Nov 2 2009 Whittlin': Guns Carved Into Old School Desks
Ben Turnbull is a London-based artist that hates America (USA! USA! USA!) and whittles guns into old wooden school desks. I smell a detention slip!
Ben Turnbull is fascinated by the global dominance of American culture, and his works unsettling effects result from re-presenting the toys of our innocent youth in symbolic forms that reveal the shocking truths about war, death and guns in the world's most powerful country. Turnbull is a passionate critic of the contemporary American political system, and explains why toys are central to his work: 'Force fed on violence, abused by a controlling superpower and blackmailed through patriotism, the public are ultimately as disposable as the toys they once played with'.
Damn Ben, why don't you tell us how you really feel? Over a spot of tea with your queen while I whip your crumpet-munching ass! Jingoism FTW! I'm serious, meet me behind the pub.
Hit the jump for five more.
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Apr 9 2009 Bumptop: Your Own Personal 3D Desktop
Bumptop (which has been in the works for awhile) is a program that makes your desktop appear 3D and much more customizable and manipulable so you can resize icons according to importance and post stuff on the walls and all around have a jolly ol' time not being productive. It's a free download (for light, $29 for full), so go grab it and then show it off to your office-mates. Yell things like "BOO-YA!" and "FINGERBANGARANG!" while showcasing its features to let them know how superior your desktop is to theirs. But, if they're anything like me, they may tell you your desktop sucks and that their desktop is 4-D. At this point, you'll go back and forth 1-upping each other with ridiculous claims of 5-D and 20-D desktops, until one of you says theirs is actually Infinity-D . Then they other (you want this to be you) will insist they have an Infinity+1-D desktop, and that person will win.
Hit the jump for a video explaining all the fun to be had.
Mar 18 2009 Where Do I Buy?: Pillows For Working Late
'Pillows for working late' is a three-piece ensemble created by Polish designer Maja Ganszyniec. It comes with a collar, tie and sleeve that are soft and the perfect place to lay your head should you find yourself dozing off at your desk. I don't think you have to be working late to use them. I mean, I just got to work and I can barely keep my eyessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Whoa, I just had a dream I came to work naked. Oh, uh-oh. Think they'll send me home if I run over my penis with an office chair?
'Pillows for working late' makes your desk better than your bed [dvice]
Nov 7 2008 Why God, Why?: A Welcome Mat Mouse Pad
I've seen it all now. A $13 mouse pad that looks like a welcome mat. Jesus, what will they think of next? And could it possibly be this freaking stupid?
UPDATE: Jesus said their next pad is gonna look like a little mouse cage. Aaaaaand I'm out. *BANG*
Thanks to Reece, who knows that the only good mouse pad is a bearskin rug.
Jun 26 2008 Love It Or Hate It, It's Still A Steampunk Desk
The Desk Machine is a line of steampunkish desks by artist Dale Mathis. They all have a bunch of gears inside that turn and make you dizzy when you're signing TPS reports.
The desk features dozens of gears of different sizes that all sync together. The effect is such that the entire desk is "running" under its own power. The framework of the desk is wood with oversized rivets and bolts added to complete the look. Also, the legs are designed to mimic the look of swing-arms found on almost every motor on the road. The keyboard tray is also integrated into the gearing system.
Now when it says the keyboard tray is integrated into the system, I assume that means that it's constantly going in and out, effectively making it impossible to type. Which, quite frankly, you don't need to anyways if you can afford a $21,000 desk. That's what your blonde bombshell of a personal secretary (who was hired for her looks and not skills) is for. Isn't that right, you sexy little thing you? Haha, you typed that. God you're stupid.
Hit the jump for a video of the desk in action.
Continue Reading " Love It Or Hate It, It's Still A Steampunk Desk "
Jun 3 2008 Crazy Computer Desk Looks Like A Drum Set
We've already seen all sorts of ridiculous computer desks here at Geekologie, and here comes another -- the V1 (V for Vision, not Vagina). It looks like the bastard child of a three-way between a car seat, computer desk, and drum set.
The V1 computer desk is dynamically designed to be the best computer desk system on Earth. Comfort, quality, and customer satisfaction are our primary goals here. Three years of planning and development has brought the V1 computer gaming desk to this certain point. It can now be yours.
They start at $1,700 (sans monitor and speakers) but can be customized with different options all the way up to like a billion dollars. Maybe it's for you, but it's not for me. That thing would take up the whole damn room. Although now that I think about it, diamond-treaded foot rests could come in handy during a particularly volatile porn session.
Hit the jump for a few different setups and a link to the website.
Continue Reading " Crazy Computer Desk Looks Like A Drum Set "
Apr 11 2008 Kit-In Box Prevents Unwanted Keyboard Cats
Kit-In Box is not exactly what it sounds like. I thought it was going to be a box you order that comes with a kitten (like a Cabbage Patch doll, but furry and alive). It's not. It's a little wooden bed that clamps to the side of your desk so your feline friends don't sleep on your keyboard (as they are so fond of) when you're trying to work. They cost $50 and come in cherry, birch, and mahogany finishes. I need several, because my girlfriend has four cats. Well, three cats. One beaver.
