Nov 2 2009 I'm A Mommy!: Wiimote Baby Doll Peripheral

It was only a matter of time before somebody realized what a cash cow a baby doll Wiimote peripheral would be. Cover your daughter's eyes, it's Baby and Me!

Baby and Me comes with a doll, but not just any doll. This doll features a slot for the Wii remote so that the game can track feeding, playing, and excessive shaking motions. The game also features Balance Board support so that you can rock baby to sleep.

Wow that sounds....not fun. Of course, I'm not a five year old that wishes she were a mommy. And, God-willing, neither is your daughter. NO DATING TILL YOU'RE 30! What was....did you just talk back to daddy? 35!!

put your wii remote inside a baby [technabob]

Oct 28 2009 'Palm Beach Sugar Daddy Ken' Now To Be Known as 'WTF Ken'. Seriously, WTF KEN?

Yes, Barbie Palm Beach Sugar Daddy Ken is really happening. If you're interested, the dapper doucheberry will be available in April 2010 for $82. If you're not interested, congratulations: we can still be friends.

Cool sophistication in breezy Palm Beach! Sporting a dashing jacquard-patterned jacket with a light pink polo shirt and crisp white pants, Ken doll is ready for Palm Beach social season, sunning by the pool and a stroll with his little companion. Fashion designed exclusively for the Silkstone Barbie doll body. Includes Ken doll, jacket, pink polo shirt, white shoes, dog with leash, swim trunks and accessories, doll stand and certificate of authenticity. For the adult collector.

Oh, it's for the ADULT collector, what a relief. Because adult collectors aren't creepy as hell. Trust me, I knew one. I heard voices coming from the basement!

Product Site
via
Mattel Has Lost Their Minds [toplessrobot]

Thanks to Blastphemer, who is an adult doll collector, which is only moderately less creepy.

Oct 5 2009 Little Family Moves Into A Computer Case

Not a real one, silly! You'd have to have a freaking giant computer (or tiny family) for that to happen. What is this, the 50's? No, cause sexual harassment didn't exist back then. Back me up, Mad Men. I love you, Don! I thought that latest cigarette ad campaign of yours was absolutely great -- really killer. See what I did there?! Killer -- like cigarettes! Hire me Don, I have to be around you!

Hit the jump for two more shots of the dollcase.

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Sep 30 2009 Bad Idea: American Girl Makes Homeless Doll

You see that doll there? Her name's Gwen, and she's the latest release from the American Girl company. Plus, she's homeless. WTF!? Where's her 1991 Chicago Bull's NBA Championship shirt and mix-matched shoes?

For $95 -- more than your average homeless person would dream of spending on a rather mediocre baby substitute -- Gwen Thompson can be yours. A mixed message if ever there was one.

In the history books that come with every American Girl doll -- bringing to life these little monsters until impressionable little ones believe they are actual people -- you learn that Gwen's father walked out on the family. Her mother lost her job.

As the little kiddies learn to read about this doll as if she's a human being, one learns that, as fall turned into winter, Gwen's mom lost her grip.

Mother and daughter started bedding down in a car.

JESUS. Where's the part about her mom turning tricks in the backseat of that Buick in order to afford Gwen's dress? Just saying, those things don't grow on street lamps. And, as a guy who's no stranger to "bedding down" in the back of a car, trust me: they never really have free candy.

'Homeless' doll costs $95 (hairstyling extra) [nypost]

Thanks to Kristin, who once bought a heroin-addict doll but returned it when she found out it came with real used needles.

Aug 31 2009 Setting A Good Example: Pole Dancing Doll

These pole dancing dolls are real products despite everything you know about life telling you they shouldn't be. I'll tell you one thing: no daughter of mine is playing with a damn stripper doll. I'm looking right at you, Barbie. Hussy! Product features:

• style
• interesting
• music
• flash
• up and down
• go round and round

Wow. That's, uh, really something. Really something wrong with the world. I mean, how the hell does something like this get approved for manufacture and sale? Japan. Right, I keep forgetting.

Pole Dancer Doll Doesn't Really Set the Perfect Role Model [gizmodo]

Thanks to Octopus Pie, far tastier than Squid Cake.

