Mar 27 2009 Alfie Patten, You Are....Not The Father!

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Remember Alfie Patten, the 13-year old that got his 15-year old girlfriend pregnant? Well, turns out he's not the father after all, and ogres really are the cheating whores I suspected. The fairy tales were true!

A DNA test showed a 13-year-old boy in Britain is not the father of a baby born to a 15-year-old he had unprotected sex with once.

Chantelle Stedman told Alfie Patten, who was 12 when he slept with her, he was her newborn daughter Maisie's father.

At first Stedman said Patten was the only boy she had ever slept with, but soon after other teens came forward saying they too could be the baby's father, because they claimed to have had sex with the girl.

It is still not clear who the baby's father is.

Alfie, if you're reading, I have some advice: get your junk checked for funk and then WALK AWAY with clean hands and dong. Chalk it up as a life lesson and move on. Just be thankful you learned it now before you married the beast atop Mt. Bloodfang and were sealed to the ogre clan forever. Because that would suck. Now run, Alfie -- run as fast and far as those little child-sized feet and size 4's will take you! Also, no more sticking your penis in things until you're 30 and gainfully employed. And then only the change return slot in vending machines.

DNA test shows 13-year-old Alfie Patten is not a dad [heraldsun]

Thanks to darkfall13, Eva, Freddy, Sinclair and Romeo, who all know the only great sex is ~~safe sex~~ with dinosaurs.

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Mar 6 2009 Beatles 'Rock Band' Coming This Fall

MORE: a day in the life , a hard day's night , across the universe , all things must pass , because , blackbird , can't buy me love , carry that weight , come together , do you want to know a secret? , drive my car , free as a bird , golden slumbers , happiness is a warm gun , hello goodbye , here comes the sun , hey jude , i feel fine , i saw her standing there , i want to hold your hand , i'll follow the sun , i'm looking through you , i've just seen a face , if i fell , in my life , lady madonna , let it be , love me do , lucy in the sky with diamonds , maxwell's silver hammer , mean mr. mustard , michelle , money , no reply , norwegian wood , nowhere man , octopus's garden , oh! darling , paperback writer , penny lane , polythene pam , revolution , rocky raccoon , sgt. pepper's lonely hearts club band , something , sun king , the long and winding road , things we said today , till there was you , to know her is to love her , tomorrow never knows , wait , we can work it out , when i'm sixty-four , while my guitar gently weeps , with a little help from my friends , yesterday , you never give me your money , you won't see me , you've got to hide your love away

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Want to play Beatles songs on Rock Band? Well get excited about September then, because "The Beatles: Rock Band" is coming.

Apple Corps, the band's music label, has strayed from its historical aversion to digital distribution of music by working with Harmonix and MTV Games to release the new title, which creators call "an unprecedented, experimental progression through and celebration of the music and artistry of The Beatles."

Apple Corps and Viacom Inc.'s MTV Networks announced the new game on Thursday, saying it would be priced at $59.99. For an additional $99.99, fans can purchase instruments similar to those used by the Beatles.

WHOOOOOWEEEE! I can finally go to bed at night knowing Beatles music is coming Rock Band. And also, that ghosts are real. WHOA -- DID YOU HEAR THAT? Sounded like chains being dragged across the floor. *grabbing flashlight* I'm going to investigate....

Haha, forgot to unchain the kids from the dishwasher after dinner. I swear, those rascals.

Beatles 'Rock Band' Coming In September [redorbit]

Thanks to MIKE, who used to get high with the Beatles before his company started randomly piss testing.

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