Nov 13 2009 Happy Friday The 13th!: Ecko Jason Hoodie

Happy Friday the 13th everyone! To celebrate this un-momentous occasion here's a $98 Jason hoodie by Marc Ecko. Watch out for black cats and shit!

Channel the terror of Crystal Lake in this "Jason" hoodie from the Friday the 13th series by Marc Ecko. Bloody full zip-up hoodie with breathing holes and mesh eyeholes for visibility. Four button flap pockets, flocking, leather straps and metal rivets, rib knit sleeve cuffs and hem.

Cool. Unfortunately, it's a little late to order one to wear today. Unlesssssss you have a time machine and could go back a week. But if you could do that why wouldn't you go back and kill Hitler in a Jason hoodie. That little mustachio'd twink will never know what hit him! (It was your machete)

Hit the jump for three more shots of this very quality product.

Continue Reading " Happy Friday The 13th!: Ecko Jason Hoodie "

Nov 9 2009 Woman Passes Driving Test On 950th Try

A 68-year old South Korean woman just passed the written part of her driving test on the 950th try. God that's scary.

After four years of trying, 68-year-old Cha Sa-soon finally managed to secure the 60 out of 100 points needed to pass the test. The grandmother has spent more than 5m won ($4,200, £2,600) on application fees for the test.

Mrs Cha had been trying to pass it since 13 April 2005, the Korea Times reported.

Speaking in February - after her 775th failure - Mrs Cha had appeared undaunted. "I believe you can achieve your goal if you persistently pursue it," she told Reuters news agency. "So don't give up your dream, like me. Be strong and do your best."

First of all, anybody who takes 950 tries to pass a 50 question multiple choice test should be banned from driving. And secondly, so should all women. Am I right? No? Just sexist? Oh.

Woman passes 950th driving test [bbcnews]

Thanks to twellve, who passed her driving test the first time. Nice, twellve, so did I. Well, on the third first time.

Oct 24 2009 Fake, But Still Burn It With Lasers (You Never Can Be Too Safe): A Scary Dancing Robot

I'm pretty sure half the people that sent this in thought it's an actual robot, but being the astute robot slaya that I am, it wasn't hard for me to tell this is just a jackass in a robot costume. Don't get me wrong, I'd still burn that bitch like a witch (or doobie), he just doesn't pose the threat an actual robot would. Or DOES he? *pew pew!* He doesn't.

Youtube
and
Youtube (longer, 9:00 video)

Thanks to Rich the destroyer, paul, KennethJ, Ted, Mungo9000, chris, Albert, Tuggis, karrameg, Steven, hatcher, Big Bug, parking block and Wendy, who actually knew it was a person the whole time and just wanted to scare me.

Oct 14 2009 We're As Good As Dead: Robots Driving Tank

We can only pray this is an elaborate Photoshop hoax or we're all as good as dead. Well, you are, I'm as bad as dead. And twice as bad as that nancy Leroy Brown. That jive-talking mother ain't got nothin' on me!

Picture [pictureisunrelated]

Thanks to Daniel, who actually is meaner than a junkyard dog and once pushed an old lady into traffic.

Oct 14 2009 Pop It Like A Beach Ball!: Shape Shifting Bot

iRobot, a diabolical company best known for convincing millions of housewives to allow rug-munching robots into their homes, has now developed an air-filled shape-shifting robot that will climb into your bed and smother you while you sleep.

Unveiled at the International Conference on Intelligent Robots and Systems (IROS) yesterday, this palm-sized troublemaker is being billed as "the first demonstration of a completely soft, mobile robot using jamming as an enabling technology." The "jamming" in question is something called "jamming skin enabled locomotion," which traps air and a collection of loosely packed particles in a package made of silicon rubber. When air is removed from the pocket, the silicon restricts and seems to solidify. The robot consists of several of these pockets, which can be inflated or deflated separately, giving the device the ability to perform simple actions.

