Nov 16 2009 For A Proper Burial: Mouse Trap Coffins

Because even problematic varmints deserve a proper burial to ensure their Micky Mouse souls can get into heaven, design studen Sarah Déry created these mouse trap coffins.

This package was developed to solve the problem of neatly disposing of caught vermin by building the trap itself into a mini, rodent-sized coffin. With a simple slogan atop the box (Oh My God! Mouse Trap) the container can be opened using the lid... or not, for the more squeamish pest catchers among us.

Neat idea, but I used to bullseye womprats in my T16 back home, they're not much bigger than 2 meters. And then we'd barbeque them (not unlike Uncle Owen!). Ever had barbequed womprat? Similar taste to Rodents of Unusual Size. ZOMG -- Star Wars and Princess Bride references in the same post, I DESERVE AN AWARD!

Hit the jump for two more shots of the last thing your rat problem will ever see.

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Oct 10 2009 They're Good For Something: Dead Fly Art

Dead fly art: it just makes sense. Now I don't really want to go into the kind of person it takes to collect dead flies and glue them to a piece of paper to make "art", but suffice it to say they're our kinda person. Plus, I really dig the final results. Well, except for the moth in the last piece -- didn't see that one coming!

Hit the jump for a whole bunch more.

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Aug 10 2009 Billy Mays Was OxyCleaning His Nostrils?

It is being reported that famous TV pitchman Billy Mays may have died as a result of drug use. Namely, cocaine. The white horse.

An official autopsy report released Friday found that cocaine use contributed to the heart disease that suddenly killed TV pitchman Billy Mays in June, but his family called the finding "speculative" and considered getting an independent look at the results.

The medical examiner "concluded that cocaine use caused or contributed to the development of his heart disease, and thereby contributed to his death," the office said in a press release.

BILLY MAYS WAS SNORTING THAT NOSE CLEANIN' CANDY! Do you think he was huffing Orange Glo too? Because I did once, and let me tell you -- KABOOM! See what I did there? Because I can do that all night. And by that I mean it (my Mexican boner pills just arrived). Cleaning ladies?

Autopsy: Cocaine contributed to Billy Mays' death [yahoonews]

Thanks to Jason, who once drank a bottle of Orange Glo and had the best night ever. Hospitals are fun!

Jul 20 2009 EATR Robot NOT Designed To Eat Dead Bodies, Or, How A Company Backpedals

Cyclone Power Technologies, the company behind the Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot (EATR), denies that it was designed to dine on human corpses. Obviously, they're lying through their oil-stained, robot loving teeth.

"We completely understand the public's concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission," said Harry Schoell, CEO of Cyclone Power Technologies. "We are focused on demonstrating that our engines can create usable, green power from plentiful, renewable plant matter."

Let me tell you a little personal story: I used to be vegetarian. Now I eat the hell out of some meat. Draw your own conclusion.

Darpa's Self-Feeding Sentry Robot is Not a Man-Eater, Company Protests [popsci]

Thanks to Rodger and Charles, who know what the future holds because they both have crystal balls. Be careful bicycling, guys.

Jul 14 2009 Great: EATR Robot Feeds On Dead Bodies

Well we've already seen robots that can feed on organic matter, and now, an even scarier one. Wait, does that say chainsaw?

Robotic Technology Inc.'s Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot -- that's right, "EATR" -- "can find, ingest, and extract energy from biomass in the environment (and other organically-based energy sources), as well as use conventional and alternative fuels (such as gasoline, heavy fuel, kerosene, diesel, propane, coal, cooking oil, and solar) when suitable," reads the company's Web site.

That "biomass" and "other organically-based energy sources" wouldn't necessarily be limited to plant material -- animal and human corpses contain plenty of energy, and they'd be plentiful in a war zone.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! I'm okay, I'm okay. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! No I'm not. Hold me. Lower. Little lower. Lower. What?! THIS COULD BE OUR LAST NIGHT ALIVE!

