Nov 19 2009 Snap, Crackle, Pork: Bacon-Flavored Popcorn

Because soon everything will be available pork-flavored, J&D's is selling bacon-flavored popcorn. I assume it's just regular popcorn with their bacon-salt added to the bag, but what do I know? Besides everything because God and I are like this *crossing fingers to show extreme closeness*. $12 gets you three bags. Alternatively, $12 will also net you 40 Glad Tall Kitchen Trashbags (with Odor Shield technology). So, yeah, the choice is yours.

Product Site
via
Bacon Pop [uncrate]

Thanks to Chuey The Rock n Roll Midget and Be My Mannequin, who pop corn and balloons at the fair with equal dexterity.

Oct 28 2009 Save The Nails For Me, Clark: Meat Hands

Meat hands are exactly what they sound like unless you thought they were gloves printed to look like your hands without skin, in which case, God you're sick. No, basically they're meatloaf molded in the shape of hands with onion slices for fingernails and arm bone and some melted cheese on a bed of mashed potatoes. Would you eat them? Because I wouldn't. I don't care how much hair you sprinkle on top! Okay, yes I do. No pubes though! Fine, MINIMUM PUBES.

Hit the jump for several closeups of the arguable deliciousness and a link to step-by-step instructions.

Continue Reading " Save The Nails For Me, Clark: Meat Hands "

Oct 20 2009 I Would Munch Those Dots: A Pac-Man Cake

This is a Pac-Man cake created by CupcakeJonas for an undisclosed Pac-Man fan. Some suspect it was Pac-Man himself but that's ridiculous because....actually, I bet it was him. Dude does have a big mouth and love sweets. That's why he doesn't have any teeth! Now I have no idea if that Pac-Man arcade cabinet is actually edible, but I would 100% take a bite out of it anyways. I don't care if it has razor blades in the middle, I am curious and not a cat!

Incredible Pacman Arcade Game Cake Design Makes Mouths Water [walyou]

Aug 26 2009 I Would Hit That Like Vending Machine With A Stuck Bag Of Chips: XBox Controller Bento

This is a bento box made by Laura Bento (that would be like me being named Charles Blog!) for her husband's lunch. It looks pretty delicious. And I'm not just saying that because the only thing I've had to eat was a stale biscuit for lunch yesterday, but I am starting to see mirages.

The controller itself is obviously mostly comprised of rice, but the D-Pad was constructed from naturally grey Konnyaku (Japanese yam cake), while lemon peel, green apple peel, red pepper and dyed blue egg white make up the four colorful buttons.

Geez, look at all that SPAM. I sure hope Laura's husband works in a toilet testing factory. Get it? Because I heard he likes to eat on the john! Hey, me too!

Xbox 360 Bento Box Puts Real Xbox 360 to Shame [gizmodo]

Thanks to Heather, who once bento boxed a Sumo wrestler and won in the first round.

Aug 6 2009 Gotta Eat 'Em All!: More Geeky Cupcakes

If there's one thing I learned in baking school it's how to put out a fire (stop, drop and roll). And there's another, it's how much I enjoyed eating the things other people made. Mine? Mine never turned out because baking is a women's sport. High five, ladies! Wait -- is that batter? Let me lick your fingers. Anywho, this is a little gallery of geeky cupcakes. It's just a grab-bag really, so there's something here for everyone -- including you folks in prison (I slipped a file into the third robot). And for the last time, DON'T SWALLOW IT.

Hit the jump for nine more, including some Dangermouse action. DANGERMOUSE, SON!

Continue Reading " Gotta Eat 'Em All!: More Geeky Cupcakes "

Jul 30 2009 I'd Eat That Off The Floor: Human Dog Food

Kooky-Chew Human Dog Food is actually 2 1/2 ounces of crunchy cookie bits for humans, but made to look like dog kibble. I want some. Plus, each bowl comes with a candy bone, and who doesn't like candy? Or ice cream? GOD, THIS WASN'T EVEN ABOUT ICE CREAM BUT NOW I WANT SOME! Each bowl will set you back a cool $1.49 and should not be stored in the same place as regular dog food. Because you know what will happen, don't you? I don't, but I'm sure it'll be hilarious. Like somebody stepping on a rake and getting hit in the face!

