Nov 20 2009 They're All The Rage: On/Off Head Switches
Want to look like you're a cyborg or some shit? I couldn't imagine why (unless you want me to brain you with a crowbar), but if you do, just glue an on/off switch to the back of your head like Dominic Wilcox did. But, WARNING: your hats won't fit the same! Neat idea, Dominic, but this is exactly the kind of thing that'll get you killed if you roll with the crew that I do. THAT SAID, I JUST I JUST HOOKED MYSELF UP WITH A VOLUME KNOB. WHAT? OH SORRY -- SOMEBODY TURNED ME UP TO 11!!
Hit the jump for a picture of the installation process.
Continue Reading " They're All The Rage: On/Off Head Switches "
Nov 4 2009 The Airshake: Because Nobody Wants H1-N1
First of all, I thought we all agreed to call it H1N1 or the swine flu and NOT the Mexican Flu. Geez, no need to point fingers. Obvious racism aside, Belgian telecommunications company Telenet has suggested a way to shake hands in which we can still greet each other, but without actually making human contact: the airshake.
"...we desperately need a new way of greeting each other, since greeting is the cornerstone of our social and political life. It's a sign of mutual respect, friendship and equality. As of today we propose to replace the firm handshake by an airshake, that's a handshake without touching one another. So concerned are they, they even created a short video demonstration with Jarabe Tapatio--aka the Mexican Hat Dance--as the soundtrack.
That's right, they used the Mexican Hat Dance. Are all Belgians this racist? Because I will boycott their waffles. It won't be easy but I'll do it.
Hit the jump for a short video demonstration on airshaking.
Continue Reading " The Airshake: Because Nobody Wants H1-N1 "
Nov 2 2009 I'm A Mommy!: Wiimote Baby Doll Peripheral
It was only a matter of time before somebody realized what a cash cow a baby doll Wiimote peripheral would be. Cover your daughter's eyes, it's Baby and Me!
Baby and Me comes with a doll, but not just any doll. This doll features a slot for the Wii remote so that the game can track feeding, playing, and excessive shaking motions. The game also features Balance Board support so that you can rock baby to sleep.
Wow that sounds....not fun. Of course, I'm not a five year old that wishes she were a mommy. And, God-willing, neither is your daughter. NO DATING TILL YOU'RE 30! What was....did you just talk back to daddy? 35!!
put your wii remote inside a baby [technabob]
Oct 14 2009 Pop It Like A Beach Ball!: Shape Shifting Bot
iRobot, a diabolical company best known for convincing millions of housewives to allow rug-munching robots into their homes, has now developed an air-filled shape-shifting robot that will climb into your bed and smother you while you sleep.
Unveiled at the International Conference on Intelligent Robots and Systems (IROS) yesterday, this palm-sized troublemaker is being billed as "the first demonstration of a completely soft, mobile robot using jamming as an enabling technology." The "jamming" in question is something called "jamming skin enabled locomotion," which traps air and a collection of loosely packed particles in a package made of silicon rubber. When air is removed from the pocket, the silicon restricts and seems to solidify. The robot consists of several of these pockets, which can be inflated or deflated separately, giving the device the ability to perform simple actions.
The first part of the video explains how the technology works, but the actual bot-test begins around 1:50. Sure, it may look like a harmless beach ball, but do you know how many people drown each year trying to retrieve beach balls that have been swept out to sea? Now multiply that by every single person on earth and you have an idea of this thing's killing potential.
iRobot shape-shifting ChemBot is back, and it's bad [engadget]
Thanks to JKirchartz, hayden, NF, Michael, Tuggis, matt and We'llmissyoujehudah, who vow to pop every last one of these things with fiery arrows. Good looking, guys, but you might wanna brush up on your archery.
Oct 5 2009 Wait, What?: Fake Virginity Kits For Sale
I don't even know what to say, except this makes me sad about the women in the world who are stoned and fed to dragons if they're not virgins when they're married. And you thought I was a heartless asshole.
No more worry about losing your virginity. With this product, you can have your first night back anytime. Insert this artificial hymen into your vagina carefully. It will expand a little and make you feel tight. When your lover penetrate, it will ooze out a liquid that look like blood not too much but just the right amount. Add in a few moans and groans, you will pass through undetectable. Its easy to use, clinically proven non-toxic to human and has no side effects, no pain to use and no allergic reaction.