Jul 15 2009 Custom Star Wars Dolls Auctioned For Charity

A bunch of Mighty Mugg vinyl dolls are being customized into Star Wars characters and auctioned off to raise money for the Make-A-Wish foundation. *sniff* Almost brings a tear to my eye. Almost. Thankfully I was able to punch back the tears. All man, baby. (I'm gonna need an ice-pack)

Artists, comic book creators, toy designers, and celebrity fans are getting out their markers, paint brushes and glue guns to transform blank Mighty Muggs into one-of-a-kind Star Wars art to be auctioned by The Make-A-Wish Foundation.

The final Mighty Muggs art pieces will be on display at San Diego Comic-Con and on StarWars.com. Each Mighty Mugg art piece will be auctioned off to raise money for The Make-A-Wish Foundation.

That's great. I really do dig these customizable dolls. I could never make a good one, but that's just because I've glued my hand to my genitals one too many times. Now I know what you're wondering, and since I love you, I'll be honest: Forty six.

The Empire Muggs Back: Art for a Mighty Good Cause [starwars]

Thanks to towhee, who once glued herself to a stripper pole trying to perform a trick. Pics or it didn't happen.

Jun 4 2009 I Want: Turbo Heather XTreme Racedoll

Why didn't we have cool toys like this when I was growing up? I only had one toy. And now I have wolf palm and bottle-cap glasses.

Look out! Here come the Extreme Radio-Controlled Southern Belles! [dvice]

Thanks to whoever sent me this last week, hit me up again and I'll give you a proper what-for.

May 4 2009 Tattooed Barbie: You're No Daughter Of Mine!

Mattel's new 'Totally Stylin' Barbie doll comes with a bunch of sticker tattoos you can apply all over her forehead and neck to make her look way more totally stylin'. Make her a little R2-D2 backpack and that is one fine piece of plastic ass (note to self: verify Barbie's age before using this). Plus, the doll comes with a fake tattoo gun and ink tattoos so your daughters (and sons) can apply tattoos to themselves! Shockingly, some parents aren't cool with the idea.

Barbie-maker Mattel has said the tattooed Barbie provides a way for kids to "be creative" with the doll. Some parents, naturally, see it differently, suggesting that a "Totally Pierced Barbie" or a "Divorce Barbie" could come next.

As for the tattooed Barbie, Mattel says it's selling better than expected and there are no plans to pull it from the product lineup.

Personally, I don't care, but that may just be because I don't have any daughters. No, I'm the proud father of three very handsome boys (woman always on top). Just kidding. But now that you know how they're made, ladies?

Tattooed Barbie Stirs Up Controversy [inquisitr]
and
Amazon Product Page

Thanks to Steven, whose daughters are only allowed to play with G.I. Joe's.

Apr 8 2009 Super Realisitic Dark Knight Joker Figures

This 1/6 scale Joker figure from Hot Toys' 'Movie Masterpiece Deluxe' line only stands a foot tall but is super-realistic, including moving, semi-translucent eyes. The figurine comes with two heads (one with Joker make-up, see after the jump), several different outfits, and interchangeable hands and weaponry. No word on price yet (probably expensive based on the quality), but they should be available sometime this summer/fall. So, start saving your milk money, kids. And also, yourself for marriage -- the wait is worth it.

Hit the jump for a bunch more detailed pictures.

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Mar 17 2009 Soccer Moms Outraged At Grown Up Dora

Apparently Mattel and Nickelodeon rolled out an image of a new "tween" Dora the Explorer last week and a lot of soccer moms are super pissed she's not the chubby little midriff-flashing five year-old she used to be. So Nickelodeon had to fire back.

"I think there was just a misconception in terms of where we were going with this," Gina Sirard, vice president of marketing at Mattel, says. "Pretty much the moms who are petitioning aging Dora up certainly don't understand. ... I think they're going to be pleasantly happy once this is available in October, and once they understand this certainly isn't what they are conjuring up."

"The reason for creating this new Dora line is to offer an alternative to moms who want their daughters to stay little girls, a little longer," the statement concludes. The Tween Dora doll comes with a USB port and is compatible with online story lines.

