Oct 31 2009 Guy Needs 1M Facebook Fans And Girlfriend Will Let Him Turn House Into A Pirate Ship

First of all, the only Facebook group you really need to join is Geekologie's (and NOT The Superficial's). But if you're into joining every group possible you can join this guy's, whose girlfriend has agreed to let him pirate-theme their house if he gets 1,000,000 fans.

I've always wanted to be a pirate, and the onlyway I can truely do this is to live aboard a pirate ship, as I am tied into a house and a mortgage with this house, and I dont live anywhere near the sea, the only thing I can do is to turn my house into a massive pirate ship.

I already have enough money to buy some wooden slats from B&Q, I just need to get my girlfriend to agree to remortgage the house so that I can afford decking, and masts, and eventually sails.

If 1 million people joined this group it would help her understand that this isnt such a bad idea, and lots of people would do it as well, and it would help my dream come true.

If you can leave a piratty message on the wall, it would also help.

I was going to join but then I saw dude already has 988,756 fans, so he's practically there. And by 'there' I mean on my shit-list. NOBODY OUT PIRATE-HOUSES ME!

Facebook Group

Thanks to Nikki, Dan, AJ and Lemrin, who all live in ninja-houses and have vowed to burn dude's pirate house to the ground to prove their stealthy supremacy.

Oct 28 2009 Good Friends: I'm Afraid That's What You Get

Don't even act like you didn't deserve it.

Twilight Saga: And so it begins... [lamebook]

Thanks to pstone, who always remembers to take his shoes off before passing out.

Oct 2 2009 Google Search AutoComplete To The Rescue

I do that shit all the time. ALL. THE. TIME.

Google (go type "I like" to see for yourself)

Thanks to b00m, who likes to tape a bedsheet to his arms and pretend he's a pterodactyl.

Sep 30 2009 Video Game Character Facebook Statuses

These are a bunch of video game character Facebook status updates. I thought they were pretty cute. And if you haven't already, you should go join the Geekologie Facebook page to help convince my parents they're not the only ones that read this. Mom: I know most of the comments are you, you don't have to keep doing it (but you should if you really love me). And dad: for the last time, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE try to keep the flaming to a minimum.

5 Video Game Status Updates [collegehumor]

Thanks to Hayes, who, for the tip, get's a complimentary status update. Make it read, "Still cool".

Continue Reading " Video Game Character Facebook Statuses "

Sep 18 2009 Pathetic: Burglar Stops To Check Facebook On Victim's Computer, Forgets To Log Out

Okay so I just noticed I left the "r" out of "your" in that Facebook update but that's what happens when you stay up till 5 am binge drinking, you know? Also, waking up with strange bruises and an even stranger man in your bed (seriously brah, it's 10:30 -- time for you to go). Anyway, worst burglar ever:

The popular online social networking site Facebook helped lead to an alleged burglar's arrest after he stopped check his account on the victim's computer, but forgot to log out before leaving the home with two diamond rings.

[The victim] told police that someone had broken into her home through a bedroom window.

There were open cabinets in her garage, and other signs of a burglar.

The victim later noticed that the intruder also used her computer to check his Facebook status, and his account was still open when she checked the computer.

Wow, that's almost as bad as the time I broke into a house and accidentally spelled my name out on the fridge in alphabet magnets. Almost -- but this guy is way stupider.

Burglar leaves his Facebook page on victim's computer [thejournal]

Thanks to Joshua, nancypantz, Brian and Fally, who ONLY break into people's places to check their status updates.

Sep 16 2009 Don't Friend Your Mom: More Facebook Fails

You gotta love it when your mom publicly congratulates you on Facebook for breaking your spell of sexlessness. Isn't that right, mom? *high-five* But seriously, knock next time. Also, this sock needs washing.

Hit the jump for three more Facebook faux pas.

Continue Reading " Don't Friend Your Mom: More Facebook Fails "

Sep 10 2009 Why Parents Shouldn't Be On Facebook. Alternatively: Your Mom Just Friended Me

This is a excerpt from a Facebook conversation (hit the jump to read the rest) between some crazy old lady and who she believes to be her son, but isn't. I have no idea whether it's fake or not (I don't think it is), but that's not the point. The point is that this a perfect example of why older parents shouldn't be allowed to operate computers (or motor vehicles, unless they're driving me to the mall with my friends). And I'm not just saying that because my stepfather walked in to use the computer during one of my more risque webcam shows, but he did. And started dancing. Yeah, it was awkward. But only in the beginning.

