Sep 18 2009 September 19th Is Int'l Talk Like A Pirate Day!
That's right you salty, half-masted sons of wenches, tomorrow (September 19th) be International Talk Like A Pirate Day. And to celebrate, TellTale Games is giving away free 1-part episodes of Tales of Monkey Island. Also, I will be getting drunk all day wearing an eyepatch and waving a plastic cutlass. So, if you want some free awesome gameage head over HERE tomorrow to claim your booty. Unless you already own the game like I do CAUSE YOU ARE A PIRATE 4 LIFE! Now, whattya say you and I swill some grog and yell at the wenches? What do you mean, "no"? That's it: hand me my wooden leg, I'm gonna kick your ass.
Thanks to deadbodyman, who talks like a pirate all the time because he illegally downloads copywritten files online all day.
Sep 10 2009 Finally: The Buckyball Haiku Contest Winners
First of all, I'd like to apologize for taking so long to grade your haiku, but I took my time and read EVERY SINGLE ONE. I just wasn't expecting 1,600 entries, since I didn't even get that many comments ON MY BIRTHDAY. Read: everyone who entered but didn't wish me a happy birthday was disqualified. I jest. But seriously, you all did great and I'm very proud of the quality of poetry (most of) you wrote. Also, a bunch of you are clearly special needs. But that's okay, so am I. We'll have more contests in the future just as soon as people contact me with free swag to give away (I'm looking at you, Mercedes). Also, I can't stress how near impossible it was to choose winners. I haven't slept in four days trying to sort through all this awesome. And now, the moment you've all been waiting for, the winners:
Grand Prize:
407. AM
Powered by man flesh
Robots hunt down last blogger
Cry Geekologie
Runners Up (in no particular order):
1014. pellaz
Red skies born in flame
Metal masters torment us
Prophet was ignored
74. Matt
On the internet,
Dangerous to go alone...
Take Geekologie
1221. well thats nice
The Robots bring doom
So before we are all killed
Post Zelda Side Boob
There you have it, I guess I was really feeling Zelda and the robot apocalypse (but don't think I didn't enjoy your dinosaur entries -- they made me so hot!). I will be contacting the winners tomorrow. And again, it really was impossible to choose winners. I had the field narrowed down to 190 (including yours) and had to choose four. But don't worry, you'll win next time. Thanks for participating everyone, and I don't care what everybody else says: you're all winners in my book.
Sep 2 2009 CONTEST: Win Free Buckyball Magnets!
That's right folks, you wanna win your very own set of Buckyball rare earth magnets? Well you're in luck, cause I've got 5 free sets to give away!
Each set contains 216 powerful rare earth magnets that can be shaped, molded, torn apart and snapped together in UNLIMITED WAYS. Make sculptures, puzzles, patterns, shapes, stick stuff to the fridge, invent a new game--trying to find something more useful is useless.
The magnets regularly sell for $30 plus $6 shipping (buy two get free shipping), but the first 40 people to order and use promo code "geek" will get 20% off.
As for winning a free set, I'm holding a haiku contest. If you don't know what a haiku is go HERE (no seasonal reference necessary). To read Anticlown's contest policy go HERE. Then, enter your best Geekologie themed haiku IN THE COMMENTS. I will be choosing one grand prize winner to win two (2) sets, and 3 runners up to each receive one (1) set. I will be judging based entirely on my own sense of theology and geometry.
ONE POEM PER EMAIL ADDRESS. I WILL CHECK TO SEE IF YOU'VE ENTERED MORE THAN ONCE IF YOU WIN. So go open a million different Gmail accounts. Contest ends 5 PM Eastern, Sunday, September 6th and winners will be announced that night. I have provided the haiku below to get you all started.
The Geekologie Writer
Never Touched A Girl
There you have it, now GO GO GO!
UPDATE: CHECK YOUR POEMS, 5-7-5 SYLLABLES FOLKS, NOT WORDS. Not following proper format will result in disqualification and me whipping your ass.
UPDATE UPDATE: STOP SENDING THE HAIKU AS TIPS ENTER THEM IN THE COMMENTS I WILL KILL YOU ALL.
Jun 18 2009 Aperture Laboratories Van Spotted In The Wild
"Hey kids, who wants free cake?!"
aperture science van tooling around, scaring the hell out of people [technabob]
Jun 5 2009 Yay For Holes!: National Doughnut Day
Today is national doughnut day, so get out there and munch on some hole. Almost all doughnut retailers are offering free nuts or other specials to commemorate the occasion.
National Doughnut Day started in 1938 as a fund raiser for the Chicago Salvation Army. Their goal was to help the needy during the Great Depression, and to honor the Salvation Army "Lassies" of World War I, who served doughnuts to soldiers behind the front lines in France.
I went to Dunkin' Donuts earlier this afternoon and they were offering a free donut with the purchase of a drink. So I bough a coffee and started pouring the Irish whiskey. BOOM, an thirty minutes later I'm getting thrown out for making love to this sexy maple-glazed number. What? I'M A VERY SENSUAL PERSON.
Thanks to T.J. and Jelly Time, who prefer bagels because they don't like sweets.
May 18 2009 How To: Get Free WiFi During Your Commute
Like this. At least that's how they do it in Moscow. From Russia With Love, baby! Also, with nesting dolls and bacon vodka. Suck it, Mr. Bond, you just got stirred!
Hit the jump for another shot of the girl in action just in case you thought it was fake or something. OH YEAH -- WELL YOUR DIAMOND IS FAKE!
