Nov 3 2009 Giant Crack In Africa Could Be Future Ocean

Because I love news heralding the end of the world as much as you do, I just read a large crack has recently formed in Ethiopia and may house a future ocean after the apocalypse of 2012.

A 35-mile rift in the desert of Ethiopia will likely become a new ocean eventually, researchers now confirm.

The crack, 20 feet wide in spots, opened in 2005 and some geologists believed then that it would spawn a new ocean. But that view was controversial, and the rift had not been well studied.

A new study involving an international team of scientists and reported in the journal Geophysical Research Letters finds the processes creating the rift are nearly identical to what goes on at the bottom of oceans, further indication a sea is in the region's future.

Note: That's not an actual photo of the crack there, that's just a picture I ripped off the internet. However, I will use this time to propose that the Grand Canyon will also house a future ocean. I called it first! Unless it doesn't happen, in which case it was your idea. Idiot.

Giant Crack in Africa Will Create a New Ocean [yahoonews]

Thanks to Josh, who's smart enough to know the oceans were created when God cried after realizing just how beautiful he'd made me.

Oct 16 2009 Coool!: Earth And Jupiter In The Same Photo

This is an amazing photograph of the earth (and moon) and Jupiter (and a few of its moons) in the same frame. Now I know what you're thinking, and no, God didn't take this one.

Sometimes the planets line up in such a way that you can see Earth and Jupiter in the same wide-angle shot. That is, if you were aboard the Mars Global Surveyor on May 22, 2003. When the Mars Orbiter Camera snapped this unique view, Earth was 86 million miles away, and Jupiter was 600 million miles away.

Wow, that really gets you thinking, doesn't it? Like about how far objects in space are from one another. Really far. And speaking of which -- will one of you be so kind as to walk the remote over here?

Hit the jump to see a diagram explaining how the planets were aligned.

Continue Reading " Coool!: Earth And Jupiter In The Same Photo "

Sep 16 2009 We're Saved!: Astronomers Discover Solid Planet Outside Of Our Solar System

Unfortunately, it's solid lava and has a daytime temperature of 3,600 degrees Fahrenheit. Still, I'd live there. With Satan. You hear that, my fiery little bitch? I SAID LIGHT THE GRILL.

As scientists search the skies for life elsewhere, they have found more than 300 planets outside our solar system. But they all have been gas balls or can't be proven to be solid. Now a team of European astronomers has confirmed the first rocky extrasolar planet.

The planet is called Corot-7b. It was first discovered earlier this year. European scientists then watched it dozens of times to measure its density to prove that it is rocky like Earth. It's in our general neighborhood, circling a star in the winter sky about 500 light-years away. Each light-year is about 6 trillion miles.

Well folks, it's been real. But I think it's time for your Geekologie Writer to hit the big red 'BLAST-OFF' button and shoot himself to Corot-7b. And like that saying goes, "Shoot for the moon. Even if you make it, your dad will still call you a failure."

Found: Firm place to stand outside solar system [yahoonews]

Sep 3 2009 'Gravity Tractor' May Prevent Us From Going Out Like The Dinosaurs (Read: In Style)

Apparently some people are worried that the earth might get struck by an asteroid at some point in time and screw up humankind's plans to eff this world up on our own. Yeah -- who invited you, asteroid?! So what do we do? Build a Gravity Tractor (suck it, John Deere!) to avert certain death. Bitchin'.

NASA's Near Earth Object program currently has 145 potentially hazardous asteroids on its list out of 1,062 objects larger than one kilometer in diameter, and 6,292 total discovered objects. What's all that mean? Well, that there's a lot of stuff out there that could potentially impact our planet -- some of it pretty big.

So instead of sending shuttle crews up at the last minute to blow an approaching asteroid up, British astronomers at the Astrophysics Research Centre are planning to build a 10-ton "gravity tractor" spacecraft that will influence the object's trajectory. The process would take some time -- a craft would have to be launched 15 years in advance to really have an effect -- but, once the tractor arrives, it'd hover close by an asteroid and gently guide it along a different path.

Listen NASA, I know we've had our differences in the past (I never touched that alien!), but I would like to volunteer to drive the Gravity Tractor. I have every reason to believe I'd be the perfect candidate: I have mowed my parents' yard several times and I only hit the fence twice and ran over a sprinkler. Also, I have a natural passion for heavy machinery, especially after drinking. You think about it.

Britain plans 'gravity tractor' to protect Earth from asteroids [dvice]

May 6 2009 Wait, What?: A Chocolate Powered Race Car

That's right, a team at Warwick University have developed a race car that's made out of vegetables and runs on chocolate. Of course, gumdrops and licorice sticks would have been cooler, but hey, you work with what you've got.

