Nov 17 2009 BURN IT DOWN!: The Bender Head House

The Bender House looks like Bender's dome from Futurama. If you've never seen Futurama I'm going to assume you don't have a television or internet so you probably aren't even reading this. Unless they print out copies of Geekologie and distribute them in Africa, which, I think we can all agree, is the best idea you've ever heard. Anyway, I'm gonna go ahead and start taking bets on how many beers it takes me to crash out of Bender's right eye and lay bleeding in the driveway -- oh -- oh -- *crash* Fourteen and a couple buttery nipples. Now somebody call 911 411, this guy needs a pizza.

I want this house [warmingglow]

Thanks to Marcie, who used to live in a house that looked like Robbie the Robot but it mysteriously burnt down. *whistling* Weird.

Nov 11 2009 Hooray?: Auto-Tinting Contacts Coming Soon

You know those eyeglasses that automatically darken whenever you go outside? I know, they remind me of pederasts too for some reason (but they look great on you, really). Now scientists are working on transferring the technology to contact lenses.

Traditionally, these light-to-dark lenses have been constructed by coating a normal lens with a photochromic dye. When UV light hits the dye, the individual molecules expand, darkening the lens and absorbing light. Coating contacts, however, doesn't work so well.

So researchers in Singapore have laced contacts with a matrix on nano tunnels filled with these photochromic dyes. Not only has the team been successful in producing transition contacts; these contacts darken in the presence of UV light faster than standard lenses (just 10 to 20 seconds).

Researchers are now working on isolating the photochromic material to just corneal region of your eye, granting you all of the UV filtering without turning your entire iris black.

Yeah, but do they allow you see through a woman's blouse? And, more importantly, can you believe I just said blouse? I don't even know what that is!

I Wear My Suncontacts at Night [gizmodo]

Thanks to twellve, who wears Transition glasses at night so she can, so she can, watch you live and offer you candy.

Nov 4 2009 The Colorblind Clock Is A Little Discriminatory

Because the colorblind aren't real people and certainly don't deserve to know what time it is, design company sonodesign is selling 'the clock i can't see'. The clock I can't see is a £35 ($58) wall clock designed to put the colorblind in their place and make them miss appointments.

Take a closer look and you will see numbers (12, 3, 6 and 9) hidden in amongst the spots. This clock is made of double thickness high quality acrylic and will hang on a standard picture hook.

Oh really? Well if you take a closer look at my fist you'll see stars. KA-POW! Neat, huh? While you recover, anybody can still read this clock provided you know where the numbers typically are (placement is pretty standard). So yeah, you may have won this battle, The Colorblind, but wait till they let me design prescription pills. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Hit the jump for two more shots including a close-up of the numbers.

Continue Reading " The Colorblind Clock Is A Little Discriminatory "

Oct 23 2009 LED Eyelashes: No, That's Not Weird At All

LED eyelashes are exactly what they sound like: LEDs that attach to your eyelashes and light up to freak everybody out. I would wear them but my eyes are perfect the way they are. Read: eyepatched. YAAAAARR! Now, somebody put my cutlass in my hand and point me toward the liquor store: I'm feeling plunder-y.

Hit the jump for one more shot of the ridiculousness.

Continue Reading " LED Eyelashes: No, That's Not Weird At All "

Sep 27 2009 Scientists To Pull Pictures From Your Brain

I know for a fact the government can pull images from a person's brain because they've been probing around in my dome for years, messing with the delicate ecosystem up there. And one time when I was being interrogated I saw a picture of a dinosaur in an agent's file folder, SO I KNOW. Anyway, apparently they've decided to make the technology public knowledge.

Having modeled how images are represented in the brain, the researchers translated recorded patterns of neural activity into pictures of what test subjects had seen.

To construct their model, the researchers used an fMRI machine, which measures blood flow through the brain, to track neural activity in three people as they looked at pictures of everyday settings and objects.

