Sep 15 2009 Die, Birds, Diiiiiiiie!: Contra Vs. Duck Hunt
This is a super short video of a Contra commando playing Duck Hunt. And in case you can't watch videos at work, I'll spoil it for you: the ducks lose. But if you want to watch the ducks win, you should watch that youth hockey themed movie starring Emilio Estevez. OMG HE WAS SOOOO HANDSOME!
Thanks to jim, who got the laser rifle and "accidentally" shot that annoying laughing dog.
Aug 17 2009 Canadians Create Mathematical Model For Successfully Surviving Zombie Apocalypse
Since there's no hockey on some Canadian mathematicians have shifted their efforts to creating a mathematical model for surviving the zombie uprising. And you said nothing good ever came out of Canada! That guy, right there -- he's the one that said it. GET HIM, CANUCKS!
Anyway, the model focuses on modern zombies, which are "very different from the voodoo and the folklore zombies." It takes into account the possibility of quarantine (could lead to eradication, but unlikely to happen) and treatment (some humans survive, but they still must coexist with zombies), but shows that there is only one strategy likely to succeed: "impulsive eradication."
"Only sufficiently frequent attacks, with increasing force, will result in eradication, assuming the available resources can be mustered in time," they concluded.
Pfft, I came up with a better model than that. It goes like this: me + shovel = zombie - head. Zombie - head = that zombieskin rug I've always wanted in front of the fire place! Now, who wants to make out on top of it?!? I'm not sick, you're sick.
Mathematical Model for Surviving a Zombie Attack [wired]
Thanks to Dahbie, who will survive the apocalypse no matter what because of jet propulsion (I'm coming with you).
Aug 2 2009 Craft Time!: Make Your Own D-20 Handbag
Be honest, every single one of you would rock this handbag. I know I would, and I don't give a dang if it clashes with my live bear chaps or not (all man, baby). Available from evilmadscientist as mini and full-size kits ($20 and $25, respectively) you're still gonna have to know how to sew. Which I, unfortunately, do not. Last time I tried mending a tear in my jeans I ended up sewing my penis to my ankle. True story.
Hit the jump for some shots of the unfinished kit so you can get a real sense of all the fun to be had.
Continue Reading " Craft Time!: Make Your Own D-20 Handbag "
Jul 31 2009 Idiot Moron Facebook Geek Test Is Flawed
So there's this alleged 'Geek Test' on Facebook that I took and I scored a 2 out of 10. A FREAKING TWO! Do you know who I am, you stupid Facebook piece of test? Who wrote you? TELL ME WHO WROTE YOU!! Because I am going to beat them within a micron of their life with a science book and then cut them with a laser. Also, as an added Friday bonus, I left my picture up. So in case you were wondering, that's me. TOO BAD I ALREADY CHANGED IT AGAIN, SUCKERS! And if you haven't already, join the Geekologie fanpage on Facebook OR I WILL DRINK THIS CAT.
Jul 17 2009 I Smell A Wedgie Coming: Resident Evil Shirts
This Resident Evil shirt was made to promote the upcoming Resident Evil: The Darkside Chronicles and will be distributed at the upcoming San Diego Comic Con next weekend.
Well, since Darkside Chronicles is an M-Rated title, we have to have an area where only 17+ are allowed. We figured if we had to be enclosed; we might as well deck out the room and give you an awesome experience playing the game. We are going to have two separate rooms to show off the game, both dark and air conditioned, and each come equipped with banging sound systems.
All you have to do is bring a friend, play through one of the levels in co-op mode, and then you and your partner get to walk away with your very own zombie shirt. Simple.
Neat. Just be careful rocking zombie mode in public, because I, for one, won't hesitate to brain you with a shovel. Brain first, kick corpses later. AND NO COPPING FEELS. This is the word of the Geekologie Writer.
Capcom Comic Con 09: Resident Evil: The Darkside Chronicles [capcom]
Thanks to Jonah, towhee and meeotch, who are all elite zombie hunters sent back from the future to....oh my God you're robots.
May 28 2009 The Worst And Saddest Of Yahoo! Answers
Okay, this one is actually legit, but everything after the jump isn't. They're the kind of questions that make you want to bathe with a toaster (or SPOILER ALERT: poisonous jellyfish). I assume some of them are fake, but I sadly guarantee a good portion are serious. And, well, *pouring out a little liquor* it's been real, humanity.
Hit it for a dozen or so of the worst questions ever asked.
Continue Reading " The Worst And Saddest Of Yahoo! Answers "
May 27 2009 What, No D20?: The Dice Rolling Machine
The Dice-O-Matic is used to roll dice for online games hosted by GamesByEmail so that there are actually physical dice being used instead of a program. The 7 foot tall, 104 pound machine produces over 1.3 million die rolls a day, about 80,000 of which are used for games. The rest are all in vain. And speaking of in vein: alcohol, that's where it belongs.
Industrial Dice Rolling Machine [ohgizmo]
May 15 2009 Woman Offers Man Baby As Taser Shield
A Missouri woman offered a man her 1-year old child for use as a taser shield when he was being confronted by cops. Now that's solid parenting.
Officers were at an apartment checking on an assault claim made by the woman when a man confronted them, making threats. One of the officers displayed a Taser as the man approached.
