Oct 13 2009 I Said Protect The Leftovers!: Plasticdragon

Raise you hand if you like dragons. Whoa, that's a lot of hands. Okay, let's try this -- raise you hand if you don't like dragons. What the hell's the matter with you -- HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE DRAGONS!? What about Falkor the Luck Dragon? Yeah, I bet you feel stupid now, don't you? Well you should. Anyway, meet Plasticdragon. He's best friends with Metaldragon. Unfortunately, they had a falling out with Leatherdragon, which is a shame because dude's cool as shit.

A Dragon made entirely out of Plastic Kitchen Utencils (Spoons, Knives, Forks abd cups glued together using a glue gun)

approx 80 hours
material cost: all from 99 cent store

completely freestyle - no plans/blueprints/drafts

Plasticdragon was made by DeviantARTist ~toge-NYC and protects leftovers in the breakroom from hungry coworkers. Which is a good idea. Just sayin', you ever been stabbed with a plastic fork before? You have? Jesus, what were the circumstances?

~toge-NYC's DeviantART Page (with a nice high-res picture)

Thanks to sham, who doesn't need a dragon to guard her leftovers because she booby traps the fridge. Smart.

Oct 8 2009 Genius!: Mug With A Cookie Holding Shelf

The Cookie Dunk Mug is a $22 beverage receptacle that also has a place to store cookies for dunking! Plus, the manufacturer isn't sidest and makes a left-handed version. High left-five!

There's "no need to juggle with a plate and cup and of course, you also save on the washing up afterwards."

If you're a lefty, fear not, this mug comes in right handed or left handed styles. Your left handed deformity will no longer hold you back from enjoying your hot beverage and cookies at the same time.

Wait -- did that say deformity? Because somebody just got their ass boycotted! I don't know who, but somebody. These things happen all the time, probably an oil company. Deformed and proud, baby! You too? Whoa whoa whoa, it's cool -- leave the bag on.

Product Site
via
Cookie Dunk Mug [techeblog]

Thanks to Sarene, who throws all her cookies in at once and lets them sink to the bottom. Me too -- I like them supersaturated!

Oct 5 2009 Delicious Light: DIY Bacon Strip Lampshade

Bacon, perhaps the most versatile tool on the planet (suck it, duct tape!), can be fashioned into just about anything. Including, but not limited to: guns and lube. And what more does a person really need (besides the love of a good woman and maybe a pet)?!

Anyway, Flickr user Kris Kelley went and made a lampshade out of bacon slices and posted a little picture tutorial. And one thing's for certain: I bet it smells divine when it heats up! Plus, 10 to 1 odds your dog eats the whole lamp first you leave the house. Ever seen a dog pass an electric cord? It's something you don't forget.

Flickr Gallery

Thanks to jessica, who gamma radiated a pig in the hopes of creating naturally glowing bacon. Unfortunately, it just turns green and beats the shit out of things when it gets mad.

Sep 30 2009 It's About Time!: A Dinosaur Serving Spoon

I can honestly say I've never wanted to have sex with a bowl of noodles so bad in my entire life. Well, that's not entirely true.

Product Site

Thanks to Carolina, who only eats her pasta the way god intended: with Mario and Luigi.

Sep 28 2009 Eat Your Peas: Construction Equipment Flatware For Kids (And Shameless Adults)

This set of Constructive Eating Kids' Utensils costs $20 but some of the proceeds go to funding health services for children. So that's cool. Plus, heavy machinery, how can you go wrong? BEEP BEEP -- back that thing up and dump some mashed potatoes IN MY MOUTH!

Transform mealtime into an educational, interactive construction zone! Construction-vehicle shaped fork, spoon, and pusher-scoop set makes learning to self-feed a fun activity.

* All materials FDA-approved, PVC/Phthalate/BPA-free
* Vibrant colors are stimulating and captivating
* An asset in the development of hand-eye coordination
* Dishwasher-safe
* Paint-free, lead-free

Okay, so they were really fishing for product attributes. When lead-free becomes a sellable product attribute for UTENSILS, you know you've hit rock bottom. That said, how much you want to bet that a study comes out soon touting lead is actually beneficial to a child's development? Trust me, these things are cyclical. Also, I make fake studies.

Product Site

Thanks to Miss Bowser, who feeds her father, King Koopa, with an airplane spoon made from a real airplane.

Sep 19 2009 Why Not?: Ordering Pizza From Your PS3

Let's be honest with ourselves: we all love pizza. I'm particularly fond of the white variety BUT NOT BECAUSE I'M RACIST (I have a Hispanic friend). I just like the way it tastes in my mouth. Like ice cream, but hot. Anyway, now you can order Papa John's pizzas from you PS3. And you don't even have to go to the internet browser! Because, seriously, that would be way too much thumb exercise. Isn't that right, my opposable little lovers? Now, do that thing that I like so much. Wait! Let me sit on you till you're numb first.

papa john's and playstation 3, because no one wants to get off the couch to order pizza [technabob]

Thanks to chris, who once reheated day-old pizza in his XBox.

