May 12 2009 $2,500 XBox Shoes Don't Even Play Games

Looking to blow $2,500 on something that's bound to get all scuffed up and smell funky within a few months? Cool, buy me one of those masturbation machines. Or these shoes.

These are an exclusive pair...only one of its kind. Patent leather back with embedded fiber optic wiring in the shape of the XBOX logo. Battery placement is in the tongue as well as on and off switch that has 2 settings: Strobe or Constant light functions. Gradient lime swoosh faded to black. The toe is painted in a surreal Tiger Camouflage with accents of lime and bright green. These are a men's size 11.

$2,500 for a pair of sneakers? For that kind of money I was at least expecting them to play Halo. Yeah, and have speakers so I can hear all the penisless pre-pubescent boys telling me what a homosexual African American I am.

Hit the jump for several more shots including the fiber optics in action.

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Dec 1 2008 Haha, I'm Rich!: Fiber Optic Placemats

The LumiTable table runner is made from woven fiber optic strands and glows while you dine in the dark. Available in a variety of hideous colors, each 63"x13" runner will set you back a costly $200, but is sure to get the neighbors talking. Talking about what a tacky freaking idiot you are. Seriously, the only people that eat in the dark are vampires. And if there's one thing I know about vampires, it's that I tried to stab myself to death with my nachos watching Twilight this weekend.

Luminous tablecloth adds an eerie glow to your dining experience [dvice]