Sep 21 2009 Reptilian Crime Fighters: Spiderman Lizards
Apparently Spiderman fans are getting their radioactive panties in a bunch over Agamas, lizards with a coloration that resembles that of the superhero. Best reason ever to get a pet? Probably not.
The vivid red-and-blue colouring is almost uncannily like that of the Marvel superhero, and comic book fans have been flocking to exotic pet shops to snap them up.
Native to Kenya, the rock agama (Agama mwanzae) is unable to throw webs, but can change colour - the brightly coloured males will change brown at night or if frightened. They can also run on their hind legs, and - like Spidey - can scale vertical walls.
As many of you may know, I was an amateur herpetologist in a past life. So I like lizards. BUT NOT TROUSER SNAKES! Not speaking of which, did I ever tell you about the time I put a poison dart frog in my mouth? Because that was the end of that life. The time after I tried stealing a grizzly bear's cub!
Hit the jump for another shot of the red and blue bastard.
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May 7 2009 Lose Weight, Somehow: The Boneless Belt
The Boneless Belt is a Japanese weight loss product that's supposed to help you shed the pounds. From the look of things, I'm gonna guess it's far less effective than exercise or tying a dry cleaning bag over your head. But hey, different strokes for different folks gullible idiots.
In effect, the structure of the rubber belt is a large mesh grid that splits the dieter's belly, side and back fat into easily manageable blobs. This allows for increased metabolic consumption of calories and raises the propensity for increased blood flow values. More blood flow = more heat = more burning of fat.
Wow, that was really convincing. And by really convincing I mean I want to pop that shit like a sheet of bubble wrap! *SNAP POP BANG*
Boneless Belt Separates Your Fat Into Small Segments, Shames You [gizmodo]
May 6 2009 My God That's Classy: The Redneck Tanktop
This picture, taken at what I assume was a NASCAR race, shows a redneck flaunting the latest in must-have summerwear, a, um, pair of underwear cut out to wear as a tank top. Unfortunately, there's no shot of what it looks like from the front, so we'll just have to use our imaginations. I'm imagining stained.
Ladies And Gentlemen - The Red Neck Tank Top [themovieblog]
Thanks to Dimi, who once wore a tube sock as a headband.
Apr 14 2009 Worth $500K?: The Human Regenerator
The Human Regenerator is a $553,400 piece of monkey shit that's supposed to make you live longer or something. Personally, I think it looks suspiciously like Superman's tanning bed of solitude.
The Human Regenerator is a Quantum-Pulse-Device that imitates and generates the cellular body's natural frequencies ranging between 0.0005 and 38,000 Hz.
Through intensive treatment with the body's own healthy frequencies, the organism is regenerated in a natural way. This process is enhanced by specially treated silicium and aluminum depots, which with the help of right spinning protos have an anti-aging effect.Furthermore, longitudinal waves are used as a filter to create more human-like waves, therefore adding pure positive energy to the body.
Very convincing technology there. Unfortunately, only 50 of the devices are being made, and "will be offered to a small circle of prominent figures of our time." But if you showed up with $500K, I guarantee you could get one. And also, maybe some hooker action. Which, let's be realistic, will do a lot more for you than Quatum-Cell-Coding ever will -- provided you wrap it up. Otherwise, cooties bro.
Thanks to Mushishi, who's also selling a cellular regenerator that looks suspiciously like a microwave oven with no door.
Dec 10 2008 Microsoft 'Software', A New Clothing Line
Yes, for real. Microsoft is launching a clothing line named Software. I don't get the pun, but I'm sure it's funny. Hit the jump for three more available styles, all of which have a retro feel to them (including Bill's mugshot). So -- who's buying? Anybody? Apparently this is all part of Microsoft's new marketing campaign. But, I've got to tell you, Microsoft: your marketing dollars would go a lot further if you just bought up all the advertising space on Geekologie. And also, hired me as your spokesperson. Check out this new slogan I've been working on:
Microsoft - Macrohard when you need it to be.
BOOYA! That was a freebie, the rest you'll have to pay for.
Hit it for the other shirts.
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Jul 22 2008 For The Geekologie Ladies: Fishy Pedicures
First, there was the 24K gold facial, and now, fish pedicures. Apparently they're really taking off in the Washington D.C. area and women are flocking to the Yvonne Hair and Nails Salon to let Garra rufa "doctor fish" carp eat the dead skin and calluses from their feet. I can almost guarantee those little guys would go belly up if I stuck my boats in the tank, but maybe these women take better care of their feet than I do.
Ho (the salon owner) said the hot water in which the fish thrive doesn't support much plant or aquatic life, so they learned to feed on whatever food sources were available _ including dead, flaking skin. They leave live skin alone because, without teeth, they can't bite it off.Ho believes his is the only salon in the country to offer the treatment, which costs $35 for 15 minutes and $50 for 30 minutes. The spa has more than 1,000 fish, with about 100 in each individual pedicure tank at any given time.
Wow, $50 to set your feet in a fishtank for 30 minutes? What's the world coming to? I mean, besides a robot apocalypse? I'll tell you what, you come over to my place and I'll let you set your feet in my fishtank for $25. Of course, you only get 10 minutes. But trust me -- the piranhas are far more efficient than a bunch of crappy carp. Seriously, 30 minutes and they'd be down to the bone. I've also got a snapping turtle if you want your nails done.
UPDATE: The grizzly should be ready to cut hair by August, call for an appointment.
Hit the jump for a couple more pictures, including a really worthwhile one of three MILFs with their feet in the tank.
Continue Reading " For The Geekologie Ladies: Fishy Pedicures "
Jun 17 2008 F1RST! Shirt Lets People Know Things
The F1RST! shirt from Busted Tees costs $15 and let's everyone know you're one of those people. You know, the kind that wears printed novelty shirts. And likes posting FIRST in blog comments sections. AND that you have some fundamental understanding of where babies come from (storks, yo). Hey, whatever floats your boat. I think the FIRST! thing is a little sophomoric myself, but as long as you read Geekologie, you're still okay in my book. Just please, don't do it on this post.
A picture of a chick wearing the shirt (which makes it look a lot better than that dude), after the jump.
Jun 10 2008 "Pet Boys" Gaining Popularity In Korea
Pet boys are real guys that put themselves up for "adoption" by South Korean women. It's basically for chicks that want a boyfriend that they can shit on all the time.
Pet Boys, who are often college kids in their 20's, find "Being someone's pet is stress free job with no financial burden at all."The idea came from a Japanese anime story that was popular about 5 years ago. It was about a business woman who always had bad luck in relationships. One day, she decided to take home a young man off the street to live with her as her pet.
Huh? Apparently Pet Boy services are popping up around Korea, and recently a TV show had over 2,200 applicants after advertising Pet Boy positions. This makes no sense whatsoever. All I can gather is that the chicks want a boyfriend they can lock in the closet and treat however they want, and the guys all hope to eventually get some. Ha, good luck guys -- too bad there's a universal taboo against having sex with pets.
Would you Adopt a "Pet Boy"? [weirdasianews]
Thanks Shawn and Rya, now where do I sign myself up for adoption?
