Aug 25 2009 Don't Smoke It!: Lighter Looks Like Cigarette
This $1.50 lighter from DealExtreme is in form factor of a regular sized cigarette and can set stuff on fire. Including, but limited to: cigarettes, spliffs, joints, hair, your sister's Barbies, cologne, fireworks and witches. I jest, there's no such thing as witches. Isn't that right, sorceress? Also, is it true what they say about a sorceress's nipples -- they can shoot flames?
Cigarette-shaped lighter blends in with its surroundings [dvice]
Aug 4 2009 Okay: Lamps That Look Like Security Cameras
The Antrepo 'I'm Not A Security Camera' is a desk lamp in the form factor of a security camera. Set it on the desk or hang it on the wall -- either way you'll think twice before looking at what you and I both know you looked at online while at work. Tsk, tsk. Plus, it might help deter stapler theft. Better than a loaded gun? No, but safer. Remember when you shot yourself in the leg trying to fill up a cup at the water cooler? That was funny. Your blood makes me laugh.
Spoticam Lamp [ohgizmo]
Thanks to Steven, who just booby traps everything instead.
Jul 30 2009 Jacket Assassins: Ninja Star Coat Hooks
Does Ninja Boy hang his denim jacket on ninja star coat hooks? You bet your socially awkward katana he does! These Ninja Coat Hooks from Spinning Hat designs are coat hooks made to look like ninja stars. Hi-ya? HI-YA!
The Ninja Coat Hooks will transform your hallway into the scene of a Shanghai back street stand-off. Each metal Ninja Coat Hook has one corner cleverly engineered into a screw, which allows you to fix securely to your wall or door, whilst making it look like it has been hurled from the hands of a deadly Ninjitsu assassin.
Each star will set you back around $13. Alternatively, I'll drive you to the mall and we can go the kiosk that sells ninja swords and body jewelry and pick up a pack of real ones. Afterwards, we'll head over to Hot Topic for novelty t-shirts and then to the food court to wash it all down with an Orange Julius. High five!
Jun 15 2009 Tactical Corsets Provide Pew Pew Protection
Tactical Corsets are "high-fashion high-function clothes for empowered women" and are available with or without body armor depending on the level of "action" you see on a day to day basis.
Tactical gear is no longer an all boys club. Tactical Corsets bring female operators MILSPEC features like MOLLE modular pouch attachment webbing and self-adjustable quick-release buckles in a load-bearing carrier designed to support the female form.
Count me in. And by me and I mean you, ladies. Okay, and me. What -- I look good in black! Also, stilettos.
Thanks to Watch-303, who once took out a whole tribe of amazon women but made them all pay for their own dinners.
Apr 24 2009 Sure, Why Not?: The YI Zipper Headphones
Ji Woong designed the YI Zipper Headphones in the form factor of a zipper. They were designed to keep your wires tidy and look cool, but the pull even doubles as a volume controller. So now you finally have an excuse to play with your headphones and make zipper noises. Rub your corduroy pant legs together and clap and TA-DA!: you're a one man band. Unless you're a woman, in which case you and I should make a duet. Then love. Then....me a sandwich. No -- a gyro. :)
Zip it: YI Zipper earphones keep cables zipped up and tidy [dvice]
Thanks to Captain Jonald and Pikksky, who have thankfully never had a ball caught in their zipper. Trust me guys, you don't want to. It feels like a carpenter driving a burning nail into your change purse.
Mar 8 2009 Souper!: b/c 'The Plane' Doesn't Always Work
If there's one thing I learned about feeding kids it's that you have to take the tape off their mouths or they spill all over themselves. And then the daycare starts questioning your credentials and arrest history. Thankfully, you caught the manager banging the married parent of one of your charges so you're pretty much indispensable despite your penchant for getting high in the custodial closet and drinking the Mop & Glo. Anyway, for those of you who can't get their kids to eat without "HERE COMES THE PLANE, NEEEEEOOOWWW"ing it into their fat little faces, here's comes the SOUPER! from Fred & Friends. It's a spoon that looks like a superhero action figure. It's great for both cereal and beanie weenies and will be available next month for about $12. But, if you can't wait that long, you can always rip a G.I. Joe's head off and wedge a spoon down his neck hole. Because that's what we did during the war, and knowing is half toe battle. I'm talking trench foot, bitches.