Product Site

Thanks to Julian, who once ate a whole 20lb bag of dog food before he realized it was cat foot. I LIKE THE SALMON FLAVOR TOO, JULIAN!

Jul 21 2009 Simple Enough: Mario Mushroom Radishes

They're mushrooms made from radishes. Now marinate on the depth of what I just said for a second. Still with me? *wheezing* Damn, I thought I lost you. Anyway, these power up mushroom radishes were made by video game themed bento maker extraordinaire, Anna The Red. Pretty simple, huh? Now I know what you're thinking, "Pfft, I could do that". But you're wrong. Remember what happened the last time you tried to use a knife? You almost lost your penis, didn't you? The prosecution rests.

Cooking with Anna the Red: Mario mushrooms from regular radishes [offworld]

Thanks to towhee, who can knows you gotta do the cookin' by the book.

Jul 20 2009 Kid Drinks Gasoline To Be Like Transformer

Some 14-year old kid in China has been drinking gasoline since he was 9 to become more like a Transformer. Unfortunately, he's become more like an idiot moron.

The youngster was so impressed that he began drinking fuel on a daily basis to "obtain energy" and become a mighty warrior like the Transformers.

"Since my son start to drink gas, his intelligence quotient dropped sharply and he couldn't figure out addition and subtraction of sums within 100," the father said. "Before that, he was a very smart boy, and he could even repair the television. But now he doesn't know the answer of 7 plus 17."

To the boy's credit, I don't know what 7 plus 17 is either (87?). Still, I love the smell of gasoline as much as the next guy, but actually drinking it? That's just crazy talk. I love robots. So was that.

Transformers fan drank gasoline to gain energy [russiatoday]
via
Optimus Prime Cocktail [runawaytheologian]

Thanks to Anthony, who once drank bleach to be more like a washing machine.

Jul 17 2009 Mmmm: Taco/Crepe/Pancake Stuffed Pizza

Inspired by the "Taco Town" Saturday Night Live skit I haven't seen, this Pizza Crepe Taco Pancake belongs in my belly. Go on, get in there -- the tequila wants company.

The layers are a crunchy beef taco with nacho cheese, lettuce, tomato and a southwestern sauce; a soft flour tortilla covered with refried beans; a corn tortilla with Monterey Jack cheese; a deep-fried gordita shell with guacamole; a corn husk filled with pico de gallo; a crepe filled with egg, gruyere, merguez sausage and portobello mushrooms; a Chicago-style deep-dish meat lovers' pizza; and a blueberry pancake--all dipped in batter and deep-fried.

YES PLEASE! Except I want mine wrapped in a whole fried octopus. Mmmm, eight-legged chicken of the sea.

9 Stuffed-to-the-Brim Food Creations [womansday] (which I read religiously, hit the link to see a couple other heart-stopping concoctions not yet featured here)

Thanks to towhee, whose ass I'm gonna kick in a doughnut eating contest. I'm going for a baker's dozen, baby!

Jul 13 2009 Come On, 20!: Small Gallery Of Geeky Cakes

This Dungeons & Dragons themed cake and all the others after the jump (including some Zelda, Wolverine, Mario and Transformer action) were created by DeviantART user cakerific. And cakerific they are! I would even go as far as caketastic. And, as the sign on the door said, "Absolutely no outside food or drink permitted in the bar". OH YEAH, THEN HOW'D I JUST MIX A COCKTAIL IN THE BATHROOM? Sense: I make it.

Hit the jump for five more, all of which would look real good in my stomach right now mingling with the sushi. Well hello Mr. Eel Roll, how are you? Spicy.

Continue Reading " Come On, 20!: Small Gallery Of Geeky Cakes "

Jul 13 2009 You Will Be Mine, Oh Yes, You Will Be Mine: Cheeseburger Bed For Sale On eBay

Relax my little lambs, I'm alive. I apologize for not being able to post this past weekend but I've been traveling and am staying at a place with no internet (heathens!). Currently, I'm bringing Geekologie to you from an undisclosed public library near Miami, Florida (COME FIND ME, I DARE YOU!). So yeah, I didn't die and I'm sorry, okay? I swear I'll make it up to you. Nudie pics? You got em. And whatever you female readers would like as well.

