Nov 5 2009 Inner City Bike Sports No Chain, Comfort
Because bike chains (and gold chains) are such a hot commodity in the inner city, the Inner City Bike doesn't have one. Or a comfortable seat. Or much practicality. I have to have it!
Bicycling to work may be the way to go for some, but parking could still be an issue. That's why Jruiter Studio has come up with the "Inner City Bike". It boasts an ultra compact design and has no chain to boot
There's a shot of a guy riding it after the jump, which I'll be the first to admit doesn't look as uncomfortable as I thought it would. But I won't be the first to admit where I hid the jewels. Not even if you tortur -- TOP DRAWER, UNDER ALL THE SOCKS. PLEASE DON'T HURT ME, I HAVE CHILDREN I DON'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT!
Hit it for a guy sitting on the thing.
Continue Reading " Inner City Bike Sports No Chain, Comfort "
May 29 2009 Archie Is Set To Marry....Veronica (Black Hair)
Archie, after like a million years of trying to bone both Veronica and Betty, is committing himself to one woman, Veronica. *sniff* Don't do it bro, don't do it. Why buy the cow when you can do everything on the farm, know what I'm saying? I'm talking goats and shit.
In what's being billed the "Archie Story of the Century," perennially indecisive loverboy Archie Andrews has finally chosen the raven-haired Veronica Lodge over sunny girl-next-door Betty Cooper, according to the official Archie Comics website.
"Could it be true? Has Archie finally decided to take the plunge and propose to comics' favourite rich girl? It sure looks that way!" read a note posted online Wednesday.
Sure it looks that way, but nothing is what it seems...IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE *dum dum dum -- doot doot dum dum dum dum dum!*. The whole fiasco will be spread out over six comics (issues # 600-605) and culminate in Veronica catching Archie and Betty together (in a sexually suggestive situation) the night before their wedding and then locking the two in a hotel room and burning the building to the ground. The last panel will be Veronica giving Jughead a little hand action in the car while a fire engine races past.
Archie shocker: Comic book hero picks Veronica [cbanews]
Thanks to spiderkitten, who totally agrees I'd make a great comic book writer.
May 19 2009 Closer To The Action: Kneeling Pee Bench
The Tenshi no Hizamakura (Angels Knee Pillow) is a little bench designed to get men lower to the action and help prevent urine misplacement. No word if it actually comes with the flying pee genie in the picture, but that would pretty awesome if it did (and also a bargain at $60).
...according to the manufacturer, House Doctor, urinating into the toilet from a certain height results in hundreds of droplets of spray & splash being ejected from the bowl - yes, they actually COUNTED the droplets - and in Japanese households it's the wife who gets to perform the toilet cleaning services.
Ha, maybe America and Japan aren't so different after all. Get it? Because the women do the cleaning here too! Isn't that right, honey? Honey? HONEY?! Shit. Note to self: rerun singles ad. Bigger penis this time.
Hit the jump for a couple more shots of the questionableness that I'll never need because I always sit down.
Continue Reading " Closer To The Action: Kneeling Pee Bench "
May 12 2009 Sure, Why Not?: 'Noob' Makes It To Dictionary
I don't know how much truth there is to this, but let's be honest, I'd still post it even if my only source was overhearing the crazy guy at the bar telling himself. BECAUSE I OWN JOURNALISM. So allegedly, 'noob' is coming to the dictionary, and will also carry the honor of being the millionth word. Snap, you just got PWNED, lexicon!
The Global Language Monitor accepts words once they have been used 25,000 times by media outlets. According to the reports, this hints at "noob" becoming the millionth word, which would happen on June 10, 2009, at 10:20am. At that moment, the word "noob" will itself become a noob in the English language, and we will all polish our specatacles and smirk at the amusing irony of it all.
So a word becomes official when it's used 25,000 times by media outlets, huh? Geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie
geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie geekologie.
I think we're getting close!
Noob to become the millionth word in the English language? [destructoid]
Thanks to Salazar, who suggests we petition to have bangarang included as well.
