Oct 25 2009 I'd Wash My Mouth Out With It: Bacon Soap
This bacon soap isn't just bacon shaped, it's made with bacon fat. But how do you keep yourself from eating it in the shower? I don't think you can!
Soap can be made from just about any kind of fat. Even though fat from bacon, called lard, isn't the finest of fats to use for making soap, it somehow seemed to be the most exciting. Why? Because bacon is amazing. It has an almost mystical power to it and is a food that can be craved to almost no end. I figured what better way use the extra grease I had from cooking bacon then to turn it into soap!
If you want make some, there's an Instructable posted with all the details you need to Tyler Durden it up yourself. Unfortunately, I could never do it -- I like to drink all the fat out of pan after cooking. It scalds so good!
How to Make Bacon Soap [instructables]
Thanks to naas, who once made fried chicken soap and ate a thigh and two drumsticks sitting on the can one morning.
Oct 14 2009 More Spork Art: This Time A Human Carcass!
After yesterday's Plasticdragon, loyal Geekologie Reader Ashley wrote to inform me that he and his art group recently created a similar figure. Except, instead of a dragon, it's a dead-ass body!
This is a piece we did at Uni early this year and I just saw your feature article on the plastic dragon. The skeleton has been getting some nice features so thought you might be interested! :) It was a comment on the ironic contrast between our disposable fast-food culture and the problem of world famine. This received a D&AD Commendation at the '09 Awards.
Well done, Ashley. I'd like to take this time to point out that I, for one, am 100% against world famine. Now I know that I usually try to avoid getting political, but I firmly believe that all people should eat food. Except the fatties. They should exercise.
Hit the jump for three closeups.
Continue Reading " More Spork Art: This Time A Human Carcass! "
Sep 28 2009 McDomination: Map Of McDonalds In The US
This is a graphic representation of all the McDonalds restaurants in the United States. As you might be able to tell, there are a lot of them. Some might even say a McMillion. But they'd be wrong, because there's only 13,000.
This map is the brainchild of Stephen Von Worley, who got to thinking about the strip malls sprawling out along I-5 in California's ever less rural Central Valley: "Just how far can you get from generic convenience? And how would you figure that out?"
There are over 13,000 McDonald's restaurants in the US, or about 1 for every 23,000 Americans. But even market penetration this advanced doesn't mean that McDonald's is everywhere. Somewhere in South Dakota is the McFarthest Spot, the place in the US geographically most removed from the nearest McD's (*). If you started out from this location, a few miles north of State Highway 20 (which runs latitudinally between Highways 73 in the west and 65 in the east), you'd have to drive 145 miles to get your Big Mac (if you could fly, however, it'd be only 107 miles).
So you think the folks in Bumfack, South Dakota, are any skinnier than the rest of the population? Because I bet not. And no, this isn't me endorsing fast food. But one time I did find two onion rings in my fries at Burger King. Yeah, so who's the real king now? Gimme that crown, bitch!
413 - The McFarthest Place: 145 Mi to the Nearest Big Mac [strangemaps]
Thanks to Edminster and twellve, who only go to McDonalds when McRibs are in season.
May 7 2009 Lose Weight, Somehow: The Boneless Belt
The Boneless Belt is a Japanese weight loss product that's supposed to help you shed the pounds. From the look of things, I'm gonna guess it's far less effective than exercise or tying a dry cleaning bag over your head. But hey, different strokes for different folks gullible idiots.
In effect, the structure of the rubber belt is a large mesh grid that splits the dieter's belly, side and back fat into easily manageable blobs. This allows for increased metabolic consumption of calories and raises the propensity for increased blood flow values. More blood flow = more heat = more burning of fat.
Wow, that was really convincing. And by really convincing I mean I want to pop that shit like a sheet of bubble wrap! *SNAP POP BANG*
Boneless Belt Separates Your Fat Into Small Segments, Shames You [gizmodo]
Apr 16 2009 Bacon Torch Burns Hot, Hot Water Burn Baby
Some guy went and built a thermal lance (cutting torch) that runs on pure oxygen and the fat from bacon (well, prosciutto). As you can see from the picture, the 5,000°F grease-flame is hot enough to burn through a pan, and straight to our hearts. *swoon*
A thermal lance, typically made of iron instead of bacon, is used to cut up scrap metal and rescue people from collapsed buildings. It works by blowing pure oxygen gas through a pipe packed with iron and magnesium rods. These metals are surprisingly flammable in pure oxygen, releasing a huge amount of heat as they are consumed. The result is a jet of superheated iron plasma coming out of the end of the pipe. For sheer destructive force, few tools match a thermal lance. But iron isn't the only thing that's flammable in a stream of pure oxygen.