Upcoming Military Robot Could Feed on Dead Bodies [foxnews]

Thanks to everyone who sent this in. No, really, thanks -- I hate sleeping. WITH YOUR SISTER! (snores)

Jul 7 2009 OMG, There Is A Dead Person ON MY FINGER

Similar in concept to these voodoo talismans, LifeGems are precious stones made out of the ashes/hair of your deceased loved ones. They range in price from $2,700 to $20,000 (minus setting) depending on the size and color of stone you want and [do not insert joke about having a dead person around your finger here]. Now I'm not saying this company is fraudulent, but I am saying it would be if I were in charge. Who cares if the rock is actually 0% aunt Betsy, as long as you don't know, it's all good. Am I right? Now send me those ashes. Also, ask about my 2-for-1 'Back From the Dead' special. I'm talking zombies, folks, and you're undead relatives are gonna help us fight the robots.

LifeGems

Thanks to Sara, who wears the fingers of her enemies on a necklace. Stylin'.

Jul 7 2009 Michael Jackson To Be Buried In Gold Casket

Michael Jackson, donning his last piece of flair (possibly a Bedazzled glove), will be buried in a 14-karat gold coffin only befitting of a king (of pop. Alternatively, Neverland).

The $25,000 container from Batesville Casket Company ("because every family deserves a Batesville") is made of solid bronze, plated with 14-karat gold, and polished to a mirror finish. It's the same model in which James Brown was buried. No question about it, it'll be the fanciest coffin in the graveyard.

You know, when I go I want to be buried in my rocketship. And by buried I mean launched into the sun. And by "when I go" I mean I'm pushing the button now. I'M OUT BITCHES, PEACE!

Michael Jackson to be buried in 14-karat gold coffin [dvice]

Jun 25 2009 That's Depressing: Dead People Jewelry

Want some jewelry that will remind you of your deceased loved ones because it's made with parts of them? Then you're in luck, thanks to necromancer and design student Anna Schwamborn (not to be confused with Anna Schwamdied).

Besides pure hair being used, cremated human ashes are mixed with black bone china, the world´s highest class porcelain.

The objects are supposed to be worn close to the body of the mourner symbolizing a lasting physical connection between two individuals even after death.

Furthermore this collection is supposed to remind the wearer on the fragility and appreciation of life and most importantly, acting as a keepsake.

Wow, that was depressing. Quick, I need something entirely inappropriate. Got it -- ex-girlfriend panty collection for the save! Whew, that was a close one.

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures of the possibilities.

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Jun 3 2009 For Questionable Sale: Ghosts In Bottles

Want a pet ghost but too big a wuss to kill somebody in your own house? Well you're in luck, because now you can buy bottled ghosts for a scant $20. Just don't drink them!

Each Ghost is captured from a reported haunted establishment, (house, hotel, ship, cemetery, etc), by our Ghost Hunters.

We seal the ghost in it's own bottle. The bottle is sealed for your protection.

You may release the Ghost at your own discretion and at your own risk.

The Ghost in the Bottle is contained mysteriously and is therefore sealed with wax shortly after the Ghost is caught. The bottle is sealed for your protection. It comes with very important information . We supply the Ghost, you supply the name. Individual Ghost experiences may vary as "Each Ghost is Unique"!

Pfft, bottled ghosts. Like a ghost couldn't get out of a damn waxed bottle if it wanted to. THEY'RE NOT GENIES YOU IDIOTS. I swear, some people don't know supernatural shit.

Product Site

Thanks to Roger, who actually has a genie in a bottle and her name is Christina.

May 26 2009 Not Surprised: Ninja Turtle Notoriety Charts

I can honestly say I'm surprised the numbers for renaissance artists aren't even lower. Because one time when I was substitute teaching for a class of fourth graders I asked who sculpted David and the only response was from a girl who asked if that was the one with the penis. I said yes and then they all started chanting I was gay.

Ninja Turtles [xkcd]

Thanks Andrew, who once cowabunga'ed two chicks at once in the Party Wagon.

May 11 2009 Another Montauk Monster Washes Ashore

Remember the Montauk Monster? It's back. Well, another one at least. Escaped from the same top secret government facility as the first, this monster washed up on Southhold, Long Island, just across the bay from Montauk. AND THERE'S VIDEO. AND IT'S GROSS. BUT I'D STILL EAT IT. BECAUSE I'M HUNGRY.