The racer isn't legal to race in the F3-series as chocolate-based fuels aren't on the approved list of energy sources, but that's not the point. The WorldFirst team is trying to prove green-racing doesn't have to mean boring-racing. They've used recycled materials in combination with fibers and extracts of fruits, vegetables and plants to create composites, materials and lubricants along the same vein as carbon fiber, plastics, and oil. It's based on the standard Lola chassis and despite the eco-friendliness, the car will still hit 145 MPH and corner like the real deal.

Well snap crackle pop! Plus, if you crash in the wilderness you can eat your car to survive. Double whammy! Now, here's your fun word fact for the day: race car is spelled the same forwards and backwards. It's a palindrome, just like "Wo! Nemo, Toss a Lasso to Me Now!" You know that joker Mr. Wizard that used to be on TV? Yeah, well I'm like his illegitimate cousin, Mr. Word Wizard. Except I don't invite neighborhood kids over to my house all the time BECAUSE THAT'S NOT HOW I ROLL.

WorldFirst ecoF3: A Chocolate-Powered Sustainable Race Car [jalopnik]

Thanks to Dr Freak, Thumperchica, Lisa, Stirling and James, who made a race car that was powered by dreams but crashed it when one of them had a nightmare.

Apr 22 2009 Shower Curtain Gets Stabby On H2O Wasters

Elisabeth Beucher's 'Green Warrior Shower Curtains' help control your water consumption by slowly inflating its spikes (via a questionably energy efficient air pump) as you shower. Stay in too long and you get stabbed. Drop the soap and experience prison. While I do find this design admirable, I have an even better way to curtail water wastage: don't pay your gas or electric bill. You'll still have cold water, and cold water, my friends, is the key to shorter showers. Seriously, I'm down to 35 seconds. Haven't seen my balls in weeks!

Happy Earth Day everyone!

in honor of earth day: the shower curtain that impales you [theinteriormind]

Thanks to Travis, who only bathes the way God intended: with a woman to scrub his back.

Apr 22 2009 Scientists Find Watery, Earth-Like Planet?

Earth Day Fools! Oh, wait, no. Apparently this is real, and only 20.5 light-years away! Ladies and gentlemen -- start your rocket engines. PSSSSHOOOOOOOOW! PEW PEW.

The Gliese 581 planetary system now has four known planets, with masses of about 1.9 (planet e, left in the foreground), 16 (planet b, nearest to the star), 5 (planet c, center), and 7 Earth-masses (planet d, with the bluish colour).

Michel Mayor, a well-known exoplanet researcher from the Geneva Observatory, announced the find today. The planet, "e," in the famous system Gliese 581, is only about twice the mass of our Earth. The team also refined the orbit of the planet Gliese 581 d, first discovered in 2007, placing it well within the habitable zone, where liquid water oceans could exist.

Planet Gliese 581 d, is that really the best they could do? GIVE IT A REAL DAMN NAME ALREADY. I propose Waterworld. And speaking of which, that was a hell of a movie, was it not? Oh, I'm getting a "no" from The IWatchStuff Writer. But he had gills, man, gills!

Nearly Earth-sized Planet, Possible Watery World Spotted Near Another Star [universetoday]

Thanks to Morgana, who, for an Earth-related tip on Earth Day, wins a free trip to Gliese 581 d, just as soon I finish my rocketship.

Mar 20 2009 Underwater Volcano: Ka-Boom Shacka Lacka!

That's right folks, an underwater volcano off the coast of Tonga (near Fiji) has been erupting recently, causing all kinds of mean-nasty things to happen. Just kidding. There has been some smoke and ash though.

Scientists sailed Thursday to inspect an undersea volcano that has been erupting for days near Tonga -- shooting smoke, steam and ash thousands of feet into the sky above the South Pacific ocean.

Authorities said Thursday the eruption does not pose any danger to islanders at this stage, and there have been no reports of fish or other animals being affected.

Really, no reports of fish or animals being affected? I find that a little hard to believe. Come on now folks, I'm not five anymore, I can take some deceased fishes. Seriously, you don't have secretly replace my dead hamster with one that looks like him. Wait, you did what? NOOOOOOO -- NOT MR. CHEEKEYS! WAAAAAAAAA, I JUST WANT TO DIE!

Hit the jump for a worthwhile VIDEO of the action.

Continue Reading " Underwater Volcano: Ka-Boom Shacka Lacka! "

Feb 26 2009 I Knew It!: Violent Video Games Helps Prepare Children For The Coming Apocalypse

This is an Onion News roundtable discussion on the benefit of children playing violent video games. And as I suspected, violent games do, in fact, prepare the world's youth for the coming apocalypse.

Playing video games all day, alone and friendless, is simply the best way we have to prepare our children for a life of solitude in a barren wasteland.

