Sep 11 2008 Buy Your Own Creepy Bioengineered Pet
GenPets are bioengineered pets specifically created to make petcare as simple as possible. They come in a state of hibernation, but awaken when the sleep inducing protein serum is removed from their nutrient supply tube. Some highlights from the FAQs:
Are Genpets Real animals? How?
Genpets are living, breathing mammals. Bio-Genica is a Bioengineering Company that has combined, and modified existing DNA to create the Genpets lineup. Genpets have blood, bones, and muscle; they will bleed if you cut them, and die if mistreated just like any other animal. The electronic components are only in the packages and are for basic life support, outside of the packages the Genpets are wholly organic.
Do Genpets feel pain?
Yes. However the Genpets have limited vocal chords so they will not create a large amount of noise when disturbed.
Can Genpets become angry or violent?
The Genpets are designed to be docile, combined with that, the nutrient packs keep them well tempered. If a Genpet were to be taken off of its nutrient pack it would die long before any behavioural issues could develop as the nutrient packs are also the Genpets sole source of food.
If you haven't guessed by now, GenPets are faker than my girlfriend's bra busters, but not nearly as fun to poke at in the car while she's trying to drive. GenPets a hoax and art exhibit by Adam Brandejs, and are meant to start an open discussion about the benefits and drawbacks of bioengineering. But they did a bangup job on making the website look believable, so send friends and family there to freak them out. Or, if you're really aiming to scar them, make em watch 6 girls + 2 pitchers.
More pictures after the jump, and stop searching you sicko, there is no 6 girls + 2 pitchers (I hope).
Sep 9 2008 How Not To Play Wii
This is how you don't play Wii. SPOILER ALERT (LIKE THE STILL ABOVE WASN'T ENOUGH): With a dog humping you from behind while you scream in ecstasy. I don't know what's more disturbing -- that this video was clearly set up, or that this video was clearly set up. You see what violent video games are doing to today's youth?
Youtube
Thanks Tom, and yes, I'm scarred.
May 2 2008 Coffin Couches: A Little Morbid For My Taste
Looking for a unique couch? Looking for a unique couch made out of a "display model" coffin? If so, check out these Coffin Couches. Each one is constructed from a real dead body receptacle (last year's models) and can hold up to 900 pounds (despite the spindly looking legs). You can buy one off the site, or order a custom setup and each costs around $4,500. Now are you thinking what I'm thinking? Hell yeah, making love on a coffin! Just kidding. Anybody that was actually thinking what I was pretending to think there should really consider getting help. Oh, and you shouldn't be allowed to own a shovel and flashlight, or live within walking distance of a cemetery.
A couple pictures of a Los Angeles Dodgers model after the jump.
Continue Reading " Coffin Couches: A Little Morbid For My Taste "
Apr 10 2008 Skirt Mousepad Cover Is Disturbing, Fetishy
I don't even know what to say about this. It's a jean skirt that you put your mouse and mousepad into. That way when you're computing it looks like you have your hand up a skirt and you're clicking around like a crazy person. What in the hell are the matter with these people? Whoever makes these things is freaking nuts. I mean, come on. A lightweight polyester-blend I could understand, but denim? Ridiculous. And sick.
Another picture of the thing in use after the jump.
Continue Reading " Skirt Mousepad Cover Is Disturbing, Fetishy "
Apr 8 2008 Disturbing: Baby Chocolates Are Scary, Edible
Ryan, who sent this tip, wrote to let me know that Geekologie hadn't featured anything creepy in a while, and this was his suggestion. It's a baby (complete with a hose bigger than mine) made entirely of chocolate. I think the hair is a little suspect, but what do I know? I'm only Willy Wonka's apprentice. And no, I don't shower with the Oompa-Loompas, so I've never seen them naked. Quit asking.
UPDATE: FAKE! FIRST! FUCK they're not chocolate they're made of silicon or something. Scary baby cake added after the jump to make up for it (Thanks M).
Several more after the jump.
Continue Reading " Disturbing: Baby Chocolates Are Scary, Edible "
Mar 10 2008 KissPhone Replicates Your Kiss For The Person You're Talking To, Looks Horrible
George Koussouros is a freelance inventor, and he developed the KissPhone.
The KissPhone detects percussion speed, pressure, temperature, and sucking force of the lips, when you kiss it. An artificial mouth on the KissPhone receptor can reproduces same parameters. So the customer is able to...
...send or receive kiss from distance,
...leave or receive a kiss in answering machine,
...repeat the kiss saved on the phone or
...relay it to other people,
...download or upload kiss in the web
...receive kiss from a kiss bank as the one from Madonna or from an imaginary Hero!Company captures market because of distinctive concept and keeps market because of associated services and accessories.
Now I know what you're thinking, "Damn, how have I been living without a KissPhone for so long?" And the answer, my friends, is not easily. Unfortunately they only work if the people on both ends each have one. So I'm going to have to buy two. I really think these may take my long-distance relationship to the next level. That next level being my girlfriend cheating on me.
Kiss Phone detects intensity of virtual kisses [slipperybrick]
A big thanks to Cygnus, who doesn't need kissy phones to keep the ladies happy, for the tip
Mar 5 2008 Singing and Moving Clown Urinal Makes Me Want To Just Pee On The Wall Instead
So I wake up this morning and what do I find in my inbox? A link to a singing clown urinal in Osaka, Japan. Basically you walk up to the sucker and he starts singing and moving up and down the wall while you try to pee in his mouth. WTF!? What are we teaching the youth these days? This does not lessen my fear of clowns one bit. It was bad enough before I knew the sick bastards liked drinking urine. He won't be singing for long though. Not after somebody decides to sit there and hit him with a #2.
Crazy Singing Clown Urinal Makes Us Go HAHAHAARRGHHSTOPDOINGTHAT! [gizmodo]
Thanks to Shawn and Meredith, who both hates clowns as much as Anticlown Media does, for the tips
Mar 3 2008 Wrong, Wrong, Wrong: Fetish Birdo Costume
Remember Super Mario Bros. 2? Remember the Birdos, those egg spitting bosses? Yeah, I remember them too. But not like this. This is not definitely not the way I remember the Birdos of my childhood. Now I've seen a lot of sick things in my day, and I've even done a few, but NEVER EVER HAVE I EVER asked anyone to dress up like a Super Mario Bros. boss in order to get my rocks off I only asked my girlfriend to do the Bowser thing once, and I swear I felt bad afterwards.
Fettish Birdo Is The Weirdest Thing I've Seen All Day [albotas]
Feb 19 2008 Princess Peach Does Not Fight Commando
Well, it's official folks -- Princess Peach will not be fighting commando style in the upcoming Smash Bros. Brawl. I have the disturbing pictures and videos to prove it. Now I could go on a tirade about how whoever the hell bothered freeze-framing the hell out of the game to get these pictures and videos is a sick and twisted bastard that's f'ed in the head. But, well, they saved me the trouble of doing it myself, so I won't.
NOTE: The Geekologie writer would not have done this himself. Video game chicks do not do it for him because he's a normal person that likes real women. Like those anime babes. Yeah!
NOTE NOTE: I don't really like anime chicks either. That was a lie to make all you pervos out there that do feel better about yourselves.
What could be considered NSFW pictures and video after the jump. You know, if you don't have the kind of job where you get paid to look at cartoon underwear from video games.
