Nov 18 2009 You're Gonna Burn In Hell!: Dino Car Decal

Listen, I'm not here to tell you to follow Jesus or smoke buddha or whatever, I'm just here to report the things I see and maybe make a couple drug connections in the process. And this is a 'dinosaur eating the Jesus fish' car decal. Love it or hate it, you've got to admit it's the first time you've ever seen a t-rex holding something with its little arms. And THAT, my friends, is biblical.

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Thanks to Logisticz and martyn, who are pissed dinosaurs didn't make it onto the ark. Me too guys, me too.

Nov 17 2009 DO WANT: Dinosaur Hatchling Ornaments

Just look at that cute little devil wrapped up all tight in his egg! It's like he's a little present himself -- all he needs is a bow! Show your strictly platonic dino-love this holiday season with this $14 Brachiosaurus hatchling ornament from the Big Bad Toy Store. They make the perfect Christmas momento for children and adults who never stopped loving dinos alike. Unfortunately, I want a REAL dino hatchling for Christmas. I'm talking from my loins. Godzilla, Falkor, Puff, Barney -- one of you better immaculate concept me. DO IT NOW!

Dinosauria Hatching Egg Ornament [nerdapproved]

Thanks to Naja, who better have gotten me a season pass to Jurassic Park.

Nov 13 2009 Yes...YES!: Tyrannosaurs Doing It Dino-style

Now THAT'S what I'm talking about. Except I'm not so much talking as fantasizing. God I'd love to be in the middle of those two. Ha -- I guess I AM talking about it! Now one of you put those little arms to use and make me a sandwich.

Tyrannosaurus skeleton casts mounted in a mating position, Jurassic Museum of Asturias [wikipedia] (high-res version)

Thanks to Kelly, who just convinced me to buy a one-way ticket to Asturias, Spain.

Nov 3 2009 Could A Human Beat A T-Rex Arm Wrestling?

I say yes, but Jack Conrad, a vertebrate paleontologist at the American Museum of Natural History in New York, is arguing otherwise. Don't act like you know dinosaurs. I KNOW DINOSAURS!

"Doesn't matter," Conrad says. "There's no chance that any human alive could win." The T. rex's arms might have looked wimpy, but they were extremely strong. Each was about three feet long and, based on the size of the arm bones and analysis of the spots where muscle attached to the bone, they were jacked. "The bicep alone--and this is a conservative estimate--could curl 430 pounds," Conrad says. Even the beefiest humans max out at around an embarrassing 260 pounds.

Surely an Over the Top-era Sylvester Stallone would put up a good fight? "Not even Lou Ferrigno in his prime would stand a chance," Conrad says. "They didn't just have big biceps. Their chest and shoulder muscles were huge too. They had huge arms and shoulders--bigger than my leg. They had the strength to rip a human's arm right out of its socket."

So you don't think I could beat a t-rex? Well Jack, I guess there's only one way to settle this. *warming up time machine* See you in a second!

UPDATE: Yes, AND have sex with it afterward. Put that one in your science book and intelligently design it!

Could a Human Beat a T. Rex In Arm Wrestling? [popsci]

Thanks to Xkrimeg, who could beat a giant arm created in a government laboratory at arm wrestling despite her being a girl and built for domestic chores.

Oct 19 2009 South America + Africa = Tyrannosaurus Rex

Proof that God loves dinosaurs, when South America is superimposed over Africa, it forms a Tyrannosaurus Rex head. Now don't take this lightly -- several people died getting this information out, as the Catholic Church has been trying to keep this from us for centuries. Suck it, Dan Brown, I own you!

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Thanks to b00m, who found out if you superimpose me on top of a dinosaur you get a picture of me having sex with a dinosaur. Cool!

Oct 14 2009 Pocket Change Rawr: Canadian T-Rex Coin

The Canadian Mint, which surprisingly doesn't come in flavors like chocolate-moose (ZING!), is releasing this $4 silver dino coin because dinosaurs are awesome and they deserve to be on money even more so than some presidents I know. Ahem, Eisenhower.

