Aug 6 2009 Death Star Costume, Or, Why I'm Cool Not Drinking Or Talking To Women On Halloween

Wow. That's uh, that's really something. Mind if I punch you in the fa...POW! Haha, I guess not. Uh-oh, here comes another proton torpedo! pew pew! Listen: I'm sorry buddy, but the Dark Side makes me violent. You were gonna kill all those teddy bears!

Death Star Costume Doesn't Take Into Account The Use of Arms [gizmodo]

Thanks to Julian, who's dressing up as Geekologie for Halloween and is gonna get mad laid.

Aug 5 2009 Lasering Your Face: Another Death Star Tattoo

Sure it's not heart-shaped, but I still like it. And I'd like it even more if it were finished (work in progress) and the laser beam went all the way to the person's eye. But that's definitely not a superlaser you want to look directly at. Am I right, Alderaan? Oh I'm sorry -- too soon?

Picture

Thanks to Maggie, who once Death Starred in a Broadway play and was a huge hit.

Aug 4 2009 What Took So Long?: A Death Star Cookie Jar

I don't know if you could tell, but that's not an actual photograph. It's just some concept art for what the cookie jar should look like when it's actually manufactured in some third world nation for pennies. Available in September for $50, this Death Star cookie jar protects your delectables with a giant, planet destroying laser beam. Okay, maybe just a lid. BUT A LASER WOULD BE COOL TOO, AM I RIGHT? No, I'm left. Haha, who's sinister now?! I kicked an old lady!

Product Site
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Death Star Cookie Jar Keeps Sweets Safe From Everything But the Force [gizmodo]

Thanks to Julian, who once used the Force to taste brownies while they were still in the oven. Impressive.

Jul 30 2009 Jacket Assassins: Ninja Star Coat Hooks

Does Ninja Boy hang his denim jacket on ninja star coat hooks? You bet your socially awkward katana he does! These Ninja Coat Hooks from Spinning Hat designs are coat hooks made to look like ninja stars. Hi-ya? HI-YA!

The Ninja Coat Hooks will transform your hallway into the scene of a Shanghai back street stand-off. Each metal Ninja Coat Hook has one corner cleverly engineered into a screw, which allows you to fix securely to your wall or door, whilst making it look like it has been hurled from the hands of a deadly Ninjitsu assassin.

Each star will set you back around $13. Alternatively, I'll drive you to the mall and we can go the kiosk that sells ninja swords and body jewelry and pick up a pack of real ones. Afterwards, we'll head over to Hot Topic for novelty t-shirts and then to the food court to wash it all down with an Orange Julius. High five!

Product Site

Jul 10 2009 Death Star Of Hearts: Star Wars Tattoo Chick

Fail? She's all win in my book. Between Boba Fett and the heart-shaped Death Star, I would do all sorts of things to this woman. Namely: try to introduce myself, get choked up, point my finger at her yelling "pew pew pew!", and then sob into my Star Wars beach towel.

Failblog

Thanks to Johnny Freightliner, who may or may not be hauling pirated goods.

Jun 7 2009 Geekologie Reader Makes Death Star Grill

Geekologie Reader Bryan, inspired by the post on rejected Star Wars products, went and made a Death Star Grill (complete with Star Destroyer handle!). And I, for one, would slap my Rebel meat all over it.

I started with two Weber grills and used the bottom portions because they were fairly spherical. I welded up the stand and fabricated the vent systems (there is a vent on the bottom also). The inside is painted in barbecue paint so it is safe to cook with. The outside is painted in engine enamel so it should be good to 500 degrees. I know it isn't perfect but it was a fun project. The grill is now up on eBay.com so check it out if you'd like your very own Death Star Grill!

Bidding starts at $50, and the grill is capable of cooking both Endor and dinner. *pew pew* Take that, tauntaun chops!

Hit the jump for another shot and links to Bryan's website and eBay auction.

Continue Reading " Geekologie Reader Makes Death Star Grill "

May 14 2009 How To Quit: The Best Resignation EVER

Now you see folks, THAT is how you quit a job. Remember: the goal whenever leaving an organization is to ensure it crumbles behind you as you walk out the door. So, at that very moment, your employer realizes just how under-appreciated you were. And then is crushed under the rubble.

Hit the jump for three more resignations, which were all part of Cracked's 'I Quit' Photoshop contest.

Continue Reading " How To Quit: The Best Resignation EVER "

May 10 2009 PEW PEW: Death Star Versus The Enterprise

Guess who wins. Here, I'll even give you a hint: not Endor. Ha, what do you mean it says 'Death Star Destroys Enterprise' right on the video? Well, you can't go around believing everything you hear. Did I say hear? I meant read. IT'S A TRAP!

Youtube

Thanks to Evan, Antoekneeoh, Chris, who once barbecued an Ewok. It smelled like burnt fur. And to JC, who still ate some.