There's a video after the jump that explains how he made it, but I'm not into following directions so I just glue-sticked a bunch of bacon to grandma's oxygen mask. Here goes nothin'! *FWOOOSH!* Uh-oh, looks like I'm gonna need another grandma. Quick -- to the old folks home before my parents get back!
Hit the jump for an instructional video.
Continue Reading " Bacon Torch Burns Hot, Hot Water Burn Baby "
Mar 9 2009 You're A Real Ninja Now: The Belt Sword
The Belt Sword is a questionable sword hidden within a belt. It was created to make dorks feel safe even though in a real-life situation they'd either forget they were wearing the thing or stab themselves trying to get it out. Also, they look suspiciously like aluminum-foil wrapped cardboard. The belt with 24" and 27" swords costs $150. $210 if you want five swords (24", 27", 29", 31", and 33"). Sorry folks, but I'm not interested. No, unlatching my buckle releases another, much more powerful weapon. Obviously, I'm talking about a flying dragon. *unbuckling* KA-P....uh-oh. Looks like the proverbial chicken has flown the coop. And, oh God -- taken off with the eggs.
Hit the jump to see more of this chick, along with a picture of the system and links to the product page and video demonstrations.
Continue Reading " You're A Real Ninja Now: The Belt Sword "
Feb 2 2009 Fat Face: Face Slimmer Allegedy Slims Faces
First of all, I predicted the Steelers would win the Super Bowl in a post a couple weeks ago. So I am officially magic. And also, I have a fat face. So thank God for this Japanese face slimmer. It's basically a rubber mask you wear to pretend you're a homicidal cannibal and scare your family. It's similar to binding your feet, except it won't work. If you really want a slim face just man up and use a vice. It works -- I'm so handsome now the dog will play with me.
Japanese face slimmer will definitely not work as advertised [dvice]
Jan 23 2009 Wiilly Bad Ideas: Adding Weights To Wiimotes
Wow, wait till somebody beats their dog in the head or throws one of these through the TV.
Introducing riiflex, a weighted attachment designed for the the Wii™ remote. Soon gamers and fitness enthusiasts alike will be able to turn their Wiimote into a weighted dumbbell.
Be among the first to receive this innovative product by submitting your reservation for preorder today.* Designed for the Wii™ Remote (Wiimote).
* 2LB and 5LB increments (currently proposed).
* Allows access to all Wii™ Remote functions.
Riiflex: $5 to reserve for pre-order
New flatscreen television: $1,600
Two years of therapy for the kids when you kill the family dog: $9,000
Convincing yourself you'll actually get fit playing Wii with a weighted remote: priceless
There are some things money can't buy, for all the rest, steal.
Thanks to Tank, who works out his treads running over the bodies of his enemies.
Dec 12 2008 Mmmm, The Dessert Of Gods: Meat Cake
If Jesus wasn't too busy telling that fat f***er Santa to shit down my chimney, maybe I'd bake him a meat-cake for his birthday.
Hit the jump to see a pictorial on how to create your own meat cake, which basically involves making three giant hamburgers, gluing them together with ketchup, and frosting the bitch with mashed potatoes. Bon appetite!
Sep 23 2008 Thinking Makes You Fat
Thinking makes you fat.
It turns out that performing mental tasks, like trying to solve problems while working at a computer, stimulates the appetite so much that people tend to eat significantly more calories than they burned while performing the "knowledge-based" tasks.
You know what else makes you fat? Blogging. NOM NOM, bitches, NOM NOM!
Does Thinking Make Us Fatter? [abcnews]
Thanks to barney, living proof that being dead sexy makes you skinny.
Jun 6 2008 Derrie-Air: Pack Less. Weigh Less. Pay Less.
Derrie-Air is an airline that believes the less you and your baggage weighs, the less you should pays. It's fake and part of an ad campaign run by a Philadelphia newspaper to f*** with fat people.