As in the earlier study, they looked at parts of the brain linked to the shape of objects. Unlike before, they looked at regions whose activity correlates with general classifications, such as "buildings" or "small groups of people."

Once the model was calibrated, the test subjects looked at another set of pictures. After interpreting the resulting neural patterns, the researchers' program plucked corresponding pictures from a database of 6 million images.

Soon, everyone will have a photo printer in the back of their head to print off worthwhile images they've seen. Me? I already have one. Don't believe me -- check this stack of pictures. What? Don't act like you've never seen a dinosaur penis before!

Brain Scans Reveal What You've Seen [wired]

Thanks to Anit, who can read minds like comic books: with incredible difficulty.

Sep 15 2009 In The Land Of The Blind, The Man With One Eye Is King: Ridiculous Cyclops Sunglasses

I don't wear sunglasses because I like squinting, but for those of you that do, and only have one giant eye, maybe these new Martin Margiela sunglasses are for you. Sure they look like a giant windshield and cost $570, but that's a small price to pay for looking like a giant Miami douche-hydrant, am I right? Of course I am. Unless we're talking about handed, in which case I'm left. Speaking of which -- remember that no child left behind program? It's a lie (my parents abandoned me at a water park).

Martin Margiela Sunglasses [likecool]

Thanks to naas, who doesn't wear sunglasses BECAUSE HE OPTS FOR DUAL EYE PATCHES. Damn yeah, matey!

Sep 1 2009 Possessed: The Boy Who Cries Wolf Blood

15-year old Calvino Inman is just like any other 15 year old boy. Except he's possessed by the devil and cries tears of blood. BURN HIM WITH FIRE! Now I'm not saying this a hoax, but I am saying I caught Calvino siphoning red food coloring up his ass (strictly by accident, I swear). DUM DUM DUM! Book 'em, Danno.

Youtube

Thanks to leftRIGHTleft, who has to remind herself how to walk or she gets all tripped up.

Aug 25 2009 You're Doing It Wrong!: Bacon Oakleys

Bacon, as you may well know, is supposed to go in your mouth or be worn like a coat. It is NOT supposed to be worn like a pair of sunglasses. That is ridiculous. But DQM and Oakley went ahead and teamed up to make a limited run of 50 pairs of bacon goggles anyways, which went on sale today for an undisclosed amount of fatback. Did I buy a pair? No. Did I lick a pair? Maybe.

DQM x Oakley Frogskins "Bacon" [hypebeast]

Thanks to Chris, who rocks a meatball necklace because the man knows fashion.

May 5 2009 Pfft, Who Needs Ears?: Pierced Glasses

Born without ears? Lose them in a samurai sword fight? Whatever the case, for those of you who have found yourself both aurally and ocularly challenged, you may want to consider pierced glasses. Pierced glasses are a pair of prescription eyeglasses that stay affixed to your ugly mug via a piercing through the nose. Pretty clever. Not as clever as just having Lasik surgery so you can shoot lasers out of your eyeballs, but hey, laser vision isn't for everyone. And, incidentally, neither are laser-wangs. Go ask The Superficial Writer why he's blind in one eye.

Pierced Eyeglasses [bmezine]

Thanks to Warfaremonkey, who wears a pierced hat and is now limited to the use of his animal brain like Phineas Gage.

Mar 5 2009 Blind Man Sees The Light With Bionic Eye

Ron is a 73-year old who went blind 30 years ago due to mysterious circumstances (the article didn't say). He hasn't been able to see anything since. I'm talking nothing. Pure blackness. But now, thanks to bionic eye surgery, he can finally see the light (again). Did somebody say laser vision? PEW PEW!

It uses a camera and video processor mounted on sunglasses to send captured images wirelessly to a tiny receiver on the outside of the eye. In turn, the receiver passes on the data via a tiny cable to an array of electrodes which sit on the retina - the layer of specialised cells that normally respond to light found at the back of the eye.

