Aug 5 2009 Oh That's Cold: Laser Pointer And Dog Trick

This is a video of a guy performing a very special trick with his dog and a laser pointer. Now I don't want to ruin it for you, so I'll just say this: at least he didn't draw on the dude's face, because that would have been wrong (his shoes are, in fact, off). Also, not to start a heated debate in the comments about cropping a dog's ears, but I just did. FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

How Not to Play With a Laser Pointer [gizmodo]

Thanks to Ryan, who once meant to bring a laser pointer to a presentation but accidentally grabbed his girlfriend's dildo instead. He pointed with it anyways.

May 5 2009 Pfft, Who Needs Ears?: Pierced Glasses

Born without ears? Lose them in a samurai sword fight? Whatever the case, for those of you who have found yourself both aurally and ocularly challenged, you may want to consider pierced glasses. Pierced glasses are a pair of prescription eyeglasses that stay affixed to your ugly mug via a piercing through the nose. Pretty clever. Not as clever as just having Lasik surgery so you can shoot lasers out of your eyeballs, but hey, laser vision isn't for everyone. And, incidentally, neither are laser-wangs. Go ask The Superficial Writer why he's blind in one eye.

Pierced Eyeglasses [bmezine]

Thanks to Warfaremonkey, who wears a pierced hat and is now limited to the use of his animal brain like Phineas Gage.

Apr 20 2009 Sure, Why Not: The NOM NOM NOM Song

Well folks, it's 4.20, and if I was still in college right now I'd be rolling a four-paper dank-blunt and skipping all my classes. But I'm not -- I'm at work -- so I'm smoking swag in the janitor's closet and blowing through a spoof. It's pathetic. Not unlike this video, which, whether you're high or not, will make you want to gouge your eardrums out. Consider it my little gift to you on this, the greenest of holidays. Haha -- suck it, Arbor Day!

NOM NOM NOM Song [collegehumor]

Thanks to Johnathan, who once smoked a whole O of that presidential in a day and then realized he just smoked $350 of weed in one day.

Mar 26 2009 Head Phones Inspired By Favorite Songs

Nokia recently held a promotion encouraging designers to make a pair of headphones inspired by their favorite song. The set above is entitled 'I'm Flying' and was (no joke) created in honor of R Kelly's "I Believe I can Fly", which I am now declaring a euphemism for peeing on someone. Per the Geekologie Writer's dictionary:

I believe I can fly

Slang terminology for peeing on your partner for sexual gratification.

Honey, quick -- to the bathtub, I believe I can fly!!

Hit the jump for a set of 'Thriller' inspired headspeakers.

Continue Reading " Head Phones Inspired By Favorite Songs "

Feb 2 2009 Fat Face: Face Slimmer Allegedy Slims Faces

First of all, I predicted the Steelers would win the Super Bowl in a post a couple weeks ago. So I am officially magic. And also, I have a fat face. So thank God for this Japanese face slimmer. It's basically a rubber mask you wear to pretend you're a homicidal cannibal and scare your family. It's similar to binding your feet, except it won't work. If you really want a slim face just man up and use a vice. It works -- I'm so handsome now the dog will play with me.

Japanese face slimmer will definitely not work as advertised [dvice]

Jan 16 2009 Not Impressed, And I Typically LOVE Elf Ears

The Gelfin Ear Tip is a brass (not even gold!) piece of jewelry made to insert into an ear piercing so you can look like an idiot. And trust me folks, I'm not saying that to be rude -- I freaking love a good looking elf-ear. This just isn't one of them. And especially not for $260 per ear. You're better off just cutting your ears and spraypainting them gold. Which is exactly what I did two days ago. That's right -- and from now on you will only refer to me as Findecáno Calmcacil, the Elf King of Geekologie. Also, I think the ear infection has spread to my brain.

UPDATE: Whew, false alarm -- just a little gold spraypaint in my blood-alcohol stream. I'm pissing riches!

Bijules NYC "Gelfin Ear Tip" [highsnobette]

Thanks to Amanda, who, unlike you guys, doesn't need elf ears to turn me on.

Jan 9 2009 TURN YOUR SPEAKERS DOWN: Stupid Kid Gets Wii For Christmas, Doesn't Deserve It

TURN YOUR SPEAKERS DOWN, SERIOUSLY. This is a video of some kid getting wiidiculous after he opens a Wii on Christmas. And let me tell you: based on his behavior, I would have taken that shit right back to the store. But in all seriousness kid, your parents don't love you. Don't believe me? Where was your Wii on Christmas 2006? 2007? Exactly.

NOTE: To everyone else that didn't get a Wii until this Christmas, I'm sure it was just a supply shortage issue.

Youtube

Thanks to Edgar (aka the-iguana) and Sarah, who hope the box was filled with coal almost as much as I do.

