Jun 15 2009 ToneMatrix: Best Waste Of An Afternoon Yet
I've been getting this tip for a while but I always forget to post it because usually when I cook something in the microwave I rest my head against it and it makes me forget things and, more often than not, pee and overcook my burrito. So yeah, ToneMatrix is a simple audio program based on a 16 step sequencer. You just start clicking boxes and they play the appropriate tones in rhythm. That's an example of a beat I made there, but it's not my best. I'd show you a few of my best BUT THEY ARE TOO FRESH FOR YOU! Beats, like women, are a dish best served mature. You see where I'm going with this? I'm talking about cougars. And speaking of which -- did I ever tell you about the first time I did one? I had a friend lower me into their pen at the zoo. RAWR!
ToneMatrix [andre-michelle]
Thanks to Emmortality, Aramar the Black, Clint, chloe and Towhee Monster, whose beats are so fresh they haven't even been born yet. OR CONCEIVED. They're still living in some guy's nuts!
Jan 28 2009 Make Your Own LEGO Valve Steam Caps
Want to make your own LEGO valve stem caps for your full-scale LEGO car? No problem. Take a LEGO block, hollow it out, glue in a regular cap, and PRESTO, some jerk steals them within the first week. Which reminds me, remember when you used to steal the hood ornaments off luxury cars and wear them as a necklace? Well I still do that.
Hit the jump for another picture in case you're dying to know what one looks like on the inside (who isn't?!)
Jan 20 2009 I Can Add!: Tokyoflash's Kisai Keisan Watch
I know what you're thinking, "holy shit, we have a new president!" And also, "damnit Geekologie Writer, hit me the latest in time-telling devices". Well you got it, son. The Kisai Keisan is the latest in Tokyoflash's wrist flasherdashery. If you can add, you can tell what time it is on the Keisan.
Calculate the time with Keisan. Simply touch the button and digits will appear in four vertical lines. Add the digits in each vertical line to read the time. The date is displayed in the same way after the time. The time and date can be accelerated by pressing button A again. To find out more, take a look at the interactive manual to the right.
The Keisan is available for $255 in black with red or green LEDS, and silver with orange or yellow LEDs. But hurry -- they'll be gone in a Tokyoflash! ZOMG, I think I just reached a new level in L337 advertising: +30 selling, -20 dignity! I swear, I could sell fire to Satan -- or cans of bitch to my ex-wife!
Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures of the flashery.
Continue Reading " I Can Add!: Tokyoflash's Kisai Keisan Watch "
Jan 20 2009 Admit It, You're Lazy: A Cup Noodle Machine
Why you'd need a vending machine for a product that only requires hot water and three minutes to be ready for consumption is beyond me. Yet, here it is, a Cup Noodle (I always thought it was Cup-O-Noodles) vending machine.
It's small enough to fit on a counter top, and includes a hot water thermos and storage for up to four Cup Noodle bowls with a dispenser. It even has an automatic timer that'll beep when three minutes is up and your food is ready to eat.
Jesus, it's called a microwave, folks. And who else has accidentally eaten part of the styrofoam cup while downing a Cup Noodle all drunk? Go ahead, admit it -- nothing to be ashamed of. HAHA, you freaking ate the cup! To your credit though, I wouldn't trust you with a fork either.
Nissin offers introverts compact cup noodle vending machines [tokyomango]
Thanks to Niki, who stopped eating Ramen in college because she got to look at some under a microscope and it looked too noodley.
Dec 22 2008 Instant Decorating: The Christmas Cannon
If there's one thing I hate about Christmas it's that fat bastard Santa and his lack of presentry for yours truly. I swear, you write one too many dirty jokes and the boubon-soaked skeezeball (trust me, I could smell his breath when I sat on his lap at the mall in '85. Also, I'm now spreading a rumor he touched my butt) passes your apartment. If there's another thing, it's decorating. It's time consuming, and, come May, you have to take everything down again. That's why the Christmas Cannon is so genius. You just lather something in glue, pump up the cannon, and BAM -- you just Christmas'd that shit. It's as easy as shooting yourself in the foot trying to shoot fish in a barrel. Which, haha, is easier than you think (read: I'm missing two toes and have to wear a special shoe).
DIY Christmas Cannon is a Festive Tinsel Explosion [gizmodo]
Jul 7 2008 Mirror Tic Tac Toe Uses Only Half The Pieces
Mirror Tic Tac Toe was made by Peleg Design (not to be confused with Pegleg Design). And since it's mirrored you only use half the X's and O's (which we will now refer to as V's and rainbows)! Pretty clever. Too bad adults don't play Tic Tac Toe and children would just eat or break the pieces. Otherwise I'd make one and then start manufacturing and selling them since I couldn't find a price online from Peleg. Hrrm....Anybody interested in purchasing an iMirror Tic Tac Toe board can contact me directly. Wholesale orders welcome, but not gladly, so don't except me to kiss your ass over the phone or anything.
Hit the jump for a couple more pictures.
Continue Reading " Mirror Tic Tac Toe Uses Only Half The Pieces "
May 6 2008 Zip Holder Keeps Your Zipper Up, Prevents Embarrasing Situations (Exposing Your Junk)
The Zip Holder is a very simple product. It consists for a rubber band that loops through your zipper hole, then over your pants button. It keeps your zipper up so it doesn't sneak down to the bottom and end up exposing your tubesteak to everyone on the #9 train. Pretty clever, but seriously, pants are on their way out -- especially ones with zippers. As a rule I don't want anything with metal teeth (especially Jaws from the Bond movies) that close to my moneymaker. Seriously though, it is my moneymaker. I moonlight for a strippergram company. Lots of Rick Roll requests these days. Hey, I don't care, it pays the bills -- there's no shame in my game. Fine, there is. Tons. Mountains of shame.
ZipHolder Zipper Holder Makes Pantsings Super Difficult [gizmodo]
Thanks to Shawn, who doesn't wear pants and the ladies are totally cool with that
Apr 23 2008 Exhaust Jack Takes The Work Out Of Jacking
So you got a flat tire, what do you do? Call AAA for help? Make out with your passenger? Cry and punch the steering wheel? Or do you get out there and change the damn thing? You know, changing a tire really wouldn't be that bad if the jacks that come with cars weren't the biggest pieces of shit ever made. Well thankfully, now there's an easier way. Introducing the Exhaust Air Jack ($130). You just throw the orange bag under the car's lift point, attach the hose to your exhaust pipe, and presto, you burnt your hands because you forgot to let the pipe cool before touching it. Not sure if inhaling the bag afterward makes you talk funny like helium, but my guess is no, unless that's how dead people sound.
Nov 2 2007 Batter Blaster Is Amazing, Picture Says So
The picture says it all folks, "Amazing". Batter Blaster is aerosol pancake/waffle mix that you squirt directly from the can onto the griddle. You'll have hot and fluffy-ass pancakes lickity split, without the annoyance of having to add water to a dry mix and stirring. Leave that to the 1900's, we're living in the 2000's now people. That's right, we eat shit out of aerosol cans. I'm just hoping that Batter Blaster follows in the footsteps of E-Z Cheese and makes their product delicious enough to squirt straight into the mouth. Mmmm, pancake batter.
Batter Blaster: Pancakes in a Can [boingboing]
