Oct 13 2009 Pack Me Up, Scottie: An Enterprise Bong
This is a cheap plastic bong made to resemble the USS Enterprise. Personally, I wouldn't be caught dead smoking out of it BECAUSE OD'ING ON WEED IS PRACTICALLY IMPOSSIBLE. Trust me, I've tried scientists told me.
*Geekologie does not endorse the use of illegal substances, as they may make you retarded. Ha, good point -- even MORE retarded.
To Boldly Toke Where No-One Has Toked Before [io9]
Thanks to Wilson, who claims he's hit the USS Enterpuffs before and said it was out of this world. Like the moon!
Oct 8 2009 More Sprinkles!: Custom $25K Cupcake Cars
These are three examples of custom cupcake cars that Neimen Marcus is selling for Christmas this year. Each cake will set you back $25K, but makes the perfect gift for the Lollypop Guild member on your list who has everything. Plus, they come with matching hats!
Put on your matching hat, slip under the muffin top of your Cupcake Car, and let the world figure itself out for awhile. Get (or give) the sheer, joyful chaos of a gift that is mind-blowing, triple-dog-dare, double-infinity forever cool. Make the kids or grandkids literally squeal with joy. Bring it to work and buzz the breakroom. Crash parades! Putter about the 'hood. Ever had a crowd of kids chasing after you just for the crazy gleeful heck of it? (No worries, the top speed is a comfy-safe 7 mph.) What's it made of? A 24-volt electric motor, a heavy-duty battery, sheet metal, wire, fabric, wood...and mad genius. Launched at Burning Man as a cooperative art car project, the Cupcake Car sprang from the fevered mind of Bay Area artist Lisa Pongrace and her less-rules-more-laughs posse of artists and techno geeks. Yours will be tricked out with your favorite topping, so start thinking flavors.
Yeah, if I ever see a cupcake driving down the sidewalk I'm swearing off drugs forever. Except alcohol. Which, fun fact: I'm petitioning to be included in the food pyramid. STOP FIGHTING IT, FDA!
Oct 7 2009 It's About Time: A Fake iPhone Pocket Scale
Let's face it, we don't all sell drugs *whistling*, but we do all need pocket scales. Maybe you just want to know how much a letter weighs before sending it. Or like to precisely measure ingredients while cooking. Or maybe you sell coke and weed. Enter the fake iPhone pocket scale. With a cover that looks unconvincingly like a real iPhone, this has got to be the cheese-whizziest scale disguise I've ever seen (and I once owned a scale designed to look like a Twilight dildo). Geez, make a scale that looks like a book already! That's what I did (I've got what you're looking for). You're not a cop, right? Cause boy you'd look cute in one of those hats!
Hit the jump to see the display case the scale was spotted in, just in case there was any question to its intended porpoise. Porpoise? I'm a dolphin, bitch!
Continue Reading " It's About Time: A Fake iPhone Pocket Scale "
Sep 22 2009 Coppers Stop To Play Wii During Drug Bust
Admittedly, Wii Bowling is pretty addictive, but I sure as hell wouldn't stop to play some if I was a drug task force member in the middle of a bust. I'd be too busy stuffing a duffel bag full of free drugs!
With guns drawn and flashlights cutting through darkened rooms, Polk County undercover drug investigators stormed the home of convicted drug dealer Michael Difalco near Lakeland in March.
As investigators searched the home for drugs, some drug task force members found other ways to occupy their time. Within 20 minutes of entering Difalco's house, some of the investigators found a Wii video bowling game and began bowling frame after frame.While some detectives hauled out evidence such as flat screen televisions and shotguns, others threw strikes, gutter balls and worked on picking up spares.
"It was an expansive scene, a lot of searching to be done, a lot of waiting," Boatner said.
The raid cost taxpayers more than $4,000.
Wow, I don't even know what to say. Except I call next! OOH OOH -- let's tape somebody's pistol to the Wiimote first! Come on, I'll let you tase me if I bowl two strikes.
Polk undercover drug investigators play Wii during raid [tbo]
Thanks to Chip, who wouldn't halt a drug bust for anything short of a full-fledged LAN party.
Aug 26 2009 Smoke Bud: Another Hacked Roadsign
Another day, another hacked roadsign, this time in Raleigh, NC outside North Carolina State University. Honestly, I have no idea what this bud is of which the sign speaks (you hear that, mom -- no idea!), but if it's anything like banana peels and grape leaves, you count me in. Whee, I see stars! I mean it -- I'm passing out somebody catch me.
