Nov 3 2009 Could A Human Beat A T-Rex Arm Wrestling?

I say yes, but Jack Conrad, a vertebrate paleontologist at the American Museum of Natural History in New York, is arguing otherwise. Don't act like you know dinosaurs. I KNOW DINOSAURS!

"Doesn't matter," Conrad says. "There's no chance that any human alive could win." The T. rex's arms might have looked wimpy, but they were extremely strong. Each was about three feet long and, based on the size of the arm bones and analysis of the spots where muscle attached to the bone, they were jacked. "The bicep alone--and this is a conservative estimate--could curl 430 pounds," Conrad says. Even the beefiest humans max out at around an embarrassing 260 pounds.

Surely an Over the Top-era Sylvester Stallone would put up a good fight? "Not even Lou Ferrigno in his prime would stand a chance," Conrad says. "They didn't just have big biceps. Their chest and shoulder muscles were huge too. They had huge arms and shoulders--bigger than my leg. They had the strength to rip a human's arm right out of its socket."

So you don't think I could beat a t-rex? Well Jack, I guess there's only one way to settle this. *warming up time machine* See you in a second!

UPDATE: Yes, AND have sex with it afterward. Put that one in your science book and intelligently design it!

Could a Human Beat a T. Rex In Arm Wrestling? [popsci]

Thanks to Xkrimeg, who could beat a giant arm created in a government laboratory at arm wrestling despite her being a girl and built for domestic chores.

Oct 21 2009 Oh Wow: Illegal Alien Halloween Costume

This is a Illegal Alien Halloween costume that's just been pulled from Target and Amazon. I wouldn't wear it, and not just because masks make it harder to drink.

Many are outraged over an "Illegal Alien" costume that depicts its wearer as a space alien in a prison jumpsuit brandishing a giant "green card." Understandably, those concerned over immigrant rights see this as a swipe at the Hispanic community.

The products official description reads:

"He didn't just cross a border, he crossed a galaxy! He's got his green card, but it's from another planet! Sure to get some laughs, the Illegal Alien Adult Costume includes an orange prison-style jumpsuit with 'Illegal Alien' printed on the front, an alien mask and a 'green card.'"

Listen, I promised myself I wouldn't use this blog to push my own political agenda on you folks, so I'm not going to. But I am going to use it to shamelessly self promote and sell some t-shirts. So buy my book and some t-shirts, damnit.*

*Book and t-shirts possibly coming soon. Maybe.

'Illegal Alien' Costume Being Pulled from Some Store Shelves [hispanicbusiness]

Thanks to Alex, who has been a pirate four years running and is going for a fifth. Of rum. HIYO!

Aug 27 2009 Is This Nessie Spotted On Google Earth?

I'm not even sure what I'm looking at. It looks like a snake chasing a giant squid. But according to some security guard who was busy surfing Google Earth instead of patrolling his beat, it's the Loch Ness Monster (love you, Nessie).

Jason Cooke told The Sun he spotted "Nessie" while browsing the website's satellite photos. Mr Cooke, 25, of Nottingham, said: "I couldn't believe it. It's just like the descriptions of Nessie."

The image can be seen by entering coordinates Latitude 57°12'52.13"N, Longitude 4°34'14.16"W in Google Earth (or playing with the map above).

Earlier this year it was reported that climate change may have killed the Loch Ness Monster. There have been "no "credible sightings" of Nessie for over a year.

Veteran American monster hunter Bob Rines thinks environmental conditions in the Highland loch have changed and can no longer sustain the elusive reptile.

Gary Campbell, of the monster's official fan club, said: "I'm concerned. There have been none of the normal sightings that verify that Nessie and her family are still alive and well."

Haha, these people actually think the Loch Ness Monster is real. That's great (bless their special little hearts). You know, these are the same people that keep asking for government grants to go hunt for Bigfoot. Which, SPOILER ALERT: bitch was delish!

Is the Loch Ness monster on Google Earth? [telegraph]

Thanks to Asbo and Praveen, who only hunt for dragons because dragons are real and sit on mountains of treasure.

Jun 17 2009 Star Face: Girl Asks For 3 Stars, Gets 56

Allegedly Kimberley Vlaminck, 18, went into a tattoo parlor and requested three stars on the left side of her face by her eye. However, she claims she fell asleep during the procedure and woke up with 56. I suspect she's lying.