A picture of what the unit looks like with two little dogs in it, after the jump.
Continue Reading " Kit-In Box Prevents Unwanted Keyboard Cats "
Apr 8 2008 Nap At Work With The Nappak Sleeping Cube
If there's one thing I hate about going to work, it's the lack of comfortable places to sleep during my afternoon siesta. Enter the Nappak Sleeping Cube. It's an inflatable cubby where you can stretch out and doze to your heart's content. Not exactly a cube, but that's okay. While it certainly is better than napping face down on your keyboard, I have a few other suggestions for great places to sleep at work (based on several years experience).
The trunk of your car
Benefits: Cozy, dark, can add pillows and blankets.
Drawbacks: Getting locked inside. Being rear ended mid-nap.
Bathroom stall
Benefits: Easily accessible, private, can urinate as you nap.
Drawbacks: Gas, bathroom noises, legs falling asleep.
Your boss's desk, with his secretary.
Benefits: Lockable door, someone to spoon, potential to get some (or at least cop a feel).
Drawbacks: Possible sexual harassment case and/or disease. Boss kicking in the door, yelling at you. Termination.
A couple more pictures after the jump.
Continue Reading " Nap At Work With The Nappak Sleeping Cube "
Feb 22 2008 Han Solo In Carbonite Executive Desk Looks So Good I Want To Sit There And Whisper Sweet Nothings Into Han's Frozen Ears
Never before has my desk at work looked like such a piece of crap. Oh em gee do I need this Han Solo Frozen in Carbonite desk in a bad, bad way. It was made by Tom Spina Designs for somebody who is much wealthier and cooler than I am. They'll make you one too if you're rich. I'm starting to save today. And by starting to save I mean taking another loan out on the house with the intention of buying one of these, but then blowing it all on strippers and booze. Awesome desk though. And remember, friends don't let friends be asshats.
One more picture after the jump.
Feb 22 2008 Sweet Cannon Will Look Great On My Desk
If there are two things I wish I could do at work they would definitely be 1. drink (well, openly), and 2. fire a cannon. And now thanks to the 25-Inch Field Cannon one of my wishes can become reality.
This cannon features an automatic charger mechanism for rapid, multiple firing plus an automatic flint igniter. Weighing 7 lbs, it operates on the same principle as a gas engine in an automobile--using gas, fresh air, and a spark. Powdered calcium carbide "ammo" is added to the water in the chamber of the cannon. The auto flint firing mechanism creates the spark to give perfect combustion.
It costs $150 and I just ordered one. I can hardly wait. I'm going to fire it off in celebration any time I complete a job well done. Like successfully logging onto the computer, making a phone call, finishing lunch, sending an email, etc. The other cubies will probably hate me but they're a bunch of dumb a-holes anyway. Say, that reminds me of a funny joke. I just flew back from a business meeting in Detroit and boy are my arms tired because I had to punch the shit out out of a coworker for taking the window seat.
25-Inch Cannon Goes Boom [ohgizmo]
Feb 12 2008 Whole Room In A Box : Suck It IKEA!
The CASULO is a room packed into a 90 x 120 cm box. It includes a wardrobe, desk/table, cabinet, rotating and height-adjustable desk chair, two stools, a bed and mattress, and set of shelves. It's not necessarily anything to impress a lady, but great for the person that squats in abandoned apartment buildings and may need to move at a moment's notice. Apparently it takes about 7 minutes from start to finish. And you know what else takes 7 minutes from start to finish? Making sweet love to my girlfriend. Twice. She doesn't call me Don Geekologie Juan for nothing. Okay, I make her call me that.
Two larger pictures and a video of the assembly process after the jump.
Feb 6 2008 Jet Engine Cowling Reception Desk Is Sleek
This desk, brought to us by the same company that made last week's Ejector Seat Office Chair, is made from a real Boeing 747 Jumbo Jet Engine Cowling. The desk measures 100" in diameter and is sanded and polished to a beautiful shine. Not only that, but the secretary in the picture looks pretty hot. She certainly brings new meaning to the phrase "man I'd love to do that chick in the middle of a Boeing 747 Jumbo Jet engine cowling that has been turned into a desk" doesn't she? Yes, she does.
Jan 8 2008 Climate Control Keeps You At A Comfy Temp
Displayed at CES 2008, the C2 Climate Control from Herman Miller is a little personal climate controller. It keeps the 18" of air between you and the device just the temperature you like. It runs on less than 1.5 amps and even has some filtering capabilities in case anyone around you toots real bad. The cost? $280. Yeah, so that seems pretty steep. Who knows, maybe it's worth it (I doubt it). But let me tell you what I do to maintain a comfortable temperature -- If I'm too cold I write a note on my hand reminding myself to wear pants to work next time. If I'm feeling really hot I make passes at my female coworkers before I start feeling ugly again. That, or dial one of those phone-sex hotlines on the company's dime.