Sep 4 2009 It Will Be Mine!: This $15,000 Zelda Plate

Seller homisydal (don't provoke him!) is selling this 1989 Zelda themed plastic plate for $15,000 on eBay. $15,000, WOW. That sounds kind of unreasonable, doesn't it? Hell no, that's why I bought it. I feel like I robbed the poor bastard!

$15,000 1989 collector's item legend of zelda... plate. as in the one you put food on. [technabob]

Sep 4 2009 Gyro Kid's Bowl Makes Spilling More Difficult

Let's face it: kids were born to make your life a living hell and wreak havoc on your house and mental health whenever possible (note: this is all speculation, I don't actually have any kids. ANYMORE -- they're all growed up!). So why not minimize the damage the little imps can do to your kitchen with a $10 Gyro Toddler Food Bowl? "No matter which way the handles of this bowl are turned, the food in the middle stays upright." Awesome. Wait -- is that caramel corn? TODDLERS DON'T EAT CARAMEL CORN!! What are you, trying to kill the little bastard? Cause you know they fetch a pretty penny on the black market. I mean, I'VE HEARD. Firsthand (meet me behind the Dollar General).

Gyro bowl makes it harder for kids to make a mess [dvice]

Sep 2 2009 Chubby Boy To Surrogate Mother, "Bacon Is Good For Me"

This is a short video from the television show Wife Swap featuring a health-conscious surrogate mother who is throwing away all the junk food in a family's kitchen when young Sir Eat A Lot makes a stand when he sees the bacon making its exit. A BACON STAND. Like a lemonade one, but even more delicious...
...
...
...OMG I'M GONNA BE RICH!

Youtube

Thanks to TeckniX, asiantom and naas, who have actually gotten into fisticuffs over spray cheese before.

Aug 31 2009 Ninja Turtles Offering Relationship Advice

I like turtles AND pizza. Also, this is good news for me cause I couldn't cook to save my life anyway (don't even think about it, Jigsaw!).

TMNT Relationship Advice [buzzfeed]

Thanks to Aisha, who offered up this piece of relationship advice: Chicks dig guys who aren't monster douchebags (douching is so 80's).

Aug 24 2009 Finally!: Heart And Star Shaped Cucumbers

In Japan's unending quest to grow edibles shaped like other things comes these heart and star shaped cucumbers.

These cucumbers represent the cumulative efforts of an agricultural coop determined to make food preparation a little bit more exciting. Comprised of nine women in Chiba, a suburb of Tokyo, this grass roots organization cleverly uses plastic molds affixed to the stem of the plant, with which they can create heart and star shapes when the cucumber is sliced cross-wise.

These romantic cucumbers are selling at fancy supermarkets in Tokyo and as specially ordered wedding gifts at ceremonies throughout Japan. They cost 300 yen each (about $2.50).

Nice try, growers, but Lucky Charms has been growing marshmallows in different shapes for years. Anybody ever picked through a whole box to make a bowl of nothing but marshmallows? Well I hope you washed your hands first.

Hit the jump for what the vegetables look like ON A SALAD.

Continue Reading " Finally!: Heart And Star Shaped Cucumbers "

Aug 14 2009 A Long Time Ago In A Restaurant Far, Far Away: Lightsaber Chopsticks

Why it's taken so long to produce some good looking lightsaber chopsticks is beyond me. I mean, they just make sense. Like wind energy and peeing in the sink, but with a culinary flair. Available in three colors, the $10 sticks are the perfect utensils for devouring tauntaun and Ewok dishes. But don't go trying to eat that shit Yoda fixes on Dagobah! The runs like you're about to be trampled by an AT-AT.

Hit the jump for one more shot of the sabers in hand.

Continue Reading " A Long Time Ago In A Restaurant Far, Far Away: Lightsaber Chopsticks "

Jul 20 2009 EATR Robot NOT Designed To Eat Dead Bodies, Or, How A Company Backpedals

Cyclone Power Technologies, the company behind the Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot (EATR), denies that it was designed to dine on human corpses. Obviously, they're lying through their oil-stained, robot loving teeth.

"We completely understand the public's concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission," said Harry Schoell, CEO of Cyclone Power Technologies. "We are focused on demonstrating that our engines can create usable, green power from plentiful, renewable plant matter."

Let me tell you a little personal story: I used to be vegetarian. Now I eat the hell out of some meat. Draw your own conclusion.

