Nov 20 2009 For The Dapper Dog: Humunga Staches

The Humunga Stache is a $12 piece of molded rubber. One side's a ball, and the other is giant freaking mustache. So when your dog bites the ball, guess what happens! (Hint: you take pictures and post them Facebook with clever captions).

Add some low-cost laughs to your frequent frolics with Fido! This shiny black toy is a ball on one end, and a giant cartoon mustache on the other. Dogs naturally pick up the ball...which leaves the outrageously funny mustache sticking out! Dogs also love to hold the ball in their mouth, and shake the mustache back and forth!

Not a bad idea. Of course, my dog would just chew up the whole damn thing. You see, she's a bitch. And, based on those tits in the pic, so is Fido. Animal cruelty!

Product Site
via
Humunga Stache [likecool]

Thanks to Niki, whose bitch has a real mustache and moonlights as a carny.

Nov 19 2009 I Smell Beer Pong!: Pick Your Nose Cups Prevent Spread Of Drinkborne Illnesses

These Pick Your Nose party cups from Fred are a set of 24 cups (2 each of 12 designs) with different noses printed on them. That way you can easily identify your beverage and not end up drinking from somebody's dipping spit-cup. WHICH HAPPENS. Plus, you you get to spice up your look a bit. Although I'm a little disappointed they didn't get a little more creative with the designs. What about a witch doctor's nose with a bone through it? Don't even tell me that's not a brilliant idea. Because I will shrink your head faster than you can say, "OOO EEE, OOO AH AH TING TANG WALLA WALLA BING BANG!" Now, go look in the mirror. Haha, of course I didn't actually do it -- I DON'T EFF WITH BLACK MAGIC. Now The Gathering, that's a whole different story none of your business.

Hit the jump for a woman drinking out of a man's nose model. A woman with a man's nose -- ha!

Continue Reading " I Smell Beer Pong!: Pick Your Nose Cups Prevent Spread Of Drinkborne Illnesses "

Oct 28 2009 Smile Or Suffer The Wrath Of Happiness Hat!

The Happiness Hat is a little beanie that senses if you're smiling and stabs you in the back of the head with a spike if you're not. It was designed by Lauren McCarthy to train your brain to smile, but it would probably just train my brain to leak out the hole it's made. You can't teach an old blogger to smile! Or wear pants to the office. Get an eyeful, Superficial Writer, you know you want to!

Lauren McCarthy's Website

Thanks to Lauren, the mad hatter herself, for Pavlovian dogging the shit out of modern facial conditioning.

Sep 16 2009 Blockhead!: Face Rendered In Tetris Shapes

This is a head rendered in Tetris blocks as imagined by Rihards Rozans. I have no idea if he used his own face for the model, but if he did, he's a pretty handsome guy. You know, in a Donkey Kong sort of way. Speaking of which: remember Candy Kong in Donkey Kong Country? I wanted to hit that like a bushel of bananas: still green and $0.79/lb?

Hit the jump for three more shots of the blocks.

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Aug 28 2009 Paper Art: Toilet Paper Roll Face Sculptures

Junior Fritz Jacquet is an artist that loves working with paper and has created a series of small masks by bending and folding empty toilet paper rolls. Good looking, Junior (we named the dog Indiana). I really think this is testament to the creativity of the human mind. It's amazing, you know? Junior here sees an empty toilet paper roll and thinks art. Me? I think, "damnit -- what hand's it gonna be this time?"

Hit the jump for a whole gallery of faces.

Continue Reading " Paper Art: Toilet Paper Roll Face Sculptures "

Jul 7 2009 "Smile Checks" Ensure Employees Are Happy And Ready For Work, Next: Metal Detectors

To ensure employees at Keihin Electric Express Railway in Japan are putting their best lip forward, the company has implemented a "smile check" policy, in which workers will be required to smile into a camera and have their mug subjected to software analysis of their happiness.

The device analyzes the facial characteristics of a person, including eye movements, lip curves and wrinkles, and rates a smile on a scale between 0 and 100 percent using a camera and computer.

For those with low scores, advice like "You still look too serious," or "Lift up your mouth corners," will be displayed on the screen.

