May 18 2009 Highly Questionable: The Infinite Slinky
The Infinite Slinky may look like a belt sander taped to a tissue box, but I don't think that's what it is (that's exactly what it is). The device was created by Geekologie Reader (and Stupid Inventor) Zachary, who obviously grew up in a one story house. Thanks, Zachary, but I think I speak for all of us when I say Log. Just sayin' -- it's big, it's heavy, it's wood. And wood is good. Especially in the morning. Any lady lumberjacks in the house?
Thanks to Zachary, who keeps it stupid.
Feb 17 2009 I Can And Will Shoot: Terminator Salvation Toys Make You Look Like A Killer Robot
Want to look like a Terminator? Well I shoot to kill, just sayin'. Apparently this Terminator Salvation toy features a fist that shoots off to hurt your enemies. It costs $74. Which is pretty steep considering you're going to lose the fist, rendering your Terminator arm stupid. Hit the jump for two more toys, a voice-changing Terminator helmet ($74) that has red glowing eyes, and some pieces of plastic that look like metal that you strap to your face ($21). Note: Wearing either of which will get you BB'ed in the neck if you walk by my house at night. Jesus, whatever happened to kids playing with good old fashioned toys? Like matches.
Hit it for the other two.
Feb 16 2009 Digging Is Fun!: Backyard Toy Time Capsule
If there's one thing my grandpappy taught me it's how to make gin in the bathtub. And, if there's another, it's how to bury your money in coffee cans. So he would probably scoff at paying $20 for the Backyard Safari Underground Time Capsule. And, to make matters worse, you're only supposed to bury the POS six inches under the ground so you can still fill it with more garbage via the fake rock screw-off lid. Hey kids, I've got news for you: if I see a fake rock in your yard, I'm digging that shit up and stealing your G.I. Joes and love letters from Susie Q Heartbreak. And, if it turns out to just be a house key hiding rock, I'm letting myself in and kicking your ass! Happy President's Day!
Underground Time Capsule perfect for hiding things in the dirt [dvice]
Dec 3 2008 Okay: Sled Works In Winter AND Summer
The Ice Meister Slicer isn't only horribly named, it's also a monster piece of crap that costs $70. For a molded piece of plastic. Anyway, if I haven't (or the nozzle in the pictures hasn't) turned you off already, the sled is ride-able in both the winter AND summer. How? Look at the picture. It comes with two molds you fill with water and then freeze. Attach the blocks to the bottom of the sled, and TA-DA -- why's that kid wearing a helmet? He looks like my roommate the time he shat in the cat's litterbox. Which I may or may not have filmed. Rule 34 baby.
And, to get you in the holiday spirit:
Eddie: I don't know if I oughta go sailin' down no hill with nothin' between the ground and my brains but a piece of government plastic.
Clark: Do you really think it matters, Eddie?
Ice Meister Slicer lets you sled down hills all year [dvice]
Nov 11 2008 Get That 'Peeling A Banana' Feeling Anytime!
In the same vein as the bubble wrap popper and envelope ripper, comes the banana peeler, a device that gives its user the sensation of peeling a banana, complete with sound effects. The Dazzling Banana will cost six coconuts when it hits stores in Japan next March. Sadly it isn't edible (although I'll still sure as as hell try). While six pineapples isn't bad, but what's so fun about peeling bananas? I prefer my bananas pre-peeled. Now mush you stupid monkeys, MUSH!
UPDATE: It was brought to my attention that calling monkeys stupid doesn't do justice to their keen intellect. So, my little banana peeling minions, I apologize. Now put the turds down, and nobody gets tazed.
Dazzling Banana an electronic Banana peeler [newlaunches]
Thanks to Richthegringo, who has a banana in his pocket. If that's a good thing -- if not, it's a wad of cash.
Nov 10 2008 World's Largest Piñata Sadly Not Filled With Thousands Of Airplane Bottles (BOOO!)
The world's largest piñata was recently constructed and displayed in Philadephia, PA as part of a publicity stunt and commercial for Carnival Cruise Lines. "The donkey was 28.5 meters (94′) long, 7.2 meters (24′) wide and 18 (60′) meters tall and fill with 3,628 lbs of candy. (8,000lbs)." Carnival got the crowd riled up by promising to bust the monster ass open with a giant wrecking ball, but never did. Which is pretty freaking disappointing. And you know what else is? That it wasn't filled with cars. Lamest. Fiesta. Ever.
Hit the jump for one more picture.
Nov 7 2008 Sure, Why Not?: Super Obama World
Super Obama World is an online game you can play and a take off on -- you'd never guess in a million years -- Super Contra. I jest, it's soon to be 44th U.S. president Barack Obama in Super Mario World. Except it's not actually Super Mario World, it just looks similar. You run around in Alaska stomping pigs and collecting American flags. It wasn't the worst game I've ever played, but that's only because I've had games played with my heart. True story -- the red team pulled it out Temple of Doom style and started kicking it around like a soccer ball.
Thanks to Caroline and Romeo, both of whom claim there's a warp whistle to the White House hidden somewhere in the third level.