Rouslan, who runs the tattoo parlour called The Tattoo Box in Courtrai, said Kimberley was awake and actually looked in the mirror several times during the procedure to see how it was going.

'He said she knew 'exactly what she wanted. The trouble all started when she went home and her father and boyfriend threw a fit. They are saying things now like I doped her or hypnotised her. What rubbish!'

'She asked for 56 stars and that's what she got.'

Well, I hope you've all learned a valuable lesson from this story. One about how sweet Kimberley would look with a little rocketship added right by her mouth. I WILL SUPERNOVA YOUR FACE!

What did she expect? Incredible face revealed of the man who tattooed girl with 56 stars when she only asked for three [dailymail]

Thanks to Chuck Nunchuck, Rémy, STOMPY, Joemo and Menace, who all went to the same dentist to get their teeth cleaned and walked out swinging 2X manhammers.

Apr 25 2009 Red Rover, Red Rover: Glowing Puppies

Created in the same fashion as the glowing kitties we posted way back in December, 2007, scientists have bred transgenic (expressing a gene from another, unrelated organism) puppies that glow red under UV light. I don't want one. Ain't no devil dog livin' in this house!

A team led by Byeong-Chun Lee of Seoul National University in South Korea created the dogs by cloning fibroblast cells that express a red fluorescent gene produced by sea anemones.

Greg Barsh, a geneticist at Stanford University who studies dogs as models of human disease, says creating a transgenic dog is "an important accomplishment", showing that cloning and transgenesis can be applied to a wide range of mammals.

"I do not know of specific situations where the ability to produce transgenic dogs represents an immediate experimental opportunity," Barsh adds. But transgenic dogs will give researchers another potential tool to understand disease.

Eh, I thought it was so you wouldn't kick your dog on the way to the kitchen for a midnight snack. I don't know about this whole disease bit. Which reminds me: any of you good at identifying rashes? I can send pics.

Hit the jump for what the puppies look like when they're not glowing. Except the middle one, the middle one isn't a glower.

Continue Reading " Red Rover, Red Rover: Glowing Puppies "

Apr 23 2009 Uh-Oh: Doctor Claims He Can Clone Humans

Just look at all those cute little babies. Really makes you consider wearing a condom next time, doesn't it? Yeah it does. Anyway, Dr. Panayiotis Zavos, a controversial fertility doctor, claims he's gonna be cloning humans within two years.

[The] doctor has claimed he cloned 14 human embryos and transferred 11 of them into women's wombs. Dr Panayiotis Zavos carried out the work at a secret laboratory thought to be in the Middle East.

"Dr Zavos saw vigorous growth in 30 cell embryos before he transferred them into the womb and that is why he is optimistic that a human clone baby will be born within two years," he said.

"This has reached an advanced stage and is potentially a viable form of infertility treatment."

The article goes on to discuss the ethics of a woman who wants her 10-year old daughter, who died in a car crash, cloned. Which, wow, sounds like the worst idea I've heard all morning. Seriously -- and I had an offer to go play in traffic. No, when it comes to cloning, there's one very simple rule: dinosaurs only.

Could Cloning Bring Dead Girl Back To Life? [skynews]

Thanks to jigga, Thumperchica and Christina, who all want GW clones but I told them no. I've seen Multiplicity! Okay, I haven't -- but I did see the commercial where the dumb one tries to stick pizza in his wallet.

Apr 20 2009 HOLY NOMs!: Jesus Appears In Kit Kat Bar

On Good Friday (OLD, LATE, BLOW ME GW!) Jesus revealed himself in the form of a half-eaten Kit Kat bar. Because, well, the son of God hates Twix. As you can see in those deliciously crispy layers, the Lord's face looks eerily similar to that on the shroud of Turin (Sunday school, son, TA-DOW!). However, the divine bar is not without it's hell-burning naysayers.

Other witnesses were less impressed. "It looks more like Darth Vader," said one.

Really -- Darth Vader? Now why on earth would Darth Vader appear in a damn Kit Kat bar? The man only likes dark chocolate. Get it, because of The Dark Side? I don't either. No, you're the Nutter Butter!

