Nov 18 2009 Why Don't House Cats Grow Into Lions?

This is a clever answer to a query posed in Yahoo! Answers. You can't argue the answerer didn't give them exactly what they asked for, even if it's not what they wanted. Because, let's face it, a lot of people don't even know what they want. I'm looking at you, Mrs.Takes 8 Minutes To Order at the Taco Bell Drive Thru. Next time I'm ramming!

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Thanks to TARDISlover, who likes it bigger on the inside.

Nov 17 2009 Drunkest/Pilliest Man Ever Battles Laser Wizard At The Convenience Store, Loses

Remember the video of the world's drunkest/crunkest/least stand-uppiest man trying to score some beer from the convenience store? Well it turns out he was battling a previously unseen wizard trying to prevent him from drinking and walking. This security footage, enhanced with technology so advanced you wouldn't even be able to understand it, explains it all. Even better than Clarissa -- AND THAT BITCH KNEW EVERYTHING.

Youtube

Thanks to naas and matt, who are always smart enough to don their anti-invisible wizard capes when venturing out for more brewhaha.

Nov 16 2009 Bedtime Stories: Bioshock Told In 3 Minutes

This is a three-minute video of a woman reading the tale of Bioshock to a little kid old-ass man as a bedtime story. And, as a guy who recently played through Bioshock with his older brother (with all the lights on, and never after 7PM), I thought it was pretty good. But don't watch it unless you want the whole story spoiled. Because that's what it does, it spoils. Just like bad parents. YOU'LL GET NOTHING AND LIKE IT!

One Upon a Pixel [gametrailers]

Thanks to Jaker, the Joker's less clown-y brother. No makeup for him!

Nov 13 2009 VIDEO Of Bugatti Veyron Crash Into Marsh. Oh, And I Called It -- No Low-Flying Pelican

Apparently some kids happened to videotape the $1.6 million Bugatti Veyron crash from the other day. And, surprise surprise, there was no "low-flying pelican". Nope, just a man playing with himself in one of the world's most expensive production vehicles. Way to go, champ.

Hit the jump for a video of the car getting towed out.

Continue Reading " VIDEO Of Bugatti Veyron Crash Into Marsh. Oh, And I Called It -- No Low-Flying Pelican "

Nov 1 2009 Please Stop Breaking Into My Car: "Try Again And I'll Go Gordon Freeman On Your Ass"

Some poor bastard, fed up with his car being broken into, decided to leave this passive aggressive note for the thieves. And not only does he reference Half-Life, THE DUDE KEEPS AN OCARINA IN HIS CAR. ZOMG, do you think he's Link?! Yeah, me neither.

Also, to guy's credit, I added the asterisk to his signature. DUDE MEANS BUSINESS.

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Thanks to gabby, who would have booby trapped the car with Goron bombs.

Nov 1 2009 White House Halloween Captioning Fail

I dunno, maybe that's the way Buzz is gonna look in Toy Story 3.

Michelle Obama channels Catwoman for White House Halloween extravaganza [dailymail]

Thanks to Bill, who's smart enough to recognize Samus when he sees her.

Oct 28 2009 Haha, Sucker!: Bugatti Veyron Gets The Boot

I like making fun of ridiculously rich people because it makes me feel better about not knowing where I'm sleeping tonight. Take this Bugatti Veyron owner, who thought he could park his land-jet wherever the hell he wanted. Think again, Richie Rich! But seriously, you'd think somebody who can afford a $1.2 million car could also afford to hire a band of mercenaries to hover above the thing in a helicopter and scares off parking enforcement with a little friendly fire. I swear, no class.

Bugatti Veyron Illegal Parking FAIL [totalprosports]

Thanks to Asbo, who only parks his van in front of schools. No, that's not creepy.

Oct 28 2009 Good Friends: I'm Afraid That's What You Get

Don't even act like you didn't deserve it.

Twilight Saga: And so it begins... [lamebook]

Thanks to pstone, who always remembers to take his shoes off before passing out.

Oct 22 2009 You're Doing It Wrong: Confidential British Anti-Leak Documents Leaked Online

Apparently a 2,400 page British document outlining how to prevent government officials from leaking confidential information to the internet has been leaked onto the internet.

The 2,400 page Defense Manual of Security, authored by the Ministry of Defense to help high-ranking military and defense officials keep documents safe from leaks, was published on Wikileaks, a Web site designed for anonymous leaks of documents from governments and other organizations, The Daily Telegraph reported Monday.

"Leaks usually take the form of reports in the public media which appear to involve the unauthorized disclosure of official information (whether protectively marked or not) that causes political harm or embarrassment to either the U.K. Government or the Department concerned," the document reads in its "Leaks of Official Information" section.

That's funny. Now I'm not saying I would have leaked the document as well, but I'll be damned if I'm reading 2,400 pages of jibber-jabber. Better to let the media summarize it for me. Hire me, government!

British anti-leaking document leaked [redorbit]

Thanks to Lee, who doesn't leak anything but beer.

Oct 19 2009 XBox Live Friend Accept Flowchart: Let Me Guess, You're Another 12 Year Old Racist

This is a flowchart for determining if you should accept a friend request from someone on XBox Live. And I've got to admit, it's pretty spot-on. Of course, I don't accept ANY friend requests because I'm a loner. I even eat alone and, more often than not, have sex. You never seen a bigger bunch of concerned Wendy's employees!