Hit the jump for some guy poking the thing, holding hands with it, and singing Kumbaya and shit.

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Apr 29 2009 Man Kills Friend In XBox Fueled Fight

In a serious act of good sportsmanship fail, some guy killed some other guy because the one dude (the dead one) kept beating him at Call of Duty (and yes, I am the L337 journalist). And no, that picture has nothing to do with the story besides the chicks happen to be XBox girls. I just thought it might lighten up the mood a little bit. Like mood lighting, but with boobs. Mood boobs.

Joseph Johnson, aged 28, from Chicago, is facing first-degree murder charges for allegedly killing a man while they played games together on an Xbox 360.

Johnson and Danny Taylor, aged 24, were allegedly playing video games at an apartment when tension escalated and they got into a fight. This led to Johnson allegedly shooting Taylor in the back of the head.

Jesus. Sure, I've thrown my fair share of controllers, and maybe one time I beat my brother in the head pretty badly with a Game Boy -- but actually killing somebody over a video game? That's crossing the line. THIS AIN'T NO GAME, SON, THIS IS REAL LIFE!

R.I.P. Danny.

Xbox Murder: Man Kills Acquaintance While Playing Videogame [allaboutthegames]

Thanks to Matty, who once tried to strangle a roommate with a wireless controller.

Feb 18 2009 Toadstool Brains: A Super Mario Zombie Shirt

Zombie Mario, who would have thought? Not me, but that's because I'm not creative. One time in grade school our teacher told us to draw a made-up animal and I drew a cat. I did not receive full credit. And that, dear reader, is how I developed a stuttering problem. But that's neither here nor there, just traumatizing. This Zombario t-shirt costs $16 and features everybody's favorite mushroom munchin' fool out on the prowl for brains. And as you can see, he found some. Toadstool's. Ha, he's probably tripping his ass off right now, just look at his eyes. So dreamy. *swoon*

zombie mario must have run out of extra lives [technabob]

Feb 5 2009 Remains Of Giant, Prehistoric Snake Found

The fossilized remains of a monster snake that used to eat the hell out of giant crocodiles and other delicious beasts have been found in Colombia. Also, a mountain of coke. Literally, I climbed it.

The newly discovered type of snake, named Titanoboa in honour of its immense size, was for 10 million years the largest land predator on earth. It weighed 1.25 tonnes (~1.4 tons) and with a length of 45 feet or more it would have been able to take on and eat pretty much any other animal it came across.

He added: "Truly enormous snakes really spark people's imagination, but reality has exceeded the fantasies of Hollywood. The snake that tried to eat Jennifer Lopez in the movie Anaconda is not as big as the one we found."

Well thank God he referenced Anaconda, because otherwise I'd have no idea how big this snake really was. So this thing actually could eat Jennifer Lopez. Is she fat? I have no idea. Who do I look like, The Superficial Writer?

Giant Titanoboa snake ruled the earth after the dinosaurs [timesonline]

Thanks to Daniel, who astutely observed: OMFG. And another Daniel, who had this to add: Mommy.

Feb 2 2009 Jurassic Park Here I Come!: Scientists Clone Extinct Species, Dinosaurs Hopefully Next

That happy little camper is a Pyrenean ibex. He's from Narnia. And sadly, he's dead. Along with all the other Pyrenean ibexes. But scientists just cloned one from frozen cells but then it died too. So there aren't any more. Which is a real shame, they look delicious.

Using DNA taken from these skin samples, the scientists were able to replace the genetic material in eggs from domestic goats, to clone a female Pyrenean ibex, or bucardo as they are known. It is the first time an extinct animal has been cloned.

Sadly, the newborn ibex kid died shortly after birth due to physical defects in its lungs. Other cloned animals, including sheep, have been born with similar lung defects.

t has also increased the possibility that it will one day be possible to reproduce long-dead species such as woolly mammoths and even dinosaurs.

Did you read that last bit? I didn't make that up, somebody actually wrote that. Dinosaurs, baby, get excited. Speaking of which, The Geekologie Writer's Heavy-Petting Zoo is currently seeking financial investors. Facebook message me if you're rich. Or want to exchange naked pictures.