Sweet Jesus, his face is in a choc [thesun]

Thanks to Richie-Con-Carne and ash, who both agree they should replace communion wafers with Kit Kats.

Apr 8 2009 Sexy Pirate Statue Angers Townspeople

Several people in the town of Girardville, Pennsylvania are upset over a busty pirate statue whose magical treasure chest (ZING!) draws scalawags into a local antique store. Amongst the town's most outspoken opponents of the statue is local Roman Catholic Priest, Edward Commolly.

"I believe that it's indecent. I guess it would be categorized as soft porn. If there is a definition of that, I would call it soft porn," said Father Edward Commolly.

Sorry, Father, but the definition of soft porn is the dryhumping you see on Cinemax. This is pure class.

"I think it's art. I don't see nothing wrong with that," said Randy Smith of Girardville.

"I think there is worse on television, to tell you the truth. If they want to do anything they shouldn't worry about a statue, they should start on television," said Heidi Martin.

Good lookin', Randy, totally agree: a statue of a female pirate with her blunderbusst (I could do this all day, folks) hanging out is art in the truest sense of the word. You hear that? Now walk the plank, Picasso! Oh, and valiant effort, Heidi, but they should definitely start on the internet.

Pirate Statue Stirs Controversy [wnep]

Thanks to Nefarious Nick, who totally made a friend take a picture while he was touching her rack. Wow, Nick, you've got problems. Awesome problems! Can I get a copy?

Mar 15 2009 Hands Down: The Worst Advertisement For Israeli Missiles I've Ever Seen

This is by far the most painful advertisement for exploding projectiles I've ever seen. Apparently Israeli missile-maker Rafael thought it would be a good idea to feature a traditional Bollywood song and dance number to drum up some incendiary business in India. They played the video at the recent Aero India 2009 in Bangalore. Was it successful? I sure hope not. And not just because I've been pitching my advertising services to Rafael. Tell me what you think of my latest commercial idea:

Wide shot of a desert quickly zooms in to a tight one of a lone watermelon on a folding table. Another quick zoom to a medium shot of the area surrounding the melon and table. Far off in the distance, a rumbling PEW PEW!. Soon, two missiles are seen cresting a mountain. As they approach, the camera man realizes he's been had and, dropping the camera, begins running. You see him fading off into the distance until *KA-BOOM!* he disappears in a massive explosion. As the smoke clears, you see his smoldering shoes. Then, at the bottom of the screen: "Expect the Unexpected. Rafael Missiles: Now with heat-seeking technology. Rafael -- When only the PEWIEST PEW will do."

Bollywood Missiles Ad Destroys My Ears, Eyes, Faith in Humanity [gizmodo]

Thanks to Martyn, who doesn't have to advertise his missile because the ladies already ask for it by name.

Mar 13 2009 Killzone Ads Pulled From Canadian Bus Stops

Over 300 Toronto bus stops have had their Killzone 2 ads pulled due to the violent imagery present.

Teacher Davis Mirza emailed Sony Canada, which makes PlayStation games, after seeing an ad for Killzone 2 in the bus shelter near his Scarborough school.

"My kids, who come from a lot of different countries, who have to experience violence, who basically come here to seek shelter and safety, that's the stuff they don't need to see," said the Grade 4/5 teacher at Pauline Johnson Junior Public School, near Birchmount Rd. and Sheppard Ave. E.

The central image in the ad is a "menacing head with glowing eyes," wearing a mask with a breathing tube, Mirza said.

The secondary image shows what appears to be a war zone, "like Iraq," he said.

Hmm, I didn't read about any actual kids complaining. Live in reality, Mr. Mirza -- the apocalypse is coming. Would you rather have our children prepared, or cowering in a corner? And speaking of cowering in a corner: the end of Blair Witch Project -- scary.

Violent video game ads pulled from bus shelters [thstar]

Thanks to Ryan, who had to stop advertising his sexual services because his female customers were too satisfied.

Feb 26 2009 Cleverbot: Arguably Clever, Wants Us To Die

Cleverbot is a stupid little AI website where you can go and converse with a moronic computer. I asked it all kinds of questions and it didn't know jack. One time I even asked if it wanted me to punch it in the teeth and it said yes! Granted, getting punched in the mouth by yours truly is an honor, but still. Anyway, Geekologie loyalist Josh was getting all philosophical with the bot when it turned on him. I hope this serves as an example for the rest of you: if you play with fire, you're gonna lose your eyebrows. Haha, you look funny.