C2 Climate Control [ubergizmo]
Oct 25 2007 The Walkstation Is Not For This Blogger
The Steelcase Walkstation is the beastly life form created when your cubicle desk gets drunk at an office party, stumbles into a gym and bangs a treadmill. They'll be available soon for around $6,500, which doesn't include the computer. Making it way cheaper to mod a desk and treadmill yourself. I'm going to have to pass. Masturbating to internet porn is hard enough with my miniscule penis, I can't imagine trying to do it at a jog.
Steelcase's Walkstation marries desk and treadmill [engadget, thanks to the very fit Tara for the tip]
Oct 18 2007 Battle-Rig Pro Gaming Desk Has A Door
The Battle-Rig Pro gaming station is a glorified desk. That looks like it's in the process of being eaten by a red Pacman. Let's see here: A couple cabinets, a monitor shelf, a chair. Hmm. Not too much going on that my desk doesn't have, except maybe the integrated surround sound capabilities. Oh, and the little door. A desk with a door is sweet. I'm starting to like it. If you're masturbating behind a door, no one can see you. Even if it's your girlfriend and she's screaming at you and punching you in the head for watching anime porn. It's like she's not really there. Which she actually won't be for long if she catches you masturbating to anime. She'll find someone who isn't sick in the head.
Battle-Rig Pro for gamers [ubergizmo]
Oct 8 2007 Desktop Mario Golfer Putts, Doesn't Drive
Mini Golfing Mario & Luigi are remote controlled desktop toys. You use the A and B buttons on a Famicom style remote to control their swings. Each comes with two balls and a practice hole. They run $25 apiece. I want one, despite the fact that they can only putt. They need to make some that can actually drive the ball. I'd never be bored at work again. I'd spend all day driving office supplies over the cubicle wall, trying to hit my coworkers. They're all dicks.
Sep 20 2007 Free Ride Pen Gives No Complimentary Rides
Designer Jean Pierre Lepine (like pen!) has developed the Free Ride Pen. It is an expensive ass writing instrument that reminds me of the thing aliens ram in my exit hole whenever they pick me up for studies. It costs $175.
The Free Ride is designed to be different, ergonomic, and fun. This push top ballpoint features a soft rubber like material in the vital sections where finger meets pen. The arched hull is held in place by hand drilled screws. As Lepine puts it, “I create tomorrow’s writing instruments for today’s men and women”.
If this is tomorrow's writing instrument, I don't know how I feel about the future anymore. I thought it was supposed to be flying cars and robots, not $175 ass probes that double as pens. I don't remember seeing this thing in Back to the Future II. Screw it, I'm getting drunk and passing out somewhere.
UPDATE: One more picture after the click.
Continue Reading " Free Ride Pen Gives No Complimentary Rides "
Sep 19 2007 About Time Clock Isn't Accurate
The About Time Clock, designed by Buro Vormkrijgers, doesn't tell accurate time, and costs $170.
This innovative clock reveals the passing of time by rolling around your desk and telling time in one long continuous sentence. Designed in reaction to our stressed lives, where we tend to plan our daily activities to the minute, this clock simply tells you "It's about six o'clock" or "it's almost seven now". While rolling around your table, the slow but constant, almost meditative motion allows you to relax and maybe even forget about time for a few minutes.
What in the hell kind of hippie crap is that? If I'm two minutes late turning in a report, it's my balls on the chopping block. Minutes do matter. Who needs a clock that rolls off your desk and onto the floor anyways? The only way this thing could be useful is if it read "it's about time for you to get an f'ing clock that works, because I'm just a rolling piece of crap."
A closeup after the jump.
Sep 11 2007 Executive Batman Clock For Dorky Boss
If your boss is a dork and likes everyone to know it, then you should probably get him this bad boy, the Batman Collapsible Desk Clock. It looks like it's made of gold, but it isn't, because it costs $45. It's available through Skymall, a purveyor of the finest crap. When closed it looks like the traditional Batman logo. When open, it looks like the traditional Batman logo with a stupid clock in the middle. At only 4 inches when closed, it's tiny, almost as tiny as your boss's dangle-down. Isn't that right? Yeah buddy, we got him good on that one (high five).
Executive Batman Clock For Dorky Boss [popgadget]
Aug 7 2007 Steering Wheel Desk
As an executive on the go, time management is a very important factor in my daily life. After critical examination I realized there was one time during the day where I was really not utilizing my time to the fullest- in the car, driving! Sure I could dictate notes to my personal secretary, but more often than not she is busy doing, er...something else. So I can not tell you how relieved I am to have discovered the steering wheel desk. Now I can write emails, check my horoscope, watch movies, download music, and drive down the sidewalk at the same time! Not only that, but I think I ran over a bum two nights ago!
One more picture of a serious executive putting the steering wheel desk to good use after the jump.
