Jul 16 2009 Naked 'Terminator' Tased By Police In Nevada

A Terminator sent back from the future has been tased and arrested by police in Nevada. Good lookin', boys in blue!

19-year-old Sean Stanley Smith was arrested on the Nevada border after he was spotted by a motorist wandering around the highway nude. He was ordered by police to stop but proceeded into a nearby casino - where he was then tasered in front of a group of children.

Smith claims he was a Terminator sent back in time from the future.

When questioned who he was sent back to kill, the Terminator responded, "The Geekologie Writer". Really buddy? TOO BAD I'M VACATIONING IN MIAMI YOU IDIOT MORON! Wait. Did I say Miami? I meant Manitoba. Shit.

Police arrest naked 'Terminator' [yahoo]

Thanks to Bubbles100, who wonders if he was packing more heat than the Naked Wizard.

May 15 2009 Woman Offers Man Baby As Taser Shield

A Missouri woman offered a man her 1-year old child for use as a taser shield when he was being confronted by cops. Now that's solid parenting.

Officers were at an apartment checking on an assault claim made by the woman when a man confronted them, making threats. One of the officers displayed a Taser as the man approached.

Police said the mother offered her child to the man, placing the toddler in the Taser's path. The man, 22, faces two counts of resisting arrest. The woman, 20, was charged with endangering the welfare of a child and interfering with an arrest. She was arrested Tuesday night and placed at the Marion County jail on a 24-hour hold.

Wow, just....wow. Thank God tasers weren't so prevalent when I was a kid or my parents would have probably put an ad in the newspaper. I can see it now:

FOR SALE: One child, male. Large head, cries a lot. Would make a great taser shield.

Mo. mom accused of using child to block Taser [yahoonews]

Thanks to Noah, who knows only teenagers should be used for blocking tasers. Also, lasers. PEW PEW!

Apr 29 2009 Spellbound Apprentice Casts Off Wizard Hat And Robe, Gets Tazed By The Po-diddly

NSFW VIDEO IS NSFW DUE TO THE WORLD'S SMALLEST PENIS.

This is a video from Coachella of a wizard who refuses to put his hat and robe back on (you're doing it wrong!) and instead waves his minuscule penis around like Harry Potter trying to cast a spell of sadness on anyone foolish enough to look.

"It doesn't have to stop," the Naked Wizard says.

"I'll tell you what," the cop says. "You can have a great time -- but you can have an even better time if you put your clothes on...Can I get them for you?"

The officer grabs the gown and tosses to the Naked Wizard, but he casts it away again. Then the cops put on their rubber gloves, and things get ugly.

You really can't help but feel sorry for the guy. But, on the upside, this video should make you feel good about your own magic stick. So make sure to watch the video with your significant other while pointing at the dude's nubbin and telling them to be thankful. I swear, a naked wizard on drugs with the world's smallest penis getting tasered by the diddly -- is today my birthday or what?

Naked Wizard Taser Brawl At Coachella [huffingtonpost]

Thanks to A-lice in Wonderland and chainsawarms, who both noted the magician's wand was probably too small to cast any real dangerous spells.

Dec 29 2008 PEW PEW: Cops' New Non-Lethal Weaponry

That thing doesn't even look real. It looks like a gun out of a video game. Or something cardboard Halo kid would make. But no, it's real (nonlethal) weapon.

Pictured above is the PHaSR, the bad-ass "Personnel Halting and Stimulation Response" rifle that's just about ready for deployment. It puts the hurt on you by dazzling you with laser light, while also burning your skin with an infrared laser.

PHaSR, very clever. I would have gone with PEW! though: Personal Eradication Weapon!. But hey, what do I know? I'm only a guy that practically comes up with acronyms for a living. Anyway, there's another weapon coming too, the ADS, or Active Denial System (which should clearly be the Active Incendiary Denial System), capable of shooting a 6-foot wide microwave beam that makes you feel all hot and bothered, but, on the plus side, can cook a frozen burrito like that.