Xbox Live Friend Acceptance Flowchart [kotaku]

Thanks to Grantly, who only accepts requests from people he knows in real life because he doesn't want to risk befriending a robot. Smart, Grantly, smart.

Oct 18 2009 I Would Eat That: The Cheese Burgkin

In the Halloween spirit, this is a picture of a pumpkin that's been turned into a cheeseburger. Impressive, but I would have made all the fixin's out of candy. What can I say, I have vision. 20/200! Now, somebody lead me to the bathroom.

The Burger Pumpkin [extremepumpkins]

Thanks to Jacyln, who once turned a pumpkin into a carriage and rode to the ball in style. On pecan pie dubs.

Oct 15 2009 Abe, Nooo!: Gallery Of Geek-ily Defaced Bills

Because it's illegal and I don't do anything illegal, I've never defaced currency or put pennies on a train track. Nor have I looked at another man's junk while standing at a urinal. Or have I? I totally have -- I do it often!

Peekaboo.

Hit the jump for 15 more presidents dressed as different characters. There are laughs to be had!

Continue Reading " Abe, Nooo!: Gallery Of Geek-ily Defaced Bills "

Oct 14 2009 We're As Good As Dead: Robots Driving Tank

We can only pray this is an elaborate Photoshop hoax or we're all as good as dead. Well, you are, I'm as bad as dead. And twice as bad as that nancy Leroy Brown. That jive-talking mother ain't got nothin' on me!

Picture [pictureisunrelated]

Thanks to Daniel, who actually is meaner than a junkyard dog and once pushed an old lady into traffic.

Oct 5 2009 Great News!: All Dinosaurs Go To Heaven

In wonderful news, at least according to this $18 t-shirt design from Threadless (where were you on this, CNN?!), all dinosaurs go to heaven. So yeah, maybe there's a merciful God after all. But, as a guy who wasn't ever planning on seeing the pearly gates: does the Catholic church still do that thing they used to where you pay to have your sins absolved? And, if so, can I borrow some money? Couple mill should do me.

Product Site

Thanks to Adam, who's trying his hardest to go to hell because he heard that's where all marsupials go. You're sick.

Oct 5 2009 Spider Drawing Guy Is Back At It, With Sharks

David Thorne, a man best known for drawing a picture of a seven-legged spider to settle an unpaid bill, is back at it -- this time staving off another rental property inspection with shark drawings. And while David may never top the spider bit, this one did have its moments. Namely the end. Unfortunately, it also has a lot of words, which I mostly skimmed over. Not unlike the way you read Geekologie. Kidding -- like any of you get past the picture. Your sister's a whore!

Hit the jump to see how the whole ordeal played out.

Continue Reading " Spider Drawing Guy Is Back At It, With Sharks "

Oct 3 2009 Twilight: The Way It Should Have Been

This is video from G4's Attack of the Show (featuring Kevin Pereira and Olivia Munn) depicting what Twilight would have been like if there was a just and fair God. But there isn't, so guess who'll be watching New Moon opening night? NOT ME! My guess is a shit-ton of 13-year old girls. Plus your girlfriend.

Olivia Munn`s Twilight: Don`t Date Vampires [iambored]

Thanks to me.vicky, who once bit the head off a bat because she thought she heard it talking in vampire-speak.

Oct 2 2009 Star Trek The Next Generation: Wesley Crusher Finally Gets What He Deserves

This is a fan edited video of the hateable ensign Wesley Crusher finally meeting his doom. I thought it was pretty cute. Cause, to tell ya the truth, I never really liked that guy. Something about him always rubbed me the wrong way -- like another man's penis on the side of my leg. Just sayin', it happens!

Youtube

Thanks to Paul, who would have just tasered that bitch and pushed him out an airlock.

Sep 30 2009 Video Game Character Facebook Statuses

These are a bunch of video game character Facebook status updates. I thought they were pretty cute. And if you haven't already, you should go join the Geekologie Facebook page to help convince my parents they're not the only ones that read this. Mom: I know most of the comments are you, you don't have to keep doing it (but you should if you really love me). And dad: for the last time, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE try to keep the flaming to a minimum.

5 Video Game Status Updates [collegehumor]

Thanks to Hayes, who, for the tip, get's a complimentary status update. Make it read, "Still cool".

Continue Reading " Video Game Character Facebook Statuses "

Sep 28 2009 Video: 100 Youtube "Greatest Hits" In 3:24

This is a video montage of 100 of Youtube's "greatest hits" in a scant 3:24. I recognized most of them, but there were some I hadn't seen before. And those, my friends, were the sucky ones.

NOTE: It's best to stop after the Leroy Jenkins clip. It's all downhill from there.

Youtube

Thanks to Harry, who was responsible for at least 10 of Redtube's greatest hits.

Sep 24 2009 Video Game Reality: Paperboy In Real Life

This is a video of the Atari classic Paperboy, but in real life. It's a little longer, and I know most of you have ADD (I'm right here with you), but it's definitely worth a watch while on the clock. Plus, the guys who made it are loyal Geekologists, and you know how I feel about you readers -- I love you all like little sisters! You know, from Bioshock. I'll harvest every last one of you!

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Funnyordie

Thanks to D_rock and cooperanimation, who don't need paperboys because they only read Geekologie. Smart. Plus you're saving trees!