Oct 22 2009 Geekologie Review: Blood Energy Potion
I drank this stuff, it was good. It's thick and tastes like Hawaiian Punch concentrate. They recommend you put it in the microwave for 14 seconds to heat it up to body temperate. I did that. That made it warm. It was weird warm. Like licking a fresh wound, but sweeter. I think it gave me superhuman strength and speed but I won't know for sure till after I whip this nancy Edward Cunnilingus' pale ass.
Synthetic blood substitute. The fruit punch flavor packs 4 hours of energy along with iron, protein, and electrolytes. Not only does Blood Energy Potion have a similar nutritional makeup to real blood, but it has the same color, look, and consistency. Get real blood nutrients without that real blood taste! Re-sealable transfusion bag style pouch. Contains no real blood, just synthetic!
A 4-pack will set you back $16 but they get cheaper the more you buy. It's definitely a cool product for Halloween and certainly an attention getter. Not as attention getting as actually biting a stranger, but why risk the disease? Because you're crazy, that's why. I say do it. Bite that old lady. BITE HER NOW!
Product Site (order before 3PM tomorrow, October 23rd for Halloween delivery)
Sep 28 2009 Not Just For Vampires: Blood Energy Drink
Blood Energy Potion is a $6 energy drink (availableJanuary 2010) that was made to look -- and have the same nutritional value -- of real blood. That's pretty gross.
"The fruit punch flavor packs 4 hours of energy along with iron, protein, and electrolytes. Not only does Blood Energy Potion have a similar nutritional makeup to real blood, but it has the same color, look, and consistency of blood. Get real blood nutrients without that real blood taste! The re-sealable transfusion bag style pouch provides the convenient delivery of fluids for vampires and humans alike! Contains no real blood, just synthetic! "
Pfft, forget synthetic blood. I drink the real deal. ISN'T THAT RIGHT, MY FALLEN ENEMIES?! Say, none of you had AIDS, right?
Product Site
via
Blood Energy Drink [likecool]
Thanks to Ste, who is holding out for a bile energy drink. HORF.
Sep 11 2009 Beef Jerky: Now With More Caffeine
Perky Jerky is beef jerky with caffeine added (via guarana) to help keep you awake and focused on trying to look busy and not like you're just reading Geekologie.
Perky Jerky caffeinated beef jerky is the world's first performance enhancing meat snack. Put simply, we've combined the most tender and flavorful beef jerky, with an extra dose of energy (caffeine, from the Guarana we add) to provide a jerky experience you won't find anywhere else.
Performance enhancing meat snack. I dunno about all that. But if you want to try it, a 2 oz bag will set you back $5. Alternatively, a 2 oz bag of good weed would be like $700. So, yeah, cheaper than good weed.
Thanks to Ryan, Mr. Robbot and Towhee Monster, who get their energy the old fashioned way, directly from the sun. Transform and photosynthesize!
Jun 29 2009 I'm In Love
I have never felt feelings like this before. Marry me?
Hit the jump for a couple more of the before and after.
Mar 13 2009 Chug Those Dots!: A Pac-Man Energy Drink
Nearly thirty years after the yellow dot-munching fool made his first appearance, the mouthy bastard finally gets his own energy drink. Pac-Man Power Up Energy Drink is a three-dollar 8.4oz cherry flavored caffeine high that'll have you bouncing off the walls before you can say, "threeway with Inky and Blinky. No, wait -- Blinky and Clyde. Okay, whoever the blue and orange ones are, those are the ones I want. Finally answer! Oh, and Ms. Pac-Man can watch if she wants." Haha, caffeine isn't instantaneous, silly!
pac-man energy drink perfect for washing down power pills, pretzels, strawberries and ghosts [technabob]
Aug 21 2008 Mega Man Energy Drink Coming Soon
It seems like every video game character out there wants his own damn energy drink these days. So it comes as no surprise that Mega Man (who actually looks like a little boy) in getting one to coincide with the release of Mega Man 9. At first glance the product looks like an energy cell, but a closer inspection reveals it's just a freaking can.
The drink will be called "Rockman E Can Drink" because it's coming out in Japan and Mega Man is called Rockman over there. The drink will cost ¥137, or about $1.25 a can. No word on what it tastes like, though.
Ha, that's easy -- if it's anything like the majority of other energy drinks, it'll taste like Dr. Wily's taint.
mega man energy drink helps you beat down robot masters [technabob]
Aug 5 2008 Um, Yeah: A Questionable New Energy Drink
Well folks, it happened. Somebody went and named their energy drink after a slang term for a woman's nether region. Or a cat. The one that starts with p and ends with ussy. Yep. This is almost as bad as the German Poontang Juice.