Tampered sign promotes pot [abc]
Thanks to Milkman, who better stop using the backdoor.
Aug 10 2009 Billy Mays Was OxyCleaning His Nostrils?
It is being reported that famous TV pitchman Billy Mays may have died as a result of drug use. Namely, cocaine. The white horse.
An official autopsy report released Friday found that cocaine use contributed to the heart disease that suddenly killed TV pitchman Billy Mays in June, but his family called the finding "speculative" and considered getting an independent look at the results.
The medical examiner "concluded that cocaine use caused or contributed to the development of his heart disease, and thereby contributed to his death," the office said in a press release.
BILLY MAYS WAS SNORTING THAT NOSE CLEANIN' CANDY! Do you think he was huffing Orange Glo too? Because I did once, and let me tell you -- KABOOM! See what I did there? Because I can do that all night. And by that I mean it (my Mexican boner pills just arrived). Cleaning ladies?
Autopsy: Cocaine contributed to Billy Mays' death [yahoonews]
Thanks to Jason, who once drank a bottle of Orange Glo and had the best night ever. Hospitals are fun!
Aug 9 2009 Not Surprised: Bacon Flavored Rolling Papers
Seeing how every flavor of rolling paper already seems to exist (I've heard -- I don't know anything about these things in case my mom is reading), it was only a matter of time bong rips before somebody put two and two together and then got the munchies and forgot what they were doing. Then, sometime much later, somebody else created bacon flavored rolling papers. Made by Juicy Jay's, the papers promise a sizzlin' bacon taste and aroma. Interesting. Unfortunately, I only smoke REAL bacon (I swear, mom) and banana peels. I AM THE BBQ WIZ-ARD!
Product Site (must be 19 or older)
Thanks to The Robot Slayer, who got high and thought I was a robot. Well, I'm not. BEEP BOOP BOP. Kidding!
Aug 4 2009 Cops May Get Portable Drug Detectors Soon
So apparently law enforcement agencies may have access to roadside drug detectors soon, to determine if you've been been drugging and driving EVEN IF YOU HID YOUR STASH SOMEWHERE REALLY GOOD (read: not your butt, they always look there).
Spit into this little plastic test tube, and you're busted -- any cocaine, heroin, cannabis, amphetamines, and methamphetamine you might be partying with is no longer a secret.
Phillips, a company that makes TVs and all kinds of other techno-stuff, created this sophisticated dope-a-lysing device using nanotechnology, with a clever use of electromagnets and nanoparticles that can separate the sober from the impaired. After 90 seconds, the verdict shows up on a color-coded readout.
Damnit Phillips, you just made it a whole lot harder to talk my way out of a ticket. You know what i told the cop the last time I got pulled over? Me neither, I was high. ON YOUR NATURAL MUSK. Now get over here and let me whiff those pits.
Roadside dope tester on the way [dvice]
Jun 25 2009 Stoned Wallabies To Blame For Crop Circles
The title alone might be the most profound thing I've ever written. I smell Pulitzer! So yeah, apparently wallabies are getting into medical poppy fields in Australia and going nuts. Whee!
"The one interesting bit that I found recently in one of my briefs on the poppy industry was that we have a problem with wallabies entering poppy fields, getting as high as a kite and going around in circles," Lara Giddings told the hearing.
"Then they crash," she added. "We see crop circles in the poppy industry from wallabies that are high."
Great, next they're gonna start breaking into cars and selling themselves to koalas to pay for a fix. And right when I was about to visit Australia too. Damn you, junkie wallabies!
'Stoned wallabies make crop circles' [bbcnews]
Thanks to Graf Zeppelin, SquidgyB, Marty the farmer, Ross and Jonny, who can only make McDonald's runs when they're high.
May 23 2009 He's An Addict!: Mario Buying Mushrooms
This is a new $18 shirt from Threadless that features Mario buying drugs from his little mushroom-headed dealer. As you can see, one star coin scores three whole shrooms, which is a pretty good deal if you ask me. But who's asking me? YO MAMA. Ooooh, burn! But seriously, this reminds me of the time I was duped into buying a bag of oregano for $40 and, knowing good and well what it was, still smoked it. ZOMG I got sooooo crunked!
Hit the jump for two shots of what the shirt looks like on bodies.
Continue Reading " He's An Addict!: Mario Buying Mushrooms "
May 2 2009 Weed Copter Spots The Pot, Alerts The Cops
The 'Canna Chopper' is an unmanned miniature helicopter fitted with "odor and video detection instruments" that locates your field of (pipe) dreams in the Netherlands and notifies authorities. Needless to say, it's the polar opposite of a ROFLCOPTER.