May 12 2009 Wuv, Tru Wuv: Heart-Shaped Watermelons
What? I CAN QUOTE The Princess Bride IF I WANT. There's no shame in my game. Or extra lives. Anyway, just in time for not Valentine's Day, Japanese jolly ranchers Kiroichi Kimura and his wife have perfected a way of growing heart-shaped watermelons, which sell for up to $160. It took three years to develop the process, which involves implanting a watermelon seed in a giant's heart and then slaying it and removing the melon afterward. Nice, guys, but I think I still stick to regular-shaped melons. *ahem* I'm looking at you, female Geekologie reader.
Heart-shaped watermelons in Japan [japanprobe]
Thanks to Ashnod, ffffffffffffffffffffff and NESbeast, who are holding out for spleen shaped watermelons.
May 5 2009 Pfft, Who Needs Ears?: Pierced Glasses
Born without ears? Lose them in a samurai sword fight? Whatever the case, for those of you who have found yourself both aurally and ocularly challenged, you may want to consider pierced glasses. Pierced glasses are a pair of prescription eyeglasses that stay affixed to your ugly mug via a piercing through the nose. Pretty clever. Not as clever as just having Lasik surgery so you can shoot lasers out of your eyeballs, but hey, laser vision isn't for everyone. And, incidentally, neither are laser-wangs. Go ask The Superficial Writer why he's blind in one eye.
Pierced Eyeglasses [bmezine]
Thanks to Warfaremonkey, who wears a pierced hat and is now limited to the use of his animal brain like Phineas Gage.
May 4 2009 Tattooed Barbie: You're No Daughter Of Mine!
Mattel's new 'Totally Stylin' Barbie doll comes with a bunch of sticker tattoos you can apply all over her forehead and neck to make her look way more totally stylin'. Make her a little R2-D2 backpack and that is one fine piece of plastic ass (note to self: verify Barbie's age before using this). Plus, the doll comes with a fake tattoo gun and ink tattoos so your daughters (and sons) can apply tattoos to themselves! Shockingly, some parents aren't cool with the idea.
Barbie-maker Mattel has said the tattooed Barbie provides a way for kids to "be creative" with the doll. Some parents, naturally, see it differently, suggesting that a "Totally Pierced Barbie" or a "Divorce Barbie" could come next.
As for the tattooed Barbie, Mattel says it's selling better than expected and there are no plans to pull it from the product lineup.
Personally, I don't care, but that may just be because I don't have any daughters. No, I'm the proud father of three very handsome boys (woman always on top). Just kidding. But now that you know how they're made, ladies?
Tattooed Barbie Stirs Up Controversy [inquisitr]
and
Amazon Product Page
Thanks to Steven, whose daughters are only allowed to play with G.I. Joe's.
Apr 29 2009 3D Chess Adds Dimension To The Game
Tired of playing plain old chess? 3-way chess just not cutting it for you anymore? How about some 3-D chess? What rolls down stairs, alone or in pairs, rolls over your neighbor's dog? What's great for a snack, and fits on your back, It's 3D CHESS CHESS CHESS! Ooooh snap -- you just got Ren and Stimpy'd! Anyways, this 3D chessboard was designed by Ji Lee and bears an unstriking resemblance to Star Trek Tri-Dimensional Chess. Truthfully, I never even know the rules for chess*, I just like playing with the pieces. Haha -- my castle just stomped one of your guys with the hat! Now it's gonna....WHAT'S YOUR HORSEY DOING ON MY QUEEN?!?
3D Chessboard Is Like Q*bert for Smart People [gizmodo]
*I was kidding for the sake of the article, I'm actually a Grand Dungeon Master.
Apr 18 2009 Why Not: Pac-Man Jackassery In Real Life
This is a video of some real life Pac-Man action. The video was created by Remi Gaillard (of real-life Mario Kart fame), who I assume is France's Jackass. Although I did like like the part where he tried to eat the woman's golf ball. Through a garden hose! Which, at least according to the wall above the urinal, your girlfriend. You lucky dog!
Thanks to Jack and c devine, who once ate all four ghosts while they were blue and still saved room for more dots.
Apr 18 2009 Crazy Sink Is Crazy, Drains Onto The Floor
The Abisko Washbasin from Eumar isn't even a basin. It's a freaking waterslide. A waterslide sink that drains onto the floor. How hilarious would it be if some bar installed this thing and forgot to put in the drain? Or even better -- you clogged it with a bunch of paper towels! HAHAHA, water damage is so funny! But seriously, it would be cool to spit blood in the sink and watch it sail down the stream. And why would you be spitting blood? I dunno, sometimes you just *WA-POW!* that's why.