First of all, who cares. And secondly, Dora's mom, and this is just between you and me -- I think she's taking Fen-Phen.

New Tween "Dora The Explorer" Revealed [ohnotheydidnt] (with some pretty funny comments if you're bored)

Thanks to Duran, who's still pissed his children's show Tucker the Spelunker never took off.

Mar 3 2009 Now Turn Away Son While I Blow Up Your Toy

This is a Wolverine punching bag. I bought one for my son. Blowing it up was my first homosexual experience. But it won't be my last.

R Rated Gadgets: Wolverine Blow Up Toy [walyou]

Feb 17 2009 I Can See Inside!: The Anatomy Of A Qee Doll

Okay, so I didn't know what a Qee was, but apparently they're little collectible dolls that come in all sorts of crazy funky-fresh designs. And this is what the insides would look like if there were actually living bear-mice and not plastic dolls for grownups. This anatomical chart was created by Jason Freeny, the same man responsible for the studies of balloon animal, gummi bear, and LEGO minifig. A limited edition of 1,000 prints are available if you're interested. Good looking, Jason. But not as good looking as yours truly. That mirror broke itself, I swear!

Moist Production

Feb 5 2009 Want A Mini-Robot Version Of Yourself?

If you answered yes, I want you to leave your name and address in the comments section, as I'd like to send you some anthrax literature. You will not be saved. But, for the sake of my Pulitzer, I'll report on these devilish little bastards anyway. Available from Little Island for a little over $2,000, the little creeps serve as a VoIP phone so you can talk "face to face" to you family or pets while you're away. But wait, there's a little more!

Unfortunately, the "robot" doesn't appear to actually have many true robot abilities, although it does have a built-in camera to let you check out its surroundings via a connected computer, and it's apparently able to do a few basic tasks like read your RSS feeds or check the weather. The bot is also essentially just a plush PC itself (complete with a 500MHz Geode processor), so there's certainly plenty of opportunity to expand its capabilities for those so inclined.

Oh my God, you're actually considering one aren't you? You are sicker than I expected. And let me tell you, I expected at least a 9 of out 10. And to think, your parents said you'd never be a 10 at anything. You showed them!

Little Island promises to craft you in creepy robot form [engadget]

Thanks to Julian, who had a robot version of himself until it drank his last beer and had to be scrapped.

Jan 2 2009 Yaaaaar!, A Custom Davy Jones Munny Figure

This is a custom Davy Jones Munny figure. You might recall Davy from such blockbusters as Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chesticles, and Ass Pirates of the Caribbean: The Geekologie Writer's Cave of Treasure. This particular pirate was made by Mallory Carson of Fullerton, CA.

Mallory is a 21 year old animation major and currently in her senior year at CSU Fullerton. While she's a full-time student, she manages to score some extra cash by selling her artwork.

And to think I sold my soul (and genitals) to pay my way through college. Art -- who would have known? Seriously though Mallory, good lookin'. I mean it -- I'm handsome as hell. We should date casually.

Hit the jump for two more, including one of Davy-in-progress. Also, his peg-leg looks like a summer sausage and is making me hungry.

Continue Reading " Yaaaaar!, A Custom Davy Jones Munny Figure "

Dec 29 2008 Custom Made Tusken Raider Munny Doll

This is a custom Munny doll made by artist Squapper. As you might notice as result of your above-average intellect and love of Star Wars, it's a Tusken Raider.

For the body, I simply sewed clothes by hand, soaked them in water, painted with watercolor to add dirt, messed up the edges and then put them on the Munny and let the dry in place to fit to the shape.

For the bandages, I cut cloth into strips, soaked them and painted them, messed up the edges while wet and then let dry. Fitting them to the head was then simply a matter of using spray glue to make it adhere like tape and wrapping them on...

Not too shabby. Although, I must admit, I'm not really big into the Munny scene. I own a few of my favorites, but I'm not a diehard collector like some folks I know. Nope, I save my bookshelves for other collectibles -- namely seashells. Now, who wants to see my bivalves? Conch!