On its maiden voyage it managed to locate a cannabis farm and officers arrested seven growers and recovered several kilos of the outlawed weed. Now all it needs is a gun attached to its underside and it could make its own arrests.
Robot, kill it. And also, stay the hell away from my basement, nothing to see down there. Smell -- what smell? Well, can't say I didn't warn you. *pew pew*
Dutch 'Canna Chopper' sniffs out cannabis fields from the air [dvice]
Thanks to twellve and Mr. Fancy, who are both smart enough to know that drugs your screw up brain real bad.
Apr 16 2009 Pure Awesome: Nitrous Oxide Game Boy
I know what you're thinking, and no, the PediSedate isn't an unmarked van and bandanna soaked in chloroform. It's a Game Boy hooked up to a nitrous oxide tank! Designed to distract kids while you gas them at the doctor's/dentist's office, it might just be the best invention ever. Of course, I always loved getting gassed. So much that the dentist actually caught me trying to wheel a nitrous tank out to my mom's car once. That was Monday. I have two fingers.
Game Boy Oddities - The PediSedate [ohgizmo]
Thanks to Raúl, who always chose the bubble-gum nose when getting gassed. Nice, I was a cherry guy.
Apr 6 2009 I Like The Sound Of That: Huffable Chocolate
Normally I'm an airplane glue kind of guy, but hey, chocolate could be good. Good mixed with airplane glue! That's what I'm talkin' about -- double fist style! Anyway, Le Whif breathable chocolates are supposed to give you the same sensations as eating chocolate, but probably nowhere near as good. An analogy: Breathable chocolate:chocolate::porn:sex. With both breathable chocolate and porn you get no ass! ZA-ZA-ZA-ZING!
Over the centuries we've been eating smaller and smaller quantities at shorter and shorter intervals," says (David) Edwards who, coincidentally (yeah, right) has a new novel out at the same time. It seemed to us that eating was tending toward breathing, so, with a mix of culinary art and aerosol science, we've helped move eating habits to their logical conclusion. We call it whiffing.
No, we call it huffing, Dave. Whiffing is when you try to punch somebody and miss. If you're interested, Le Whif huffgun shells are available in chocolate, mint chocolate, chocolate raspberry and chocolate mango and sell for about $4 a pop. No word on how much huff you get out of a single canister, but if I had to guess, I'd say one...two...three... *CRUNCH* three.
Hit the jump for a video of some bicycle-seat whiffing in action.
Continue Reading " I Like The Sound Of That: Huffable Chocolate "
Mar 31 2009 Puff Puff Pass: USB Smokeless Cigarettes
Need a nicotine fix but can't leave your cube? No problem! Puff on a Health E-Cigarette from Thanko! Identical to pretty much ever other electronic cigarette out there, the $30 device "uses a heating element to vaporize a nicotine solution to supposedly give you a purer smoking experience", which is just fancy marketing jargon for, "short-circuit and burn your office to the ground". Trust me folks, I hold a Master's in Marketing. And also, Lovemaking. You see this? You see this move I'm doing right now? Senior thesis, baby.
Thanko's USB-powered Health E-Cigarettes sound healthy [engadget]
Thanks to Julian, who once got caught smoking a tampon in the boy's room because some upperclassmen told him it was a cigar.
Mar 28 2009 'David After The Dentist' Shirt From ThinkGeek
Remember David after the dentist? He was cute, wasn't he? He was. That's because drugs make people cute. And sometimes, their faces melt. It's true, one time at a concert I saw a bus turn into an accordion and Dracula fighting a dinosaur by the concession stand. It was super erotic. Anyway, get your own 'I have two fingers' shirt from ThinkGeek for $16-$18, depending on your size. Also, if if anybody knows where I can score some itrous-nay ide-oxay, that would be cool tool. Ha, did I just say cool tool? Yeah, and I meant it.
Thanks to killerabbit, who has four fingers.
Feb 12 2009 Good Times: David After The Divorce
Remember David, the little kid who was high as a kite after going to the dentist? Well this is him 20 years later after going to get a divorce. The video was made by a couple members of the Upright Citizens Brigade theater. I thought it was humorous, but possibly only because I can relate. And now David, I'd like to share with you a passage from my memoir, The GW: Life and Times of an Illustrious Blogger, that may help you through this troubled period.