So, remember the hamburger bed story Geekologie broke earlier this year? WELL IT'S FOR SALE ON EBAY AND I AM GONNA BE SLEEPING BETWEEN THOSE BUNS IN NO TIME! Now, which one of you lovely ladies wants to slide under that 8-foot sesame seedy goodness with yours truly? I'm quicker than fast food all Kobe beef, just sayin'.

eBay Auction

Thanks to Kayla, who actually made the bed. What do you say, Kayla, one last romp in the burger? And to Aaron, who can watch but not touch.

Jun 30 2009 I Would Destroy: This WALL-E Cake

If I were in prison and could only have one thing I would want a chastity belt. But if I could have two things I would want a chastity belt and a cake with a file in it. What? I like to keep my nails looking good. Also, looking a little cross-eyed there, WALL-E -- been playing with yourself again?

Wall E Cake is Simply Delicious [walyou]

Jun 29 2009 Mmmm, Chocolatey: The S'Mores Keyboard

This is probably the most delicious keyboard I've ever seen because I haven't seen a bacon one yet. Unfortunately, like a harmless robot, it doesn't actually exist. BUT IF IT DID. Oh, the things I would do to you. Oh yeah, you like that? You like those Doritos crumbs? You like those Doritos crumbs between your marshmallows?

S'More Keyboard Would Not Survive 10 Minutes on My Desk [gizmodo]

Thanks to GreenBoss, who kicked FuchsiaBoss's ass and ate his keyboard.

Jun 25 2009 Now That's Good Eats: 2-Inch Thick Pizza

This is a picture of a slice of pizza with 2-inches of delicious deliciousness piled on. I don't understand the logistics of even cooking a pizza with 2-inches of topping, but I do understand the logistics of eating one. GET INSIDE ME. It buuuuurns!

What we got here is a fantastic pizza with 2 inches of topping. I used three kinds of cheese (around 400g in total), 400g ham, 200g salami, 700g pineapple, 200g shrimp, spices, tomato paste and 200g of button mushroom.

Mmmm, did anyone else just puke in their mouth? I know I did. It was Lucky Charms-y!

Pizza with 2 inches of topping [metrobloggen]

Thanks to Bernie, who likes his pizza with 4-inches of topping. Jesus, Bernie, that's almost a foot.

Jun 8 2009 I'd Eat It: A Meatwad Inspired Meat Dress

This is a Meatwad (of Aqua teen Hunger Force fame) inspired cosplay dress. As you can see, the chick isn't looking too Meatwad-y. More Meatstick-y. AND THE DRESS IS MADE FROM REAL FREAKING MEAT. AAAAAAAAAAH I'M IN LOVE!

I considered somehow vacuum-sealing sheets of meat with those sealers they have on the markets now, but the machines were too expensive for a one-time-only disposeable dress. I ended up using the K.I.S.S. method of construction, which involved a basic shift dress out of thick cotton. I layed the meat on top, then put clear vinyl over it and sewed tracks with clear thread. I used a wide stitch length to avoid perforating the meat to the point it might just... uh, slide down the bottom of the dress. I also blotted it all before sewing to get rid of as much grease as possible to avoid clouding the vinyl. Lastly, I made sure to bind the bottom of the dress with a strip of clear vinyl to catch drips.

That was hands down the sexiest thing I've ever read. Now I'm not saying I'd make love to this woman just because she made a dress out of meat, but I 100% would. Twice. And then have her make sandwiches out of...you guessed it! I know, I should write fairy tales.

Hit the jump for a couple more shots and a link to Jia Jem's cosplay site which has A TON of other sexy costumes she's made. Literally, a ton. I think I have a new crush.

Continue Reading " I'd Eat It: A Meatwad Inspired Meat Dress "

Jun 5 2009 Yay For Holes!: National Doughnut Day

Today is national doughnut day, so get out there and munch on some hole. Almost all doughnut retailers are offering free nuts or other specials to commemorate the occasion.