Hit the jump for a bunch more of the questionable modernity.
Continue Reading " Crazy Sink Is Crazy, Drains Onto The Floor "
Apr 17 2009 Legway: Segway's Steampunk Predecessor
The Legway was the original inspiration for Gob Bluth's preferred method of transportation, the Segway. As you can see, it's made out of copper piping, wood, and a heaping portion of leg muscle.
It's actually a variation of the Universe Cycle, with handlebars. I'd love to see a video to see how wonky it is to drive. The builder says it's not that hard and he's gotten pretty good at it.
"Gotten pretty good at it". Ha, that's just techno-babble for "WTF was I thinking tearing the pipes out of the guest bathroom?" Also, do you think the pet store will let me return a frozen dove for a full refund?
Hit the jump for a steampunk snowboard, because, why the hell not?
Apr 15 2009 Highly Questionable: 'Mow The Lawn' Ad
This is the second in a series of highly questionable commercials (tulips on the mound -- WTF?!) for the Shick Quattro For Women TrimStyle with Bikini Trimmer. Which, if you couldn't tell by the name, is a beaver cleaver. Now I'm not going to go into the racial stereotypes presented in this commercial, but needless to say there were some. Admittedly, I do like to keep myself trimmed. And my ladyfriends too. And not just because it won't reach if we both aren't, but that's totally why. Also, what's up with the perfectly spherical bush? Do you women actually do that? Pictures or it didn't happen.
Thanks to Abbo and Eric the Cleric, who don't use razors because they have lasers. That, uh, that sounds scary, guys.
Apr 9 2009 ILVTOFU Is An Unacceptable License Plate
Kelly Coffman-Lee is a fairly attractive 38-year old vegan who wanted to share her love of soy with the world through a custom license plate. Unfortunately, she was denied 'ILVTOFU' because of the double ententre. Which is pretty pathetic considering I just heard that steaming pile of shit Britney Spears song on the radio today. I demand justice! And also, 'ILVVGNA'.
'Tofu' License Plate Deemed X-Rated [aolnews]
Thanks to e. and Pat, who love bean curd as much as the next person, which isn't much. Edamame though, mmmm!
Apr 9 2009 Bumptop: Your Own Personal 3D Desktop
Bumptop (which has been in the works for awhile) is a program that makes your desktop appear 3D and much more customizable and manipulable so you can resize icons according to importance and post stuff on the walls and all around have a jolly ol' time not being productive. It's a free download (for light, $29 for full), so go grab it and then show it off to your office-mates. Yell things like "BOO-YA!" and "FINGERBANGARANG!" while showcasing its features to let them know how superior your desktop is to theirs. But, if they're anything like me, they may tell you your desktop sucks and that their desktop is 4-D. At this point, you'll go back and forth 1-upping each other with ridiculous claims of 5-D and 20-D desktops, until one of you says theirs is actually Infinity-D . Then they other (you want this to be you) will insist they have an Infinity+1-D desktop, and that person will win.
Hit the jump for a video explaining all the fun to be had.
Mar 27 2009 Customize!: iGoogle Video Game Themes
Want to customize your Googling experience with some sweet gaming art? Well now you can thanks to a series of iGoogle gaming themes. Pick from Zelda, Mega Man, Mario, Street Fighter, Spore, WoW, Animal Crossing and a bunch more. Use a different one every day of the week! Or don't, I don't care. It's not like I'm going to beat you over the head if you don't. Hey, what's that!?!? PEW PEW! Haha -- I didn't say anything about lasers!
Thanks to dealmaker7783, Douche McAllister and Julian, who all opted for Zelda because they know what's up.
Mar 25 2009 Stephen Colbert's Name On Space Station
Stephen Colbert just won a contest to have a new section of the International Space Station named after him. Unfortunately, those sticklers at NASA probably won't let it fly -- or orbit (ZING!).
The name "Colbert" beat out NASA's four suggested options in the space agency's effort to have the public help name the addition. The new room will be launched later this year.
NASA's mistake was allowing write-ins.Colbert urged viewers of his Comedy Central show, "The Colbert Report" to write in his name - and they complied, with 230,539 votes. That clobbered Serenity, one of the NASA choices, by more than 40,000 votes.