When these electrodes are stimulated they send messages along the optic nerve to the brain, which is able to perceive patterns of light and dark spots corresponding to which electrodes have been stimulated.

He says he can now follow white lines on the road, and even sort socks, using the bionic eye, known as Argus II.

Whoa whoa whoa -- let's slow down a minute. I'm all for bionic eyes, but don't you think it's a little early to be out on the road? Just saying. Quick Ron, how many fingers am I holding up? *POW* -- a fistful! Ron, can you see me? Ron? Uh-oh. Bionic eyes aren't expensive, are they? Looks like he might need a nose too.

Bionic eye gives blind man sight [bbcnews]

Thanks to Mal, who can see you through the internet. Mal, now describe to me what the ladies are wearing.

Mar 3 2009 Batman Hoodie: All You Need To Fight Crime

Now that's what I call a freaking hoodie. You don this sucker and evildoers will KNOW you mean business. Or pleasure. You can even zip it up over your face and see out through the mesh holes. Sweet! They'll run you $74-$78 dollars depending on size and are available HERE. Now go get one. Then you can roam your local mall looking for criminals. Quick, over by Hot Topic -- mugging in progress! Oh, false alarm -- rebellious teen arguing with his mom over a novelty t-shirt.

New Batman Hoodie Probably Won't Protect You Against Bullies [gizmodo]

Mar 3 2009 Lookin' Good: Disposable Tape Sunglasses

Let's face it: we all sit on our expensive sunglasses. Perhaps not everyone for sexual gratification, but whatever, they still break. Enter disposable tape sunglasses by designers Azumi & David. They come on a roll like packing tape and are perforated for easy detachment. You just rip off a pair, slap them on your face, and PRESTO, everybody feels bad for you because it looks like you have a problem. I'm gonna get a roll and cut them in half to make eye-patches. How wicked would that be? If you answered 'Wicky to the power of Gnar-Gnar', you're close.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots of the shades.

Continue Reading " Lookin' Good: Disposable Tape Sunglasses "

Feb 25 2009 End Of The World Perspective Street Art

Edgar Mueller is a 3-D street artist like Julian Beever, except he works in paint instead of chalk. This is one of three massive, street-filling pieces by Edgar (other two after the jump). Oh man, just look at that car in the back -- that thing is going nowhere! . Also, what kind of parents let their child play on the edge of a precipice like that? Awesome ones, that's who.

Hit the jump for two different ones and a 'making of' video.

Continue Reading " End Of The World Perspective Street Art "

Feb 24 2009 I See Your Brain: Fish Has See-Through Head

The barreleye (Macropinna microstoma for you ichthyologists) is a deepwater fish that has a see-through, fluid filled head in which it moves its eyeballs. And that, dear reader, is freaking awesome.

Barreleyes, just a few inches long, are thought to eat small fishes and jellyfish. The green pigments in their eyes may filter out sunlight coming directly from the sea surface, helping the barreleye spot the bioluminescent glow of jellies or other animals directly overhead. When it spots prey (such as a drifting jelly), a barreleye rotates its eyes forward and swims upward, in feeding mode.

What a freak! Reminds me of a girl I used to date that had a wandering eye. My God that turned me on. When she was looking at you it was like she was looking through you. Well, with her good eye anyways, the other was always wandering over your shoulder. Damn I miss that eye.

Strange Fish Has See-Through Head [aolnews]

Thanks to Pat, who has eyes in the back of his head that he can't use because he needs a haircut.

Feb 23 2009 Boy Born With Cat Eyes, Can See In The Dark

Nong Youhui is a Chinese boy who was born with cat eyes that glow in the dark and enable him to see like a cat in the night (possibly as a result of nuclear waste). He can allegedly see as well in the dark as you can in the light. Except -- WICKA-POW! -- now you can't see shit because your eyes are swollen shut. I warned you, don't look at me funny! Okay, so I forgot to warn you, but still, you should know better.