"...and in my hour of darkness I approached The Superficial Writer with my problems. Prophetically, he spoke, "Lap dances. As many as you can get before they catch on." Then, stuffing a stack of photocopied $20's in my jacket pocket, he sent me on my way.
Later that night, as I entered The Cat Box for the first time, I felt a lightness about me -- as if a giantweightbitch had been lifted from my shoulders..."
Like that? Well stay tuned for Chapter 6: Getting Tested. The GW: Life and Times of an Illustrious Blogger hits book shelves this fall.
If that video wasn't your cup of tea hit the jump for the David After The Dentist Remix as well as Chad Vader After The Dentist.
Feb 10 2009 ZOMG, I'm Bidding: Mr. Miyagi's Stuff On eBay
Pat Morita, best known for portraying Mr. Miyagi in the Karate Kid series, passed away in 2005. And somewhere, in heaven, he's still catching flies with chopsticks. And somewhere, here on earth (Las Vegas, Nevada), his widow is selling his personal effects on eBay. This happens to be a Viking pipe puffed on by Mr. Miyagi himself -- I'm bidding!
YOU ARE BIDDING ON A GREAT PIECE FROM THE ESTATE OF LATE ACTOR PAT MORITA. I AM THE WIDOW AND TRUSTEE OF HIS ESTATE. I HAVE BEEN OFFERING FILM MEMORABILIA. AFTER MANY REQUESTS TO LIST SOME OF HIS PERSONAL EFFECTS I HAVE BEEN DOING SO RECENTLY.
OFFERED HERE IS A GENUINE MEERSCHAUM SMOKING PIPE WITH THE ORIGNAL FELT LINED CASE. THE PIPE WAS USED VERY LITTLE BY MR. MORITA. I PURCHASED IT AS A GIFT TO HIM FOR HIS BIRTHDAY ABOUT 10 YEARS AGO. HE ALWAYS USED TO SAY "THIS IS TOO GOOD TO BE USED" BUT HE ENJOYED IT NEVER THE LESS.
Haha, "enjoyed it never the less" is right. She's talking about that reefer. You know, marijuana. And, in honor of Mr. Miyagi, I am buying this pipe, getting high, and waxing my car. Who's with me? Okay good, you bring the weed and elbow grease.
eBay Auction
and
Mr. Miyagi's other auctions
Thanks to Kyle, who allegedly owns Mr. Miyagi's headband. I'll fight you for it!
Feb 6 2009 True Love: Guy Wakes Up After One Night Stand, Woman Carved Her Name Into His Arm
Oh wow, I thought this sort of thing only happened in romance novels. Apparently Wayne Robinson, went over to Dominque Fisher's house for a little sex after a night of drinking and Valium, and woke up the next morning with her name carved into his arm and a bunch of other cuts. Valium: sleep through anything.
When I woke I was covered in blood. Dominique was snoring. I just had to get out of there. I didn't even wake her to ask what she'd done.'
'I'm scarred for life,' he told The Sun. 'I wish I'd never met her.'He said: 'I went to her place for sex, not to be tattoed. I can't believe she did this to me and I hate her.
Haha, that's what you get, Wayne. Getting cut is the non-collegiate equivalent of waking up with a giant Sharpie penis on your cheek. That said, don't lie -- you'd hit it again.
Hit the jump for a picture of the couple (both very good looking) and another of the rest of the damage.
Feb 3 2009 Cute Little Kid After Drugs At The Dentist
This is a video of David in the car after being gassed to have a tooth pulled. It almost made me want a child of my own until I realized you can't keep the little tykes gassed all the time. Or can you?
UPDATE: You can't. Come back to me little bro!
Thanks to Chuck Nunchuck and Aaron, who have never gotten a cavity. Search. Yet.
Jan 29 2009 Swiss Pot Farmers Busted Via Google Earth
Swiss police happened upon a 'marijuana plantation' while viewing parts of the countryside via Google Earth. 16 people have been arrested, and 1.2 tons of marijuana and $780,000 in cash and valuables confiscated.
The plantation, measuring almost two acres, was hidden inside a field of corn. But officers using Google Earth to locate the address of two farmers suspected of involvement in the drug operation quickly spotted the illegal crop.
The gang is alleged to have sold up to7.7 US tons of hashish and marijuana between 2004 and 2008, with an annual turnover of 3-10 million francs a year, officials said.
Damnit Switzerland, whatever happened to being neutral? I mean, it was just a little chronic. Okay, probably schwag. Whichever the case, I'm still boycotting your knives.
Police Google farmers, find marijuana field [msnbc]
Thanks to chad, the man, not the country.
