Nov 17 2009 Drunkest/Pilliest Man Ever Battles Laser Wizard At The Convenience Store, Loses

Remember the video of the world's drunkest/crunkest/least stand-uppiest man trying to score some beer from the convenience store? Well it turns out he was battling a previously unseen wizard trying to prevent him from drinking and walking. This security footage, enhanced with technology so advanced you wouldn't even be able to understand it, explains it all. Even better than Clarissa -- AND THAT BITCH KNEW EVERYTHING.

Youtube

Thanks to naas and matt, who are always smart enough to don their anti-invisible wizard capes when venturing out for more brewhaha.

Oct 15 2009 Fail: Drunkest Man Ever Tries To Buy Beer

MUST WATCH. Sad and funny at the same time -- my favorite!

This is what may very well be the world's drunkest (plus pills!) man attempting to buy beer from a convenience store. His perseverance is amazing. Don't get me wrong, he still fails miserably, but he's a hero in my book. Because, sometimes, trying is enough.

Drunkest Guy Ever Goes for More Beer [break]

Thanks to Eddie, who's been known to stand outside the convenience store at 7AM waiting for it to open so he can buy beer. Been there, Eddie, been there.

Dec 31 2008 Eff 2008, Bring On 2009: Happy New Year!

Well folks, we survived another year. Amazing, I know. It's been one hell of a time, and I have every reason to believe 2009 is going to rock the track pants and Members Only jacket off 2008.

Happy New Year! See you in 2020! And by 2020 I mean after my Lasik surgery. HIYO!

Dec 31 2008 The All New New Years Eve Ball: Now With More Lights, Efficiency And, Uh, Triforces

What you're looking at is the new New Years Eve ball to be dropped (they literally should drop it one year -- after setting it on fire. Fireball Island FTW!) in Times Square tonight.

Last year, the Times Square Ball got an LED makeover for its 100th anniversary. This year that tradition continues, all 32,256 Philips Luxeon Rebel LEDs of it (and don't forget the 2,668 Waterford crystals). The 12-foot-wide, 11,875-pound ball is capable of displaying "16 million vibrant colors and billions of patterns"

The ball is 20% more efficient than last year as well, which means it will only consume enough power to run a handful of towns in the midwest. Oooooh, and what's with the Philips Rebel LEDs? I like the sound of those. "F*** you, we'll light when we want!"

Next year, Rogue LEDs.

The 'New' New Year's Eve Ball: 32,256 LEDs, 11,875 pounds, 20% more efficient [dvice]

Dec 8 2008 Gun Booze Dispenser Just Makes Good Sense

Let's face it, guns and booze go together like trebuchets and LSD: they were made for each other. So the $22 Shots Gun Drink Dispenser comes as no surprise. You just jam the topper (complete with holster) on a bottle, pump the pump, and PEW PEW drinks to your hearts content. Load Bacardi 151 or everclear and a lighter and your gun magically transforms into a flamethrower! *PEW PEW* Whee! Oh -- *WHOOOOSH* Haha, my cubicle's on fire. MEDIC!

Shots Gun Drink Dispenser makes you the new Sheriff in town [slipperybrick]

Thanks to Richthegringo, who never drinks without packing heat. And also, Mylanta. The dude drinks some pretty nasty shit.

Nov 21 2008 Soda Dispenser Dispenses From The Bottom

This piece of crap from Scotsman Beverage Systems dispenses ice from the top, and soda from the bottom. ZOMG, sorcery! It's supposed to revolutionize the beverage serving industry but it's not going to. What it is going to revolutionize is landfills. The system works thanks to special glasses with a non-return valve in the bottom that are set on top of a special filling unit. Now why is this necessary? Oh right, so Scotsman can charge $6 apiece for the glasses. Can somebody say "shenanigans"? Nice. Now say "Don't worry, I'll pick". Great -- finish it off with an "up the tab". Bartender, you heard the man, keep the bourbon flowing.

Magic system fills glasses from the bottom up somehow [dvice]

Nov 17 2008 Asking Your iPhone: Am I Drunk Yet?

Drunk calculator applications already exist for the iPhone, but this one is more in depth. And freer. Because it's free. You can choose exactly what you've had to drink, and based on your weight, it determines how sloshed you are. Like right now it's telling me I shouldn't even be blogging. F*** it though. Seriously, it doesn't know shit. Bartender, another. If you do get too drunk, the application will even call you a cab or tell you to make out with the dude next to you who looks feminine enough to warrant a kiss. Then, puke on yourself, lose your shoes, and pass out in a ditch and get frostbite. I mean, it's the American way. Back me up Superficial Writer. Haha, yeah, I just told them about your weekend. So, did you get dude's number?

Last Call iPhone App Wants You To Get Drunk Responsibly [gizmodo]

Thanks to Josh, who drank 40 beers for breakfast and still had bourbon with lunch.

Nov 6 2008 Fail: Drunk "Businessmen" Break Horse Statue

Police in Saratoga Springs, NY are looking for the asshats in this video for breaking that poor fiberglass horse after repeatedly trying to mount it in their drunken stupor. There were three people involved, two males and a female (obviously a lady of the night).

Catone said police officials are tracking down the hosts of two functions held Saturday night at the Saratoga Springs City Center. The three people in the video are "very well dressed, and look like they just came from a party," Catone said.

The vandals, two men and a woman in their late 20s to early 30s, are seen walking south on Broadway in front of the real estate office when the two men attempt to mount the artwork as the woman snaps pictures.

Wow. If I could count the number of times I've done stupid shit like this, well, I wouldn't be such a drunk.

Spa police searching for horse vandals [timesunion]

Longer, uncut video here and here.

Thanks to Julian, who once tried to escape a crowd of pursuing women on one of those coin-operated horse rides. He didn't make it far.

Sep 17 2008 Mini Kegs: Not Just For Breakfast Anymore

Etsy seller hesslerk is selling this sleek Heineken mini keg amp for $120.

My liver suffered to bring you this awesome amp, don't worry... the beer went to a good cause!

The sleek design and sound quality will blow you away! Works great for Guitar, Bass, and MP3 players. Plugs into a standard wall outlet. The amp has a power switch and volume control.

I want it. I can't even play the guitar and my MP3 player got stolen by a monkey while vacationing in Costa Rica, but I still want it. I mean, I love beer. Which explains why I woke up in jail and had to make up a lame excuse for why I showed up for work so late.

Hit the jump for one more picture.

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