Two fearsome non-lethal weapons on their way to cops' hands [dvice]

Sep 16 2008 Naked Man Walks Dog, Gets Tasered

A 40-year old virgin in Tallahassee, Florida was tasered and arrested last Friday night for walking his dog in the nude (him, the dog had a collar on). Apparently the man become belligerent and refused to obey a cops orders, which led to the zap zap action. And here comes the kicker:

When asked what he was doing, the man told the officer, "Allah told me to watch a Bruce Willis movie and walk the dog," (Officer) McCranie said.

Holy shit, I need his dealer's number.

Naked man walking dog Tasered by Tallahassee police [tallahassee]

Thanks to Ryan, who at least has the decency to throw on a hat before going out.

Jun 19 2008 Tasers Not As Safe As Previously Thought, 1/3 Of Victims Require Medical Attention

Who would have thought jolting a body with a shit-ton of electricity isn't super-safe? I know I'm shocked (!). According to a report compiled by CBS News and the Canadian Press, tasers are a lot more dangerous than previously though.

...about one-third of people shot by Tasers reportedly required some form of medical attention. Those numbers were drawn from the Taser-use forms that RCMP officers are required to fill out whenever they draw the device, which revealed that 910 of the 3,226 people shot between 2002 and 2007 had to go to a medical facility, and that "many more" people had minor injuries but never saw a doctor.

So yeah, I'm getting one of those tase-proof jackets as soon as they come out. I'll be damned if I get tased again. I got hit once and it was enough. Okay, if I got really drunk at a party and there was a girl I was trying to impress, maybe. But not in the balls. Eight months of Rogaine and still no hair.

Probe finds one-third of people shot by Tasers need medical attention [engadget]

Thanks Julian, and don't worry, I won't tase you bro

May 27 2008 A Shocking Jacket For Personal Protection

Forget tasers ladies, the No-Contact Jacket is where it's at.

The No-Contact Jacket is a wearable defensive jacket created to aid women in their struggle for protection from violence. When activated by the wearer, 80,000 volts of low amperage electric current pulses just below the surface shell of the entire jacket. This exo-electric armor prevents any person from unauthorized contact with the wearer's body.

Pretty freaking sweet. The little blue things you see in the picture up near the lady's neck is actually arcing current. Man that's awesome. I'm getting one for my girlfriend, I'll let you know how she likes it.

UPDATE: She liked it a lot until she wiped her nose on the sleeve. Now she's on the kitchen floor with smoke coming out of her eyes.

Several more pictures, including a close-up of the arcing accent, and a link to two videos, after the jump.

Continue Reading " A Shocking Jacket For Personal Protection "

Feb 8 2008 I Don't Know About This: The Taser Shotgun

The taser shotgun is a shotgun that shoots taser rounds. It sounds scary as shit because it is. I don't want to get hit by a shotgun or a taser, so this would be like a double whammy. A double whammy of pain. And pain, my friends, is bad. We all know that. What we don't all know is why the hell there's a taser shotgun on the market. So I'll ask my trusty Magic 8 Ball. "Outlook not so good." I couldn't have said it better, Magic 8 Ball, I couldn't have said it better.

A promotional video that's supposed to give you a boner after the jump. I put it up from Liveleak and Youtube, because the Youtube ones seem to get taken down.

Continue Reading " I Don't Know About This: The Taser Shotgun "

Nov 2 2007 Man Files Patent For Taser-Proof Clothing

The picture above is a diagram from an Arizona man's US Patent application showing his taser-proof clothing. Or if you want to get technical it's the patent for an "energy weapon protection device". It's basically conductive and non-conductive material in layers that prevent an electric charge from ever reaching the body -- because yelling "Don't tase me, bro!" just doesn't work. This stuff wouldn't be such a bad idea if you get tased on a regular basis, and if you had pants and a mask made out of the same material. While a jacket is a good start, you don't want to be zapped in the face and/or testicles because the coppers find out you're wearing a tase-proof jacket.

TASER-Proof Gear is Great for Students, Political Activists, Criminals [gizmodo]