Nov 18 2009 Awh Yeah: Superhero Shaggin' Wagons

This is a little gallery of superhero shaggin' wagons. They're all Photoshopped, but that isn't stopping me from wanting to sleep in one. Gosh, I can't even remember the last time I made love in the back of a 70's van BECAUSE I BLACKED OUT LAST NIGHT. But seriously, I barely knew the guy and he said he had free candy.

Hit the jump for five more and a link to like six more after that. Jackpot!

Continue Reading " Awh Yeah: Superhero Shaggin' Wagons "

Oct 24 2009 Fake, But Still Burn It With Lasers (You Never Can Be Too Safe): A Scary Dancing Robot

I'm pretty sure half the people that sent this in thought it's an actual robot, but being the astute robot slaya that I am, it wasn't hard for me to tell this is just a jackass in a robot costume. Don't get me wrong, I'd still burn that bitch like a witch (or doobie), he just doesn't pose the threat an actual robot would. Or DOES he? *pew pew!* He doesn't.

Youtube
and
Youtube (longer, 9:00 video)

Thanks to Rich the destroyer, paul, KennethJ, Ted, Mungo9000, chris, Albert, Tuggis, karrameg, Steven, hatcher, Big Bug, parking block and Wendy, who actually knew it was a person the whole time and just wanted to scare me.

Oct 23 2009 Lies!: Germans Have Broken Speed Of Light

Two German scientists claim to have broken the speed of light. They are liars and should lose their science licenses. What do you mean you don't need a license to practice science? WELL YOU SHOULD!

According to Einstein's special theory of relativity, it would require an infinite amount of energy to propel an object at more than 186,000 miles per second.

However, Dr Gunter Nimtz and Dr Alfons Stahlhofen, of the University of Koblenz, say they may have breached a key tenet of that theory.

The pair say they have conducted an experiment in which microwave photons - energetic packets of light - travelled "instantaneously" between a pair of prisms that had been moved up to 3ft apart.

The scientists were investigating a phenomenon called quantum tunnelling, which allows sub-atomic particles to break apparently unbreakable laws.

Dr Nimtz told New Scientist magazine: "For the time being, this is the only violation of special relativity that I know of."

Yeah, no. Is the universe still here? Then these two crackpots didn't shoot shit faster than the speed of light. And speaking of shooting shit faster than the speed of light: the new Black Jack taco from Taco Bell. Plumber!!

'We have broken speed of light' [telegraph]

Thanks to Allegro, who once ran out for beer and returned before he even left (got hit be a street sweeper and passed out in a ditch for a whole day).

Oct 22 2009 DO NOT WANT (To Pet): Chinese 'Cat Girl'

Normally I love making fun of other people's misfortune, but it's sad when it's a six year old girl. Hopefully this is fake though cause it's coming from The Sun. Although, this IS China we're talking about here, which is notorious for freaky cat shit.

Li Xiaoyuan, from Fengkai in southern China, had a small birthmark on her back just months ago, which has since grown to cover her entire back and parts of her arms and face, The Sun reports.

"None of the other children want to play with her, they are calling her cat-girl and are really mean."

A surgeon at Zhaoqing City Dermalogical l Hospital in China's Guangdong province said Li Xiaoyuan may have a rare skin disease that makes normal moles run amok.

I swear, I can't stand it when moles run amok. You know what you need to do? Pour gasoline down all their holes then light that shit. BOOM! Woops -- must have found the gas line. Remember folks: call before you dig.

Chinese 'cat-girl' baffles doctors [ninemsn]

Thanks to Sam, Turtle Boy.

Oct 8 2009 FAKE SCAR IS FAKE: FX Halloween Tattoos

FX Tattoos are temporary tattoos that help spice up your costume with a little bit of gore. But don't think you can get away just wearing a few and calling it your costume, cause that's weak as hell AND YOU WON'T GET ANY CANDY. A single sheet of tattoos costs $10 and come in varieties like wounds, injured cyborg, reptile skin and insects. The wounds are the best ones though, just look at those things. I'm going as a place holder!

Product Website (make sure to click adult tattoos in the top right corner and read the warning)

Thanks to Pat, whose cardboard robot costume has been months in the making. DON'T COME AROUND EXPECTING NO CANDY, BOY.