(Our product) is unique. It is made with a blend of fresh white grape juice from Southern Italy, pressed Mexican limes and lightly carbonated water. These are then mixed with Grenadilla and Lychee flavours, infused with six selected botanical herbs.
The name Pussy shocks and demands attention - that's the point. Inhibition is a recipe for mediocrity.
Oh really? Well it looks like you may have settled for a little mediocrity yourself there, Pussy. Because I just concocted my own drink, and Assf*** is gonna take the energy supplement market by storm. From behind.
Hit the jump if you really want to see the can without the censor bar, and a link to the product page.
Continue Reading " Um, Yeah: A Questionable New Energy Drink "
May 19 2008 Caffeine Laced Chips: I'll Just Stick To Coffee
If you're anything like The Superficial Writer, you down several cups of urine-fortified coffee to get you going in the morning (seriously, stop taking my parking spot). Well for those of you out there that aren't into the liquid (or soap) caffeine scene, how about some, uh, chips? That's right, Engobi "Energy Go Bites" are cinnamon or lemon (WTF!?) flavored chips laced with wake-up powder. While I couldn't find the exact amount of crack per bag, each 1.5-ounce serving is advertised as containing "70% more caffeine than those little energy drinks." Yeah, and all for the low, low price of $1.29. To promote the chips, Engobi is taking the chips to the street.
The company is running a "Girls, Guitars and Geeks City Tour," with a Guitar Hero-equipped van, giving gamers willing to leave their basements the chance to compete for Guitar Hero controllers and gear emblazoned with the name of everyone's favorite insomnia-inducing snack product.
And if you were worried that Engobi was run by a bunch of old shriveled nads with no concept of what's cool to their target demographic, fear not.
Says the company's VP, Mark Singleton: ""If this contest, the Engobi girls, or our high-octane Engobi snack chips don't perk you up, I'm not sure you have a pulse. With Engobi on the scene, couch potatoes just earned a place on the endangered species list."
Wow, Mark, wow. You just made a whole bunch of no sense whatsoever. Doesn't gaming promote a certain level of couch/desk chair potatodom? I can't remember the last time I played video games while running a marathon. Unless slapping a Nintendo Power Pad with my hands to beat Cheetah at World Class Track Meet counts. Which, damnit, it should.
Engobi Website
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Engobi Chips: Caffeinated, Guitar Hero-Friendly [gearlog]
NOTE: Whatever you do, don't go to the Engobi website and then click Products, What's Inside and then scroll over the heaps of shit at the bottom. Trust me, just don't.
Thanks Shawn, lets down a bunch of espressos and punch holes in the wall
Mar 27 2008 Donkey Kong Jungle Juice Is A Misnomer
We've seen several video game inspired energy drinks here at Geekologie, and even a Nintendo offering, but now comes another -- Donkey Kong Jungle Juice. Spotted at the Nintendo World Store in New York, the drink comes packed with all those sperm-reducing agents* energy drinks are known for. Apparently the concoction is pink, smells like bubble gum, and has the flavor of carbonated Kool-Aid. There are theories circulating that it's the exact same stuff that's in the Mario can, and I wouldn't be surprised if it was. You can score a can from Anime Castle for $2.25 if you still want to try. I'm going to pass though, as a matter of principle. Everyone knows jungle juice is alcoholic and does not come in a Donkey Kong can. No sir, jungle juice is a combination of Everclear and every other kind of liquor you have in your college apartment mixed with Hawaiian Punch and Sunny D. You scoop it right out of the cooler it was mixed in with a Solo cup. It gets you drunk as shit and makes you puke and pass out on the bathroom floor while people bash your brain in with the door trying to get in to take a piss.
*This statement has not been evaluated by the FDA. It has, however, been evaluated by Deez Nuts.
donkey kong jungle juice doesn't taste like bananas [technabob]
Feb 4 2008 Mana Potion: An Energy Drink For Gamers
Mana is an energy drink made with gamers in mind. What makes it specifically designed for gamers you ask? The name. Each 40mL bottle promises +160 mana, 5-8 hours of smooth, jitter-free energy, and a citrusy taste. It also promises a life of celibacy. A 6-pack will set you back over $27 after shipping and a 24-banger will run you over $90. Oh, and if you're guild finds out you're spending that kind of money on a ridiculous energy drink they'll probably kill your character and kick you out. Just kidding, they'll all give you high-fives and ask where they can get some.
Thanks to Casey, who doesn't need mana potions to stay healthy, for the tip