Darpa's Self-Feeding Sentry Robot is Not a Man-Eater, Company Protests [popsci]

Thanks to Rodger and Charles, who know what the future holds because they both have crystal balls. Be careful bicycling, guys.

Jun 30 2009 Meaty: Vegan Vs. Carnivore Support Groups

I was heavily vegetarian for almost four years when I was married (the dark years) and let me tell you: non-dairy cheese turns into hard plastic when baked in a Thanksgiving broccoli casserole. I still served it though. And not a single person tried it. So you know what I did? I killed them all. Softly, with my song. Oh yeah, I strummed that pain.

soyf*ckers anonymous [passiveaggressivenotes]

Thanks to Jeff and Barry, who are in your fridge pilfering your bacon.

Jun 29 2009 Carnivorous Robots Eat Meat For Power

That's right folks, robots that consume organic matter to power themselves. Scared yet? You should be. Your pants should be full right now. If not, more fiber. This particular model is a flytrap that digests insects to power a clock.

UK-based designers James Auger and Jimmy Loizeau believe that, if robots are ever to be welcomed into people's homes, they'll need to fit in with the rest of the furniture, and earn their keep. Their prototypes trap and digest pests like flies and mice to gain energy.

Finally, robots that digest meat -- because that's what I want in the house. So let me get this straight: you're a robot AND YOU EAT MEAT. Welcome home!

Hit the jump for another picture of the flytrap and a coffee table that eats mice.

Continue Reading " Carnivorous Robots Eat Meat For Power "

Jun 22 2009 Go Plates: Stacking Food On Your Beer

Go Plates are reusable party plates (not to be confused with party hats) that sit on top of your beer can, bottle or plastic cup, allowing you a free hand for playing grab-ass with all your friends or whatever it is people do at parties (I've never been to one). A pack of 42 will set you back $48.50, which isn't too bad considering their reusable (read: I'll lay them all out on the floor and let the dog lick them before putting them back in the cabinet). Party at my house!

Product Site

Thanks to Gino, who once choked on a hors d'œuvre and had to be given mouth to mouth by a very sexy lady.

Jun 2 2009 Mmmm: Poisonous Snake-Bitten Chicken

Apparently poisonous snake-bitten chicken is a popular dish in a parts of China, but it's coming under the heat for being cruel and unusual deliciousness.

Chinese health authorities are putting a stop to restaurants serving chickens which have been bitten to death by poisonous snakes and cooked up for a supposedly detoxing meal.

The dish, served by a small number of eateries in the southern province of Guangdong and the southwestern city of Chongqing, has generated a storm of publicity and controversy in the Chinese media and amongst bloggers.

Wow, that's pretty effed up. Like eating dried tiger penis just so you can pop a boner -- but with even more snake. HIYO!

China puts a stop to snake-bitten cock-in-a-pot [yahoonews]

Thanks to Ken, who once bit a poisonous snake's head off and sucked the venom out just for the hell of it.

May 29 2009 Make Anything Taste Delicious: Baconnaise

I've known about Baconnaise for a while but I've been getting this tip pretty steadily for like a year now so I guess I can't keep it all to myself anymore. Baconnaise: bacon flavored mayonnaise. From J&D foods (who also make bacon lube and BaconSalt (see the salt after the jump), a 3-pack of 15-ounce jars in on sale from Amazon for the low, low artery clogging price of $11. And with the combined power of Baconnaise and Baconsalt, you really can make anything taste like bacon! And I do mean anything. Oh hoooooney!

Hit the jump to see the salt.

Continue Reading " Make Anything Taste Delicious: Baconnaise "

May 24 2009 Finally: A Venn Diagram Of Hybrid Cutlery

This is a Venn Diagram of hybrid cutlery. As you can see in the middle, the splayd incorporates all three standard eating utensils in one, high questionable design. Of course, I wouldn't want to eat cereal with it. Or you. YOU'RE DRIBBLING MILK ON MY CARPET YOU HEATHEN!

Towards a Grand Unification of Cutlery [eatmedaily]

Thanks to Andrew, who eats with his hands because he's an animal.

Apr 29 2009 About Time: Anti-Robot Denny's Commercial

Truthfully, I rarely go to Denny's because I prefer IHOP's Rooty Tooty Fresh 'N Fruity combo (two eggs, two bacon strips, two pork sausage links and two buttermilk pancakes crowned with cool strawberry or your choice of fruit compote and whipped topping). But I may make a change after seeing this commercial, which highlights the importance of eating a hearty breakfast in the fight against machines. You can't go fighting those robotic bastards on an empty stomach -- they'll gut you like a fish! The Grand Slamwich from Denny's: it's what John Connor would do.

Youtube

Thanks to Scurls, who knows a Carnation Instant Breakfast just won't cut it.