Oct 30 2009 I'm Digging It: Anatomical Furniture Designs
This is a sweet furniture ensemble designed by Vladi Rapaport that features a skull chair, brain ottoman and spine lamp. I want them all. And by all I mean just the skull chair. But I want it throne-sized and it needs to shoot flames.
A collection of products inspired by the Dutch "vanitas" still life paintings from the 16th and 17th century. The characteristic type of symbolic still life painting is the one where the symbols of emptiness, time and death were placed on the canvas as a reminder of the vanity of one's earthly life.
Listen, I don't know about Dutch symbolism or whatever but I do know an ottoman I want to kick the hell out of when I see one. And that brain, my dear Watson, is one such ottoman. *kick kick* You like that? You will never build an empire!
Hit the jump for one more shot of the awesome.
Continue Reading " I'm Digging It: Anatomical Furniture Designs "
Oct 20 2009 I'd Wear Them: Nikes Made Out Of Junk
Gabriel Dishaw is an artist who works primarily in the medium of junk. Like rusty metal sprockets and nuts and bolts. And among other sculptures, he creates shoes with these things.
This piece was a continuation of my previous piece JUNK DUNK (Right) I wanted to attempt this approach again, with a more refined and detailed outcome. I used very little wire and more glue to keep the piece more clean, and less bulky. I also added new details, a hinged tongue and nike logo's on both the tongue and back of the shoe. On previous models I used a real nike sole to build of off. With this piece I started from scratch and build the sole from circuit boards.
Impressive, Gabriel. But there is no doubt in my mind I could dunk in these things. And I don't care if they do cut off all my toes off and give me tetanus -- I don't like standing or talking anyways! I'm more of a lie down and type kind of guy anyways. What? YES I'M STILL IN BED.
Hit the jump for a bunch more shots plus three other Nike models Gabriel has created.
Oct 13 2009 Because Crocs Suck: Sweet Dino Shoes
Dinosaur shoes: more erotic than having your junk stomped in stilettos. And now, thanks to Weboo, you can own a pair -- provided you can stuff your man-feet into toddler sized footwear (is it too late to bind my feet?!). Plus, no laces! It was funny, just this morning an elderly woman on the bus asked me if I had a dinosaur shoe in my pocket or if I was just happy to see her. I told her both and winked. She got off at the next stop.
Product Site
via
Kid's Dinosaur Shoes Threaten Bugs With Teeth & Arms [fashionablygeek]
Thanks to Dick, who doesn't wear shoes because he has ninja feet and can walk on hot coals and razor blades.
Sep 24 2009 For The Ladies: This Ridiculous-Ass Shoe
Yes, that's a shoe. And it's ridiculous looking, isn't it? I know -- what's the matter with flip-flops? I don't get it either. YES I'M JUST JEALOUS!
And a high heel shoe at that. Designed by London architect Julian Hakes, the Mojito shoe is made of carbon fiber--to give it strength and spring--and laminated with rubber on the bottom and leather--from furniture manufacturers in High Wycombe, England--on top.
I can't even begin to imagine how you put that thing on. You could lock me in a room with a pair of these for an hour, and when you came back and I've one have on dangling from an ear and a high-heel sized bulge in my shorts. Yeah, I'd be waving it at ya.
Wait, This Is a Shoe? [gizmodo]
Sep 10 2009 Nice Kicks, Brah: Custom Super Mario Shoes
If there's one thing to earn some serious street cred, it's a pair of custom painted Mario shoes. Kidding, it's calling a grizzly bear a bitch to her tits and stealing a cub, but these might net you a little.
Each one is precisely handpainted by Rachelle Williams of ParadoxArtistry, and covered with imagery of all of your favorite Super Mario characters. At $160 smackeroos a pair, they're not cheap, but think about how much two original paintings and a pair of high-tops would cost you and then it doesn't seem that bad. While the pair shown above is a Men's size 11, Rachelle will happily make you a pair in any size.
I, for one, would rock the hell outta those puppies. WOOF WOOF, know what I'm sayin'?! I don't, I think I've lost my got-damn mind.
Hit the jump for one more shot of the impressiveness.
Continue Reading " Nice Kicks, Brah: Custom Super Mario Shoes "
Aug 3 2009 Keychain LEGO Minifigs Hide A Bright Secret (Read: They Got LED's In Their Feet, Fool!)
These LEGO minifigs aren't just any LEGO minifigs, these 2.5" sums of beeches have keychains growing out of their domes AND A WHITE LED IN EACH FOOT. Sounds like somebody grew up under power lines. Available this fall for around $9, their torsos are sadly not interchangeable. Remember when you used to do that with your G.I. Joes? Because one time I replaced Gung Ho's torso with Lady Jaye's. It made me feel funny. Good funny. Down there. The tips of my toes, silly! Now rub them. DO IT NOW!