Continue Reading " How To: Get Free WiFi During Your Commute "
Feb 24 2009 FREE: Navy Giving Away Stealth Ship & Dock
And I want them!
One is called Sea Shadow. It's big, black and looks like a cross between a Stealth fighter and a Batmobile. It was made to escape detection on the open sea. The other is known as the Hughes (as in Howard Hughes) Mining Barge. It looks like a floating field house, with an arching roof and a door that is 76 feet wide and 72 feet high. Sea Shadow berths inside the barge, which keeps it safely hidden from spy satellites.
The barge, by the way, is the only fully submersible dry dock ever built, making it very handy -- as it was 35 years ago -- for trying to raise a sunken nuclear-armed Soviet submarine.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? A floating safe-haven from the robots! So this is what we're gonna do: pack that vessel chock-full of grade-A seamen and head out on the open ocean. Why, you ask? Because the majority of robots are land-based (we'll still have to watch out for these guys though). Now who's with me? C'mon -- we'll bang mermaids! Heads up though: stay away from Poseidon's daughter. Dude caught me messing around with her in highschool and tried to suck me down the bathtub drain.
Hit the jump for two more of the giveaways.
Continue Reading " FREE: Navy Giving Away Stealth Ship & Dock "
Nov 4 2008 Go Vote (And Recieve A Free Sex Toy)!
If you haven't voted yet, go do it. Like right now. I'll still be here when you get back, no worries. And, if you live in New York or Seattle, go collect your free sex toy afterwards. Ah, democracy.
To encourage your involvement in the democratic process, Babeland is offering a Get Out the Vote Special Giveaway!!
Stop by any brick and mortar store (New York or Seattle) between November 4th and 11th and bring your voter registration card, voting stub or word of honor. If you voted, we'll give you a Silver Bullet or a Maverick Sleeve (get it?) for free! Yes, free. It's because we value voting that much. Sex toys for voting, only the satisfaction of having helped ensure your country's future can be better than that.
I have no idea what a Maverick Sleeve or Silver Bullet is, but they sound, well, awesome. And they're free! Then, when you candidate loses, you can [insert joke about getting f***ed in more ways than one for the next four years].
GO VOTE!
Get Out the Vote with Babeland [babeland]
Thanks to Jennie, who's upset she doesn't live in Seattle or New York.
Oct 20 2008 'Tis The Season (For Geeky Pumpkins)
Well folks, it's that time of the year again. Time to break out the costume and hit the bars looking for a chick that wants to have sex with a ninja turtle. Surprisingly there aren't very many. But what better way to get into the spirit of Halloween than some geeky pumpkinry? I can't think of any. Although, truthfully, I can barely think at all. I drank my weight in gin and tonic this weekend, and I hate gin. I may be a masochist, I dunno. Quick, somebody ball me!
Hit the jump for the rest of the gallery, which includes more Star Wars and Mario action than you could smash a pumpkin at. Oh shit, and a Transformer.
Sep 3 2008 Woman Gets Confusing Box Of LEGO Parts
So Jenny, The Bloggess, got a box in the mail from LEGO to celebrate their anniversary or a new line or something. But when she opened the box and pieced together the parts they formed....an army of trannies! Despite a plethora of the pink dress tops and female haircuts, not a single head lacked that handsome red mustache perched suggestively over a frown. What did LEGO have to say about this?
Each kit was supposed to contain an assortment of random parts; however, it looks like yours somehow consisted only of angry mustache faces. Please know that this was not at all done intentionally or to freak anyone out in any way.
First of all, where the f*** was my box of trannies, LEGO? And secondly, I'm not so much "freaked out" as intrigued to what LEGO is secretly doing. Are they trying to teach children an important lesson about diversity and acceptance? Because that would be awesome. And, as a guy who's no stranger to trying on his girlfriend's panties while she's at work, I've got to admit: thongs make me feel sexy!
Hit the jump for a closeup so you can see them better.
Jun 10 2008 Security Robot Protects South Korean Children From "Free Candy" Scams
We've seen Japanese robot babysitters, but now South Korea is ramping it up a notch with an actual robotic security guard for children. The $100,000 robot, dubbed OFRO, has been placed in Seoul middle schools and alerts officials to suspicious behavior.
According to the developers the robot could be useful in alerting staff in case outsiders intend to seduce students. Chief Executive of Du Robo, Kang Jung-Won, told Korea Times that one of the possible scenarios is that in case OFRO spots someone trying to seduce a student it will immediately alert school's officials.After the robot has alerted teachers, they have several opportunities: whether to warn the offender via loudspeaker or send school's security guards.
OFRO has a top speed of about 3 miles/hour which is slow as shit and can be programmed to walk a regular route or controlled manually. Now where the hell were these things when I was a kid? We had all kind of damned creeps hanging around the middle school. Seriously, Peder Lou's Free Candy Van was like a second home growing up.
South Korea Hires Robot to Protect Children [weirdasianews]
Thanks MIKAL, now lets go blow up some white vans
Mar 27 2008 Photoshop Express Available Online For Free
Photoshop Express, the long anticipated free photo manipulation tool is now online and accepting members. You ever get a complementary 2GB of storage when you sign up. Someone go ahead and join and give us some feedback in the comments section about what all you can do with it. I'd do it, but I can't compromise the security of my private photos. Because they're private. Read: of privates. Mine.
Thanks to Anthony, who takes pictures like nobody's business, for the tip
