May 21 2009 Girl Miraculously Escapes Darwin Award Despite Diving In Front Of Truck For iPod
Apparently some 16-year old girl dove into traffic because she dropped her iPod in the street and had already blasted her remaining brains out at level 11 volume.
The girl was walking across the street on Tuesday when she dropped her iPod. She went back to grab it in moving traffic and was, unsurprisingly, hit by the approaching pickup truck. She suffered a broken leg, but hey, her iPod is OK!
Now this is the time where I close my eyes and daydream about being the person driving the truck. OH. UH-OH! LADY LOOK OU.... There were no survivors.
Brilliant Girl Jumps In Front of a Pickup Truck to Save iPod [gizmodo]
May 20 2009 Human Evolution's 'Missing Link' Found, Surprisngly Not Your Mom. Oooh, Burn!
A 47-million year old skeleton of what is believed to be the "missing link" in human's evolutionary split from tree-swinging, bug picking, shit throwing apes has been found in Germany and nicknamed "Ida".
"This is the first link to all humans," Hurum, of the Natural History Museum in Oslo, Norway, said in a statement. Ida represents "the closest thing we can get to a direct ancestor."
Ida, properly known as Darwinius masillae, has a unique anatomy. The lemur-like skeleton features primate-like characteristics, including grasping hands, opposable thumbs, clawless digits with nails, and relatively short limbs.
Now I know what you're thinking, and yes, I would hit that like a bushel of bananas with a coconut. Ha, what do you mean that's like my great great great great great great great great great grandmother to the thousandth power? AND SO WHAT IF IT IS?
"MISSING LINK" FOUND: New Fossil Links Humans, Lemurs? [nationalgeographic]
Thanks to Matty, Chris, chubo, Andrew, Jon, Dylan and Paul, who have all slept with cavewomen and liked it. Furplay, baby.
Apr 2 2009 Today's Awesome Failure Award Goes To....
Well, actually, it's a tie. First, a liquor store robber who probably had his mommy drive him there while he finished his juice box.
Police say a 19-year-old who tried to rob a liquor store sat down and cried after 76-year-old owner locked him in the store. The man was accused of trying to rob Sykes Liquor Store in Trenton Monday night. Police said the owner, who was behind the counter, triggered the lock after the man grabbed a bottle of Hennessy cognac and bolted for the door.
The man then allegedly pulled out a handgun and demanded to be released. But the owner said he saw that the gun was a fake, refused to unlock the door and called police.Police said the suspect threw away the gun, slumped to the floor and was crying when officers arrived to arrest him.
Wow, that is both sad and awesome at the same time. Kind of like the first time I had sex, but without the -- oh wait, he was crying. Yep, exactly like that then. Next, an idiotic failure at life who called 911 after "locking" herself in her car.
A woman called Kissimmee police to say she was locked inside her car at the Walgreen's on John Young Parkway near Poinciana.
"My car will not start. I'm locked inside my car," the unidentified woman said. "Nothing electrical works. And it's getting very hot in here, and I'm not feeling well."The dispatcher asked the woman if she was able to manually pull the lock up on the door. The woman said she would try, and then, she said, "Yes, I got the door open."
Can we please get that woman's license revoked? And also, oxygen supply. If only she hadn't gotten reception....damn you, Verizon network!
Man cries after attempt to rob liquor store fails [yahoonews]
and
Woman to 911: Help! I'm locked inside my car [orlandosentinel]
Thanks to Joemo and Jason, who have never cried because when they feel a tear coming they just punch themselves in the eye until it goes away.
Jun 11 2008 Darwinism At Work: How Not To Shoot A Gun
If there's one thing I love in life, it's a good gun-firing blooper video. Sex-blooper videos are good too, but often remind me of my own incredible shortcomings (falling off the toilet, thinking I'm the only one home). Well this particular video is gun-only, but still awesome. I've seriously never seen so many people who shouldn't breed in a single 1:13 video before.
Thanks Jake, now lets go do something really dangerous. No, not like having sex with my ex-girlfriend. I said dangerous, not diseasey.