Product Site
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LEGO Minifig With LED Feet [ohgizmo]
Aug 3 2009 Cut Your Nails: Mario & Luigi Tattoos On Feet
Before I go any further, you need to cut those toenails. That ring toe looks like it could cut glass and the middle one reminds me of a little fleshy grape. Great, now I want to eat it. I SAID, "PUT IT IN MY MOUTH!" So yeah, Mario and Luigi tattoos on the bottom of some guy's feet. I reckon he opted for the feet because his mommy would be disappointed if she found out he had them. So you should have seen the look on her face when he put his feet on the coffee table. It was like she just seen a ghost! Or video game tattoos on her son's feet. IT'S THE SAME LOOK!
Hit the jump for a shot of Luigi and one of both feet together.
Continue Reading " Cut Your Nails: Mario & Luigi Tattoos On Feet "
Jun 5 2009 I Want: These Custom Metal Gear Solid Shoes
These custom painted Metal Gear Solid shoes were made by UCLA student and artist Jacob Patterson (no relation to Robert Pattinson) and shown off at the E3 convention. I want like four for each foot. You know, because I have big feet. ;) Ladies, that wink was for you.
He is apparently going to talk with Kojima and team to discuss the possibility of mass-producing these shoes via the Puma brand. So if things go well expect to be able to buy these at a store near you sometime in the future!
Well I usually only wear flip flips and aqua socks, but I'd make an exception for these bad boys. And speaking of bad boys -- I've been one lately. Now which one of you lovely ladies wants to ride on my motorcycle. And by motorcycle I mean lawn mower. And by 'ride on' I mean cut the backyard. Any takers? Come on -- I'll make lemonade!
Hit the jump for two closeups.
Continue Reading " I Want: These Custom Metal Gear Solid Shoes "
May 12 2009 $2,500 XBox Shoes Don't Even Play Games
Looking to blow $2,500 on something that's bound to get all scuffed up and smell funky within a few months? Cool, buy me one of those masturbation machines. Or these shoes.
These are an exclusive pair...only one of its kind. Patent leather back with embedded fiber optic wiring in the shape of the XBOX logo. Battery placement is in the tongue as well as on and off switch that has 2 settings: Strobe or Constant light functions. Gradient lime swoosh faded to black. The toe is painted in a surreal Tiger Camouflage with accents of lime and bright green. These are a men's size 11.
$2,500 for a pair of sneakers? For that kind of money I was at least expecting them to play Halo. Yeah, and have speakers so I can hear all the penisless pre-pubescent boys telling me what a homosexual African American I am.
Hit the jump for several more shots including the fiber optics in action.
Continue Reading " $2,500 XBox Shoes Don't Even Play Games "
Apr 21 2009 Jones Is Back With An Even Better Business
Remember Toby Jones of Jones' Big Ass Truck Rental & Storage? Well he's back with another genius business idea, this time in the form of Jones' Good Ass BBQ & Foot Massage. As you can see from the video, they even have fried dinosaur. Which, at least in my opinion, is just plain wrong. I'm no black widow!
Jones' Good Ass BBQ And Foot Massage [jonesbigasstruckrentalandstorage]
Thanks to my brother SuperFrank, who almost burnt the house down trying to fry a porkchop sandwich. My God did that smell good.
Apr 18 2009 Must Have: Custom Monkey Island Shoes
Converse All-Stars aren't really my thing, but I would make an exception and rock the hell out of these mama-jammas. Inspired by The Secret of Monkey Island, the shoes were hand-painted by a Spanish fan with scenes from the game (the opening and an insult swordfight). Awesome, now I want a pair of custom Monkey Island kicks. Also, a rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle. WHEE!
Hit the jump for close-ups of each shoe.
This is the END for you, you gutter-crawling cur!
And I've got a little TIP for you, get the POINT?
Apr 17 2009 Legway: Segway's Steampunk Predecessor
The Legway was the original inspiration for Gob Bluth's preferred method of transportation, the Segway. As you can see, it's made out of copper piping, wood, and a heaping portion of leg muscle.
It's actually a variation of the Universe Cycle, with handlebars. I'd love to see a video to see how wonky it is to drive. The builder says it's not that hard and he's gotten pretty good at it.
"Gotten pretty good at it". Ha, that's just techno-babble for "WTF was I thinking tearing the pipes out of the guest bathroom?" Also, do you think the pet store will let me return a frozen dove for a full refund?
Hit the jump for a steampunk snowboard, because, why the hell not?
Apr 14 2009 A Grass Wheel For The Concrete Jungle
The Grass Wheel was created by David Gallaugher, Kevin James, and Jacob Jebailey of the Dalhousie School of Architecture, and provides a comfortable, shoe-free mode of eco-transportation in the concrete jungle (grass-sandals guys, just saying). And I think we can all agree, it makes a very powerful statement. One about renewable energy or something. No? Human hamster wheels? A-ha -- space technology and growing grass upside down! Yes, very thought provoking. How do they do that?
Grass Wheel [neatorama]
Thanks to Armando, who is all man and refuses to walk in anything but a broken-glass wheel. Nice, Armando, but I'll stick to my burning coals wheel.