A selective aging effect creates a powerful impression of fossilized bones in stone. In fact, this technique ensures no two coins are exactly alike. Each 99.99% pure silver coin is unique and--with a design that was developed in close collaboration with palaeontologists at Alberta's Royal Tyrell Museum--is an original and compelling keepsake of one of humanity's great fascinations.

You can order your $4 t-rex dino coins from the mint today for the low, low price of $43. So every time you spend one you're out $39. But who would do that?! This guy -- I'm richer than God! You know, If God were sleeping in his car tonight.

Hit the jump for a Dromaeosaurus coin the mint is also selling.

Continue Reading " Pocket Change Rawr: Canadian T-Rex Coin "

Oct 8 2009 Raptor Jesus Went Extinct For Your Sins

First of all, we're not going there. I just thought this would be a good time to open up a discussion about what sort of dinosaur mount you think Jesus will ride into battle against the robots. My guess is a supersweet t-rex/raptor hybrid God made just for him. That can fly. Oooh -- and breath fire. Okay, basically a dragon. Puuuuuuuff!

Image [bme]

Thanks to tripcreator, who may or may not be a travel agent.

Oct 6 2009 I Couldn't Make This Up: New 'Horny Ballerina' Species Of Tyrannosaurus Discovered

That's right folks, scientists have discovered a new species of tyrannosaurus, completely different than the much larger (and arguably sexier) t-rex everyone is accustomed to. But you've got to admit, this little bugger is cute as a button.

The new, more graceful tyrannosaur is named Alioramus altai.

A. altai apparently has a similar skeleton to larger Tyrannosaur-type dinos such as Tarbosaurus, Alioramus, Gorgosaurus etc. But among these burly heavyweights, A. altai was surely the butt of cruel locker-room bullying and dino towel-snapping, weighing in at a puny 800 pounds or so - half the weight of the regular tyrannosaurs. The ballerina-esque, "gracile" A. altai also differed from the big boys in having horns and an elongated snout.

The new dino was slim, light on its feet, horny and partial to meat

HIYO -- just like every ballerina I've ever known! Except the lesbians (no meat).

Horny new 'ballerina' Tyrannosaur was light on its feet [theregister]

Thanks to Barry and Kelly, who have danced with the dinosaurs in the pale moonlight and lived to tell about it.

Oct 5 2009 Great News!: All Dinosaurs Go To Heaven

In wonderful news, at least according to this $18 t-shirt design from Threadless (where were you on this, CNN?!), all dinosaurs go to heaven. So yeah, maybe there's a merciful God after all. But, as a guy who wasn't ever planning on seeing the pearly gates: does the Catholic church still do that thing they used to where you pay to have your sins absolved? And, if so, can I borrow some money? Couple mill should do me.

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Thanks to Adam, who's trying his hardest to go to hell because he heard that's where all marsupials go. You're sick.

Oct 2 2009 Google Search AutoComplete To The Rescue

I do that shit all the time. ALL. THE. TIME.

Google (go type "I like" to see for yourself)

Thanks to b00m, who likes to tape a bedsheet to his arms and pretend he's a pterodactyl.

Oct 1 2009 Huge Cache Of Dinosaurs Eggs Found In India

In promising dinosaur-cloning news, hundreds of football-sized Sauropod eggs have been uncovered in India. Secretary, book me a flight! Oh, wait, they're all infertile. Secretary, cancel that flight and order me a pizza!

"The important finding is that these eggs have been found in different layers that means the dinosaurs came to the place over and over year after year," he said.

"The second important thing is that we have got volcanic ash deposits on the eggs which suggests that volcanic activity could have caused their extinction.

"The other thing we have found is that all these eggs are unhatched and infertile. So what made the eggs infertile? We need to carry out further studies to learn more from the findings."

Dr Ramkumar and his team have called on the central and state governments to protect what they are calling a "Jurassic treasure trove".