Philadelphia Media Holdings spokesman Jay Devine said the goal is to "demonstrate the power of our brands in generating awareness and generating traffic for our advertisers, and put a smile on people's faces."
A disclaimer labels the ad campaign "fictitious" and says it is designed "to test the results of advertising in our print and online products and to stimulate discussion on a timely environmental topic of interest to all citizens.""In other words," it says, "smile, we're pulling your leg."
Oh I'm smiling alright, but only because that's not my leg you're pulling, Jay. You have such soft hands. Hey, I didn't say stop.
Derrie-Air
via
Paper runs ads about fake airline Derrie-Air [msnbc]
Thanks to Dan and Matt, one of which better sneak me into their luggage on their next vacation -- or else.
May 13 2008 Untooned Peter Griffin Looks Pretty Good
For those of you that never click through to the jump or check out the links I so lovingly provide, you probably haven't seen this. Unless it came to you in a dream or something. In which case I wouldn't trade dreams with your for all the money in your couch. Anyway, this is human-like Peter Griffin from Family Guy. It was an entry in the Reality Cartoons Contest I linked to in yesterday's Jessica Rabbit video post. If you've seen it (and especially so if you saw it by following the link I provided yesterday), then I applaud you, and you get an A+ in Internetellect 101 (yes, I'm going to continue using that until it catches on and I get some credit). Regardless though, this Peter Griffin untooning does bring up an interesting question: can someone get a naked Betty Rubble one to me at least 30 minutes before my wife gets home?
Since today is side-by-side comparison day on Geekologie, I've included one of Peter after the jump.
Continue Reading " Untooned Peter Griffin Looks Pretty Good "
Apr 24 2008 Fat Lamp Is Like A Lava Lamp But Not Really
The Fat Lamp (aka the Slow Glow Light) is filled with fat. When you turn it on the bulb inside melts the fat, rendering it more transparent, and the light gets brighter. Each one cost a staggering $774, so you're definitely better off stealing fat from a liposuction clinic (a la Fight Club) and making your own.
this unique lamp is also a great discussion piece and easily lends itself to artistic interpretation. for example, the slow glow lamp is sluggish and fat-representative of our current culture (at least here in the united states). feel free to develop your own interpretation of this thought-provoking light!
Hey, I've got an one: It's a gross freaking lamp filled with fat. It represents some dumb asshole willing to part with $774 for a glass orb filled with my girlfriend's old stomach. That said, I'd buy one if they were cheaper.
One more picture after the jump.
Continue Reading " Fat Lamp Is Like A Lava Lamp But Not Really "
Jan 30 2008 Hula Chair Is 5% Exercise, 95% Ridiculous
The Hula Chair has been out for a couple years, but I'd never seen it. And it's ridiculous. It's a chair that moves in a circle while you sit in it, and it's supposed to be great exercise for your abs. It's also supposed to do a bunch of other good stuff for you (it better for $250 plus $70 shipping).
Wake up naturally in the morning without coffee or unhealthy energy drinks! Experience better overall health with our patented Hula Chair. This modern miracle combines the best of ancient traditional Chinese medicine with 21st century space-age technology. Improve your balance and coordination as it gently aligns your spine and improves blood circulation.
21st century space-age technology? What in the hell is space age about a chair with a motor attached to the seat? Whoever works in the marketing department and writes that copy is a crazy person. "Modern miracle?" WTF?!
A 100% MUST, MUST, MUST SEE INFOMERCIAL FOR SIMILAR HAWAII CHAIR AFTER THE JUMP.
Continue Reading " Hula Chair Is 5% Exercise, 95% Ridiculous "
Sep 17 2007 McDonald's Offering Cell Phone Ordering
Because standing in line and ordering in person is analog and burns too many calories, a Korean McDonald's is experimenting with a new cell phone ordering system. Customers plug special RFID devices into their phones, and then browse the menu, pushing buttons to order food. When your order is ready, you receive a text message, notifying you it's time to pack on some weight. I don't even see the purpose for this. I doubt it saves very much time, and it's probably a pain to scroll the menu on a damn phone. And how do you pay? Thanks but no thanks. I only use my cell phone for what it was meant to be used for. Those sexy talk text messaging services.
McDonald's Offering Cell Phone Ordering [therawfeed]