Wow, did I really just read that? Because now I don't feel so good. The $30 kit ships from China and I suspect is manufactured using recycled condoms. Plus, I don't even know what. [Insert something here while I cry and puke at the same time]
Thanks to Michael and The webcam in your monocle, who can't tell the difference between a virgin and a hole in the wall. Literally, no idea.
Sep 16 2009 No, NO, NOOOOOOOOOO!: Yaddle Love Aid
For those of you who don't know, Yaddle is a female Jedi of Yoda's species (whatever the hell those green freaks are). And what you're about to see, if you're brave enough to hit the jump, is a homemade lovemaking aid featuring a picture of Yaddle and a green Fleshlight. And for those of you who don't know what a Fleshlight is: congratulations, you're our only hope.
WARNING: IMAGE CANNOT BE UNSEEN.
Hit the jump and get it over with. Feel the burn.
Sep 15 2009 Snake With Foot Found, Killed In China
I am seriously reconsidering my decision to procreate in China. What with all the winged cats and footed snakes, I don't want my children to grow up with three legs like their father, you know? My beneficial defects aside, I must admit: as an amateur herpetologist, I'm a little skeptical about a footed snake. It seems almost like it swallowed a lizard and then that bastard was all like, "oh hell naw!" and kicked through the snake's bitchass stomach.
Dean Qiongxiu, 66, said she discovered the reptile clinging to the wall of her bedroom with its talons in the middle of the night.
"I woke up and heard a strange scratching sound. I turned on the light and saw this monster working its way along the wall using his claw," said Mrs Duan of Suining, southwest China.Mrs Duan said she was so scared she grabbed a shoe and beat the snake to death before preserving its body in a bottle of alcohol.
I call shenanigans. Everybody knows snakes lost their right to feet after that one in Eden kept trying to touch Eve's boobs. Yes, I've read the Bible. He ended up stealing her nipples. And that, my flock, is where dried apricots come from. Amen.
Snake with foot found in China [telegraph]
Thanks to carmen, Matty and Chuck Nunchuck, who all have snaked feet. And this little piggy went to GAAAAAAAHH!!
Sep 8 2009 Mmmm, Blocky: Rolling LEGO Cookie Cutter
Want to make LEGO shaped cookies? Well you're in luck thanks to this $10 rolling cookie cutter directly from LEGO! Oh, hold the phone -- I just read a review.
I am a very capable and experienced sugar cookie designer. If the dough is not the perfect thickness--not too thick, not too thin, it will stick on the wheel. I very carefully and tediously cut out about 50 of this itty, bitty (1" x 1") bricks on my cookie sheet. I chilled the dough for 1/2 an hour in the refrigerator to help keep the shape during baking. However, they didn't hold their shape during baking because they are so small. They came out of the oven in an unrecognizable shape.
Well, I guess that's out. That's okay though because I bet it still works for Play-Doh. And Play-Doh, as we all know, is delicious. It tastes like gummy-salt! Uh-oh -- another review!
I am so disappointed. We bought the cookie cutter for school bday party and the cake mold for family party. The cookie cutter is cracked on one brick. Used it anyway. The dough sticks to the cutter and is nearly impossible to get it off without ruining the shape. Tried freezing the dough to make it harder. Cuts better but... My son cried after they baked. They look like plain old cookies. The lego shape completely disappears.
BWAHAHAHAHA -- your son cried after they baked! Did you check to make sure his training bra wasn't on too tight? Because that shit can cause serious discomfort. I mean, I'VE HEARD (I wear my roommates bra while she's at work).
Thanks to rox, who once won a bake off and bake on IN THE SAME DAY.
Sep 3 2009 Eeeek, Kill Them!: I-SWARM Robotic Army
Bugs don't scare me. But tiny robots? Tiny robots scare the shit out of me. Just look at those evil bastards ganging up on that defenseless screw. It's sickening.
These tiny (4 millimeters on a side) robots are members of the I-SWARM project, which stands for Intelligent Small-World Autonomous Robots for Micro-manipulation. Each robot is simple, with three legs and a little poker to manipulate stuff with. They're designed to work in large, cheap, mass producible, replaceable groups doing things that insects would be good at... Surveillance, obviously, but they could also do things like clean your house by taking care of one bit of dust each.
No, really, this isn't necessary. If I wanted teeny little robots running around everywhere I would have killed myself and gone to hell. Because that's exactly what it's like. Except they're on fire. And they crawl in your holes.
I-SWARM Micro Robots [botjunkie] (the very thought of which makes me sick)
Thanks to Nick, Michael, MDGrein, Ashley and Skynet (screw you!), who are all cool in my book. Except for Skynet. Skynet should implode.