Police said the mother offered her child to the man, placing the toddler in the Taser's path. The man, 22, faces two counts of resisting arrest. The woman, 20, was charged with endangering the welfare of a child and interfering with an arrest. She was arrested Tuesday night and placed at the Marion County jail on a 24-hour hold.
Wow, just....wow. Thank God tasers weren't so prevalent when I was a kid or my parents would have probably put an ad in the newspaper. I can see it now:
FOR SALE: One child, male. Large head, cries a lot. Would make a great taser shield.
Mo. mom accused of using child to block Taser [yahoonews]
Thanks to Noah, who knows only teenagers should be used for blocking tasers. Also, lasers. PEW PEW!
Apr 2 2009 Today's Awesome Failure Award Goes To....
Well, actually, it's a tie. First, a liquor store robber who probably had his mommy drive him there while he finished his juice box.
Police say a 19-year-old who tried to rob a liquor store sat down and cried after 76-year-old owner locked him in the store. The man was accused of trying to rob Sykes Liquor Store in Trenton Monday night. Police said the owner, who was behind the counter, triggered the lock after the man grabbed a bottle of Hennessy cognac and bolted for the door.
The man then allegedly pulled out a handgun and demanded to be released. But the owner said he saw that the gun was a fake, refused to unlock the door and called police.Police said the suspect threw away the gun, slumped to the floor and was crying when officers arrived to arrest him.
Wow, that is both sad and awesome at the same time. Kind of like the first time I had sex, but without the -- oh wait, he was crying. Yep, exactly like that then. Next, an idiotic failure at life who called 911 after "locking" herself in her car.
A woman called Kissimmee police to say she was locked inside her car at the Walgreen's on John Young Parkway near Poinciana.
"My car will not start. I'm locked inside my car," the unidentified woman said. "Nothing electrical works. And it's getting very hot in here, and I'm not feeling well."The dispatcher asked the woman if she was able to manually pull the lock up on the door. The woman said she would try, and then, she said, "Yes, I got the door open."
Can we please get that woman's license revoked? And also, oxygen supply. If only she hadn't gotten reception....damn you, Verizon network!
Man cries after attempt to rob liquor store fails [yahoonews]
and
Woman to 911: Help! I'm locked inside my car [orlandosentinel]
Thanks to Joemo and Jason, who have never cried because when they feel a tear coming they just punch themselves in the eye until it goes away.
Mar 18 2009 Tool Box Must: Multi-Purpose Halligan Rescues Kittens From Burning Buildings And Brains Zombies With Equal Dexterity
The Halligan Bar is a tool used by both fire fighters and rescue workers to bash open doors, pry shit off other shit, and all around beat the hell out of stuff. And now you can own one. The 30" bar is available in alloy steel (10 lbs, $195) and titanium (5.25 lbs, $555) and is a must-have for anybody with any interest in surviving the zombie apocalypse. Just imagine a zombie's head on the end of that thing. Oh I'm sorry, did I just get you excited? Good, meet me in the janitor's closet in five. Now, don't get up as the same time as me, someone might get suspicious. Or, in The Superficial Writer's case, jealous. THERE WAS NO SPARK -- move on already.
Halligan Bar [cooltools]
Thanks to hayden, who once punched a zombie in the mouth so hard all its teeth fell out so hayden gathered them all up and put them under a pillow but the tooth fairy didn't come. What a sham!
Feb 5 2009 Idiot Tries To Strangle Girlfriend With Wiimote
In the latest of video game-themed attacks, a guy tried to strangle his girlfriend with the cord of a Wiimote. And I'll tell you -- he even LOOKS like the kind of guy that'd try to strangle someone with a video game controller. What a quarter-pound of fail.
An Austin man has been accused of trying to choke his girlfriend with the cord of a Wii video game controller after she became angry that he had eaten all of her Girl Scout cookies, according to an arrest affidavit.
The two struggled until they ended up in the living room, where Alvarez grabbed a Wii controller, according to the affidavit. Alvarado was able to free herself and call 911. Alvarez fled the home but was arrested soon after.
First of all, you don't ever try to strangle a woman, that's pathetic. And secondly, if there's one thing I've learned in life, it's that you never, ever, EVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, come between a woman and her Girl Scout Cookies. You're lucky to be alive, Alvarez, now kill yourself.
Man accused of choking girlfriend with Wii controller [statesman]
Thanks to Jordan, who once tried to choke his roommate with a PS3 controller. The plan was doomed from the start.
Jan 23 2009 No, No, No, We Don't Pierce The Kitties!
Holly Crawford is a 34-year old sadistic dog groomer that decided to pierce the ears, necks, and tails of some cats and sell them as "gothic cats" on the interwebs. After being tipped off by PETA, her home was raided and she was arrested.
She defended herself saying that she did not see any difference between piercing a cat and piercing a human. She said she used sterile needles and surgical soap and that she checked the kittens several times a day to make sure they were healing properly.
Crawford said her dog-grooming business, Pawside Parlor, has plummeted since the raid and that she has received dozens of nasty phone calls.
Piercing pets -- what the f*** is wrong with people? Please discuss. And as a guy with a Prince Albert piercing myself, I've got to admit: sometimes I pee two streams.
'Gothic' pierced cats sold online [thesun]
Thanks to Kathryn, who knows kitties are for loving, not piercing.