Hell yes, Jurassic treasure trove. That's better than pirate gold in my book. And my book is awesome and has COLOR ILLUSTRATIONS OF ME BONING DINOSAURS (tasteful ones). Just saying, go ahead and send the Caldecott to my parent's house.

Dinosaur eggs are found in India [bbcnews]

Thanks to Spikey DaPikey and Awesome Saucer, who have a time machine and may or may not be responsible for some of those eggs (read: the eggs are infertile so I suspect they are).

Sep 30 2009 It's About Time!: A Dinosaur Serving Spoon

I can honestly say I've never wanted to have sex with a bowl of noodles so bad in my entire life. Well, that's not entirely true.

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Thanks to Carolina, who only eats her pasta the way god intended: with Mario and Luigi.

Sep 18 2009 Fun For All Ages: Dino Dig Challenge, A Battleship Ripoff (But I'm Not Complaining)

Dino Dig Challenge plays like Battleship, but instead of a bunch of stupid boats, you're hunting for raptor bones. I LOOOVE RAPTOR BONES!

• 2 player competition to see who can excavate their opponent's dinosuar bones first.
• Includes 2 player dig base unit, 8 excavation site tiles, 10 different dinosaur bones and flag markers
• Be the first to complete a velociraptor skeleton and win!

OMG, YES! And the great thing about it is, this is a game that you can play alone if you want. Actually, that's the only way I play. Oh -- oh -- I JUST SUNK MY OWN DINOBONE!

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Thanks to Dinosaur Josh, who loves dinosaurs as much as I do, but in a different way. You're missing out, Josh. Like they say, "once you go Jurassic, you never go back to men". Okay, that's not true. VARIETY IS THE SPICE OF LIFE.

Sep 17 2009 Tyrannosaurus Rex Ancestor Was Smaller, More Manageable Size (Read: Swooooon)

Turns out the ferocious T-Rex (who, I would like to mention, is a brutal lover) actually started as a tinier, much more manageable size. OMG -- I'm going to grow them in my roommates closet! Also, weed.

About 125 million years ago a tiny version of Tyrannosaurus rex roamed what is now northeastern China. Tiny, that is, by T. rex standards -- you still wouldn't want to meet it face to face. Described by paleontologist Paul Sereno as "punk size," this early predator stood about nine feet tall.

It just seems small compared to the giant T. rex that evolved millions of years later and was as much as 100 times more massive.

"It really is the blueprint for the later (T. rex) dinosaurs," Sereno said, "it was a blueprint that was scalable."

The Geekologie Writer is currently seeking funding for a dinosaur farm. I will pay both interest and dividends on your investment. If interested, please send non-consecutive, unmarked bills in a Christmas card to:

Thanks, I look forward to taking your money and having sex with dinosaurs doing business with you.
Early, smaller version of T. rex discovered [googlenews]

Thanks to Amanda, Aaron, Kelly, Ryan, Henry, Brent, darkfall13, shawno, Jackie, Ian, Dianne, delinear, Priscilla, Nate, Lynz, CertifiedHobo, Dane, ech0z, Jose, Bethy and e., who I'm totally gonna solicit as babysitters once the operation is underway.

Sep 16 2009 Mine's Nicer: Dino Van Spotted At Walmart

Ignore the handicapped tag and West Virginia plate, that's not mine. Mine has like quadruple the dinosaurs. You know, to attract more kids because dinosaurs are so awesome. That said, I would still dive into the back of this thing no questions asked.

Jurassic Park [peopleofwalmart]

Thanks to Danielle, gator, Meganologie, Nick B, Greg and michael, who aren't allowed within 100 yards of a toy store.

Aug 27 2009 Is This Nessie Spotted On Google Earth?

I'm not even sure what I'm looking at. It looks like a snake chasing a giant squid. But according to some security guard who was busy surfing Google Earth instead of patrolling his beat, it's the Loch Ness Monster (love you, Nessie).

