Nov 20 2009 For The Dapper Dog: Humunga Staches
The Humunga Stache is a $12 piece of molded rubber. One side's a ball, and the other is giant freaking mustache. So when your dog bites the ball, guess what happens! (Hint: you take pictures and post them Facebook with clever captions).
Add some low-cost laughs to your frequent frolics with Fido! This shiny black toy is a ball on one end, and a giant cartoon mustache on the other. Dogs naturally pick up the ball...which leaves the outrageously funny mustache sticking out! Dogs also love to hold the ball in their mouth, and shake the mustache back and forth!
Not a bad idea. Of course, my dog would just chew up the whole damn thing. You see, she's a bitch. And, based on those tits in the pic, so is Fido. Animal cruelty!
Product Site
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Humunga Stache [likecool]
Thanks to Niki, whose bitch has a real mustache and moonlights as a carny.
Nov 18 2009 Awh Yeah: Superhero Shaggin' Wagons
This is a little gallery of superhero shaggin' wagons. They're all Photoshopped, but that isn't stopping me from wanting to sleep in one. Gosh, I can't even remember the last time I made love in the back of a 70's van BECAUSE I BLACKED OUT LAST NIGHT. But seriously, I barely knew the guy and he said he had free candy.
Hit the jump for five more and a link to like six more after that. Jackpot!
Nov 12 2009 I Wasn't Looking For That: Mystery Google Gives You Previous Person's Search Query
Type a search query into Mystery Google and you get the results of the last person's search. For example, I searched for a serious medical condition I have, and got the results for "u'v got a face only ur momma could love". Neat? Yes. Helpful? Absolutely not. But don't let that stop you from blowing a few minutes screwing around with it. Remember: every minute wasted is a minute spent kicking the man in the junk. Go on -- kick him. Now do it again. HARDER! Okay now do me.
Thanks to Emortal, Blastphemer and Shadow Sushi, who don't search the interweb, the interweb searches them. So are we we talking like full body or what?
Oct 30 2009 Gallery of Stormtroopers On Their Day Off
This is a shot in a series of photographs on Flickr titled '365 Days of Stormtroopers', which features a new picture of Stormtroopers enjoying a day off every day from April 3rd, 2009 to April 3rd, 2010 (I guess every day's a vacation since the destruction of the second Death Star). There are currently 210 pictures in the series and every one is very well done. Granted, not as well done as this tauntaun burger, but I like my meat like I like ex's house: burnt.
Hit the jump for a couple more of my favorites and another link to the massive Flickr gallery.
Continue Reading " Gallery of Stormtroopers On Their Day Off "
Oct 22 2009 Geekologie Review: Blood Energy Potion
I drank this stuff, it was good. It's thick and tastes like Hawaiian Punch concentrate. They recommend you put it in the microwave for 14 seconds to heat it up to body temperate. I did that. That made it warm. It was weird warm. Like licking a fresh wound, but sweeter. I think it gave me superhuman strength and speed but I won't know for sure till after I whip this nancy Edward Cunnilingus' pale ass.
Synthetic blood substitute. The fruit punch flavor packs 4 hours of energy along with iron, protein, and electrolytes. Not only does Blood Energy Potion have a similar nutritional makeup to real blood, but it has the same color, look, and consistency. Get real blood nutrients without that real blood taste! Re-sealable transfusion bag style pouch. Contains no real blood, just synthetic!
A 4-pack will set you back $16 but they get cheaper the more you buy. It's definitely a cool product for Halloween and certainly an attention getter. Not as attention getting as actually biting a stranger, but why risk the disease? Because you're crazy, that's why. I say do it. Bite that old lady. BITE HER NOW!
Product Site (order before 3PM tomorrow, October 23rd for Halloween delivery)
Sep 18 2009 Japanese 'Break The Table' Arcade Game
This is a video of a Japanese arcade game in which you try to disturb a dinner party by breaking the table. WTF, I know. That said, I woulda karate-chopped the grain outta that bitch. High score? Or score high? You have two boobs....you have four boobs.
Thanks to Shorty, who would have hid under the table and looked up your skirt.
Sep 18 2009 Fun For All Ages: Dino Dig Challenge, A Battleship Ripoff (But I'm Not Complaining)
Dino Dig Challenge plays like Battleship, but instead of a bunch of stupid boats, you're hunting for raptor bones. I LOOOVE RAPTOR BONES!
- 2 player competition to see who can excavate their opponent's dinosuar bones first.
- Includes 2 player dig base unit, 8 excavation site tiles, 10 different dinosaur bones and flag markers
- Be the first to complete a velociraptor skeleton and win!
OMG, YES! And the great thing about it is, this is a game that you can play alone if you want. Actually, that's the only way I play. Oh -- oh -- I JUST SUNK MY OWN DINOBONE!