Oct 30 2008 Thriller: One Guy, 64 Different Voices

This is a video of a guy singing Michael Jackson's iconic Thriller acapella using 64 clips of himself making all the different noises. I was impressed, and you could clearly tell it was a labor of love. Probably illegal love.

Thriller as a 64-Voice Acapella [collegehumor]

Thanks to Ravage, who played Thriller on the kazoo for a middle school talent show.

Oct 10 2008 Revenge CD Annoys Neighbors, Yourself

The Revenge CD from Fred is a CD packed with 20 of the most annoying sounds ever, from unhappy dog, to violin practice, to house party. The $7 CD even comes with a pair of earplugs, so you don't have to listen to the racket. Clever, but I can't help but think there are better ways of seeking revenge on neighbors. Including, but not limited to: breaking a basement window and leaving a hose running into it while they're on vacation, vandalism, and my personal favorites: kidnapping and arson. But seriously, rake up your leaves already, you're making our block look like shit.

Product Page

Thanks to Silver Sided, who believes living well is the best revenge, which is total bullshit. Burning a house down, that's where it's at.

Sep 10 2008 Apple Announces New iPod Nano, Whee!

If you haven't heard you probably live in a bomb shelter like we all should be, but Apple announced a new generation of iPod nanos yesterday at their "Let's Rock Out With Our Mac Loving Cocks Out" event in San Francisco. The new nano is thinner, curvier, and comes in a bunch of different colors, as well as 8GB and 16GB capacities. It also has an accelerometer so you can shake it to shuffle your songs and turn it sideways for a wide-screen experience. The device has the new 'Genius' feature as well, meaning it can create playlists by finding songs in your library that go well together. Neato. 8GB's are $150, 16GB's are $200, and I'll throw in some hand action for another $10. Toothless smiles are always free.

Hit the jump for the official commercial.

Continue Reading " Apple Announces New iPod Nano, Whee! "

Sep 8 2008 Accessorize!: Handmade Nintendo Jewelry

Well snap crackle folks, two Zelda related posts in one day! Pop. Anyway, some guy made a bunch of Nintendo/Zelda jewelry for himself and his lady friend. Check it out after the jump, there's Triforces, a couple Zelda shields, a Metroid pendant, and some controllers. Did I mention I love accessorizing? It's true, I'm a jewelry nut. I even pierced my own ears -- with a bow and arrow! I am the hardcorest. Ask Robin Hood if you don't believe me, I wish I looked good in tights.

Hit the jump for more shiny jewelry than you could shake a silver spoon at.

Continue Reading " Accessorize!: Handmade Nintendo Jewelry "

Sep 3 2008 Untooned Michael Jackson

Done in the same style of untooning as Mario and Jessica Rabbit comes Michael Jackson. In celebration of his 50th birthday, Photoshoppers set out to create a non-surgically enhanced Michael Jackson. As you can see, he looks like a handsome, middle-aged black man. And not a, uh, Geisha girl.

Michael Jackson Sans Surgery [buzzfeed]

Thanks to Tyson, who only believes in one kind of facial surgery -- boobs.

Aug 20 2008 Cat Born With Four Ears, Named Yoda

Some cat in Downers Grove, Illinois (just west of Uppers Orchard) was born with four ear flaps. So what do you name a cat with four ears? That's easy -- Barfly. But then you let your son pick another one and he chooses the name of that creepy green goblin from Star Wars.

Ted and Valerie Rock first spied the little guy in 2006 at neighborhood bar on the South Side of Chicago before a Bears game. He was the last of a litter of eight put up for adoption by the bar's owner.

But the Rocks, who had lost their cat of 20 years just 6 months prior, saw something special in the gray kitten and decided to take him home.

Their "Star Wars"-loving son thought to name the cat after the tiny Jedi master.

"I had named him Barfly," Rock said. "But we kind of liked Yoda better, and Barfly lasted only about a day."

Apparently the abnormality can cause hearing problems, but Yoda has checked out fine and lives a perfectly normal four-eared life. Well, if that isn't the most heart-warming story of the day. I swear, my heart almost feels like it's on fire. And, hello -- my left arm just went numb. Oh fu

UPDATE: Whew, false alarm. Sorry to scare you folks, but the ticker's just fine. It was the Double Diablo Burrito I had for breakfast. And my arm? Ha, I had forgotten I was prepping it for a Stranger.

Yoda the Cat Astounds With Four Ears [foxnews]

Thanks to Bryan, Sam and Kathryn, who were all born with four of something else. Limbs!

Aug 11 2008 The Telemegaphone Is Now Accepting Calls

The telemegaphone is a combination telephone and megaphone, hence the clever name.

Telemegaphone Dale stands seven meters tall on top of the Bergskletten mountain overlooking the idyllic Dalsfjord in Western Norway. When you dial the Telemegaphone's phone number the sound of your voice is projected out across the fjord, the valley and the village of Dale below.

