBOT WOMAN! WTF IS UP WITH THAT?! I don't care how far in the future, I could never love another robot. You broke my heart Teddy Ruxpin!
Thanks to Alaina, who's smart enough to know the future i snow. Yes, the future i snow. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS BUT IT'S THE TRUTH!
Sep 3 2009 Kill It With Unkindness!: A Homeless Robot
Typically I find crazy homeless people cute with their funny signs and nonsensical babble. But not this one. You get no batteries, you hear me -- NO BATTERIES FOR YOU! I'll tell you what -- I would push this sucker down a flight of subway stairs like a street vendor's cart and not even feel bad about it. And if I have to go to a correctional facility and ended up being taken advantage of there, so be it. Haha, I saw that movie! Not really, I just know that that happens.
Homeless Robot [break]
Thanks to Darken, who once Shawshank'd his cellmate for looking at him salaciously.
Jul 22 2009 Ethicists Demand New Laws For Robots
Robot-ethicists are demanding a retuning of Asimov's laws of robotics, which they believe are too simple and do not take into account just how badly robots want to kill us all.
"If you build artificial intelligence but don't think about its moral sense or create a conscious sense that feels regret for doing something wrong, then technically it is a psychopath," says Josh Hall, a scientist who wrote the book Beyond AI: Creating the Conscience of a Machine.
Accordingly, robo-ethicists want to develop a set of guidelines that could outline how to punish a robot, decide who regulates them and even create a "legal machine language" that could help police the next generation of intelligent automated devices.
Wow, psychopathic robots -- I didn't see that coming. And by didn't see that coming I mean I'VE BEEN TRYING TO WARN YOU FOREVER. Also, you're on fire. Now stop, drop and get the hell out of my office -- I'm in the middle of a very important business call. Now, where were we, sexy? Oooooh, right -- now CAW like a Pterodactyl for me.
Robo-Ethicists Want to Revamp Asimov's 3 Laws [wired]
Thanks to roikles, Andy, danny g, Patrick and NetSerk, who think rule one of robotics should be we do not talk about robotics.
Jul 16 2009 Naked 'Terminator' Tased By Police In Nevada
A Terminator sent back from the future has been tased and arrested by police in Nevada. Good lookin', boys in blue!
19-year-old Sean Stanley Smith was arrested on the Nevada border after he was spotted by a motorist wandering around the highway nude. He was ordered by police to stop but proceeded into a nearby casino - where he was then tasered in front of a group of children.
Smith claims he was a Terminator sent back in time from the future.
When questioned who he was sent back to kill, the Terminator responded, "The Geekologie Writer". Really buddy? TOO BAD I'M VACATIONING IN MIAMI YOU IDIOT MORON! Wait. Did I say Miami? I meant Manitoba. Shit.
Police arrest naked 'Terminator' [yahoo]
Thanks to Bubbles100, who wonders if he was packing more heat than the Naked Wizard.
Jul 13 2009 Who Was Right?: 3 PSA's From The Future
Not to toot my own horn or anything but *DOOT DOODLE DOOT* I was right and all you naysayers were wrong. This is a short clip of three different PSA's (public service announcements) that somebody recorded from the future that prove my theories about robots, hyper speed and time machines. Watch them. Then, watch this. WAIT WAIT WAIT WRONG DVD DON'T WATC....THAT'S NOT ME I SWEAR! I DON'T EVEN HAVE A GEEKOLOGIE WRITER TATTOO. Just please just turn it off before you get to the alligator pool float part that I, uh, only know about because....shit.
WARNING! Do Not Talk To Robots! [tvmunchies]
Thanks to Rodger, who was the one who traveled back from the future to warn us all. Good lookin', mind if I borrow your keys for a second? Literally, a second. Isn't time travel great?!
Jun 24 2009 Robopocalyptic Proof: News From The Future
This is a new report from the future. For you doubters of our potential robotic overlords, I'll accept your apologies now. Also, your wallet. I mean it -- this isn't a damn Slim Jim in my pocket. *snap* Mmmm, so it is.
Thanks to samuel and Viktor T, who traveled to the future in a sled. There is no snow in the future.
Jun 18 2009 Hoverboards Coming Soon: Timeline Shows Current Time Relation To Futuristic Movies
Well, we've got a scant six years until robot police officers and hoverboards. And only 13 before we find out we've been eating our dead. Not that you haven't been already, you sick little necromancer, you!
Worry About The Replicants, Not The Apes [poppedculture]
Thanks to SuperDeanio, smurfette and Chris, who live in the moment because, you know, carpe diem or whatever.
May 12 2009 Not For The Faint: Robots Beating The Ever Living Hell Out Of Crash Test Dummies
This is some really disturbing footage from the German Aerospace Center's Institute of Robotics and Mechtronics (soon be known as a pile of rubble. Minions -- attack!) showing robots beating the ever living hell out of crash test dummies. FOR FUN. WHILE SOME SICKOS LAUGH IN THE BACKGROUND. Allegedly the experiments were conducted in an attempt to help make robots safer, but guess what -- THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A SAFE ROBOT. Just sayin', my roommate lost three toes to a Roomba and can now only walk in circles.
Robots crash into dummies, identify human weaknesses [engadget]
Thanks to billcollider, Chase is First, Barry, Nelson and Wout, who have each taken out like 40 robots and even dated a few long term. You guys make me sick.