Oct 7 2009 Photosketch: Photoshop For The Unskilled

Photosketch is an intuitive computer program that makes Photoshopping pictures of yourself humping a dinosaur crushing a robot's skull even easier. You just sketch out some stick figures, add text labels, and the program does all the heavy lifting for you.

A group of researchers have put together a system called PhotoSketch which allows the user to literally sketch a desired scene (see above for an example), label each part of the scene with keywords, then PhotoSketch searches the web for photos and assembles a photographic version of the sketch.

Why the hell anybody would want a picture of themself with a strange woman on a beach with a regatta in the background is beyond me, but hey, it's possible. And you know what else is? Anything you put your mind to. I jest, you'll never accomplish anything. Kidding -- you're all winners in my book. I mean that.

PhotoSketch: Make the Internet Create Photos for You [mentalfloss]

Thanks to Richard, Jack, susan and The Superficial Writer, who only use Photoshop for counterfeiting fast food coupons. The gig is up!

Oct 7 2009 It's About Time: A Fake iPhone Pocket Scale

Let's face it, we don't all sell drugs *whistling*, but we do all need pocket scales. Maybe you just want to know how much a letter weighs before sending it. Or like to precisely measure ingredients while cooking. Or maybe you sell coke and weed. Enter the fake iPhone pocket scale. With a cover that looks unconvincingly like a real iPhone, this has got to be the cheese-whizziest scale disguise I've ever seen (and I once owned a scale designed to look like a Twilight dildo). Geez, make a scale that looks like a book already! That's what I did (I've got what you're looking for). You're not a cop, right? Cause boy you'd look cute in one of those hats!

Hit the jump to see the display case the scale was spotted in, just in case there was any question to its intended porpoise. Porpoise? I'm a dolphin, bitch!

Continue Reading " It's About Time: A Fake iPhone Pocket Scale "

Oct 1 2009 Not For Combat: Sweet Master Sword Replica

This is a wicked looking Master Sword replica made by Fiberglass Blades, a cosplay and collector prop maker. And if you couldn't guess by the name, the blade isn't actually real. It's resin! So good luck killing a thief with one. But I still want it!

This replica of Link's Master Sword from Zelda: Twilight Princess is a perfectly accurate cosplay and collector prop. The sword was made with durable resin and reinforced with aluminum or fiberglass rods for structural support, making it well balanced for carrying as a cosplay prop. The paint was custom automotive paint for a metallic and mirror-like shine, and to resist minor scratches. The sword measures about 42" long, and weighs about 3lbs. The sheath was lined with suede and soft foam to keep the blade firmly in place, and prevent scratches while sheathing. The sword was also made for a Dark Link version as well.

Dude says prices typically run between $400-$600, but I don't know exactly how much this one is. Which is probably a good thing, cause then I'd start saving my money with a goal in mind. Now? Now I just blow whatever I have on booze and unhealthy food. It works for me. Can I borrow $1?

Hit the jump for a bunch more shots, including a sweet-ass Hylian Shield which is also available.

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Sep 22 2009 WoW Freakout Kid Versus Grandmother

This is a video of the infamous WoW freakout kid arguing with his grandmother, who's been sent over to watch him and his brother for the weekend. Now I really wanted to believe that these videos are real, but this one's the nail in the coffin for being fake. And not just because octogenarians are notoriously bad actresses (and will shit themselves on set), but she actually references him trying to jam the tv remote up his ass. Now I know how you're feeling, and yes, it's like Santa isn't real all over again.

Tough Granny Teaches Grandson a Lesson [break]

Thanks to Adam, who plays BINGO with his grandma on Tuesday nights and she always has him sneak a bottle of booze in. Fun lady!

Sep 8 2009 Woops: Cops Called For Halo Sniper Rifle

Apparently the cops were called to Bungie Studios (the makers of Halo) after a pedestrian spotted a person carrying what they believed to be an AK-47. Way to know your guns, moron.

A report of a person with an assault weapon walking near Bungie Studios sent a team of police swarming to the Kirkland, Washington studio yesterday afternoon.

Kirkland police, contacted today for more details, said a passerby on their way to the local farmer's market called 911 saying that they thought they saw someone walking down the street with an AK-47 about 4:20 p.m.