Dad Ling said: "They told me he would grow out of it and that his eyes would stop glowing and turn black like most Chinese people but they never did."

Experts believe he was born with a rare condition called leukodermia which has left his eyes with less protective pigment and more sensitive to light.

Man, I want leukodermia. So what if I can't go out in the daylight, I don't anyways. But at least when I'll be able to see if the toilet seat's down at night. Am I right ladies? I pee sitting down too!

Cat-boy can see in the dark [thesun]

Thanks to Boing, who doesn't need cat-eyes to see you while you sleep because he's standing over you with night-vision goggles.

Feb 6 2009 Joker Ski Masks Perfect For Armed Robbery

This is a $17 ski mask from Amazon that makes you look like the Joker from The Dark Knight. Wear one to scare the hell out of people. Or barbecue in the cold. Perfect for all occasions!*

*Banking Excluded

Hit the jump to see a different, more traditional version that's available.

Continue Reading " Joker Ski Masks Perfect For Armed Robbery "

Feb 2 2009 Fat Face: Face Slimmer Allegedy Slims Faces

First of all, I predicted the Steelers would win the Super Bowl in a post a couple weeks ago. So I am officially magic. And also, I have a fat face. So thank God for this Japanese face slimmer. It's basically a rubber mask you wear to pretend you're a homicidal cannibal and scare your family. It's similar to binding your feet, except it won't work. If you really want a slim face just man up and use a vice. It works -- I'm so handsome now the dog will play with me.

Japanese face slimmer will definitely not work as advertised [dvice]

Jan 24 2009 Commercial: Hey Kids, Wicked Eyebrows!

This is a Cadbury chocolate commercial featuring two kids with crazy freaking eyebrows. Allegedly the eyebrowery is all real. Is there a gene for that? And, if so, can you clone my childhood dog, I miss her. I'll tell you one thing though, I want to have talented kids like that. The little tykes will make me a small fortune in the freak show. Or I'll sell them to gypsies.

Youtube

Thanks to Ranney, who once sold an eyebrow on eBay with free shipping and almost made enough to cover postage.

Jan 21 2009 Guy Makes Portal Gun, I Plan To Steal It

Holy crap somebody went and made the gun from Portal. I have absolutely no shame in telling you all I am going to steal the device, and then use it to rob a bank and escape the po-po.

Developed by Aperture Science, this Handheld Portal Device is an extremely limited edition (dare I say, one of a kind?) portal generator. Illuminated with blue ad orange LEDs, the entire gun runs off of only one 9V battery and needs no ammunition.

*donning pantyhose mask* See you in a bit!

UPDATE: HOLY SHIT I'VE GOT IT! I even managed to escape without detection, so I don't even know if the thing works yet. *pointing at bedroom wall* Well, here goes nothing! *PEW* OH MY GOD IT WORKS! Aaaaand there's my sister. Aaaaand she's naked. Quick, portal me in the eyes!

Hit the jump for a couple more views.

Continue Reading " Guy Makes Portal Gun, I Plan To Steal It "

Jan 17 2009 Stop Confusing Me, Damnit: The TOFU Robot

TOFU is a meat-free robot that looks and acts like a penguin crossed with a Furby crossed with my ex-girlfriend's muff (which I DID see once when I walked in on her in the shower -- score!) Developed at the MIT Media Lab, the little bastard dances to music and has OLED eyes that look eerily sexy. "He's a "squash and stretch" robot, one that uses techniques of social expression employed by 2D animators to give himself some personality." I have no idea what that means but I've killed my fair share of Furbys and, by God, I'll kill a battalion of these little robotic bitches too. But....those eyes....

UPDATE: Humankind, please forgive me, for I have sinned in the most I had-sex-with-a-robot way possible. And, I still have some more reading to do on the subject, but I think I might be pregnant.

TOFU is the most cuddly robot ever [dvice]