Finally, somebody speaking some sense. So fret not, parents, buying your children violent video games might just provide them with the know-how they need to survive in the the future. Or, I dunno, bring a gun to school. Either one.

Are Violent Video Games Adequately Preparing Children For The Apocalypse? [theonion]

Thanks to Mister Tiddles, who I think might be a cat.

Feb 23 2009 Yes!: Google Maps Spots Lost City Of Atlantis

That's right folks, you're looking at the lost city of Atlantis, buried under the ocean off the north-western coast of Africa (the country*).

This location is awfully close to one of the spots Plato, Legendary Smart Dude, had pinpointed as a possible resting place of Atlantis. In addition, the site is about the same size as Plato described.

Google claims that the lines are remnants of the sonar traces left by boats as they surveyed the area. Plus, Plato described Atlantis as being designed as a series of concentric circles, not a grid.

Now I hate to call Google a bunch of dirty liars, but that is clearly Atlantis. Haven't you ever heard that circles look square when viewed underwater? Yeah, it's called refraction. It's the same principal that makes a toot smell worse if you do it in the bathtub. Science, folks, you can't argue with that.

Atlantis Found on Google Earth, Official Explanation Is Dubious [gizmodo]

*Stop emailing me, I'm fully aware Africa is a continent.

Dec 1 2008 Large Hadron Collider May Never Start Again

Well, that's a lie. Actually, no it's not. *brandishing crowbar* At least not if I have something say about it! Anyway, the LHC, which was thought to only be down until the spring, may not kill us all until late 2009, or even 2010. We're saved (but still be wary of terrorists)!

According to spokesperson James Gillies, the complicated repairs can be simplified into modest Plan A and Plan B approach.

Plan A is a quick and dirty fix, getting the particle accelerator online as quickly as possible (late summer 2009) at the cost of operating at lower power. In this scenario, 3 of 8 pressure relief-system segments are replaced (only the broken ones) with the other 5 getting upgraded at unsaid maintenance dates in the future.

Plan B is the more extensive but also more delayed approach, requiring the complete redesign and replacement of the LHC's entire pressure-relief system. Under this scenario, the LHC wouldn't go online until 2010 at the earliest, though at that time the system could operate at full power.

Well, looks like we're gonna have to find another way to destroy the planet in the meantime. Any ideas? I'm thinking good old fashioned CFCs. Or, alternatively, whip-its. Just remember: stop before the whipcream comes out. You squirt it, you buy it -- grocery store policy.

LHC Might Not Be Back Online Until 2010 or Later [gizmodo]

Thanks to Harrison, who promises to help me break into CERN and rollerskate around in the hallways.

Oct 31 2008 Miners Stumble Upon Fortress Of Solitude, Superman Pissed, Can't Find Solitude

So apparently what scientists are dubbing the 'Cave of Crystals' was discovered 1,000ft beneath the Chiihuahua Desert in Mexico.

Up to 170 giant, luminous obelisks - the biggest is 37.4ft long and the equivalent height of six men - jut across the grotto like tangled pillars of light; and the damp rock of their walls is covered with yet more flawless clusters of blade-sharp crystal.

When, about 600,000 years ago, the magma began to cool, the minerals started to precipitate out of the water, and over the centuries the tiny crystals they formed grew and grew until 1985, when miners unwittingly drained the cave as they lowered the water table with mine pumps.

Unfortunately, the temperature stays around 112F with a humidity near 100%. So yeah, Superman likes it hot and muggy. Superman living in Mexico -- who would have thought! I figured he had set up shop in Norway or Iceland. He must stick around to put the moves on the drunk co-eds that come down to Cancun for spring break. A couple margaritas with the little umbrellas in them, and then BAM, Superman dem hoes! Holy shit, Superman's a predator.

Hit the jump for two more pictures (including a picture of the real Fortress of Solitude) and an informative video. Learning is fun!

Continue Reading " Miners Stumble Upon Fortress Of Solitude, Superman Pissed, Can't Find Solitude "

Sep 12 2008 Live Large Hadron Collider Webcams

This is a snapshot from one of the webcams positioned on the Large hadron Collider. Hit this link to view them, there's been a bunch of bustling around the past few days and I think I saw a guy trip and fall down the stairs on the left. Definitely worth checking out. And also, a book from the library. Get your read on, bitches!

Hit it for one more shot, but view the cams first for some hot and steamy live action.

Continue Reading " Live Large Hadron Collider Webcams "

Sep 11 2008 Awh Man: Indian Girl Kills Herself Over Fear Of World-Ending Large Hadron Collider

Damn, this is some sadness. Chayya, a 16-year old Indian girl from Madhya Pradesh, drank pesticide and killed herself over fear of the Large Hadron Collider going online and destroying the earth. I send my deepest sympathies to Chayya's family and pray, for the sake of my own soul, that she never read Geekologie.