Hit the jump for the rest of the conversation.

Continue Reading " Why Parents Shouldn't Be On Facebook. Alternatively: Your Mom Just Friended Me "

Aug 25 2009 How Not To Private Message On Facebook

This is 41-year old idiot moron Tracy T-something trying to send lover Michael a Facebook message expressing how much she loved him recently railing her but instead posting the note ON HER OWN WALL (admit it, we've been there). Wow, Tracy, what are you doing with this Michael character anyway if you're engaged? And what the hell is a permanent invitation to "the-love-cave-between-my-legs?" Don't get me wrong, I love camping with bears as much as the next guy, BUT I'M NOT MOVING INTO THE CAVE. I would, however, start a fire in there and grill some mammoth.

Picture [buzzfeed]

Thanks to Lee and Lisa, who understand the internet is magic but can still send a message where they mean to.

Aug 11 2009 How To Lose Your Job Via Facebook Status

We already saw one jackass nearly lose his job over his Facebook status, and here comes a chick that actually managed to go all the way. Congratulations -- you're an idiot moron! This is exactly why you can't be social networking friends with your coworkers. Am I right?

The Geekologie Writer is the Superficial Writer gobbles donkey balls while IWatchStuff lives up to his name.

Note to self: Don't 'friend' your boss on FB and then bitch about your job. [thenextweb]

Thanks to Allison and max, both of whom I talk smack about behind their backs.

Jul 31 2009 Idiot Moron Facebook Geek Test Is Flawed

So there's this alleged 'Geek Test' on Facebook that I took and I scored a 2 out of 10. A FREAKING TWO! Do you know who I am, you stupid Facebook piece of test? Who wrote you? TELL ME WHO WROTE YOU!! Because I am going to beat them within a micron of their life with a science book and then cut them with a laser. Also, as an added Friday bonus, I left my picture up. So in case you were wondering, that's me. TOO BAD I ALREADY CHANGED IT AGAIN, SUCKERS! And if you haven't already, join the Geekologie fanpage on Facebook OR I WILL DRINK THIS CAT.

Link to Geek Test From Geekologie Page

Jun 3 2009 Damnit Obama, Accept My Friend Request

We've already featured some fake celebrity Facebook pages on Geekologie, so why not the president's? Yes, why not the president's? That's something I ask my self everyday just once a few minutes ago. Also, if you haven't already joined the Geekologie page on Facebook, you are no innovator. You are a laggard. And, if you know anything about the Everett Rogers Diffusion of Innovation theory, that's the worst kind. Now I know what you're thinking, "Holy shit, the Geekologie Writer must have like thirty genius brains", but you're wrong, I have an infinity. Times infinity. Kidding, totally think with my junk.

Hit the jump to see the whole profile, which may or not feature Kim Jong-il riding a missile (it does).

Continue Reading " Damnit Obama, Accept My Friend Request "

May 8 2009 Facebook Konami Code, Pirate Language

If you enter the Konami code (↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A ENTER -- don't do in a text box) after logging into Facebook you get a lens flare effect anytime you click, scroll or type anything. Good times. Unless you're epileptic, in which case, dangerous times. Also, if you scroll to the bottom of the page on the left where it has language selection, you can click on that and then choose 'English (Pirate)' to change Facebook to pirate talk. So yeah, pirate it up and then join the Geekologie Fan Page (if you haven't already) so we can all get together and hunt for treasure and shit. Also, I may send a couple of you L337 mateys on top secret missions (possibly with a liquor store involved). After all, you do want to appease the captain, don't you? NO? Then it's the plank for you, you barnacle loving scalawag! Oh, but be a doll and fetch me a grog first.

Thanks to Ian, Joemo, dboucher, matty, mark, Amanda and Liesel, who all sail under the colors of Geekologie.

May 6 2009 Just What We Need: Robots On Facebook

That's right folks, Facebook, long considered one of humanity's last strongholds, is being breached by robots. Warning: under no circumstances should you accept a robot's friend request. And don't let them fool you with Superpokes and Virtual Drinks, THEY SHOULD BE CONSIDERED METALIZED AND DANGEROUS.

