Nov 12 2009 Pfft, I Knew That: Staring At Breasts Is Good For Your Health, Prolongs A Man's Life
This is probably entirely fake and a giant hoax but I don't care because, well, breasts. Also -- don't question my journalistic integrity or I will swell your eyes shut so bad you'd be lucky to squint a nipple.
According to German research published in New England Journal of Medicine, men staring at women's breasts in fact prolong their lives with years.
"Just 10 minutes of looking at the charms of a well-endowed females is equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out," said author Dr. Karen Weatherby, a gerontologist.The team led by Weatherby was made up of researchers at three hospitals in Frankfurt, Germany, and found this results after monitoring for 5 years the health of 200 male subjects, half of whom were asked to look at busty females daily, while the other half had to abstain from doing so.
For five years, the breasts oglers presented a lower blood pressure, slower resting pulse rates and decreased risk of coronary artery disease.
I'm gonna be immortal! Kidding, I don't stare at breasts because I'm a gentleman and wear a top hat. But for the rest of you, go for it. You can start HERE (slightly NSFW, giant tank-topped boobs). I know, it's like a fountain valley of youth, right?
UPDATE: FAKE. But don't let that stop you from trying. Maybe you're the exception.
Looking at Breasts is Healthy [wholefitness]
Thanks to T. Brian, who is probably the healthiest man alive.
Sep 22 2009 Mad Scientist: We'll All Be Immortal Cyborgs In 20 Years. GW: In 19 Years I'm Offing Myself
Some crazy-ass jive talking nutjob (61-year old scientist, Ray Kurzweil) is convinced we'll have the technological capabilities and biological know-how to all be loveless immortal cyborgs within 20 years time. Uh-oh.
He says theoretically, at the rate our understanding is increasing, nanotechnologies capable of replacing many of our vital organs could be available in 20 years time.
Mr Kurzweil calls his theory the Law of Accelerating Returns. Writing in The Sun, Mr Kurzweil said: "I and many other scientists now believe that in around 20 years we will have the means to reprogramme our bodies' stone-age software so we can halt, then reverse, ageing. Then nanotechnology will let us live for ever."If we want to go into virtual-reality mode, nanobots will shut down brain signals and take us wherever we want to go. Virtual sex will become commonplace. And in our daily lives, hologram like figures will pop in our brain to explain what is happening.
First of all, The Sun is not an accredited scientific journal. And secondly, I prefer real sex to virtual reality any day. Trust me, it's not all that (I once tried making out with the television but she only shocked my tongue).
Immortality only 20 years away says scientist [telegraph]
Thanks to greenman and mystrb, who are already gonna live forever through their written words (in bathroom stalls).
Aug 13 2008 Wicked Fountain Makes Things Out Of Water!
This is an awesome fountain that can make words and dolphins and rings and lightning bolts and all kinds of other awesome designs using water. It's really freaking neat and you should watch it all. The only thing that could have made it better is if, instead of regular water, they used the water left over from boiling hotdogs. Mmmm, hotdog water.
Thanks to Gregg, who can actually do this pissing.
Jul 8 2008 Surprised?: Dubai Constructing World's Largest Water Fountain. Up Next: Everything Else
In an announcement that surprised absolutely no one, Dubai has voiced its intention of building the world's largest and fanciest water fountain (not of the drinking variety.
Costing a whopping $281 million, the new fountains will shoot water 450 feet into the air and pump 22,000 gallons of water through it at any given time. 6,600 lights and 50 projectors will shoot video and images onto the spray as its in the air...
Cool, I guess. I mean, I love a good fountain show as much as the next person stoned out of their mind, but this seems a little excessive. Why does everything have to be so extreme? You're not trying to make up for anything down there are you, Dubai? Sure, I'll take a loo...MY EYE! So much for that theory.
Hit the jump for what the fountain looks like if you're tripping.
May 14 2008 Man Grows Old Right Before Your Eyes
Wow, I really need to ramp up my efforts to live a more stress free life. I don't wanna end up like this guy, who, in the span of three years, went from a young dapper lad to an old diaper clad. Apparently he's a Japanese news reporter that let the stress of the job get the best of him. Listen, I've got a piece of advice for those of you out there that feel like you may be headed down the same path. Hookers. They help you live a happy, stress (but not necessarily VD) free life. I'd still frequent them if I didn't get wrapped up in this whole "marriage" thing. It's seriously killing me, and I've only been hitched for two years. It started with gradual hair loss, then a strange rash. Next came a chest pain, and now I can't hear (over the sound of my wife's blathering piehole). Oh no -- oh no. Hold on a sec. "Hey, wait, please don't go -- I need you. PLEASE. No, not them too. Come on, maybe tonight'll be the night. No I haven't been saying that for two years! Come back, I beg you!" *sobbing* Well folks, it's official -- my proverbial sausage has packed his metaphorical meatballs and left. Life as I know it, is over. I might as well become a leper.