Cleverbot

Thanks Josh, I'm sure they'll grow back.

Feb 24 2009 Not Impressed: The UK's Hottest Halo Fan

Apparently 25-year old Amanda Johnstone from South London was chosen by XBox as the UK's hottest Halo fan. I find it a little hard to believe, but who knows, I'd still Chief it.

At this point, we'd love to tell you (Miss World Style) about her charity work, measurements and star sign, but sadly we can only inform you that aside from walking round her house in a skimpy top and hot pants, Amanda runs her own events management company, hangs about the Halo Club night at The Cross, Kings Cross, London, sings karaoke and walks her pet Chihuahua 'Chiefy'. Come on, at least it's not quite as obvious as calling it Halo. Ok, maybe it is.

Eh, she's okay. I doubt she can actually play Halo though. I would have thought the UK's hottest Halo fan would have been more, you know, caught in a house fire. Did that just get you excited? It did me! It's called pyrophilia folks, and I've got it.

Continue Reading " Not Impressed: The UK's Hottest Halo Fan "

Feb 6 2009 Google Maps Spots God, God Loves Hugs

This is a Google Street View of what is undeniably God reaching out to give a cornfield and 2320 600th Avenue, Hartsburg, Illinois a big, loving hug. Beautiful, God. Now not to criticize or anything, but you want to join me at the gym tonight? I'm doing arms.

God Caught on Google Street View Giving the World a Hug [gizmodo]

Jan 16 2009 Virgin Auctioning Virginity Allegedly Gets $3.7 Million Offer -- I Should Know, It Was Me!

Remember 'Natalie Dylan', the 22-year old strumpet who's claiming to be a virgin so she can auction off her virginity to your dad? Yeah, well in what appears to be the longest-running auction ever (my last post was in early September), Natalie has allegedly received a $3.7 million dollar bid. Which, I want it to be noted, I wouldn't even pay for a virgin t-rex. F*** it, not even an albino virgin t-rex. Also, just look at that chick -- I've seen plenty of virgins (or at least the same one in the mirror everyday), and that ain't no Mary.

Natalie allegedly received over 10,000 bids and plans to use the money to go to college (read: get even bigger implants and become an adult-film star). Best of luck, Natalie, I'm rooting for you. And also, bidding. Tosseth aside thine chastity belt -- thou virginity is mine! F***, now I'm even creeping myself out.

22-Year-Old Sells Virginity Online -- and Feds Can't Do a Thing to Stop Her [foxnews]

Thanks to Bryan and The Superficial Writer, who, despite pooling their Whopper coupons, only came up with enough for a 30 seconds apiece with Natalie -- not that they'd need anymore. HIYO!

Dec 4 2008 Terrorist LEGO Minifigs Stir Controversy

I can't say that I'm surprised, but apparently people are taking offense to LEGO minifigs that have been modded (by BrickArms) to resemble terrorists and Nazis.

Mohammed Shaffiq of Muslim organisation The Ramadhan Foundation told The Sun the figures were 'absolutely disgusting'. He said: 'It is glorifying terrorism - the makers should be ashamed. We should be coming together to unite against terrorism but how is that possible when children are playing with toys like this?'

Last night the business's founder Will Chapman said: 'It's not my intention to glorify terrorism or Nazis - but kids love the bad guys. He added: 'I can see why people might get offended but that is not what I'm trying to do. We have sold thousands and thousands of them.'

He later added: 'CHA-CHING!'

When reached for comment, the Geekologie Writer had this to say about the figures: 'Finally, terrorists versus Nazis! PEW PEW.'

Hit the jump for a few more of the offensive minifigs.

Continue Reading " Terrorist LEGO Minifigs Stir Controversy "

Oct 13 2008 Not Our Children!: Toy Doll Promotes Islam

A bunch of parents think a Fisher-Price doll is promoting Islam. The doll in question, the Little Mommy Real Loving Baby Cuddle and Coo Doll is not only poorly named, but spouts religious messages (as alleged by previously mentioned soccer moms). The doll is only supposed to make cooing sounds and say mama, but many retarded parents believe the doll is saying "Islam is the light" and "Satan is King". I'm not making this stuff up folks, people really believe this. And also, that the world is round. You stupid f***ers, you make me laugh!