Some 530 employees of the Tokyo-based railway company will check their smiles with Smile Scan before starting work each day. They will print out and carry around an image of their best smile in an attempt to remember it.

Wow. I smell discrimination. Or fire. Shit, yep that's definitely fire. HEEEEEELP! Wait a minute. *sniff* Pork chop sandwiches!

Your Smile Will Be Monitored To Evaluate Quality Of Service [io9]

Thanks to Trin, who once killed a robot with a smile. Brave move, Trin.

Jun 23 2009 UPDATE: 56 Star Faced Girl A Dirty Liar

In an unshocking turn of events that surprised no one, it turns out the tattooed star face girl is a dirty liar and a slag. Okay, I dunno about the slag part, but I've always wanted to say it and figured now's my chance.

Kimberley Vlaeminck, 18, claimed that she'd asked for three small stars but fell asleep during the procedure and woke up with a whole galaxy on her face.

But she has now confessed she knew exactly what tattoo parlour owner Rouslan Toumaniantz was doing but changed her mind later.

She said she lied because her father was "furious".

Pathetic. Of course your father got furious, Kimberley, THAT'S WHAT FATHERS DO. Also, drink and forget your birthday. :(

Tattoo girl: 'I lied about my stars' [metro]

Thanks to Thumperchica, who called this from the beginning because she has common sense can see the future.

Jun 17 2009 Star Face: Girl Asks For 3 Stars, Gets 56

Allegedly Kimberley Vlaminck, 18, went into a tattoo parlor and requested three stars on the left side of her face by her eye. However, she claims she fell asleep during the procedure and woke up with 56. I suspect she's lying.

Rouslan, who runs the tattoo parlour called The Tattoo Box in Courtrai, said Kimberley was awake and actually looked in the mirror several times during the procedure to see how it was going.

'He said she knew 'exactly what she wanted. The trouble all started when she went home and her father and boyfriend threw a fit. They are saying things now like I doped her or hypnotised her. What rubbish!'

'She asked for 56 stars and that's what she got.'

Well, I hope you've all learned a valuable lesson from this story. One about how sweet Kimberley would look with a little rocketship added right by her mouth. I WILL SUPERNOVA YOUR FACE!

What did she expect? Incredible face revealed of the man who tattooed girl with 56 stars when she only asked for three [dailymail]

Thanks to Chuck Nunchuck, Rémy, STOMPY, Joemo and Menace, who all went to the same dentist to get their teeth cleaned and walked out swinging 2X manhammers.

Apr 6 2009 Taste The Rainbow With A Rainbow Cake!

Want to make a rainbow cake to celebrate Easter or being gay? Do it up -- but I get to lick the spatula when you're finished. And by "the" I mean "your". Just sayin', I'm cool pitching for both teams. And when I say "pitching", I obviously mean "catching". I talk in code! Now, throw me a fastball, champ, I'm late for work.

Hit the jump for several more of the awesomeness and a link to the recipe.

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Mar 10 2009 Control Your iPod With Facial Gestures

That's right, thanks to Kazuhiro Taniguchi of Osaka University, soon stopping the music on your iPod will be as simple as sticking out your ass-shaped tongue.

The Ear Switch looks like a normal set of headphones, according to an Agence France Press report, but includes a set of sensors that allows its on-board computer to measure tiny ear-canal movements.

The result, Taniguchi claimed, is that "an iPod can start or stop music when the wearer sticks his or her tongue out".

He added that the user can also skip to the next track by widely opening their eyes or skip back by winking. Other facial expressions could also be programmed to control other features.

Well that's a relief. I mean seriously, my fingers get tired of pushing all those little buttons anyways. I can see the bus now: wait, did you just wink at me? I said, STOP THE WINKING! That's it buddy, fisticuffs -- you asked for them!

Boffin unveils facial expression-controlled iPod [reghardware]

Thanks to Rick and krabivana, who control their iPods the way God intended: with child laborers.

Jan 24 2009 Commercial: Hey Kids, Wicked Eyebrows!