The first part of the video explains how the technology works, but the actual bot-test begins around 1:50. Sure, it may look like a harmless beach ball, but do you know how many people drown each year trying to retrieve beach balls that have been swept out to sea? Now multiply that by every single person on earth and you have an idea of this thing's killing potential.

iRobot shape-shifting ChemBot is back, and it's bad [engadget]

Thanks to JKirchartz, hayden, NF, Michael, Tuggis, matt and We'llmissyoujehudah, who vow to pop every last one of these things with fiery arrows. Good looking, guys, but you might wanna brush up on your archery.

Oct 9 2009 That's No Playground, That's A Dieground!

Apparently Giganta was a piece of robotic playground equipment available in the late 70's for really sadistic playground designers. I'm just thankful the Baptist preschool I went to didn't have one or I may have not made it past five. Seriously, who the hell would want to play inside the cage-like belly of a two-ton robot? You've got to hand it to the manufacturer though -- I love how they awarded themselves a fake prize for the product to make it look better. "Miracle Medalist", that's great. What's the real miracle is that Giganta here didn't send kids running into oncoming traffic.

Playgrounds From the 70s [make]

Thanks to BiSScuiTT, who grew up playing with bears in the woods like a normal kid.

Oct 6 2009 Yikes!: Vampire Teeth Baby Pacifiers

As if babies aren't scary enough already, now you can get $7 vampire teeth pacifiers that make them look like they're gonna suck blood instead of breast milk. No way -- not from this teat!

Billy Bob pacifiers for babies with personality. You will receive this hilarious, Lil' Vampire Billy Bob pacifier. It is brand new in manufacturers' packaging.

WARNING: Do not tie pacifier around child's neck, as it presents a strangulation danger.

Geez, who on earth would ever tie a pacifier around a child's neck? I mean, besides your parents. One time they left you on top of the car and drove off!

Product Site
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Halloween Lil' Vampire Pacifier Makes Babies Scary Even While Sleeping [walyou]

Sep 29 2009 Death By Plastic: Gallery Of LEGO Monsters

This is a small gallery of LEGO monsters made by various artists. They are all scary and might kill you. Sure they're really just a bunch of interlocking plastic bits, but has that ever stopped me from choking on them? No, it hasn't. The Hannibal Lecter style mask my mom makes me wear does. I WILL EAT YOUR FACE OFF! Just kidding. NO I'M NOT! Yes, I really am. PSYCHE, JUST PUT YOUR EAR BETWEEN THE BARS. DO IT NOW!

Hit it for the monsters, including a pretty sweet Predator bust.

Continue Reading " Death By Plastic: Gallery Of LEGO Monsters "

Sep 29 2009 I'm Not Sitting On It: Real Robotic Transformer

This is a real-life Transformer (OmniZero.9, the brainchild of Takeshi Maeda) that can morph from a humanoid robot to a humanoid robot that can carry a person, to a wheeled cart. Just watch how scary it is when it moves. If I didn't know better, I'd swear there was a little person in there. But there isn't! Just wires and servos and a metallic heart of death. Which, true story, only beats for the destruction of the human race. And speaking of which: One time I competed in a three-legged race solo.

Hit the jump for a video of the robot battling another, much smaller one.

Continue Reading " I'm Not Sitting On It: Real Robotic Transformer "

Sep 28 2009 Crazy: Lockheed Martin's Samurai Monocopter

Monocopters are single-bladed airfoils, best known for falling from maple trees as whirligigs. But this is a radio controlled version developed by Lockheed Martin that actually flies UP instead of only down. I predict robotic versions in the future with really, really sharp blades on them.

Eventually, the SAMARAI project was supposed to produce a nanomonocopter (?) about the same size as a seed pod (on the order of 1.5 inches long and 10 grams in weight), driven by a miniature rocket or jet thruster, able to send back streaming video (that was stabilized somehow), autonavigate, and deliver a 2 gram payload up to a kilometer away. The big version in the video above was a testbed to help engineers figure out just how to get this thing to fly in a stable and controllable manner.