Mar 6 2009 Giant Remote Controls Windows Media Center
Why? Because pushing little buttons with your thumbs is for little sissies. You need MAN-LEGS to stomp MAN-SIZED BUTTONS to prove you are a REAL MAN. *SHA-POW* Look, I just punched a hole to the center of the galaxy with my MAN-FIST. That doesn't even make sense but it doesn't have to because I am so full of MAN-RAGE. NOW I'M HUMPING A SODA MACHINE! WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO MORE DR. PEPPER? RAWR!
Our intrepid modder achieved his goal by stitching together two PS2 Dance Dance Revolution mats, a PS2-to-PC controller converter box, and some homebrew source code.
What were we just talking about? Oh right, a giant controller. That thing is mad stupid. I would stomp right through that sucker and into the apartment below mine because my legs are like tree trunks -- wooden. 'Tis true, lost 'em both to the Kraken. YAAARR!
Hit the jump to see a video of the controller in action.
Continue Reading " Giant Remote Controls Windows Media Center "
Jan 27 2009 It's A Sock, It's A Camera, It's A....Sockera?
This is a digital camera made out socks by Netta Amir. Unfortunately, it can only take really fuzzy(!) pictures and is kind of a pervert (foot fetish). Wanna make one yourself? Look under your computer desk -- balled up socks? Well wash them. Then stitch them together and, if you're anything like me, PRESTO -- you're bleeding. Ha, I wasn't supposed to put them on first. But they were so warm and fresh out of the dryer! Alright, let's try this again. Ah, there we go -- eight socks sewn together. Kind of looks like an octopus. Hmm, I guess there are actual skills involved. But not gloves -- save those for the video camera.
Hit the jump for a bunch of closeups, including a picture the camera took.
Continue Reading " It's A Sock, It's A Camera, It's A....Sockera? "
Jan 26 2009 It's A Flip-Flop, It's A Shoe, It's A, Um, Bad Idea
This is an '80's looking hightop that turns into a flip-flop via a zipper. It's called a modular shoe, and it's bound to be one of the worst ideas ideas I've ever heard of. I mean, Jesus, flip-flops cost a dollar and fit in your pocket. Now here's a tip: if you're so poor you're actually considering buying a pair of convertible sneak-flops, BUY SOME FREAKING GROCERIES INSTEAD. And, on a side note, I bought a pair but my penis kept getting caught in the zipper so I threw them out. Ladies?
Hybrid Flip-Flop High Tops [ohgizmo]
Jan 12 2009 Soiled Pants: The World's Scariest Hiking Trail
And that, my friends, is why I never leave the house.
Youtube
Thanks to The free faller, who took one wrong step.
Nov 10 2008 Dance Dance Revolution Musical Coming Out
So, yeah, there's a musical based on Dance Dance Revolution coming out. Why? Because it's the end of the world as we know it, that's why.
It's set in an Orwellian society where a dance prophet named Moonbeam Funk helps dancing youth gangs rebel against a fascist government. The company working on the show describes it as "like Footloose set in the future -- but kind of scarier, and with 40 really attractive, barely-clothed young actors and buckets of free beer."
Wait, is that free beer for the audience? Because I can sit through a lot for a free bucket of free beer. Including, but not limited to, karaoke, and a horrible play based on a video game. And yes, I Photoshopped Zac Efron into the picture for The Superficial Writer. Dude sings that High School Musical bullshit all day long. Damnit, hold on. *leaning over cube wall* SHUT THE FUCK UP!
DDR, The Long Overdue Musical Version [kotaku]
Thanks to Jen, who could dance your ass off. And also, out-costume you.
Nov 7 2008 Why God, Why?: A Welcome Mat Mouse Pad
I've seen it all now. A $13 mouse pad that looks like a welcome mat. Jesus, what will they think of next? And could it possibly be this freaking stupid?
UPDATE: Jesus said their next pad is gonna look like a little mouse cage. Aaaaaand I'm out. *BANG*
Thanks to Reece, who knows that the only good mouse pad is a bearskin rug.
Oct 16 2008 The Future Is Now, And Not What I Expected: Walking Powered Shoe Chargers
I hate walking. That's why I run. Or Hoveround (screw you Rascal!). But for those of you that don't mind, how about making the most out of your two legged transportation. NTT has developed a shoe that promises to charge your gadgetry while on the go.
Their soles are filled with water, displaced as the wearer walks and forced through a tiny turbine. Current prototypes generate 1.2 watts of electricity, enough to power your iPod as you strut, but by the time these things hit production in 2010 the hope is to more than double that to 3 watts so that you can charge up your mobile, too.
Sure, why not. But I'd still prefer to see the breast-powered charger instead. Literally, I want to see it in action. And, I dunno, maybe some light touching.
NTT says one of these days these boots are gonna charge your gadgets [engadget]
Thanks to Julian, who's currently out on the the hunt for the best damn burrito in NYC.