R.I.P. Chayya

Indian Teen Commits Suicide Over LHC Fears [uberreview]

PSA: THE LARGE HADRON COLLIDER WILL NOT DESTROY THE PLANET.

Sep 4 2008 This Is What Would Happen...

If a large meteor hit earth because Superman is dead or we couldn't blow it up like in that movie Armageddon which totally did not make me cry when I watched it.

Watch the video for death and destruction set to Pink Floyd, sweet!

CG Animation Shows What Happens When Large Meteor Hits Earth [techeblog]

Aug 27 2008 This Is What Happens...

When the CERN Large Hadron Collider starts crashing particles into shit next month. I can hardly wait!

Hit the jump for a highly questionable (yet informative) video of some chick singing a rap song about the collider.

Continue Reading " This Is What Happens... "

Aug 15 2008 The 2008 Olympics: Now In LEGO Form

This is the Olympic village made entirely out of LEGO. It was recently on display in Hong Kong to get everyone excited about the games and contains over 300,000 blocks and 4,500 minifigs. Hit the jump for a whole bunch more, including a damn good looking Water Cube. You know, I was so inspired by the work that went into this that I decided to write my congressman about getting a medal above the gold awarded in the Olympics. This medal, of course, would be LEGO. Pretty great idea, huh? Well that's what I thought -- but you know what he wrote back? "Stop writing me about all your stupid freaking ideas." Can you believe that? He said the exact same thing about the possibility of getting my likeness on a coin. What a dick!

Hit it for a bunch more.

Continue Reading " The 2008 Olympics: Now In LEGO Form "

Aug 15 2008 Some Maroons Still Believe The Earth Is Flat

Idiots in the Flat Earth Society are still convinced the world is flat and lead-based paint is part of a well-balanced diet.

People are definitely prejudiced against flat-Earthers," Tennessee-based computer scientist and society member John Davis tells the BBC. "Many use the term 'flat-Earther' as a term of abuse, and with connotations that imply blind faith, ignorance or even anti-intellectualism."

Don't breed!

"The Earth is, more or less, a disc," states James McIntyre, a Briton who helps run the Flat Earth Society's Web site. "Obviously it isn't perfectly flat, thanks to geological phenomena like hills and valleys. It is around 24,900 miles in diameter."

"The North Pole is central, and Antarctica comprises the entire circumference of the Earth," explains McIntyre. "Circumnavigation is a case of traveling in a very broad circle across the surface of the Earth."

Flat Earthers also believe the moon landing and photos of earth from space were faked, which is only true in the case of the moon landing. But what I don't get is: if Antarctica surrounds the entire circumference of the earth, what's on the other side of that? Is it all ice? Is it candy land? Is it the dark side of the earth? Does my doppelgänger live there? Do you think he blogs too? If I meet him will I really die? Can I dig a hole to the other side and find out? Will you help? Come on, I'll show you my tits.

Believers In Flat Earth Not About to Change Minds [foxnews]

Thanks to Sam, who's smart enough to know the world is a cone.

Jul 18 2008 Moon Transits Earth: Time-Lapse Video Caught From A Cool 31 Million Miles Away

This is a time-lapse video taken by NASA's EPOXI spacecraft from 31 million miles. It's pretty awe-inspiring. Halfway through the moon makes an appearance. You know, just to say what's up. In other lunar news: tonight's a full moon, so go check that shit out. But remember: If it's hairy, you're probably standing on the bathroom sink with your head between your legs, staring at your own ass in the mirror. Go outside.

HOLY FRAK! Moon transits Earth! [discover]

Jul 15 2008 Scientists Collect Cow Toots To Better Understand Their Effects On Global Warming

Argentinian scientists are collecting cow gas in an effort to understand how the methane produced by our bovine brethren is affecting the global solar cooker we call earth and its atmosphere.

As one of the world's biggest beef producers, Argentina has more than 55 million cows grazing in its famed Pampas grasslands.

Guillermo Berra, a researcher at the National Institute of Agricultural Technology, said every cow produces between 800 to 1,000 liters of emissions every day.

Methane, which is also released from landfills, coal mines and leaking gas pipes, is 23 times more effective at trapping heat in the atmosphere than carbon dioxide.

Every cow produces 1,000 liters of emissions? Holy hellfire. I can't believe we can even breathe anymore. The scientists hope that by understanding the process by which cattle produce methane, they'll be able to alter their diets to produce less of the gas. Well call me old fashioned, but I think there's a much more logical, less scientific method for getting a cow to produce less tootage -- make them huff their own gas bags. Now I don't like awards ceremonies, so just go ahead and send the Nobel Prize to my parent's house.

Cow farts collected in plastic tank for global warming study [telegraph]

Thanks Jim and Julian, is it true that huffing cow ass gets you high?