Forget helicopters and monocopters, what ever happened to good old fashioned jetpacks? Because jetpacks, as my Magic 8-Ball just confirmed, are the wave of the future. Just saying, you ever made love to a girl wearing one? Don't do it from behind.

Lockheed Martin SAMARAI UAV Scares Me [botjunkie]

Sep 25 2009 THERE IS NOTHING OKAY ABOUT THIS

This is a video of the government's latest flying cyborg beetles in action. That's right, ACTUAL LIVE beetles being remotely controlled via implanted electrodes. Just wait till the government gets its hands on you!

"We demonstrated the remote control of insects in free flight via an implantable radioequipped miniature neural stimulating system," the researchers reported in their new paper for Frontiers in Integrative Neuroscience. " The pronotum mounted system consisted of neural stimulators, muscular stimulators, a radio transceiver-equipped microcontroller and a microbattery."

The research, supported by the Pentagon's Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, is part of a broader effort, called the HI-MEMS program, which has been looking specifically at different approaches to implanting micro-mechanical systems into insects in order to control their movements.

OH HELLLLLL NO. You show me one person who thinks this is okay and I'll show you a got-damn freedom hating communist. Just sayin', I saw that sickle and hammer tattoo!

Video: Pentagon's Cyborg Beetle Takes Flight [wired]

Thanks to Danny, Mycropht, Bo, Mike, Zach, Jason, Peterman and TobyRaider, who already have government chips implanted in their brains that make them irresistible to women. WHERE WAS I ON THAT, THE MAN?!

Sep 24 2009 But It'll Scare All My Garden Gnomes Away!: Super Mario Piranha Plant Lawn Ornament

DeviantARTist Kalupsa went and made an incredibly detailed (and frightening) Super Mario Piranha Plant lawn ornament out of modeling clay. And I think we can all agree, it's scary as shit. I sure as hell wouldn't water it, if you know what I mean. I'm talking about try to piss on it. NOT a good idea.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots and a video of how it was made.

Continue Reading " But It'll Scare All My Garden Gnomes Away!: Super Mario Piranha Plant Lawn Ornament "

Sep 23 2009 Yikes!: Pee Wee's Playhouse Action Figures

Just looking at this $140 set of action figures makes me question what the hell my parents were thinking letting me watch such a wack-ass program as a child (I suspect they were thinking "booze time!"). I mean, it's pretty amazing I still turned out alright. Somebody, anybody, back me up here.

The 80's classic Pee-Wee's Playhouse is back with this line of action figures. The case of 14 pieces includes the following characters: 6x Pee Wee Herman, 3x Cowboy Curtis, 3x Miss Yvonne, 1x Pterri, and 1x Puppetland (Subject to change). These figures are highly detailed and must have for any Pee-Wee fan. Comes in retro-packaging to further the retro feel.

Product Site
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Pee Wee's Playhouse Action Figure Case [walyou]

Sep 16 2009 Uh-Oh: Little Robot Can Jump 25-Foot Fences

Boston Dynamics, a company best known for heralding the apocalypse with their futuristic death machines, is at it again -- this time manufacturing the Precision Urban Hopper.

Most of the time, the shoebox-sized robot - which is being developed for the US military - uses its four wheels to get around.

But the Precision Urban Hopper can use a piston-actuated "leg" to launch it over obstacles such as walls or fences.

The semi-autonomous, GPS-guided gadget could be used for surveillance in urban environments.

The robot is allegedly able to clear obstacles up to 25-feet high. Which is exactly why I built a 26-foot fence around my anti-robot compound. And dug a moat. Which, FYI, is filled with deadly water dragons. But not luck dragons -- Falcor doesn't like to get wet! But he does like to get high. You're so soft, Falcor. Plus you have a puppy face.

Military robot 'hops' over walls [bbcnews]
and
Youtube

Thanks to TobyRaider, Bobby, JKirchartz, Kelly, Lomig, Kyle, Laux, Jennaiii, shiny bathtub, shawn, Nikki, Fritz, Gonk Assassin, Mark, Spikey DaPikey, prestone, Matty, 2MechanicalArms and Laurent who can't even jump out of bed in the morning. It's called depression, folks, and I have it too.