The person who had thought they'd seen a gunman in the neighborhood had actually seen a Bungie employee carrying a replica Halo rifle back to the studio's offices, Bungie community director Brian Jarrard told me. Recognizing there was no longer an emergency, officers advised Bungie officials to transport the gun more discretely in the future.

That's great. Although, to the police tipster's credit, I would have totally called the po-po too if I saw somebody like that guy in the picture toting a rifle. And by 'called the po-po' I mean WHIPPED HIS MONKEY ASS. Just saying, I don't practice take-downs on my little sister for nothing. Isn't that right, Jessica? Oh shit -- oh shit -- CHOKE-SLAM!

Police Swarm To Bungie On Weapons Call During Kotaku Visit [kotaku]

Thanks to Richard Belding, who once caught Screech and AC Slater experimenting with each other in the locker room.

Sep 1 2009 Polish Vacationers Allegedly Film Yeti

Allegedly a couple of Poles filmed a real life Yeti while on vacation in the Tatra mountains. I didn't even know there were Polish Yetis, but I do now. Say -- how many do you think it takes to screw in an energy efficient light bulb?

"I saw this huge ape-like form hiding behind the rocks. When I saw it it was like being struck by a thunderbolt," he told the Superexpress.

"Coming from Warsaw, I never really believed the local stories of a wild mountain ape-man roaming the slopes. But, now I do."

"The film clearly shows 'something' that moves on two legs and is bigger than a normal man," says Robert Bernatowicz, president of the Nautilus Foundation.

Interesting. And you know what? I kind of believe it. Like two Poles could possibly plan a hoax!

Hit the jump for the (unsurprisingly) horrible quality video.

Continue Reading " Polish Vacationers Allegedly Film Yeti "

Aug 27 2009 Is This Nessie Spotted On Google Earth?

I'm not even sure what I'm looking at. It looks like a snake chasing a giant squid. But according to some security guard who was busy surfing Google Earth instead of patrolling his beat, it's the Loch Ness Monster (love you, Nessie).

Jason Cooke told The Sun he spotted "Nessie" while browsing the website's satellite photos. Mr Cooke, 25, of Nottingham, said: "I couldn't believe it. It's just like the descriptions of Nessie."

The image can be seen by entering coordinates Latitude 57°12'52.13"N, Longitude 4°34'14.16"W in Google Earth (or playing with the map above).

Earlier this year it was reported that climate change may have killed the Loch Ness Monster. There have been "no "credible sightings" of Nessie for over a year.

Veteran American monster hunter Bob Rines thinks environmental conditions in the Highland loch have changed and can no longer sustain the elusive reptile.

Gary Campbell, of the monster's official fan club, said: "I'm concerned. There have been none of the normal sightings that verify that Nessie and her family are still alive and well."

Haha, these people actually think the Loch Ness Monster is real. That's great (bless their special little hearts). You know, these are the same people that keep asking for government grants to go hunt for Bigfoot. Which, SPOILER ALERT: bitch was delish!

Is the Loch Ness monster on Google Earth? [telegraph]

Thanks to Asbo and Praveen, who only hunt for dragons because dragons are real and sit on mountains of treasure.

Aug 20 2009 Whee!: See-Through WindowPhone Concept

I am back home safe and sound. Geekologie will now return to its regularly schedule program.

The WindowPhone was conceptualized by every single person that daydreams about the future, but designer Seunghan Song actually took the time to create a rendering of it. This is that rendering.

The phone would essentially be translucent, displaying information and images on a window-like surface in a form factor relatively similar to the iPhone's.

The killer feature of this concept phone is its ability to change the look of the display glass to match the current weather conditions of your location (i.e. sunny day equals clear screen, rainy day equals virtual droplets on your screen).

I know how much some of you hate things that are only conceptual, but remember: concepts are what push us towards the future. And the future, as you may know, is filled with giant, terrifying robots. Which is why these designers should all be killed. Also, if the battery dies in this thing you can forget about ever finding your phone again.