Thanks to Chris, who doesn't need a souperhero spoon to eat because he's hooked up to a chocolate milk IV. Nice Chris, I like your style.
Mar 7 2009 Sleek Computer Case Designed By BMW
This is a prototype computer case designed by BMW and Thermaltake. It's called 'Level 10' and would get the shit stomped out of it by my 'Level 80' Paladin.
What a brilliant idea -- let's stop hiding PC components inside boxes, shine them up in stainless steel and black air-directing shrouds, and leave those innards out in the open for all to see. The concept is similar to those lofts with all the exposed piping and ventilation ductwork. It's positively postmodern.
Uh, am I the only once that noticed it doesn't look anything like a car? WTFBMW? Seriously, call me back when it has anti-lock brakes and a leather interior. Oh, and heated seats.
Level 10: the inside-out PC from an alternate dimension [dvice]
Thanks to DZ and Gingerbird, who once joyrode a BMW straight into a lake.
Feb 20 2009 Toasty: Bra Dryer Heats Your Hooter Holsters
The BraDryer concept is a dryer for your lacy boulder holders. The ones you don't want going in the regular dryer. As you can see, it looks like a pair of knockers, which led to this burn on my hand. Obviously, it was worth it. *TSSSSSSS* I copped another one!
Bra Dryer is the Most Useful Device Shaped Like a Pair of Boobs Ever [gizmodo]
Thanks to Crystal, who gets to see real boobs all the time because shes has some. Unfortunately, so do I. :(
Jul 15 2008 The iGiveUp: A Handgun Bluetooth Handset
The iGiveUp is a Bluetooth handset in the form of a gun. You just put the barrel in your ear and pull the trigger to make and receive calls. There's an Instructable if you want to make your own, and it's not too complicated. The concept may or may not have been developed by the guy who made Mana Energy Potions seeing how his Instructibles name is ManaEnergyPotion and there's a picture of him surrounded by bottles of the stuff. I've got to hand it to whoever is responsible though, there have been many times when I'd have rather have just wrapped this life up than take a phone call. Like this morning when my parole officer called to ask why my ankle monitor reported I'd been in Vegas over weekend. You know what I told him? Because I love drinking, gambling and prostitutes. Which, incidentally, is how I got arrested in the first place. As the saying goes: you can't teach an old dog not kill another hooker.
Hit the jump for a video of the folks showing the gun off to people waiting in line for the new iPhone.
Continue Reading " The iGiveUp: A Handgun Bluetooth Handset "
Feb 12 2008 I Really, Really Mean It: Formal Apologies
Sometimes saying you're sorry just isn't enough. For those times come these Formal Apology Notices. You just fill in a few blanks, check some checkboxes, and ta-da -- you're forgiven (hopefully). Unfortunately they didn't work for me. In retrospect I probably should have filled them out instead of just giving a handful of blank ones to my girlfriend, but it's the thought that counts right? Well it turns out the thought she had was that I wanted her to apologize for something. So you know what she did? She punched me. A lot. I got a Formal Apology Notice the next day.
It has come to my attention that my action of knocking you the f*** out could be seen as hurtful. I never intended to not kill you. I want you to understand that I was merely trying to finally put you down so I could move out with my lover, though I can see now that it may appear that I was just trying to hurt you. Please accept my un-heartfelt apology. Moving forward, I will attempt to kill you for real next time. That said, I would very much appreciate it if you would just do it yourself already you pathetic loser. Sincerely, your soon to be ex-girlfriend.
She's such a card, she so loves me.
An Official Apology [electroplankton]