Aug 30 2009 Crazy Fool Is "Friends" With A Pack Of Lions

This crazy damn fool, Kevin Richardson, runs a wildlife refuge in South Africa and has become a member of a pack of lions. It is probably the awesomest and stupidest thing I've ever seen (and I once saw a friend jump off the top of his parents' townhouse with a trashbag parachute). Just sayin', you remember how Grizzly Man ended, don't you? SPOILER ALERT: As a giant Timmy Treadwell-shaped grizzly turd. But who am I to judge? I'm just a regular guy who bangs dinos. RAWR! YES....YES....EAT ME NOOOOOOOW!

Youtube

Thanks to Asbo, who was once accepted into a pod of whales but was later rejected when he tried to suckle one's teat.

Aug 11 2009 Who Needs Humans?: One Program Makes Mario Levels, Another Program Plays Them

This is a video of an artificial intelligence program playing a Mario level created by another program that can create infinite variations of levels on its own. Obviously, this is how robots will entertain themselves after there are no more humans to torture. Well, this and massive oil-fueled orgies.

Infinite Mario AI [collegehumor]

Thanks to jimmy, who can design and play Mario levels flawlessly with genuine intelligence. None of that artificial crap for him.

Aug 10 2009 Bad Idea: Creepy Surgical Masks For Dentists

How would you like that nightmare standing above you with a drill in its hand? You wouldn't, would you? My gums are bleeding just thinking about it.

Clever surgical masks with funny cartoon mouths were sent to dentists in Hamburg, Germany. The goal was to lighten up a visit to the dentist for the kids and everyone else, as well as to promote Colgate Smiles Kids toothbrushes.

Honestly, I'd rather knock all my teeth out with a cinderblock than face a dentist wearing a mask like that AND I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH NITROUS YOU GIVE ME. I'll tell you what, give me a take-home tank and you've got a deal. Okay now I -- I have two fingers.

Hit the jump for several more shots of a terrible idea.

Continue Reading " Bad Idea: Creepy Surgical Masks For Dentists "

Jul 16 2009 Run Snoopy, Run!: Nightmarish Charlie Brown

This is a painting of Charlie Brown by artist Tim O'Brien. Scary, no? I'm sorry if you're not gonna be able to sleep tonight, but I live by the mantra "if I had to see, so do you". Sweet dreams!

Also, for the hundreds of people who keep sending the "dead body eating robot" tip, I posted it earlier this week. I get depressed as hell when I get the same tip I posted a few days ago. *sniff* Don't you read regularly? YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME!

Tim O'Brien's Painting of Charlie Brown [agentmlovestacos]

Thanks to FDSY, who you can blame for not being able to sleep at night. And not just because he's hiding under your bed, but he is.

Jul 16 2009 Reptilian Death Machines: More Robot Snakes

Snakes are inherently scary because of their phallic form factor, so you can imagine how I feel about robot snakes. This frightening bastard, created at Carnegie Mellon (watch your back!), is capable of traversing a variety of terrain, including, and not just limited to: handrails and stripper poles. I'll tell you what though: first time I see a robotic snake on stage at the Beaver Bungalow, I'm burning that dam to the ground.

Carnegie Mellon's robotic snake stars in a glamour video [engadget]

Thanks to Chase is First and steve, who once screamed "ROBOTIC SNAKE!" in line at an amusement park and got to ride in the front of the coaster twice before people finally caught on.

Jul 7 2009 AAAAAH, WHICH ONE IS THE ROBOT?!?

IT'S A TRAP! KILL THEM BOTH AND CHECK THE BODIES AFTER!

Hint: they say the eyes are the window to one's soul. And robots, as we all know, are soulless death machines.

Which One is the Robot? [gizmodo]

Thanks to 42 y/o undead warlock, who blasted them both with Magic Missile just to be safe.