Mar 2 2009 Bought It!: Dogs Licking your iPhone Clean

iClean is a 99¢ iPhone/iPod Touch application that makes it look like a dog is lick-cleaning your screen from the inside out. How precious! Currently there are only three lickers available, but more are promised in future updates. I just bought it! Best 99¢ I've ever spent. Well, except for the time I put $1 in a vending machine and got two bags of Doritos. There was a Cool Ranch hanger!

iClean Brings Puppy Lick Fest To Your iPhone [iphonesavior]

Thanks to Seth, who promises to make a human version soon. I can hardly wait! No thanks.

Dec 5 2008 U.K. Launches (Teddy) Bears To (Near) Space

The University of Cambridge, in cooperation with a bunch of school kids, ballooned four teddy bears to 30,000 meters. Because, I mean, why the hell not?

A helium balloon was used to get the bears up up and away flying to Near Space or the Edge of Space as it is known. The bears endured temperatures of minus 53 degrees on the three hour flight from Cambridge and all were returned safely to Earth.

The project was intended to "engage local schoolchildren in science and engineering" with young pupils making the Teddy-nauts' space-suits.

Oh yeah, making Teddy-naut suits, that's science and engineering for you. Let's see, the dumbass bear on the left doesn't even have a freaking helmet, so that poor bastard's long gone. And the one on the right....is that an inside out Doritos bag zip tied to his body? Wow. There was no good picture of the balloon they used, but we can only assume it was of the 'Get Well Soon' variety from the grocery store.

Photos of teddy bears in space [newslite]

Thanks to Charles, who once launched a polar bear into space with a single punch. The dude's strong.

Oct 14 2008 Condometric Gives It To You Straight (Or Slightly Curved To The Left, Ladies?)

The Condometric is a condom with convenient measurements along the side so your partner can point and laugh and you can feel inadequate.

Condometric is the first prophylactic that measures and shows off the penis' length. Condometric helps us flaunt what we've got. It's about believing we can handle whatever we wish to take on, regardless of size.

Haha, 6 whole inches -- I'm perfectly average! What? Centimeters? Goddamnit.

Condometric [likecool]

Thanks to Lindsey for making me feel like Timmy Tiny Dick.

Jun 25 2008 Oh Boy!: Spray On Prophylactic Coming Soon

We've all been there before: You finally bring a girl home from the bar, get her to the bedroom, and you're rounding 3rd base and trying to come home when...shit, out of condoms. So you grab a snack-sized Doritos bag off the nightstand, but before you can secure the thing to your member with a piece of electrical tape, the chick dives out a window.

Enter German inventor Jan Vinzenz Krause. Jan got super drunk at a party once and forgot to take his shoes off before passing out. He woke up with a huge penis drawn on his face and a crotchful of silly string. Putting two and two together, Jan soon invented spray-on latex condoms.

The spray-on condom prototype measures a man's size (really big, big, average, small, really small) and then covers his penis in liquid latex providing him with a proper fitting condom. A man places his penis in a chamber. He then presses a button and a pump squirts out liquid latex through some nozzles onto the man's penis in about 20 seconds. If 20 seconds seems like a long time to wait the good news is that the inventor is working on shortening the time to about 10 seconds.

Uh, Jan? 10 seconds is a long time and The Geekologie Writer isn't exactly known for his stamina. What he is known for is once trying to slow himself down by using an empty shampoo bottle for a condom. Now I'm "that Pert Plus guy".

Hit the jump for the uncensored picture and a video demonstration.

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