Hit the jump for several more, including a nice closeup of its sexy face.

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Dec 16 2008 Hitchcock The Birds Barbie Is A Real Product

The Alfred Hitchcock The Birds doll is a genuine Barbie, manufactured by Mattel and everything. It's not just a doll that somebody modded in their basement (although by all means feel free to do that yourself).

Dressed in a re-creation of the stylish green skirt-suit worn by the film's ill-fated heroine in an iconic scene, Alfred Hitchfock's "The Birds" Barbie® Doll celebrates the 45th anniversary of the acclaimed film. From the doll's classic ensemble to the perfectly painted expression to the accompanying black birds, every aspect captures the film's infamous appeal.

They run about $40 and are the perfect gift for a daughter that has no idea who the hell Alfred Hitchcock is. Also, I'm a little disappointed there's no Psycho Barbie. What better way to teach our nation's youth about diversity and acceptance than a knife weilding Barbie dressed as a man? Well, a man crossdressed as his dead mother and about to get all stabby on some chick in the shower? I certainly can't think of any.

Product Site

Thanks to Shayla, who once killed two birds with one stone and then watched a cat eat them.

Dec 10 2008 Craft Time!: Make Your Own Zombie Barbie

Want to make your own zombified Barbie doll? No problem. All it takes is some paint, a razor blade, some Sculpey, a regular Barbie doll, and some brains (!). Hit the jump to see the basic process, which is so simple even a zombie could do it (!). Ha, this reminds me of when I was a kid and I'd always steal my little sister's Barbies and rip their heads off and set them on fire. Without fail the brat would always threatening to tell mom on me. So you know what I did? I told her I'd murder her imaginary friend if she even thought about it. Love you Kaitlyn!

Hit it for a bunch more, including the process.

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Oct 13 2008 Not Our Children!: Toy Doll Promotes Islam

A bunch of parents think a Fisher-Price doll is promoting Islam. The doll in question, the Little Mommy Real Loving Baby Cuddle and Coo Doll is not only poorly named, but spouts religious messages (as alleged by previously mentioned soccer moms). The doll is only supposed to make cooing sounds and say mama, but many retarded parents believe the doll is saying "Islam is the light" and "Satan is King". I'm not making this stuff up folks, people really believe this. And also, that the world is round. You stupid f***ers, you make me laugh!

Fury over doll's 'Islam message' [thesun]
and
Youtube

Thanks to Silver Sided, who once owned a doll that could predict the future.

Jul 22 2008 I Must Have It!: Little Knitted Link Doll

As many of you may know, I love everything Zelda. I even threatened my wife with divorce if she didn't legally change her name to Princess Zelda. That's how serious I am. Did I mention I have the triforce branded on the back of my hand? Because I'm totally going to do that now that I thought of it. Sa-weet! Anyway, this is a Link doll in knitted amigurumi form. I want him. Unfortunately, he doesn't appear to be for sale, but there are some other figures available at the creator's Etsy shop and a TON more pictures of Link and others on Flickr (check it out for LOTR and Star Wars figures). I pretty much want them all. Now I know what you're thinking, "Aren't you a little old to be playing with dolls?" And the answer to that, my friends, is Geekologie is written by a six-year old.

Hit the jump for a few more worthwhile pictures, including Link's awesome accessories, an Indiana Jones, Captain Jack Sparrow, Superman, and Cobra Commander.

Continue Reading " I Must Have It!: Little Knitted Link Doll "

Apr 9 2008 Little Girls: A Working TV For Your Dollhouse

Hell yes that's a dollhouse. A dollhouse with a television. Brett Foster, whose daughter loves dolls, made one for her, and is now selling the 1:12 scale sets online for about $200. You can connect whatever you want to it, including a receiver, DVD player, X-Box, PS3, etc. etc. Oh my God, that give me an idea! Did you get the same one? Super Smash Bros. Brawl at 1:12 scale!! Hell yeah, that would totally suck.

Two more pictures after the jump if looking at pictures of dollhouses with wee-televisions is your prerogative.

Continue Reading " Little Girls: A Working TV For Your Dollhouse "