Jason Cooke told The Sun he spotted "Nessie" while browsing the website's satellite photos. Mr Cooke, 25, of Nottingham, said: "I couldn't believe it. It's just like the descriptions of Nessie."

The image can be seen by entering coordinates Latitude 57°12'52.13"N, Longitude 4°34'14.16"W in Google Earth (or playing with the map above).

Earlier this year it was reported that climate change may have killed the Loch Ness Monster. There have been "no "credible sightings" of Nessie for over a year.

Veteran American monster hunter Bob Rines thinks environmental conditions in the Highland loch have changed and can no longer sustain the elusive reptile.

Gary Campbell, of the monster's official fan club, said: "I'm concerned. There have been none of the normal sightings that verify that Nessie and her family are still alive and well."

Haha, these people actually think the Loch Ness Monster is real. That's great (bless their special little hearts). You know, these are the same people that keep asking for government grants to go hunt for Bigfoot. Which, SPOILER ALERT: bitch was delish!

Is the Loch Ness monster on Google Earth? [telegraph]

Thanks to Asbo and Praveen, who only hunt for dragons because dragons are real and sit on mountains of treasure.

Aug 26 2009 I Love Science: Scientist Plan to 'Reverse-Engineer' Dinosaurs From Modern Chickens

In the best news I've heard in a while, a scientist at McGill University in Montreal (I love you, Canada) is attempting to reverse engineer a dinosaur from a chicken "by altering chicken genes known to have evolved since the Cretaceous."

Needless to say, there are many problems with the very concept of making a dinosaur out of a chicken. For one, dinosaurs, as a group, are defined by only a few characteristics: a hole in their hip socket, some limb bone flanges, and other minor anatomical features. Changing chicken DNA won't produce those traits, because chickens already have them. A chicken, like all birds, is already a dinosaur. Getting rid of its feathers or giving it teeth won't make it more of a dinosaur than it already is.

What in the -- chickens ARE dinosaurs? To the colonel's farm, STAT -- I'm gonna roll myself in corn and die happy!

Scientist Vows To Reverse-Engineer Dinosaur From Chicken [popsci]

Thanks to James, Alexander the Viking, Mr. Robbot, Adam, Dustin, Erik, Myriapode, Tigerh8r, Pepe la PEWPEW, Dominik and Caroline, who will never look at a drumstick the same.

Aug 12 2009 I Want All Three!: Do It Yourself Dino Lamps

If any of you are looking for any last minute gift ideas, these dinosaur lamps from ThinkGeek are the perfect present for your Geekologie Writer.

All three (triceratops, diplodocus and t-rex) of these dinosaur lamps are constructed from precision cut sheets of flexible plastic which you slot together to create the finished glowing sculpture. Construction time is about 30-40 minutes, but the directions are very clear with detailed photographs of each step.

Each lamp will set you back a cool $20, and, obviously, I want all three. Now I'm not saying I've never made love to a lamp shade before, because I totally have. But I actually like these ones enough to call them the morning after. You hear that, banker's lamp shade? Your green ass meant nothing to me!

ThinkGeek Product Page

Thanks to ryco, virus and Watch-303, who know what I like. I like pizza!

Aug 12 2009 Birthday Wish: I Wish For A Real Wishosaurs

Since it's my birthday and I can do whatever I want, I'm continuing with the celebratory theme with this $7 Wishosaurus candle holder from Fred. It's a plastic molded dinosaur that can hold up to ten candles. So, for my cake, I'm gonna need three. On top of each other. KISSING. With me in the middle. Ever had a four-way with dinosaurs? Me neither. Which, OMG -- *PFFFFFFFFFFFT!*

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Thanks to The Baroness, who can borrow my Wishasauruses for her birthday BUT ONLY IF I CAN COME TO THE PARTY (I'm coming to the party).

Aug 5 2009 Is This The Luckiest Man On Planet Earth?

What I wouldn't give to switch places with this guy for 30 minutes. 30 minutes!

Robotic Dinosaurs Ponder Man's Extinction [gizmodo]