National Doughnut Day started in 1938 as a fund raiser for the Chicago Salvation Army. Their goal was to help the needy during the Great Depression, and to honor the Salvation Army "Lassies" of World War I, who served doughnuts to soldiers behind the front lines in France.

I went to Dunkin' Donuts earlier this afternoon and they were offering a free donut with the purchase of a drink. So I bough a coffee and started pouring the Irish whiskey. BOOM, an thirty minutes later I'm getting thrown out for making love to this sexy maple-glazed number. What? I'M A VERY SENSUAL PERSON.

Wikipedia

Thanks to T.J. and Jelly Time, who prefer bagels because they don't like sweets.

May 29 2009 Make Anything Taste Delicious: Baconnaise

I've known about Baconnaise for a while but I've been getting this tip pretty steadily for like a year now so I guess I can't keep it all to myself anymore. Baconnaise: bacon flavored mayonnaise. From J&D foods (who also make bacon lube and BaconSalt (see the salt after the jump), a 3-pack of 15-ounce jars in on sale from Amazon for the low, low artery clogging price of $11. And with the combined power of Baconnaise and Baconsalt, you really can make anything taste like bacon! And I do mean anything. Oh hoooooney!

Hit the jump to see the salt.

Continue Reading " Make Anything Taste Delicious: Baconnaise "

May 27 2009 It's About Time: A Quality Zombie Jello Mold

Tired of trying to make zombie Jello molds out of aluminum foil? Well crinkle no more my friends, ThinkGeek is finally selling a quality zombie mold! It costs $15 and isn't dishwasher safe, but don't let that stop you from putting it in there anyway! You just tell that Maytag piece of shit the Geekologie Writer told you to! I'll tell you what though -- the results look delicious, don't they? I know what I'm getting my son for his birthday -- a new mommy!

Hit the jump for one more shot which, despite adjusting the brightness and contrast, I couldn't make any more cleavage-y. Buy hey, I tried. Remember: I'm here for you.

Continue Reading " It's About Time: A Quality Zombie Jello Mold "

May 21 2009 Astronauts Drink Urine, Love Every Drop

Well if those aren't the happy faces of three urine-guzzling fools, I don't know what are.

At the international space station, it was one small sip for man and a giant gulp of recycled urine for mankind.

Astronauts aboard the space station celebrated a space first on Wednesday by drinking water that had been recycled from their urine, sweat and water that condenses from exhaled air. They said "cheers," clicked drinking bags and toasted NASA workers on the ground who were sipping their own version of recycled drinking water.

"The taste is great," American astronaut Michael Barratt said. Then as Russian Gennady Padalka tried to catch little bubbles of the clear water floating in front of him, Barratt called the taste "worth chasing."

"The taste is great". "Worth chasing." Yeah, maybe worth chasing with a glass of battery acid. Just kidding, I'm sure urine is delicious. Like mine, but with less alcohol and cherry pits. *pew pew*

Cheers! Crew drinks up recycled urine in space [msnbc]

Thanks to Jon, who just ordered a case of the stuff because he loves outerspace.

May 20 2009 OM NOM NOM NOM: Beef Jerky Underwear

Beef jerky underwear is $139 underwear made out of untreated beef jerky. It is nutritious, delicious and sexy as all get-out. It kicks the shit out of those other edible underwears because those things taste awful even though they look like they should taste like Fruit Roll-Ups. Plus these ones are meatier. RAWR!

Note the time and care that has gone into crafting this wonderful undergarment. The attention to the properly placed groments that enhance the wearers comfort! We've even "bedazzled" this pair and added our Mixed Species logo on the back next to a heart of rhinestones.

We consider these to be the first in "meat haute couture". They are made to order for each specific customer from the highest quality of dried preserved meats we can find at the closest convenience store.

First of all, it should be "haute meat couture". And secondly, why the hell aren't they available in teriyaki? The Geekologie Writer demands teriyaki flavored draws for his women! Also, blindfolds. I have an internet face. :(

Hit the jump for a couple more shots, including a modeling one.

Continue Reading " OM NOM NOM NOM: Beef Jerky Underwear "