Mar 17 2009 PEW PEW Goes The Debt Star

I'm only posting this because I have a contractual obligation to post anything Death Star related. Also, I secretly enjoy watching you folks duke it out in the comments section Special Olympics style. However, in the case of this poster, I believe it actually carries a powerful political message. One about mediocre Photoshop skills, and also, Ewoks. My God they're delicious. "Gunta, che-ya gobu fenga wa!" Haha, shut up and get back on the grill.

Thanks to The Blue Bass, who didn't specify if he was large or smallmouth.

Feb 12 2009 Woops: Two Satellites Crash Into Each Other

Two satellites in earth's orbit recently crashed into each other and caused a huge mess. "Cleanup in outerspace aisle 4!" Great, right when I was about to get off too.

In an unprecedented space collision, a commercial Iridium communications satellite and a defunct Russian satellite ran into each other Tuesday above northern Siberia, creating a cloud of wreckage, officials said today.

"As of about 12 hours ago, I think the head count was up (to around) 600 pieces," Carey told CBS News late today. "It's going to take about two days before we get a solid picture of what the debris fields look like. But you, I think, can imply that the majority of that should be probably along the same line as the original orbits."

Lovely, more space junk for me to run into in my rocket ship when I finally blast the hell out of here. And if you're having trouble understanding how two satellites could accidentally run into each other, just look at the image above, which is a rendering showing some of the 18,000 objects that are being tracked in earth's orbit. With that much stuff floating around, accidents are bound to happen. And speaking of which, Happy Birthday, son!

Two satellites collide in orbit [spaceflightnow]

Thanks to Dr Necropolis and E of R, who both agree this was planned by those devious Ruskies.

Feb 5 2009 Have You Ever Wondered How Much It Would Cost To Build Your Own Death Star? Hint: I Didn't Even Know That Was A Real Number

Let's face it, we all want our own Death Star. But how much would it actually cost to build one, today? Well, a lot. Try 15 septillion dollars. That's $15,602,022,489,829,821,422,840,226! Ladies and gentlemen, we may have to settle for the half-sized model.

(The Death Star has) a volume of 17.16 quadrillion cubic meters. At 1/10 volume, we'll need 1.71 Quadrillion cubic meters of steel, weighing in at 134 quadrillion tonnes. In 2008 steel products, from wire to ingots were selling for an average of $962 per tonne, so our cost of steel alone is $12.95 quintillion.

Now, how about getting that into space? According to the numbers I could find on the internet, it costs around $95 million to ship 1 tonne of materials into space, so that means we'll be cutting NASA a cheque for $12.79 septillion. (Remind me to order larger cheques from the bank please.)

Okay, so if we can cut out NASA we can basically save ourselves $13 septillion, dropping the total cost of a Death Star to a paltry $2 septillion. Now I think that's manageable folks -- so you start sending me your money, and I'll start building a strip club the rocketship.

Check out the first link for a much more in-depth look into all the costs associated with the project.

One Death Star for $15 Septillion? What a deal! [rickgold]
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One Death Star for $15 Septillion?! [starwarsblog]

Thanks to Adam, who the Force is totally with.

Jan 22 2009 Stormtroopering Pays More Than Expected

This is a picture of an Imperial Stormtrooper driving a Lotus Exige. And you know, it really got me thinking -- why am I hanging with this ragtag bag of dicks in the Rebel Alliance -- these guys don't pay shit. I mean, Jesus, I have to use public transportation. Just saying, I look good in white.

Storm Trooper Trades In Speeder Bike For Something A Little More Agile [jalopnik]

Thanks to ZOMBIE BOB, who allegedly ate Ewok brain and loved it.

Dec 18 2008 Whee!: Wii On eBay, Star Wars Themed It Is

Somebody is auctioning off a custom painted Star Wars Wii on eBay for five hundred pieces o' eight. It comes with Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, but not when you call it.

This Wii Features:

· Custom Black Case!
· Eighty-Five (85) Fiber Optic Stars
· Some Stars Fade In and Out
· Custom, Red Light Bar!! Which looks like its breathing!
· Hand Painted Death Star, X-Wing, and Darth Vader Tie-Fighter!
· Star Wars Logo in Brass!! Backlit with Yellow LED's!
· You Can Change the Fading mode to Constant ON!
· Wiimote and Nunchuk have Custom Red LED Lights in them!!

Eh, I guess. But speaking of The Force Unleashed, I just tore the zipper off my pants. Ladies? Oh come on, I even glued a little Ewok fur to my chest.

Hit it for a picture of the controllers and a closeup of the art.

Continue Reading " Whee!: Wii On eBay, Star Wars Themed It Is "

Dec 2 2008 PEW PEW: Star Wars Vs. Star Trek Mashup

This is a pretty well-made mashup of Star Wars and Star Trek. It's captain Jean-Luc Picard vs. Darth Vader in an epic space battle of galaxial proportions. It's definitely worth a view. The video is almost six minutes long though, so, depending on how your boss feels about you actually doing something awesome with your time, you may have to watch it at home. And for all of you that work in an organization where Youtube is blocked, well, you should quit. Tell your boss the Geekologie Writer told you to. And also, I slept with his wife. Or, if your boss is a woman, I slept with her. Ha, in her wildest dreams! Unless she's a fifty-something with a really deep voice and a tattoo of a rose on her thigh, in which case, damnit, I may have taken her home one night.