NASA reserves the right to choose an appropriate name. Agency spokesman John Yembrick said NASA will decide in April, but will give top vote-getters "the most consideration."
Colbert sounds just as good as Serenity if you ask me. But they're both kind of weak. I was sort of hoping for something with a little more pizazz. Namely, "The GW's Intergalactic Boom Boom Room: where the beer is yesterday's urine and the lapdances are OUT OF THIS WORLD®".
Comic Colbert wins NASA space station name contest [yahoonews]
Thanks to Pepe Le PEWPEW, who wrote in 'The PEW PEW Room', which I agree, does have a ring to it.
Mar 20 2009 Okay: Robo-Fish To Detect Ocean Pollution
This robotic fish, which looks like it was made out of precious jewels, isn't, but was actually created to detect pollutants in the earth's oceans.
The 1.5 meter long robotic fish each requires about $30,000 to make. Their purpose is to head out into the open water, take in data about water pollutants, return to a charging station about every 8 hours and while charging, submit data about water quality.
The issues with this first batch of fish is pretty clear - they're way too expensive to be made in numbers big enough to be very helpful; their charge lasts just 8 hours so they aren't able to have a very large range away from their charging stations; they run a pretty good risk of getting a bite taken out of them.
$30,000? Jesus. For half the cost of a single fish I'll rent a paddle boat and troll the underwater sensors myself. I swear, these idiotic scientists think a robot is the solution to every freaking problem. Which leads me to my next question -- how much do you think a robotic fish would fetch on eBay? Wow, really? Grab your tacklebox and meet me by the dinghy!
Video of the very life-like swimming fish after the jump.
Continue Reading " Okay: Robo-Fish To Detect Ocean Pollution "
Mar 17 2009 Soccer Moms Outraged At Grown Up Dora
Apparently Mattel and Nickelodeon rolled out an image of a new "tween" Dora the Explorer last week and a lot of soccer moms are super pissed she's not the chubby little midriff-flashing five year-old she used to be. So Nickelodeon had to fire back.
"I think there was just a misconception in terms of where we were going with this," Gina Sirard, vice president of marketing at Mattel, says. "Pretty much the moms who are petitioning aging Dora up certainly don't understand. ... I think they're going to be pleasantly happy once this is available in October, and once they understand this certainly isn't what they are conjuring up."
"The reason for creating this new Dora line is to offer an alternative to moms who want their daughters to stay little girls, a little longer," the statement concludes. The Tween Dora doll comes with a USB port and is compatible with online story lines.
First of all, who cares. And secondly, Dora's mom, and this is just between you and me -- I think she's taking Fen-Phen.
New Tween "Dora The Explorer" Revealed [ohnotheydidnt] (with some pretty funny comments if you're bored)
Thanks to Duran, who's still pissed his children's show Tucker the Spelunker never took off.
Mar 15 2009 Guy Loses Finger, Replaces With Flash Drive
Jerry Jalava is a hacker who lost half his left ring finger in a motorcycle accident and decided to replace the digit with a USB drive. So now he sports a rubber half-finger with thumb(!)drive inside. Awesome. Plus, if he ever has to wear a wedding ring it won't count because it's not a real finger. Am I right? Because that's why I cut mine off. Just kidding, I was really high and trying to make a bong in shop class.
Hit the jump for three more shots of the digital digitry.
Continue Reading " Guy Loses Finger, Replaces With Flash Drive "
Mar 7 2009 Sleek Computer Case Designed By BMW
This is a prototype computer case designed by BMW and Thermaltake. It's called 'Level 10' and would get the shit stomped out of it by my 'Level 80' Paladin.
What a brilliant idea -- let's stop hiding PC components inside boxes, shine them up in stainless steel and black air-directing shrouds, and leave those innards out in the open for all to see. The concept is similar to those lofts with all the exposed piping and ventilation ductwork. It's positively postmodern.
Uh, am I the only once that noticed it doesn't look anything like a car? WTFBMW? Seriously, call me back when it has anti-lock brakes and a leather interior. Oh, and heated seats.
Level 10: the inside-out PC from an alternate dimension [dvice]
Thanks to DZ and Gingerbird, who once joyrode a BMW straight into a lake.