Thanks to Dinosaur Josh, who loves dinosaurs as much as I do, but in a different way. You're missing out, Josh. Like they say, "once you go Jurassic, you never go back to men". Okay, that's not true. VARIETY IS THE SPICE OF LIFE.
Sep 17 2009 I'm On To You!: The President Is A Jedi
So apparently President Obama is a Jedi. Okay, maybe a padawan. Fine, just a guy waving a plastic lightsaber around. But that's not what's important. What's important is we arrange a lightsaber duel between him and Star Wars Boy. I'll get the president on the line, you get Obi Un-Coordinated.
Hit the jump for a picture of Obama running his wife through with a pirate sword and staring at some guy's ass, just for the hell of it.
Continue Reading " I'm On To You!: The President Is A Jedi "
Sep 15 2009 'Today Was A Good Day': The Flow Chart
If there's two things I learned to love in college it's flow charts and communal showering. And this is by far one of the awesomest flow charts I've ever seen. It's right up there with the What Should I Eat? chart. Click HERE to see the flow chart in its entirety, which outlines all of Ice Cube's iconic 'Today Was A Good Day'. Now I know what you're thinking: how the hell can you even think about starting a good day with a hogless breakfast? Because one time I only had dry white toast and a poached egg and then got hit by the school bus. Coincidence?
Hit the jump to watch the music video and follow along with the chart.
Sep 11 2009 But I Don't Wanna Hit Him!: WALL-E Piñata
This is a custom made WALL-E piñata from Etsy seller victorof1980s. This crazy mother is trying to sell the thing for $200. $200 for something your kid is gonna beat to shit with a stick and not even remember by next year! No thanks. When my children have birthdays they get the same kind of piñata I had growing up: a grocery bag with a face drawn on the side. I remember one time I hit it so hard I dented a can of succotash! Also, all the bananas got real mushy.
wall-e pinata filled with candy, not garbage [technabob]
Thanks to naas, who hate WALL-E but loves beating things with a dowel.
Sep 10 2009 Nice: Badass LEGO Star Wars Chess Set
Typically you don't hear "badass" and "chess" in the same sentence unless you're talking about the time Bobby Fisher beat Medusa to death with nothing but a rook. But I feel they're appropriate together here because this custom LEGO Star Wars chess set by Brandon Griffith is simply bangin'. And yes, I can say that because I'm hip. Literally, I only have one. I threw the other one out humping a Dilophosaurus this morning! Also, I suspect tennis elbow.
Flickr Set (with lots of worthwhile closeups)
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Lego Star Wars Chess Set [likecool]
Thanks to Chuey "The Rock 'n Roll" Midget, who could actually stand in for one of those chess pieces. He's that small.
Sep 10 2009 Finally: The Buckyball Haiku Contest Winners
First of all, I'd like to apologize for taking so long to grade your haiku, but I took my time and read EVERY SINGLE ONE. I just wasn't expecting 1,600 entries, since I didn't even get that many comments ON MY BIRTHDAY. Read: everyone who entered but didn't wish me a happy birthday was disqualified. I jest. But seriously, you all did great and I'm very proud of the quality of poetry (most of) you wrote. Also, a bunch of you are clearly special needs. But that's okay, so am I. We'll have more contests in the future just as soon as people contact me with free swag to give away (I'm looking at you, Mercedes). Also, I can't stress how near impossible it was to choose winners. I haven't slept in four days trying to sort through all this awesome. And now, the moment you've all been waiting for, the winners:
Grand Prize:
407. AM
Powered by man flesh
Robots hunt down last blogger
Cry Geekologie
Runners Up (in no particular order):
1014. pellaz
Red skies born in flame
Metal masters torment us
Prophet was ignored
74. Matt
On the internet,
Dangerous to go alone...
Take Geekologie
1221. well thats nice
The Robots bring doom
So before we are all killed
Post Zelda Side Boob
There you have it, I guess I was really feeling Zelda and the robot apocalypse (but don't think I didn't enjoy your dinosaur entries -- they made me so hot!). I will be contacting the winners tomorrow. And again, it really was impossible to choose winners. I had the field narrowed down to 190 (including yours) and had to choose four. But don't worry, you'll win next time. Thanks for participating everyone, and I don't care what everybody else says: you're all winners in my book.
Aug 31 2009 Fire Hazard: The Wrist Mounted Flamethrower
If you've been reading long enough, you may recall Everett Bradford's Pyro System from early last year. Well now Everett is back with the Pyro System 2.2. Basically, it's a bunch of 3rd degree burns waiting to happen. Ever seen a man melt his own face off before? I have, but only because I was tired of shaving. Suck it, electrolysis!
Thanks to Ethan, Jeff and Matty, who all have flamethrowers mounted on their bikes so you won't follow too close behind. Also, they just look cool.