Researchers are giving a robot its own Facebook profile page to help foster meaningful relationships with people. The page will be populated with interactions the robot has with people as well as photos of the time it spends in human company.

Its creators hope that embedding it in a social web will give rise to a sustainable friendship can grow up between man and machine.

Umm, how about NO THANKS. Now how in the hell are we supposed to tell friend from robotic foe? I swear, if I catch that robobastard trying to infiltrate the Geekologie Fan page, it is GAME OVER AND LIGHTS OUT. Then lights back on while I find my stuffed dinosaur. THEN LIGHTS OUT AGAIN AND A BUNCH OF GROANING AND RAWR!

Robot to create Facebook profile [bbcnews]

Thanks to ffffffffffffffffff, Aaron, Bilal, Gareth, Kim and Dylan "Free Sex!", who should totally take the 'What Disney Princess Are You' quiz that I just did. I'm Belle!

Apr 5 2009 Friend Me: Celebrities' Fake Facebook Pages

For fun on April 1st, PC World Magazine made a bunch of fake Facebook pages for celebrities (we've already seen God's), including, and pretty much limited to: Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Elvis, Andy Warhol, Satan, Rush Limbaugh, Hillary Clinton, Dr. Manhattan and William Shakespeare. I posted a little of Mr. Gates' there so you could get an idea of what to expect. Go HERE if you want to check them out in their full detail. And if not, hey, we can still be friends. Facebook friends! Seriously, my friend list is empty without you. Haha, I just sent you a virtual bumper sticker, now Superpoke me!

UPDATE: Readers Jess and Zeyd sent me the Facebook page of Greek mythology students. You can see it HERE.

Facebook Pages We'd Like to See [pcworld]

Thanks to Rafi, who still hasn't accepted my friend request. Seriously, just hit the button, bro.

Feb 2 2009 Fat Face: Face Slimmer Allegedy Slims Faces

First of all, I predicted the Steelers would win the Super Bowl in a post a couple weeks ago. So I am officially magic. And also, I have a fat face. So thank God for this Japanese face slimmer. It's basically a rubber mask you wear to pretend you're a homicidal cannibal and scare your family. It's similar to binding your feet, except it won't work. If you really want a slim face just man up and use a vice. It works -- I'm so handsome now the dog will play with me.

Japanese face slimmer will definitely not work as advertised [dvice]

Jan 9 2009 The Burger King Whopper Sacrifice: Delete 10 Of Your Facebook Friends For A Free Whopper

Burger King has developed a Facebook application called Whopper Sacrifice that rewards users for deleting friends. You just delete 10 friends from Facebook, and TA-DA -- a coupon for a free Whopper. Unfortunately, the deal only works once per Facebook account and makes you look like a heartless dickbag with a turd for a heart that sucks at life because you'd trade your friendship for a piece of meat in your mouth. Can you tell I've already lost most of my friends? I'm bitter.

Whopper Sacrifice

Thanks Kenny, de-friend me and I'll kill you.

Nov 21 2008 God's Facebook: Genesis Edition

This is God's Facebook page from the time of Genesis. Unfortunately, I only have screenshots of it because the dude won't accept my friendship request. You sell your soul to the devil for a blogging job ONE TIME....

Hit it for the rest, which I thought was pretty clever.

Continue Reading " God's Facebook: Genesis Edition "

Oct 24 2008 Moron Calls In Sick, Busted On Facebook

Kyle Doyle, a 21-year old asshat from Australia, went out one night and got himself good and drunk. And then, like a little pussy, didn't want to go to work the next day. So what did he do? He called his employer and told them he was out due to a "valid medical reason". But then he updated his Facebook profile.

Kyle Doyle is not going to work, f*** it i'm still trashed SICKIE WOO.

Oh man, I want to get trashed SICKIE WOO. I don't even know what it means but damn it sounds like fun. But seriously Kyle, accept my friendship request already.

Hit the jump to read the full exchange between Kyle and HR from when he tried to get his leave processed as a valid sick day.

Continue Reading " Moron Calls In Sick, Busted On Facebook "