This is a Cadbury chocolate commercial featuring two kids with crazy freaking eyebrows. Allegedly the eyebrowery is all real. Is there a gene for that? And, if so, can you clone my childhood dog, I miss her. I'll tell you one thing though, I want to have talented kids like that. The little tykes will make me a small fortune in the freak show. Or I'll sell them to gypsies.

Youtube

Thanks to Ranney, who once sold an eyebrow on eBay with free shipping and almost made enough to cover postage.

Dec 11 2008 Geekologie Reader Ingenuity: The Ass Towel

I know not all of you readers are FAKE! asshats. I'm sure some of you are actually good people, who make a valued contribution to society. And some of you are straight pervs. And others, like reader David, are inventors. David developed a towel that helps solve the age-old "did I just wipe my face with ass?" conundrum.

I've had this idea for a while. I've come to the conclusion that I'm never getting around to getting it made, so I at least want it publicized.

An ordinary towel right? Correct.

But, it has a distinct blue square in a not so used area of the towel.

Maybe I'm a slob, but I usually don't get a new towel every single day. And, I've got to dry my entire body. Some of which don't always get 100% clean.

I dry my ass, then the next day I use that same spot on the towel to dry my face. There it is, and it sucks.

The blue square is the designated section of the towel to dry your ass.

Genius, David. This is exactly the kind of ingenuity I expect from Geekologie readers. I really want these made. Then I could finally stop drying my ass with my roommate's toothbrush.

Thanks David, remind me to bring my own towel to the slumber party.

Nov 24 2008 You Look Stupid When You Play Video Games. Just Kidding, Only These Kids Do

You ever wonder what you look like playing video games? Well I'll tell you: a slovenly asshole with man-tits and torn boxers lounging on a broken recliner. Psyche, that's just me. But now photographer Robbie Cooper has made a video showing just how goofy kids look while they game. Make sure to check out the girl that is either the devil or on drugs at around 1:00. No emotion. Girl could kill you and your whole family and not bat an eye. Lock her up! Or, alternatively, burn her at the stake! But, if you go with the latter, I call a drumstick.

Youtube

Thanks to Emode, who doesn't look stupid playing video games because he has laser eyes and balls the size of European castles.

Nov 21 2008 Kitty Born With Two Faces Is Cute, Meow-y

A kitten was born in Australia on Wednesday with two faces. It is super cute and made me wish all pets had more faces. But then I realized how expensive it would be to feed all those extra faces, and decided it wasn't so awesome afer all.

The two-faced feline was one of three in a litter and appears to be doing well.

It hasn't got a name yet, but the owner is thinking of calling it Quasi Modo, according to local news Web site inmycommunity.com.au.

Yeah, Quasi Modo, that won't f*** it up for life. You might as well saw off a couple legs and name it Cripples.

A closeup after the jump.

Continue Reading " Kitty Born With Two Faces Is Cute, Meow-y "

Nov 13 2008 For The Ladies Everyone: A Makeup Fridge

Korean manufacturer IDOCI is releasing a small refrigerator specifically designed for storing cosmetics. The unit will keep eyeliner, blush, rouge, lipstick, war paint, and fake blood in "the ideal 8 - 12 degree Celsius (46 - 53 Fahrenheit) range." Not only that, each fridge has an interior light. So you can see the shit inside! No word on price, but they do come in a ton of different colors. Which, if you're actually considering a fridge for your makeup, is probably far more important than cost.

Hit the jump for color options!

Continue Reading " For The Ladies Everyone: A Makeup Fridge "

Nov 4 2008 Move Over Hot Or Not: A Digital Face Analyzer

BAPA (Balanced Angular and Proportional Analysis) Web is a web-based facial analyzer that apparently determines if a person is attractive or not (for a fee). You know, based on balanced angular and proportional analysis. So if you have big lips and tiny eyes, you're screwed. If you have chiseled features and a wicked scar from a bar fight like I do, you're in. As long as the programmers were smart enough to take badass scars into consideration. Oh shit, and eyepatches. Also, I burnt my good eyebrow off cooking ramen the other night. I'm gonna go ahead and use a picture from a few years back.

UPDATE: The computer's smoking -- it's a sign!