WindowPhone concept points to future of touch cell phones [dvice]

Aug 6 2009 Pfft, I Could Do That: Monster Waterslide Jump

Even if this is fake, I could do it in real life. Except twice as far, and with an infinite times more flips (front AND back) BECAUSE I AM KING OF WATER SLIDES. You hear me? THE KING! Go ahead, try to push me off, I dare you. You can't do it can yo-- WHOA, WHOA, WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Spectacular waterslide daredevil [dvice]

Thanks to Nate, steve, Jake and brown, who would have done it with a rocketpack and skis on.

Jul 8 2009 UPDATE: Highly Questionable, The USB Chainsaw

The i.Saw is allegedly the first USB-powered chainsaw. Supposedly it's real and available for $60 pre-order, but I dunno. I mean, a USB chainsaw would be handy to have around the office, I just question it being a real product. Because $60 sounds a little too good to be true. And with the amount of dead hookers yours truly The Superficial Writer The IWatchStuff Writer disposes of on a weekly basis, this thing would practically pay for itself (but not literally so we'd still have to sell drugs).

UPDATE: Unsurprisingly fake. Thanks to reader Owen who pre-ordered and received this email:

Hello:

We love that you liked the i.Saw enough to pre-order.

Truth is, you already own a chainsaw. Your keyboard.

Help save more trees by cutting down on unnecessary printing. Download
PaperCut, a free application that plays the sound of a chainsaw each
time you press Ctrl-P.

Questionable video after the jump.

Continue Reading " UPDATE: Highly Questionable, The USB Chainsaw "

Jul 2 2009 You Gobble That Road: Pac-Man Mini Cooper

This is a Pac-Man themed Mini Cooper from The Cool Hunter. I can't tell if it's real but I'm leaning towards absolutely not. So, somebody Photoshopped a Mini Cooper -- how bout that? Hold on to your hats though, because there's a Space Invaders model after the jump. Now i know what you're thinking, and no, that wasn't me driving on the sidewalk last night (yes it was). I thought it was the bike lane!

Hit it real good.

Continue Reading " You Gobble That Road: Pac-Man Mini Cooper "

Jul 1 2009 Bacon Boys: Cutest Picture On The Planet?

No, the one on the right is ruining it.

Product Site (actually for fake gift box, indicating THIS might not be real either)

Thanks to Henry, Marley, Biff Tannen, quasievil, mrs. Willy, Herson, Kassie, Klay and whoever else may have sent this: even wrapped in lettuce, you'd still look good.

Jun 29 2009 Mmmm, Chocolatey: The S'Mores Keyboard

This is probably the most delicious keyboard I've ever seen because I haven't seen a bacon one yet. Unfortunately, like a harmless robot, it doesn't actually exist. BUT IF IT DID. Oh, the things I would do to you. Oh yeah, you like that? You like those Doritos crumbs? You like those Doritos crumbs between your marshmallows?

S'More Keyboard Would Not Survive 10 Minutes on My Desk [gizmodo]

Thanks to GreenBoss, who kicked FuchsiaBoss's ass and ate his keyboard.

Jun 18 2009 Boom Boom Candles Sadly Not Explosive

These candles were designed by Mystake to look dynamite and bombs. They're called notmy candles, as in "those are notmy penis tracks in the peanut butter". The bomb costs $5 and the dynamite $7, but you can get them both for $11 and save a Lincoln. I mean Washington. Or do I? I don't know anymore.

bomb and dynamite candles are a real blast [technabob]

Jun 6 2009 (May) Deter Suitors: Fake Engagement Ring Kit

Ms. Taken is a fake engagement ring that comes in a discreet keychain holder so you can secretly slide it on before some dingdong at the bar tries to talk to you about how much money he makes being a giant effing loser. It costs $50 and I just bought them out. No more fooling me, ladies! Yeah, one time a chick tried to tell me she was engaged with a Ring-Pop on. I asked her who was she engaged to, Candyman? Then she said she'd summon him if I didn't leave so I ran home crying and broke all my mirrors. You know, because I'd hate to have to WHIP HIS WILLY WONKA ASS.

Hit the jump for two shots of the ring and a relatively must-see video ad they made which is a parody of The Lonely Island's Jizz In My Pants. Seriously, how'd that get there?

Continue Reading " (May) Deter Suitors: Fake Engagement Ring Kit "