Telemegaphone Dale is wind powered and self-reliant. Recently however, the weather has been exceptionally calm in Dale and there has been a massive amount of people calling.

If the Telemegaphone doesn't pick up, just give it a few hours to recuperate and try again. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Awesome -- finally somebody who will listen to me. Hello, Dale? Are there any pretty birds around? TWEET TWEET! Here birdy birdy! How's the view? Is it as awesome as I'm imagining? Is there a rainbow? I bet there's a rainbow. There is, isn't there? Shit, was that just Bigfoot? Haha, made you look. Quick, a unicorn! Jesus, you're gullible. *flush* What? No, I'm not calling from the bathroom. Wait, don't hang up! I need you. You're my only friend. You and the woodland creatures are all I have. Will you stay on the line until I fall asleep? Please? Okay, now let's so goodnight at the same time. Ready? Goodnight! Oh, you were off, let's do it again. Hello? HELLO?

Telemegaphone Official Site

Thanks to Abraham, the OG Emancipation Proclamater.

Jun 25 2008 Wilbur Would Be Outraged: Pig Earbuds

Pig earbuds cost $12 and makes it look like a little dachshund/pig hybrid has burrowed through your head whenever you listen to music. I guess they're probably more for chicks. Or maybe guys that need a conversation starter. What the hell, I'll try anything twice.

Chick on the bus: "Hey, are those pig earbuds?"
Me: "HUH?"
Chick on the bus: "I SAID, ARE THOSE PIG EARBUDS?"
Me: "Hell yeah, you like 'em?"
Chick on the bus: "You look like a freaking idiot."
Me: "I am one!"

Pigbuds: 'cause your ears are purty too [engadget]
and
I Want Pig Ear Phones From Japan [rinkya]

Thanks Ray and Laurel, they're kind of growing on me now.

May 29 2008 DIY: Make Your Own Ultrasonic Batgoggles

Ever wanted to be a bat boy? Me too, but the local minor league team said I couldn't because of my club foot. So I'm going to have to settle for making my own ultrasonic batgoggles (not to be confused with lobster-vision).

What you see above is a homegrown device that enables humans to discover how bats must feel when using echolocation in order to judge how far away certain objects are. The main components are an Arduino microcontroller clone, Devantech ultrasonic sensor and a set of welding goggles.

Basically you can't see anything because of the welding goggles and the ultrasonic sensor controls audio feedback to let you know how far away something in your line of sight is (fast beeps for something close, slower for further away).

Awesome, I just built a pair and am about to give them a go. Oh wait:

Please do not wear these in hazardous environments or in traffic! These goggles are for educational purposes only and meant for controlled environments since they are intended to block your peripheral vision and regular vision so you are more reliant on auditory cues.

Ha, there's never any traffic on my street -- time to take these suckers for a spin in my girlfriend's car!

UPDATE: In retrospect they would have worked better had I busted out the windshield. Seriously though, I think a Buick is just what the neighbor's kitchen needed.

Video of the goggles in action and a link to the instructables page, after the jump.

Continue Reading " DIY: Make Your Own Ultrasonic Batgoggles "

Apr 2 2008 Space Invader Pillows Will Invade Your Dreams

HAHAHAHHH!! Did you read that title I wrote? Do you get it? Because I don't. I asked my roommate if he thought it was funny but he just swung his bong at me. So I guess it's not. Oh well. Anywhichway, these are 30th anniversary Space Invader pillows. They're available for pre-order (shipping in July) and cost $30 each. Now don't get me wrong, I love Space Invaders, but I don't know if I need them in bed. I mean what if one of those little alien bastards tries invading your ear while you're sleeping? Then what? You gonna blast yourself in the head to get him out? Because I've got the feeling that'd f*** your brain up. Bad. Not that I care about my brain all that much, but my ears? Jesus, I've got great looking ears.

Space Invaders 30th Anniversary Pillows [albotas]

Mar 24 2008 Grandma, You Old Bat, I Said "YOU LOOK FREAKING RIDICULOUS WEARING THOSE"

Batphones were designed by Matthias Ries to help the hard of hearing look funny. They're basically a pair of shaped plastic cups you wear like headphones. I got a pair for my grandma and she loves them. ISN'T THAT RIGHT GRANDMA? I SAID "ISN'T THAT RIGHT?" Damn she still can't hear for shit. Oh, it looks like she dozed off. And is drooling. On my couch. Awesome.

Grandma for sale. Free grandma. Goes by Beatrice. Old exterior, but young at heart. Runs great but may leak fluids on your expensive furniture. Cooks, but not that well and often forgets the stove is on. May present a fire hazard.

Continue Reading " Grandma, You Old Bat, I Said "YOU LOOK FREAKING RIDICULOUS WEARING THOSE" "