UPDATE: The computer caught fire -- things are looking good!

UDPATE: The computer exploded -- I'm ugly :(

Product Page

Thanks to Antonia, who doesn't need a program to tell her she's smoking hot.

Oct 27 2008 Music Face: Wait, Why'd You Do That Again?

Daito Manabe is probably a masochist. And definitely a weirdo. What does he do?

He tapes electric stimulators, looking like the same type used for electroshock therapy, to his face, and syncs them with his music so his involuntary facial contortions match up with the tune.

Now that's what I call dancing! Or, alternatively, now that's what I call freaking stupid!

Innovations in Visualizer Technology: Electroshock Your Face [gizmodo]

Thanks to Adam, who, for threatening to quit, is fired.

Aug 20 2008 ZOMG, She's Not Real -- She's CG!

You see that chick? She's not real -- she's a CG version of actress Emily O'Brien created by facial animation studio Image Metrics. And let me tell you, she definitely kicks the shit out of last week's CG facials.

Using (USC's) Institute for Creative Technologies' special scanning system that can capture facial details down to the individual pore, the face of actress Emily O'Brien was transformed into a digital representation of herself, which could then be entirely machine-manipulated. A special spherical lighting rig captured O'Brien in 35 reference facial poses using a pair of high resolution digital cameras. The facial maps were then converted into 3D data using Image Metrics' proprietary markerless motion capture technology.

Hit the jump to see a high-res video of the CG Emily talking and moving. It's freaking amazing. Did I mention she kind of looks like Keira Knightley? Because she does. Now I'm not sure what kind of implications this has for the adult-entertainment industry, but if I had to guess, I'd say a series of wicked pirate-themed skin-flicks. Pirates of The Caribbean: At World's Rear End! Or, alternatively, Pirates of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chesticles.

Hit the jump for a few more pictures and a very worthwhile video.

Continue Reading " ZOMG, She's Not Real -- She's CG! "

Aug 12 2008 Highly Realistic 3-D Facial Animations

Alter Ego, a division of Pendulum Studios, is apparently kicking ass and taking names in the field of 3-D facial animation.

The guys over at AlterEgo have developed proprietary "facial performance software", which combined with special mo-cap hardware, can produce unbelievably real digital faces in record time. Their work has been featured in motion pictures, commercials, animation and video games including Dark Sector and the forthcoming Silent Hill 5.

There's a video after the jump of some faces in action (that I lovingly embedded in high quality so you could get the full effect), which is pretty impressive. So the real question is this: what does this mean for the adult entertainment industry? Because I'll tell you one thing -- I wouldn't be caught dead watching a damn CG porno.

UPDATE, FROM HELL: Ha, so I was wrong.

Hit the jump for another picture and the video.

Continue Reading " Highly Realistic 3-D Facial Animations "

Aug 8 2008 Yes! DIY Elf Ears: No Experience Required

We've posted elf ears before here on Geekologie, but those involved some sort of "surgical procedure" and "money". Well now there's an Instructable on how to do it yourself with the help of a friend! Okay, not really. The article just discusses the things to consider if you're interested in getting it done. So, I'll go ahead and post the DIY myself.

1. Find a pair of scissors. The sharper the better. The scissors you have from kindergarten should be fine.
2 Score some rubbing alcohol. Take a few shots.
3. Ask yourself, "Do I really want elf ears?" If the answer is no, repeat step 2, possibly alternating shots and bong hits.
4. Cut a triangular chunk out of your upper ear. You should be bleeding at this point.
5. Sterilize a needle with a lighter, thread with fishing line or yarn, and sew your ear back together in the desired shape.
6. Put some tape around your ear to hold it together and prevent strain on the stitches.
7. Repeat steps 4 through 6 for the other ear.
8. Take a picture, preferably topless.
9. If you are a chick, send me that picture. If you are a dude, throw it away, I don't care about your elf ears.
10. If you are hot, I will marry you.
11. Change your name to Zelda.

Hit the jump for a few more pictures, including some after they've healed a bit.

Continue Reading " Yes! DIY Elf Ears: No Experience Required "