Youtube

Thanks to This Is Me Posting, whose name just made my head explode.

Oct 24 2008 The Incredible, Edible (Healthy) Death Star

This is a Death Star made out of a cantaloupe. It's probably a lot healthier for you than the cake version. And less tasty. Far less tasty. But if you had two, well, then I'd have to stick my face in between them.

Fan Made: An Edible and Healthy Death Star [cinematical]

Thanks to Pat, a fellow melon fan.

Oct 10 2008 Star Wars: A New (Cardboard) Hope

This is fan-made video of Star Wars: A New Hope made entirely out of cardboard, a hubcap, and fifteen minutes. Truthfully, it's not the worst thing I've ever seen, but that's only because I walked in on an orgy in the craft room of Silver Pines Retirement Home.

Youtube

Thanks to Abraham, who once tried to recreate Jurassic Park out of cardboard but I kept stealing his dinosaurs.

Aug 18 2008 Galactic Empire Invades San Francisco

This is a video of the Galactic Empire invading San Francisco. There's the Death Star, Star Destroyer, some AT-ATs, and a bunch of other vehicles. While it's not the best CG I've ever seen, I still felt it was worth a viewing. I especially liked the part at the end where the three hot bikini chicks are screaming at the driver of an AT-ST.

Death Star Over San Francisco [current]

Thanks to Evan and Patrick, who could bring down the Death Star with a potato gun.

*Haha, made you watch! I'm an asshole.

Jul 29 2008 Ask Palpatine Contests: Star Wars Prizes

Askpalpatine, a website that encourages watchers to, well, ask a geriatric Palpatine puppet questions, is now holding a couple contests -- and one gives you the chance to win Star Wars related prizes! The first (no-prize) contest involves renaming Emperor Palpsmear.

The contest is called "What's my name?" People've been asking what Palpatine's real name is, but he's so old, he's forgotten, and he's looking for viewer's help: suggest the best new name for Palpatine, and that will become his name. No prizes, but credit and web-show fame.

That's easy -- Ol' Lightning Hands. Piece of cake. The next contest should prove more difficult though. And it involves prizes.

This one's called the "Design a Better Vader" contest. Basically, Vader's armor is getting a little long in the tooth, and could use some sprucing up. Viewers are being encouraged to submit a new design (sketch, painting, 3D model, whatever) of what a new, more bad-ass Darth Vader ought to look like. The winner gets a secret prize, and the winning design gets made into a puppet which will be featured on the show. We're still working out the specific prizes, but they will be awesome, and they will be Star Wars-related. Keep watching the skies! There will be one grand-prize winner, that's for sure. There will also be a number of runner-ups, too. Probably 3.

Hell yeah, I'm on it!

UPDATE: Finished! My sure to be winning entry is posted after the jump.

Continue Reading " Ask Palpatine Contests: Star Wars Prizes "

Jun 20 2008 LEGO Star Wars Diorama Is Legit, 3,800 Pieces, $400, Now On My Birthday List

The $400 Death Star diorama from LEGO weighs in at a whopping 3,800 pieces and is making me hotter than a volcano. A volcano on fire. The thing depicts 14 scenes from the original Star Wars trilogy and comes with 21 mini-figs, including 7 exclusive to the set. Wow, what could be awesomer? I mean besides a LEGO Death Star big enough to live in. Because that's what I freaking want. Like my dad always says, "Dream big or don't bother sleeping. Oh, and son -- keep your buttcheeks clenched tight -- aliens."

Hit the jump for a picture of all the mini-figs and the entire product description.

Continue Reading " LEGO Star Wars Diorama Is Legit, 3,800 Pieces, $400, Now On My Birthday List "

Mar 17 2008 More Rejected Star Wars Promotional Goods

Remember the rejected Star Wars/Pepsi promotional products from a couple months ago? Well it turns out there was a whole bunch more! And here they are. Woo-wee! Who wouldn't want a Jabba bean bag couch, Bantha slippers, cockpit sun-shield, or Star Wars-universe mounted animal heads? Not me! I want several of these pretty badly. And now I would like to offer anyone who can make out with a chick (one without a mustache) on a Jabba beanbag chair $10,000 for the picture proving it.* We'll call it the Fat Chance: Not Even A Long Time Ago In A Galaxy Far, Far Away Contest. You know, because it won't happen. And if it does, well, the chick has really low standards. Or is a freak. Either way, give her my number when you're done Hutting it.

*$10,000 not included.

MUST SEE GALLERY OF ALL THE OTHER PRODUCTS AFTER THE JUMP.

Continue Reading " More Rejected Star Wars Promotional Goods "