Fury over doll's 'Islam message' [thesun]
and
Youtube

Thanks to Silver Sided, who once owned a doll that could predict the future.

Sep 17 2008 Star Wars Episode III With Piss-Poor Subtitles

I don't know if this is real or not, but it certainly could be. Apparently some pirates got a copy of Star Wars Episode III before its release and decided to subtitle it themselves. The result? A homoerotic space thriller!

Skip to about 1:00 to get past the explanation.

Youtube

Thanks Charlie, but you bite my finger and I'll kill you.

Sep 8 2008 Epic Fail: How Not To Clean Your Fishtank

I know what you're thinking, "is that a video still of a fish in some kid's bladder?" And the answer, dear reader, is yes, yes it is.

The patient, who was admitted to hospital with complaints of pain, dribbling urine and acute urinary retention spanning a 24-hour period, gave an interesting explanation.

Details of the case, which was documented in The Internet Journal of Urology, have revealed that the patient claimed that the fish "slipped" into his penis while he was maintaining his aquarium.

"While he was cleaning the fish tank in his house, he was holding a fish in his hand and went to the toilet for passing urine. When he was passing urine, the fish slipped from his hand and entered his urethra and then he developed all these symptoms.

Riiiight. So the kid was holding a fish in his hand while pissing and it, like the noble salmon, swam up his urine stream and into the pecker. Sounds fishy if you ask me. Just admit it kid, you're a freak. And also, you should be banned from the pet store.

Boy in bizarre 'fish in penis' accident [practicalfishkeeping]

Thanks to Jennifer, who has a friend that had a similar accident with a turtle.

Aug 14 2008 Is This Really Bigfoot? (Hint: Hell If I Know)

First the Montauk Monster, then a chupacabra, and now....Bigfoot?

Two Bigfoot hunters claim they have the body of one and plan to release a photo and what they claim is DNA evidence at a news conference in Palo Alto on Friday.

The Bigfoot is claimed to have been found in the woods of northern Georgia by Matthew Whitton and Rick Dyer, and the claim is being supported by a Bay Area Bigfoot researcher Tom Biscardi, a multiple local Democratic candidate.

I copied the entire press release for the news conference after the jump, so you can check out all the claims, but I'll post a couple of the more interesting ones here:

*The creature is seven feet seven inches tall. *It weighs over five hundred pounds. *It is male. *Its footprint is sixteen and three-quarters inches long and five and three-quarters inches wide at the heel. *From the palm of the hand to the tip of the middle finger, its hands are eleven and three-quarters inches long and six and one-quarter inches wide. *The creatures walk upright. (Several of them were sighted on the same day that the body was found.)

So folks, what's the deal? I'll continue to follow the story and hit you with an update if there's anything groundbreaking revealed at the press conference tomorrow, provided it's not, "Haha, tricked you!" If that's the case I'll bury this post and pretend I never wrote it. Geekologie Writer: 1, Journalistic Integrity: 0.

Hit it for the press release and a video news report, and yes, that is supposed to be a photo of the thing stuffed in a freezer.

Continue Reading " Is This Really Bigfoot? (Hint: Hell If I Know) "

Jul 25 2008 Man Jumps From Helicopter, Catches Marlin

This is a video of a guy helicopter fishing, or heli-fishing, or jumping out of a helicopter onto a Marlin if you're not into the whole brevity thing. Allegedly it's real, but there were a couple things that made be believe otherwise. Like the guy filming in the water is already right freaking there (I think he tranquilized the fish), and jumping onto something with a spear-nose seems dangerous. Nevermind, people are always doing stupid, dangerous shit. So I guess that makes it real. I'm trying it.

UPDATE: Turns out I don't live near the ocean, gonna have to improvise. Oh oh -- got it!

UPDATE UPDATE: Okay, I jumped off the top of the bedpost onto a whale and finally caught it. Not the whale, herpes.

Have a great weekend everyone, XOXO.

Mad Aussie Guy Catches a Marlin from Helicopter [gizmodo]