Extinct ibex is resurrected by cloning [telegraph]

Thanks to Adam and Mark, who will each receive a free Woolly Mammoth ride.

Jan 5 2009 Tell Your Grandparents: VHS Is Officially Dead

Well folks, it's official: VHS is dead. Let your grandparents down easy. And also, try to hint about fumigating their place -- it smells like old people and socks in there.

Even though most of us probably thought it was already long gone, its death certificate was signed when Distribution Video Audio of Palm Harbor, Fla. -- the last major supplier of VHS tapes -- shipped the last of its salable stock. Distribution Video Audio made $20 million per year selling tons of tapes cheaply, but now the business has vanished.

*sniffle* God, it seems like only yesterday I was recording the scrambled Cinemax channel, hoping to catch a glimpse of a fuzzy boob. Ha, but it was, in fact, two days ago. Anybody wanna go through the tape with me?

RIP, VHS [msn]

Thanks to Bryan, whose dad bought 5 VCRs a few years ago because the man was smart enough to realize technology is cyclical.

Oct 9 2008 German Artist To Smoke Kurt Cobain's Ashes

German artist Natascha Stellmach has allegedly acquired Kurt Cobain's ashes after they were stolen from Courtney Love's home, where she had been keeping them in a pink teddy bear.

The artist is keeping mum about how exactly she came to be in possession of the remains. She tells Artworld magazine, "That's confidential and kind of magic. They came to me. And I am setting him free."

In a statement announcing her find, Berlin-based Stellmach has detailed her plans to smoke the ashes as part of the forthcoming Set Me Free exhibition at the city's Wagner + Partner gallery on October 11th.

Wow, can you really get high smoking someone's ashes?

UPDATE: Not my grandma's!

German Artist To 'Smoke' Kurt Cobain's Ashes [mtv]

Thanks to Sean, who only smokes asses. If that's cool. If not, then something else.

Sep 23 2008 For Kids!: Plushie Animal Head Mounts

There comes a time in every child's life when they want a unicorn. And now you can get them one thanks to the $80 Plushkill Forest Unicorn mount! If unicorns aren't your kid's thing, don't fret -- they also come in deer, rabbit, moose and pony varieties. Collect them all! Remember, nothing teaches children about the preciousness of life better than a dead animal's head.

Official Website

Thanks to Britany, who agrees that teaching your children to hunt unicorn at an early age is just as important to their development as regular whippings.

Sep 17 2008 Woops: How Not To Dispose Of A Sex Doll

The best way to dispose of a sex doll is to hump it until it melts. But if you don't have superhuman stamina or a laser penis, your options are limited. So what do you do? Dump it like a dead hooker.

A 60-year-old man, having lived with his rubbery companion for a few years after his wife passed away, but when he decided to move in with his kids we felt like it was time to move on. He was too attached to chop his former lover up into pieces and toss her out with the trash, so he did what any respectable guy would do: stuck her in a sleeping bag, brought her to a remote, wooded area and dumped her.

Unshockingly, hikers stumbled upon the sleeping bag and notified authorities. One very brief post-mortem exam later, and the guy finally came forward to claim his former lover. He faces littering charges and future relations with a once-dead sex doll. You know, this reminds me of the time a dead hooker came back to haunt me. If I told her once, I told her a million times -- I'm still not paying you one-legged ghost of a whore!

Dumping Someone is Hard, Even if that Someone is a Sex Doll [gizmodo]

Aug 29 2008 Steve Jobs's Obituary Accidentally Published

For those of you who haven't heard, Steve Jobs's 17-page prewritten obituary was accidentally published when somebody at Bloomberg chose the wrong button after some routine updating to the information. Woops. You can read the whole thing after the jump, it's nice and wordy and names Jobs as Apple Co-Founder and Arbiter of Cool Technology. Bitchin' title! You know, this story really got me thinking -- what will people say about me when I'm dead? You think I'll get 17 pages?

FUTURE UPDATE:

Geekologie Writer, Writer of Technology, Penises, 39

The Geekologie Riter was a monster freaking asshole. Thankfully, now he's a ded one.

Wow, fourteen words and two misspellings. I'm killing myself.

Hit it to read all the amazing things Jobs has done.

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