Aug 14 2009 Real Life Duck Hunt Is Not THAT Real Life
This Duck Hunt game from Hammacher Schlemmer costs $30 and involves shooting a mechanical flying duck with an infrared gun. Plus, if your gun runs out of batteries you can still throw rocks at it. Just like our ancestors used to do!
A 10-second charge on the barrel of the gun energizes the mechanical duck for a 30-second flight. The duck's 6" long mylar wings flap up and down nearly 500 times per minute, and it can be set to fly in an erratic left- or right-turning circle or a level, straight line. Sharp-eyed hunters take aim with the infrared gun--the first two hits merely stun the waterfowl, momentarily interrupting his flapping; the third hit downs the duck for good.
I like how it takes three shots to bring it down, that's pretty neat. Not as neat as my cocktail, but that's only because I DON'T DO ICE, HOMEY.
Product Page
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Learn to Aim With Flying Duck Hunt Shooting Game [walyou]
Aug 12 2009 I Want All Three!: Do It Yourself Dino Lamps
If any of you are looking for any last minute gift ideas, these dinosaur lamps from ThinkGeek are the perfect present for your Geekologie Writer.
All three (triceratops, diplodocus and t-rex) of these dinosaur lamps are constructed from precision cut sheets of flexible plastic which you slot together to create the finished glowing sculpture. Construction time is about 30-40 minutes, but the directions are very clear with detailed photographs of each step.
Each lamp will set you back a cool $20, and, obviously, I want all three. Now I'm not saying I've never made love to a lamp shade before, because I totally have. But I actually like these ones enough to call them the morning after. You hear that, banker's lamp shade? Your green ass meant nothing to me!
Thanks to ryco, virus and Watch-303, who know what I like. I like pizza!
Aug 6 2009 Pfft, I Could Do That: Monster Waterslide Jump
Even if this is fake, I could do it in real life. Except twice as far, and with an infinite times more flips (front AND back) BECAUSE I AM KING OF WATER SLIDES. You hear me? THE KING! Go ahead, try to push me off, I dare you. You can't do it can yo-- WHOA, WHOA, WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Spectacular waterslide daredevil [dvice]
Thanks to Nate, steve, Jake and brown, who would have done it with a rocketpack and skis on.
Aug 6 2009 Fisticups: Because I'm Not A Morning Person
Sure we've already seen brass knuckle inspired coffee receptacles in the past, but, quite frankly, those ones didn't look as good (I did like the blood splatter though). Now the Fisticup from Fred (available mid-September for around $15) -- this is a coffee mug I can really sink my fingers into. But a warning: I will mug you in the face if you even think about asking me to do any work before lunch. You hear that, Steve? You hear that, Dan? Otherwise, two guys, one fisticup, I WILL MAKE THAT HAPPEN.
Fisticup [buzzfeed]
Thanks to Gino, who one punched a coworker with his coffee mug and spilled bourbon everywhere and that's how we all found out he drinks all day at work.
Aug 4 2009 Spaceball: Suck It, You'll Never Be Hallball!
Spaceball is hands down one of the most ridiculous looking games I've ever seen and costs $700. Plus, it sucks to always have to go retrieve the ball when you throw it out of the court. If you can call it a court. Which I just did, SO IT'S ALL GOOD BABY. Basically, you bounce around in there like an idiot and try to throw the ball through the hole in the middle and past your opponent. WHEE! Plus, it's endorsed by astronauts.
According to former astronaut Scott Carpenter, it's "the best conditioning exercise for space travel."
Yeah it is. Because if there's one thing I've learned about space travel it's how similar it is to jumping around on a trampoline and trying to peg your friend in the face with a rubber ball. No -- two men, a ball and a hole -- this is more like that game I play in the truck stop bathroom.
Spaceball: Like Basketball, but More Expensive and Ridiculous [gizmodo]
Jul 29 2009 Caring Means Sharing: Gaming In Love
Is that not the cutest thing you've ever seen? I swear, if one had a puppy in her lap I would be crying right now. Which *sniff* I am totally not. Punch the tears back, GW, punch the tears back. AAAAAAAHHH -- POW POW POW!!
This Is How Two Girls Play Gameboy When They Really Love Each Other [gizmodo]
Jul 15 2009 Awesome: These Garage Door Covers
Style Your Garage covers are printed tarps made to attach to your garage door to make it appear your garage is something it's not. For example, this one makes it look like you're running a rotisserie chicken business. But the fun doesn't stop there! Hit the jump to see a bunch of my other favorites, then head to the site to see a ton more. They all retail for about $275 and were made for one piece garage doors, but can be modified (read: cut) to fit on sectionals. And speaking of sectionals, my new couch has a chaise. Ladies? First to make me a sandwich can sit on it (until I'm full, then it's dishes time for you)!
Hit it to see some other cool ones.
